Walk Away
by BroodyBlondes4ever
Summary: Ten years ago she walked away from everything and everyone in Tree Hill...now she's thrown back into her old life with an even bigger burden than she carried in high school. R&R please!
1. Only Want to See You Happy

It's been ten years since I stepped foot in Tree Hill, North Carolina. I got out of here at 18 and I never planned on coming back, but I figure I owe it to Whitey to pay my last respects. He was always like a second father to me throughout high school and I can honestly say that I missed him while I was gone.

"You don't write, you don't call…" I turned around as the voice sliced through my thoughts, brining me back to reality. I leaned my back against my car and raised an eyebrow. "I never thought I'd see your skinny blonde ass around here again" She rolled her eyes as me, her eyes held a deadly glare to them.

"I was always one for surprises." I shrugged my shoulders as I looked towards her. She slowly sauntered towards me, hands firmly crossed over her chest, her eyes never leaving mine. She leaped at me suddenly, flinging her arms around my neck.

"God I missed you P. Sawyer" I laughed as I hugged her back.

"Same here B. Davis" I remained smiling as we pulled apart. She grabbed my hands and squeezed them tightly in excitement.

"It's been soo lo…" she stopped mid sentence and pulled my left hand towards her. "Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer how could you not tell me…who is he…wait, it is still Sawyer right…you didn't just not invite me…right?" Brooke looked up at me with sad eyes. We hadn't spoken since I left Tree Hill…and leaving this place meant leaving Brooke behind too. I could never forget her though…she was still my best friend.

"No don't worry…my best friend has to be at my wedding" the smile returned to her face and she hugged me tightly again.

"Okay, so who is he…" she asked with a devilish gleam in her eye…one that let me know she wanted details.

"Well he's coming up right behind you now." I pointed to a man walking across the street towards us. Brooke spun and around and stepped back so that she was by my side.

"Nice catch Sawyer" she looked back and nodded in approval. I bit my bottom lip as he got closer to us. He came up to me and leaned in for a quick kiss.

"Hey babe, who's this?" he looked towards Brooke and her smile quickly became false.

"Hun this is Brooke, my best friend since elementary school. Brooke this is Stan"

"Hi" she said smugly. "It was nice meeting you but I have to get going, you don't mind if I steal blondie for a little while, do you" she smiled as she linked arms with me and began pulling me away, not waiting for a response. Stan frowned slightly but waved us on. "Thanks…bye"

"Bye" I called over my shoulder as Brooke dragged me across the street. She pulled me through one of the open business doors and immediately turned to face me.

"I don't like him." She informed me bluntly as she spun around on her heel and found an empty table. I frowned and was about to respond until I noticed where I was…the café. The place hadn't changed one bit…it was comforting. I slowly made my over to the table Brooke was waiting at and sat across from her.

"Why not" I asked her and in response she rolled her eyes.

"Because he's a self centered jerk." My face held shock as I glanced up at her.

"Brooke…you don't even know him." I countered in disbelief.

"Don't you dare defend him Peyton…I'm not blind and neither are you. He was so checking me out back there…a simple smile and hand shake would have been sufficient from. He didn't need to eye me like he was memorizing details and you know that's what he was doing because I saw the look in your eye when he did it. You're marrying a guy who still checks out other women…are you crazy…that's like asking for trouble Peyton."

"Brooke…I think your looking way to far into this. So he looked at you a little longer then necessary…your sexy as hell what do you expect." I joked as I rolled my eyes and forced a laugh. It was nasty habit he had, looking at other woman…I had learned to ignore it over the last two years…that didn't make it hurt any less though.

"I just don't like it and I don't wanna see you get hurt." She reached for my hand across the table and smiled sympathetically at me.

"Your hearts in the right place Brooke…but its fine really…I trust him." I know she saw the flash of pain in my eyes because I saw it in hers…she was my best friend…I didn't have to tell her everything she just knew.

"As long as your happy…that's all I want" she looked at me…waiting…hoping I would say something…but like I said, she's my best friend…she knew better then to expect the truth.


	2. Just the Two of US

I walked into our hotel room after my day with Brooke. She hadn't mentioned Stan after a conversation at the café and I was glad. She updated me on everyone's life and I was surprised to know I was the only one not residing in Tree Hill. Nathan and Haley had moved for about two years, but after Hales had gotten pregnant they moved back to Tree Hill to raise their kids where they themselves had grown up. Brooke had dated around but never really found anyone until early this year. She met a guy named Alex on day and they'd been together for the past 6 months. She was happy and I could tell…she glowed every time she talked about him.

Lucas's life was another story though, everyone had had a happy life…except him. He had gotten married in college and his wife Amy had given birth to a little girl name Samantha five years ago. I smiled as she told me about Luke's life…he seemed happy, but then her smiled faded. Amy had died of a brain aneurism about two years ago. I felt bad for Lucas but worse for Samantha…I knew the pain she would go through during her life…I was still going through it myself. The only thing I was happy about was the fact that Lucas stayed around. I know my dad loved me and took car of met he best way he knew how…but that didn't make my nights any less lonely. Brooke told me that I had something to do with Lucas's decision to be around. I know she's right…Luke knows what I went through in high school and he knows how much the loneliness hurt. I couldn't imagine him trying to get my dad to stay around and then turning around and doing that same thing to his own daughter. Lucas wasn't that hypocritical.

I collapsed onto the hotel bed, I was exhausted and I could used a little rest before it all started. I knew it was going to happen but I didn't expect it to happen so soon. The bathroom door opened and out he came with a towel in his hands. I kept my eyes closed…there was no need to open them.

"I don't like your little friend. She's a nosy little bitch…did you see the way she was looking at me." Stan threw the towel in a nearby chair and within second I could feel him standing over me.

"That's just how Brooke is Stan…don't worry about it" I ran a hand threw my hair, untangling my curls.

"DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT...SHE'S GUNNA TRYING A TEAR US APART…THAT WHAT WHORES LIKE HER DO" now I opened my eyes and glared at him.

"God…will you just stop…for one she's not gunna do anything…and secondly…don't call her a whore…thanks" I spat bitterly as I lifted myself from the bed…it was starting…our screaming match.

"No…that title is reserved for you…"

"Excuse me…what the hell is your problem…" god I wanted to hit him…but there was no need to go that far.

"Stop defending that girl…you are supposed to be on my side. You're marrying me…not that tramp…so start thinking straight Peyton."

"What the hell are you talking about…me marrying you does not mean I have to agree with everything to say and I sure as hell am not about to take your side over my best friend. I've known Brooke my whole life…and you are not about to walk all over her."

"This conversation is over for now Peyton…" I watched him step closer to me….fear immediately began radiating through my body. "I just advise you to do some serious thinking over the next few days because when we go back to New York…its just me and you…just keep that in mind baby"

He leaned down and kissed me before sitting on the bed and turning on the TV. I sat down next to him and rested against the headboard. He was right…I was only gunna be here for a week, and then after the funeral…it was back to New York City…and it would be just the two of us.


	3. Long Awaited Reunions

I stood in the corner of the church. I haven't been in a church since dear night and before that….since my mom died…so churches aren't my favorite place to be. I watched as people walked up to the open casket to get one last look at Whitey before taking their seats. As the large crowd began to settle down I watched a familiar face stand front row center and begin the wake. Nathan Scott. He looked the same for the most part…he no longer held his baby face however…he looked like a man…not quite a 28 year old…but still a man.

"Whitey was more than my coach…he was like a mentor and a father…" he continued speaking and relaying fond memories of the beloved basketball coach. I stopped listening somewhere in the middle however…mainly because I caught sight a petite brunette sitting in the first pew…a small smile pointed in Nathan's direction.

"You know I never thought they would last…" I looked to my right and smiled down at Brooke who just shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm glad they did" I watched her nod before I turned my attention back to Nathan.

"How are you holding up" she asked with sincerity in her voice. However, there was something about her presence that led me to believe the question wasn't about my feelings towards Coach Durham or being back in the church.

"I'm okay Brooke…really I promise" I didn't look at her…if I did she would see right through me and I couldn't handle that right now. I watched as Nathan slowly walked back towards Haley. I saw him lean in and whisper into her ear…she immediately turned around and beamed in my direction. I smiled back instinctively…a twinge of fear shooting through me. I'm glad to see Haley again…really I am…but she has a way of weaseling information out of people…out of me. Yet another thing I'm praying to avoid.

I stood next to Brooke for the next 2 hours…listening to different people stand and speak about the former coach. Some of them I knew other's I didn't. When someone stood and thanked us for coming my face must have revealed what I was thinking because Brooke spoke up.

"He said he didn't feel like talking to a big crowd…we're all meeting up at the café now though so you'll be able to see him." She began to turn and walk away.

"I think I'm just gunna go back to the hotel." I watched the brunette stop dead in her tracks and shake her head in disbelief.

"What happened to you…the old Peyton never would've let some guy keep her on this short of a leash…" she didn't turn to look at me and I'm glad because she would have made the tears start to build. Before I could respond I felt a pair of strong arms slide around my waist, wreaking havoc on my already shot nerves.

"It's been too long…what your too good for us now" he spun me around and I couldn't help but smile…for a moment it felt like I was back in high school. As soon as he set me down a spun on my heel and threw my arms around him.

"I missed you Nate" I whispered into his ear…I really had. During our senior year Nathan and I had grown close. It had started at the end of our Junior year when Haley left…followed by Jake. It wasn't so much that it was Jake leaving that upset me…it was more so just the fact that it was someone else claiming to care right before they walked out of my life. Regardless the result was an unbreakable bond between Nathan and me. It never surpassed friendship; in fact it was more of a brother/sister relationship. When Haley finally came home Nathan's heart healed but he stayed by my side, determined to help me find the broken pieces of mine and put them back together. He was extremely protective over me during my last year in Tree Hill and he was the only one I told about my plans to leave. I wanted to tell Brooke but she would beg me to stay…Haley would do the same. Nathan on the other hand would understand. I didn't have to tell him…but I felt I owed it to him to let him know I was going to be okay after how much he helped me.

"Okay…its my turn now…" Haley pulled Nathan away from me and in turn broke me from my thoughts. I smiled as we embraced tightly.

"Hey Hales" I whispered into her hair.

"How are you" she questioned as she stepped back and looked at me with a genuine smile.

"I'm good…and you…Brooke tells me you're a mom now." I raised an eyebrow at her and she smiled shyly…the excitement still showing on her face though.

"Yup…its great…you'll get to meet her tonight at the café." I had missed so much when I cut myself off from these people…my friends. I regretted it.

"Oh, Peyton's not coming to the café." Brooke finally turned around stared directly at me…I could see the anger in her eyes…and the hurt…hurt for me.

"What are you talking about…yes she is…she doesn't have a choice. I'll make Nathan carry her there if I have to." Haley had a hand placed firmly on her hip and we all just laughed…mostly because we knew that she wasn't lying. So it was settled…I was going to the café…simply because Hales wanted me to.


	4. We're Teenagers Again

I walked into the café behind Brooke. She looked back at me and smiled before grabbing my hand and pulling me next to her. Our arms linked and I forced a smile…I was glad to see everyone again, but I really felt like I should be back at the hotel. "How about you call your miserable fiancé and tell him your staying with me tonight…then you don't have to worry about what time you get home. Or better yet…tell him your staying with me and Haley and were having a girls night." She looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I nodded slowly and pulled my cell from me hip as I turned around and walked back outside.

"Hello"

"Hey babe…how are you" I asked in the best cheery voice I could find.

"Hey you. I'm good, but when are you coming home…I miss you" I took a deep breath and got ready to speak.

"Actually Haley and Brooke are kidnapping me for the night. We're having a girls' night in kind of thing like we used to do back in high school." I closed my eyes and waited…nothing.

"Okay… I guess I'll talk to you in the morning" shit…I hated when he stayed calm like that…it just meant there was going to be a lot of screaming tomorrow.

"I love you" I was hoping that would make him a little less livid…he wasn't showing it…but I know what was going through his mind.

"I love you too Peyton…g'nite." I was about to respond when I heard the phone click on his end. Tomorrow was going to be interesting but I pushed that thought out of my head. For now I wanted to focus on tonight and seeing all my old friends. I was determined to have fun. I strolled back into the café and winked at Brooke. She squealed loudly and ran over to me. She nearly knocked me over.

"Oh we are going to have so much fun tonight" I laughed as she released me. Haley was next and the petite brunette charged towards me. She did knock me over…of course she felt us tumbling back and let go so she wasn't the one falling towards the floor right now. My eyes grew wide but my fall was broken when I fell into someone's arms. I looked up and was shocked to find the most amazing blue eyes I had ever seen…I had thought the same thing about those eyes in high school. The owner smiled down at me…or I should say he smirked. The famous Lucas Scott smirk.

"Don't make this a habit 'cuz next time I'm just gunna watch you bust your ass." He let go of me for a second and I was falling again but he caught me again.

"Scott…I am so gunna kill you" we had also mended out friendship during our senior year. We were close but we never got to being as close as we were in the beginning of our junior year. He pushed me up and when I was back on my feet and spun around and hit him in the arm. "Ow..."

"That's what you get for pretending to drop me" I glared in his direction and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Oh really…I'm definitely dropping your ass next time."

"Oh yeah…" I raised and eye brow at him and cocked my head to the side.

"Yeah…" he gave a quick nod in my direction before pulling me into a hug. "I miss you Peyt…it would've been nice to hear from you once in awhile." He pulled back and gripped my shoulders, taking in my full appearance. I hadn't changed much…I hadn't gotten a little thinner and my hair was down to my lower back…it was more brown but still had hints of blonde in it. My face had stayed the same and that's probably why everyone recognized me so easily. Lucas just looked older and stressed. From what Brooke had told I understood why.

"I missed you too. I'm sorry I just up and left. I just need to get away from thought." He looked at me sympathetically and I knew he understood.

"Do you realize it's been 10 years since we've all been in the café at the same time." We all turned to look at Haley. She was right…a whole decade since we had all been in the same room… because of me. We all looked at each other…thinking the same thing.

"Let's go." It was Nathan that said it and led the way out of the café. It was a few minute later that we were down at Rivercourt.

"It took you guys long enough…" I can't say any of us were shocked to see about ten people already hanging around the basketball court- Mouth, Fergie, Skills, Tim, Teresa, Bevin, and a few other people from our former Varsity team and from the Rivercourt gang.

"Well if it ain't skinny girl" I laughed as Skills came up to me and hugged me...he still refused to call me anything different.

"Hey" I replied.

"Reunions later…right now I say we play…three on three. Rivercourt vs. Ravens. Lucas your back to street ball. Mouth you can announce." Nathan looked around to see if everyone agreed. They all nodded and got into teams.

"You girls still got any cheer left in ya." Brooke looked around the group of girls and we just shrugged. Haley even joined us. She had subbed in a few more times during senior year so she knew the cheers. It was me, Bevin and Teresa for the Rivercourt guys and Brooke, Stacie (I just made up a name) and Haley for the Ravens.

"Let's do it" Luke called out and with that the game began. It was just like we were back in high school...the screaming and yelling by the girls and the snide remarks from the guys. We had a blast over the next hour and a half but in the end the Rivercourt team prevailed. "You just can't beat me lil bro." Lucas had a cocky grin on his face and he brushed past Nate.

"Yeah, whatever" Nate walked over to Haley and wrapped his arm around her. He leaned down and kissed her…it was amazing how in love they were. After everything they had survived. Love really was that strong for them.

I was torn from my thoughts when I felt my feet leave the ground. I shrieked from the shock and I was soon hanging over a shoulder. I pulled myself up just enough to catch his face before I was leaning voer his shoulder again.

"Scott…if you don't put me down…"

"I believe I promised you something…" I could just imagine the smirk on his face. I screamed again when I saw his own feet leave the ground. I closed my eyes as the cold water hit me.

"I can't believe you"

"Hey Peyton…is it heated" I glared at Nathan, recalling the time he had pushed me into the pool at his apartment. I looked at Brooke and caught the devious look on her face. I could always depend on her. Haley caught the small smile on my face and turn to look at Brooke…she caught on too. Brook ran towards the younger Scott and before he knew it she was pushed him towards the water. Haley was helping her and by the time he regained his balance he was at the edge of the river bank. With one last push they sent him over but he latched on to both of them and all three fell into the water.

"Oh…its cold…it is sooo freaking cold" Brooke hit Nathan in the head and then went back to complaining about the cold water. We all just laughed and within the next few minutes the rest of the group had made their way into the water. It was a strange sight…a bunch of 28 year olds playing in the river…only in Tree Hill.

We stayed at Rivercourt until about 4 the next morning. Our night consisted of Truth or Dare, I Never and whatever else we could think of. Its like the last ten years never happened and for the night we were all teenagers again.


	5. A Friendship Renewed

"You know…smoking is a real nasty habit…" I turned my neck to see Lucas smirking down at me. He rounded the bench and took a seat next to me. I watched as his hand moved towards my face and pulled the cigarette from my lips. I raised a brow at him causing him to laugh. "I think you should quit…this…" he dropped my cigarette on the ground and rubbed it out with his foot. "…is step one."

"Ha ha…you are soo funny" I rolled my eyes as I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled the rest of the pack out. Before I could open it Lucas snatched it from my hands. "Hey…give that back." Is hot him a glare as I watched him examine the package.

"Ready for step two…" he had that cocky grin on his face and it took everything for me not to laugh at him. I didn't wanna laugh however when he chucked my entire pack of cigarettes into the river.

"Lucas…" I looked at him wide-eyed before hitting him in the arm. "Those are expensive now I'm gunna have to go buy at least another pack while I'm here" I crossed my arms over my chest and watched as he just shrugged.

"There are gunna be a lot of unused cigarettes in that river…"

"You wouldn't"

"If I catch you I will. No smoking." He stated firmly like I was a 18 instead of 28…then he broke out into a smile. "I know Haley and Brooke don't know you smoke…cuz they would've been going off the entire night."

"No they don't know but if I wanna smoke none of you are gunna stop me." I was being defiant just for the hell of it.

"Fine" he stood up from the bench and for a second I really thought he was pissed off at me. "Come on" he grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet before pulling my behind him towards his car.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I trailed behind him.

"I'm going to pick up Sam and your coming with me because I want you to meet her and I wanna know what you've been up to for the past 10 years Miss Sawyer." Something about his tone had changed when he grabbed my hand. Something about him just seemed more tense. I got into the passenger seat and in a few seconds we were leaving River Court. It was just a little past 7 and the sun was blinding as it rose. That wasn't what was bothering me though…Luke had gotten quiet all of a sudden and the silence was anything but comforting.

"Is everything okay" I looked over at him and waited.

"Yeah it's fine." He smiled in my direction before focusing back on the road. "So…what's going on in your life" I looked out the window and thought about the last ten years of life…a life that didn't involve him or anyone else here for that matter.

"Nothing really…" I didn't know what to say…how do you sum up the last ten years of your life.

"I find that hard to believe. I don't know anything about you anymore Peyton…its been ten years since I last saw you. You can tell me something…you don't have to be personal…your job, what you do for fun, do you still draw, where'd you go to school, do you like your life…anything…where you live would be a nice thing to know." He laughed as he glanced in my direction. I returned the smile and shook my head.

"Umm…well I went to New York when I first left and I got into NYU. It was kinda shocking but the art department said they like my work and I got a scholarship and everything. Plus I had cheerleading and my grades didn't suck." I laughed as I thought about what else there was. "I stayed there and did two years of grad school. Right now I'm the editor of a magazine in New York City…hence where I live…I still get to do a strip but I don't have to worry about what I draw because I'm editor." I smiled and he laughed at me.

"That's good…what else"

"I don't know…in all honesty most of my time is spent on the magazine" I shook my head…I really didn't know what else to say.

"Who's the lucky guy." I looked at him oddly until he grabbed my hand and my ring glistened in the sun. I had almost forgotten about Stan. I had spent the night being a carefree teen and I enjoyed it. I can't say I'm thrilled that Lucas just brought me to reality. It suddenly occurred to me why Lucas had gotten quiet. He had felt my ring on my finger…I'm not sure what to make of that though. "Peyt…" I had gotten lost in thought and he laughed at the lost look on my face.

"Sorry…umm…his name is Stan. We've been dating for the past two years and we got engaged a little over two weeks ago. I guess I got caught up in feeling like a teenager and being engaged isn't' associated with that age." I laughed and he joined in.

"Very true." I wanted to ask about his life but I felt somewhat guilty about making him talk about his deceased wife. I had no intention of causing him pain by bringing up what had to be a sore subject. "You're not asking so am I safe to assume that someone told you"

"Brooke did…I'm sorry Luke." I smiled sympathetically at him but he shook his head.

"Don't be…it wasn't you fault… and you know what those kind of apologies feel like" I nodded my head because I used to hate when people said sorry about my mom. Sorry has no meaning when it comes to death…its just another form of unwanted sympathy.

"So how is Samantha holding up?"

"She misses her mom but in general she's okay…too young to really understand ya know" his entire demeanor had changed now…the perkiness had been replaced with sorrow and I hated it.

"Yeah" I whispered…I'm not sure he even heard me. "So…" I hate uncomfortable silence…especially in cars because you can't exactly just get up and leave. "You live in Tree Hill…what do you do"

"I'm a pediatrician. I was also an assistant coach for Whitey on the weekends."

"It's kinda strange that he's gone…" I said sadly as Lucas pulled into his mom's driveway. The house was the same on the outside…exactly the same.

"Yeah it is." I stepped out the car and followed him to the front door. I walked into the house behind him and could immediately smell the food cooking in the kitchen. This was definitely Karen's house still. Throughout senior year Karen and I formed a stronger bond and she helped me with a lot of the problems I encountered. All the things I would normally turn to my mom for I went to her and she welcomed me with open arms. I had also made a habit out of stopping by to get Brooke in the mornings and to eat breakfast. The house had always smelt this way in the morning and it was comforting to smell the same foods again. "Don't worry…you can eat before we leave." I rolled my eyes at Luke before we started towards the kitchen. I stuck my foot out to far and watched as he tripped and nearly fell. I giggled as I threw my hand over my mouth. He balanced himself and turned to face me. I held my hands up and shrugged innocently.

"Opps" he glared at me as I held the same small smile.

"Opps…yeah okay…I'll get you and you know I will. I'd watch it if I were you." I laughed lightly as he turned back around. I went to stick my foot out again but this time he caught my heel between him feet and I fell on my ass. I frowned as he looked down at me but couldn't help but laugh as I laid on my back in the middle of the hallway. "Ohh…now that was priceless."

"Priceless my foot…that was painful." I stated despite my laughter.

"Funny"

"But painful" we both stated at the same time. We laughed as we reminisced. I had been in this position countless times in high school. It had become a habit for me to trip him whenever I was behind him in this hallway. Sometimes he fell and sometimes the scene from a minute ago occurred. He bent over and stretched out his hand towards me to help me up. I grabbed his hand and began to pull myself before another idea popped into my head. I was halfway up when I locked my arm and threw my body back. "Oh no" he stated as he began to regain his balance. My foot hit his ankle and I watched as he fell and hit the floor right next to me.

"Oh yes…" we both broke into a fit of laugher.

"Lucas…what in the world is going on in…" Karen rounded the corner and stepped from the kitchen into the hall. She stopped speaking when she saw us on the floor…more specifically when she saw me on the floor. "Peyton…" she looked down at me in shook. Lucas lifted himself from the floor before grabbing my arm and pulling me to my feet.

"Hey Karen." I smiled towards the older women…she was another person that I never told I was leaving. She stepped closer to me…the shock still showing in her features.

"Oh my God…" she whispered before wrapping me in her arms. I gladly returned the hug.

"I missed you" I whispered as we pulled apart.

"How have you been…none of us have heard from you since you left." Karen held me back at arms length just as Luke had.

"I'm good…" I stated as she looked over me and then released my shoulders.

"I'm glad…I have to admit…I found myself thinking about you the other day…more like worrying about you actually. It's good to see you again"

"Same here" I hugged her again because it was comforting.

"I hope you know she walked in the house and started drooling…she's now expecting food." Lucas quickly moved past me knowing that I would have hit upside the head if I had the chance.

"You are just so hilarious Lucas Scott" I shot back at him as I glared after him.

"Memories" was all Karen said as she laughed and walked towards the kitchen with me trailing behind her.

"See…she's following you…she can't wait to be fed" I would've thrown something at him if he wasn't holding a small blonde in his hands. "Sam this is Peyton." I watched as the little girl waved at me while she yawned. She rested her small head on Lucas's shoulder and she blinked her eyes and stared at me.

"Hi" I said quietly as I smiled at her. She returned the smile but stayed in the same position. She yawned again before closing her eyes. I laughed lightly. Something about the picture in front of me made my heart melt with a mixture of happiness and longing.

It didn't take but a few minutes for Sam to fall asleep and I watched a Lucas laid her down on the bed in the adjacent room. "Ready to eat" he asked as he walked back into the kitchen.

"As much as I miss your food Karen, I really need to get back to the hotel." I gave a sympathetic smile as she nodded in understanding.

"Just make sure you come and say goodbye before you take off this time."

"I definitely will" I smiled as I walked over and hugged the older women

"Let me give you a ride over there and then I can come back and grab Sam." Lucas grabbed his keys from the kitchen table and started towards the door. I was about to tell him I could walk but he cut me off before I opened my mouth. "I'm driving you so don't waste your breathe." I couldn't help but laugh and neither could he. "One…where are you staying and two…when are you leaving" Lucas asked as we pulled out of the driveway.

"I'm at the only Marriot in Tree Hill and I leave in two days…technically three cuz this day just started."

"Why so soon?"

"Stan and I both have to get back…work and things…" I know he picked up on the unnatural evenness of my voice because he looked at me funny.

"and things…" he inquired as he turned back to face the road.

"Well mostly work…but we both do have lives to get back to and things in our lives to get back to."

"Oh I see" he had a smirk on his face as he gazed at me through the corner of his eye.

"What do you see…" I looked at him and waited.

"Its okay I understand…sex in hotels isn't that great…its overrated really" I grew wide eyes and hit him in the arm.

"Excuse you…I can't believe you just said that" I hit him again as I stared at him in disbelief.

"I'm joking…the Marriot's gotta have great beds."

"Oh…My…God…your unbelievable" I shook my head and stared straight ahead.

"Calm down Peyt…you just got so serious on me before. Not to get into your personal life or anything…but is everything okay." He pulled up at the front entrance of the hotel and looked over at me.

"Yeah…I'm fine…I think I'm just a little thrown off by everything going on…you know with Whitey and all" He accepted my answer but I get the feeling he knew there was more to it. Sure Whitey's death was upsetting but in truth I didn't like talking about my personal life. There was also the issue that Stan might have seen me pull up in a car with Lucas, who bluntly is another guy and therefore equals jealousy.

"Alright…just making sure your good. Just know I'm here if you need someone to talk to." He wrote on a piece of paper quickly and then handed to me. I looked down to see his name and his work, cell, and house number written. "Anytime for anything at all okay?" I nodded as I reached over and hugged him tightly. Luke had always been able to read my eyes in high school and just proved he could still do it. He knew something was wrong. He may not know what it is…but he knows there's something. He leaned in and kissed my forehead before completely pulling away.

"Thanks Luke" I smiled at him as I got out the car and closed the door. I looked at him through the open window, a genuine smile still on my face.

"Just remember what I said…I'm here if you need me for anything. Even if you're up in New York…I'm just a phone call away." I nodded before turning around and walking into the hotel. The seriousness in his eyes tells me that he knows I'm definitely hiding something, something big.


	6. Back to Life

"Do you really have to leave so soon" I watched as tears filled Brooke's big brown eyes. I nodded in response and she huffed as she crossed her arms over her chest. "I haven't seen or even heard from you in ten years P Sawyer and now your just up and leaving again after only a week. What am I supposed to do without my best friend…I missed you…a lot. I just…I don't wanna lose you"

"I'll always be your best friend and I'll see you again soon. I promise it won't be ten years down the line this time." I wrapped her in a tight hug as we stood in Karen's driveway. It was coming up on 11:00, which meant Stan and I needed to get on the road. I had spent the entire day with Brooke and Haley and that evening everybody had gathered at Karen's. Keith grilled a bunch of food for everyone and once again it was just a time for us to relax and reminisce.

"Please can't you stay just another day…just one more" I wanted nothing more then to give in to her but I knew I couldn't. As much as we pretended this past week, when it comes down to it…we aren't teenagers anymore…I have a life to get back to….we all do…and as unfortunate as it may be, we can't just get up and avoid responsibility the way we used to.

"I'm sorry B but…" she pulled back and looked me in the eye as

"You can't. I know, I was just kinda hoping that I would get my way like I used to in high school…ya know" she smiled sadly as tears continued to roll down both our cheeks.

"Yeah, I know" I hugged her tightly again before stepping back.

"Well I guess if Brooke can't get you to stay I'm not gunna have much luck either" I turned to find Haley staring at me with glistening eyes.

"I'll miss you Hales" my voice was barley above a whisper as she pulled me into her arms.

"Okay, I don't like goodbyes so if unavoidable I like to keep them short." I laughed at the petite brunette as we broke apart. "Call me" she said seriously before I turned to Nathan.

"Now tell me again why you can't just stay here in Tree Hill…with all of us." He grabbed my hand and twisted my around before pulling me against him. His arms wrapped around my stomach as I rested my head on his shoulders.

"I really wish I could Nate…but like I told Brooke…I can't. I have to go home."

"This is your home Peyt…no matter where you are, this will always be your home." He moved in closer to me before he spoke again. "No matter how long you're gone you'll always have a place in Tree Hill. We've all left his place and we've all come back…you're the only one left. As much as we wanted to get out of here when we were younger…this place is home to us all…it holds a piece of all of our hearts whether we like it or not…its just the way it is. Just know that if at any point you don't know where to go…or your feeling lost…you can come home Pey." I felt him kiss the back of my head.

"Look at you getting all insightful…Haley has done wonders on you Mr. Scott." It was all I could say to stop myself from breaking down right there and telling him everything that had gone wrong in my life. He understands that and I'm beyond grateful because he knows how much I appreciate what he said without me saying anything.

"Take care of yourself and keep in touch this time." I nodded as I turned around and hugged him tightly. "I'll miss you"

"I miss you already Nate." I pulled back and smiled at him before turning to the only person left. I walked over slowly, more tears already flooding my cheeks.

"Come here you" he smiled as he pulled me into a tight hug. I threw my arms around him and buried my face into his neck. "Should I feel special…I mean I'm getting a tear stained shirt as a souvenir." I laughed but neither of us let go.

"Well I don't wanna share my tears with you…I just…don't really seem to have a say in the matter right now."

"It alright…I like my new and improved shirt…I think I'll get it framed and then you get really famous you can come back and sign it."

"I'll be sure to do that…I wouldn't wanna forget the little people" I joked as we finally broke apart.

"Look you've got a long ride ahead of you…so I don't wanna keep you much longer. I'll miss you Peyt…but I'm sure you already know that."

"Of coarse you'll miss me" I laughed lightly as tears slid down my cheeks.

"Okay…your supposed to say something along the lines of I'll miss you too…but whatever miss conceded." I stuck my tongue out at him and watched as he did the same to me. I twisted my head to the side as I wrinkled brows and crossed my eyes.

"Peyt…babe we really need to hit the road soon." I looked back to see Stan sitting in the car waiting. I turned back to face Lucas as I smiled up at him sadly.

"Just remember what I said okay…for anything at all…even if you can't sleep and you just need some company. Ill read you one of my boring books and I'm sure you'll be out in no time." We both laughed lightly before he pulled me back into a warm hug. "Don't hesitate to call me at anytime Peyt" he dropped a kiss on my forehead as he let me go. I reluctantly pulled away from him and smiled.

"I'll miss you Lucas" I whispered before slowly turning around and walking towards the car. As I climbed in and closed the door and waved at everyone and whispered goodbye as we pulled off and sped down the road. As we hit the highway and passed the sign telling us we were leaving Tree Hill, it became official that I was headed back to what I have grown to call life.


	7. Behind Closed Doors

I threw myself on my bed at a little past 9 the next morning. I didn't sleep on the ride home…can't really say why. I think I was too caught up in missing everyone… missing Tree Hill all around. What I miss most about my week in Tree Hill was that feeling of safety…a feeling that Nate and Luke gave me. I know they would do anything to protect me but now I'm thousands of miles away form them…so that feeling is kinda gone.

"You looked kind of cozy with those guys back in Tree Hill. I don't mean to sound jealous or anything…but they grew up with you…they know you more then I do." Stan came and sat next to me on the bed. I looked up at him and smiled.

"Stan…you don't need to be jealous of them. I'm close to them because I've known them for a good part of my life. Heck…I've known Nathan since we were 6 and he drew all over my picture in kindergarten. I have memories with them…but I also have memories with you. Stan I'm engaged to you and that means we have a lot more memories to create."

"But still Peyt…how can I not be jealous there's not one guy, but two that know you better then I ever will. You have this bond with them that you've never had with me. You said it yourself…you've known Nathan for years…you remember something as small as how you met him and that was over twenty year ago. You probably remember how you met Lucas too. Maybe I am just being the jealous obsessive fiancé, but can you blame me for wanting what they have with you."

"You really want what they have with me…Nathan's younger then me but he teats me like his little sister and Luke is like an older brother. They will always have a piece of my heart because I know they'll always be there for me…but you don't just get a piece of my heart Stan…you get more of me then that." I sat up and placed my hand on his face, the smile still sitting on my lips.

"I know Peyt…I know…" he leaned in and kissed me. His hand found my lower back and I let myself relax into him. He gently pushed me back on the bed despite my mumbled excuse of a protest. "Right now though…" both of us were breathing heavily as he started to lean in again. "…I want all of you" he smiled down at me before closing the distance between us.

Things quickly progressed between us as my fingers remained locked between his. After everything that happened in the past week…everything up to this moment, people have formed their own opinions about Stan and I, they make their own assumptions about our lives…but when it comes down to it….no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.


	8. What Becomes of Unanswered Phone Calls

I sat on the floor of my office with my legs bent. My shoes were thrown in the corner and my suit jacket was hanging on the back of my chair. With my hair up in a messy bun I was hunched over my layout for the next magazine release. I couldn't get the page to look right for the life of me and after a few more seconds of looking I launched my pencil across the room. I bent my body over completely and my head hit the floor.

"Ms. Sawyer…would you please answer your phone…this person will not leave me alone" I looked at my phone sitting on the desk, my head still glued to the floor. I sighed deeply before picking up my body and walking over to my desk. I picked up the phone as I sat in my chair and attempted to relax.

"This is Peyton Sawyer" I informed them calmly.

"What the hell happened to calling people and keeping in touch…huh….three months ago I remember you saying something along the lines of…oh I promise that I'll call you this time…did I hear you wrong or something or were you just lying to me"

"Brooke…I'm sorry…really I am."

"But…and you better have a damn good excuse"

"I've just had a lot to do lately. The magazine has been driving me crazy and I have a some new employee who's always late and then doesn't have a damn clue what she's doing. It's just been kinda stressful." I shook my head as I looked down at my floor. Three were papers thrown everywhere and the layout was no where near complete. Ashley was my new employee and all I asked her to do was come up with a decent layout for this month's issue…how she screwed it up I don't know. First I had to reorganize everything and now I'm stuck trying to finish my sketch and fix the layout. I looked at the layout again before throwing my head against my desk and on top of my unfinished sketch. My office door opened, I didn't need to look up to know it was Kate with my coffee. It had become ritual over the last two months for her to bring coffee when she head me bang my head against something…or if I screamed in frustration.

"Well…from the look of things…your excuse holds up." I raised my head to see Brooked standing in my doorway, closing her cell phone. I smiled as I got up form my desk and moved towards her. Within a few strides I was in front of her and I wrapped my arms tightly around her neck.

"Oh…I missed you so much" I whispered into her hair.

"First off…how could you not tell me that you worked for Cosmopolitan and second what is going on here" she asked as we pulled apart. She eyed me up and down as she shook her head. "You look like hell P Sawyer. And what happened…how did you bust your lip like that?"

"Umm…I went to bang my head against the desk and I forgot to move the letter opener first. I hit the handle pretty hard and lets just say I only keep papers near the center of my desk now" I forced a laugh as Brooke looked at me like I had three heads.

"Okay…um…lets go…you need coffee, and I mean real coffee, not the stuff here…hell if I wasn't bringing you back to work in an hour we'd be hitting bar for the rest of the day."

"Brooke I can't…I mean I'd love to but I have to gets this stuff done." I looked at her sadly and she just laughed.

"Yeah…okay…whatever you say Peyton" she pulled me further out the door as she spoke.

"Brooke…"

"Uh-huh…I hear you loud and clear…nice skirt by the way" I shook my head and gave up on trying to pull away from her. I grabbed my shoes quickly before we were out of my office and struggled to put them on with one hand while walking…it gives a whole new meaning to the words multi tasking. Ten minutes later we were sitting at a table outside of Starbucks with two coffees and two salads. "Feeling better yet"

"Much…" I laughed as I took another sip of my coffee. "So why didn't you call before you came up here."

"See the funny thing is…I did" Brooke looked at me wide eyed before glaring at me.

"Oh…" I pursed my lips together as I looked down at the table.

"Yeah…um I've been calling you for the past month and a half…but you don't answer the phone at your house…you don't answer your cell phone. So guess what I did last week, I'll tell ya…I looked up every magazine editor in New York until I found your name…then I started calling your job but your secretary kept telling me to call the next day because you didn't wanna talk to anyone at the moment. So as your best friend, I felt obligated to bring my ass all the way up here and make sure that your skinny ass was still alive."

"Brooke I really am sorry" i watched as she rolled her eyes at me.

"Yeah…I know you are…and I forgive you…do you know why I forgive you…I'll tell ya…because you're letting my stay with you for the next week whether your miserable fiancé me or not and I know the answer is not." She got up form the table and moved towards the garbage.

"Brooke" I warned as I followed her.

"Alright…I'm sorry…but I'm still staying with you." She waited until I was by her side and she linked arms with me, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Its fine…just know that you'll be helping me with this Friday's deadline."

"Ohhh" Brooke squealed happily. "I get to play editor…this is going to be fun…oh I am so glad we're best friends. Lets go to work"

All I could do was laugh at her as our pace quickened. As soon as we were back in my office her shoes were off, her hair was in a high ponytail, and she was sitting on the floor in front of the layout. Brooke lived for magazines when we were in high school. I remember how she used to complain about the different layouts and how unattractive they were…well here was her chance to create her very own layout and she wasn't going to let it slip away.

As I sat down at my desk I recalled what everyone had said to me before I left Tree Hill…I thought about Brooke taking the initiative to find me and then making the long drive up here by herself. My friends really loved me and that's what makes Nate so accurate…Tree Hill has a special place in my heart…it always has been and always will be home. That was my sketch…once I had the idea my hands just moved. I made a second sketch and when I finished it I looked down to see Brooke putting the finishing touches on an amazing layout complete with hand drawn background.

"Wow" it was the only word that came to mind.

"I'm good…you love me…I know" She finished and stood up, admiring her work. "Perfect" she smiled but it quickly turned into a frown. "This makes me realize just how much I hate being a secretary for the stuck up people at that firm." She shook her head before walking over to me.

"I sorry Brookie"

"Its alright." She looked over my sketches and nodded in approval. "Very true…" she commented as she read the words 'Home Is Where the Heart Is' and 'Family Goes Deeper Than Blood Relations'.

"Ready to go" I questioned as I glanced at the clock. It was a little past 11 and I still didn't like being on the streets this late at night, despite how long I've lived in New York.

"Lets book" we both slipped our shoes back on before heading out the door and down the block. It was a block and a half to the parking garage and I was glad when we got there without any trouble. I drove Brooke over to her car she followed me to the apartment. "I always pictured you to have a house" Brooke commented on the elevator ride.

"My living arrangements work for me" I stuck my tongue out before walking off the elevator and down the hall. Stan and I were the only ones on this floor so I didn't have to worry about making too much noise in the hall. I opened the door and laughed at Brookes face.

"Oaky…this is not an apartment…this is like is like a penthouse suit of a 5 star hotel" I shook my head as I threw my bag on the side table.

"Correction…this is the penthouse…may not be a 5 star hotel…but it works for me"

"Oh my god…did I tell you how much I hate…you are so not my best friend anymore"

"What if I told you it was equipped with a gym and heated in ground swimming pool on the roof and that you have free access to them as long as your hear…oh and a Jacuzzi and sauna…complete with tanning bed." I smirked in her direction as she squealed in delight and ran towards me, linking our arms.

"You are so my best friend again…did I ever tell you how much I love you" she inhaled deeply to calm herself down before talking again. "Okay right now I want a verbal tour and then tomorrow I want the grand tour."

"The guest rooms are upstairs on the opposite end of the master bed room. You can see downstairs…living room, kitchen, dining room. Second floor is the bedrooms and bathrooms and a second living room. The third floor is technically the roof which holds the swimming pool. There's an outdoor Jacuzzi and indoor hot tub. The weight room is also up there with one way mirrors for walls…umm and to get to the sauna you go through the weight room….the tanning bed is also in a room in the gym. I think that's pretty much it."

"Okay…this is probably none of my business…never mind as best friend this is so my business…when the hell did you get rich like this"

"Stan makes money through his firm but I also get paid at the magazine…together we can afford to live comfortably." I had been living like this for a little over five years now…it was nothing now. The magazine had always paid me well…but when I became editor my income skyrocketed.

"Comfortable my foot…this is luxury Peyt…no wonder you never came back to Tree Hill"

"Brooke your house was not much different from this when we were in high school…your parents had money…a lot of it." I reminded her as I showed her to her room.

"Yeah but now that I'm older I couldn't dream of having that kind of money…or having an apartment like this in New York." She threw her things on the floor and fell back on the bed. "I love this bed already"

"I'm glad. Feel free to roam a little before you go to sleep…I'm exhausted. I'll be at the other end of the hall if you need something you can come and get me or you can use the intercom. Night Davis."

"Peyton…" I turned to look at her…she was still laying on the bed with her eyes closed.

"yea…"

"I just wanted to let you know that I might be calling my job and telling them I need another week off…I might even need a month off…I'm not sure yet but I just wanted you to know ahead of time. Night bestest friend." I laughed lightly as I walked out the door. I turned around to look at her before I closed it.

"Brooke…"

"Yeah…" she sat up and looked at me with a smile on her face.

"I'm really glad you're here" I watched her get off the bed and walk over to me. Her arms snaked around my neck as we hugged tightly.

"Me too P Sawyer…me too"


	9. From One Friend to Another

"Brooke…" I stuck my head in her room and saw her curled under the comforter. I strolled over to the bed and sat down on the edge. "Brooke" I shook her shoulder gently until her eyes opened. "Morning"

"What time is it" she sat up and rubbed her eyes before looking at me.

"A little before 7. You can go back to sleep…I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to work." I went to stand up but she pulled me back down and stood up quickly. Her hands gripped my shoulders tightly as she spoke.

"You're editor…you're so allowed to be half an hour late. One I am not staying here by myself all day, two, I had fun yesterday, and more importantly, three, I made that 9 hour drive up here to spend time with my bestest friend…not to occupy her house all day. So considering I just spent 5 minutes talking to you give me 25 to get ready…okay?" she didn't wait for my to answer before she went digging through her suitcase.

"I'll wait…just make sure you brush your teeth bestest friend" I stuck my tongue out at her as she glared up at me. I followed her out of the room with intentions of going downstairs, but I stopped outside of the closed bathroom door when she started talking to.

"So what did Mr. Miserable have to say about me staying here"

"He may not be too fond of the idea but it doesn't matter…he'll live" I wasn't going to tell her that we spent almost two hours fighting about it. I can't say either one of us really won, but Brooke's staying no matter what he wants.

"Figures" she rolled her eyes as she came out the bathroom fully dressed.

"Okay…it took you less then ten minutes to get ready…where did 30 minutes come from."

"Because…we are stopping somewhere to get me decent coffee and some breakfast…so I figure if we stop somewhere along the way to work then it should only take fifteen minutes or so…maybe less."

"Whatever" I laughed as we headed down the stairs. I grabbed my bag from the side table I had left it on last night and with one last look around we we're out the door.

"So considering the layout is done…and your sketch is done…what is there left other then checking it over." Brooke looked at me and I just laughed sarcastically.

"Yeah…that layout you did yesterday…was just that…a layout…now it has to be applied to every regular article in the magazine…and then layouts still need to be done for all the special articles…then everything gets printed…then edited…then printed… then reedited and printed again…then me and the other assistant editors get to spend all day Friday going over every page to make sure there are no errors. Believe me Brooke…I am no where near done with this issue."

"So to put it simply…I get to do more layouts today" Brooke looked at me with hopeful eyes and I just smiled and nodded in her direction as we pulled into the parking garage. I wish everyone was as enthusiastic as Brooke…don't get me wrong, I love my job and all but it gets stressful at times.

We stopped at a café at the end of the block to get food and coffee before heading up to my office. I didn't have a sketch to complete so Brooke and I worked side by side to get the layouts done and submitted. We made a pretty good team and by the end of the day I was back on schedule…finally.

We were back at the apartment by 10 o'clock that night and we agreed on the hot tub after a long day. "Okay…so…I was hoping I would be done early with this issue but I'm gunna finish just on time instead since tomorrows Thursday and I still have to apply half the layouts and finish the editing."

"Don't worry we'll get it done" Brooke said reassuringly.

"No…I'll get it done. Your in New York and I want you to enjoy yourself. I have front row tickets to a certain show. Now you picked a great time to visit because it's fashion week here and you are going to a high fashion runway show." I saw her eyes brighten immediately. This was my way of saying thank you for everything she's done for me…from driving up here…to helping me with the magazine…to just being there throughout my whole life when I need her.

"Peyton…these are your tickets and I'm sure the magazine could do without you for one day…get someone else to apply the layouts…how the hell can they screw it up."

"Believe me they could…don't ask how…but they could. Either way Brooke…you've always been into this fashion stuff…I'm not…I couldn't tell you Versace from Gucci and you know it. You'd enjoy the show more then I would…and I want you to go Brooke. You know you want to"

"Thank you so much Pey" she leaned over and hugged me tightly.

"It's no problem at all."

"You didn't have to lie to me though" we pulled away and I looked at her oddly. "There is no way you could be editor of Cosmo and not know anything about fashion. You've been working for this magazine for a couple of years and I'm sure you've attended every high fashion week in New York and as editor of Cosmo I know you've been to fashion in both Rome and Paris. And to top it off…I would actually wear your clothes now…if I could fit them you skinny little bitch." She rolled her eyes and huffed in mock disgust. "You better be glad I love you or else I'd have to kill you for having that body…I mean you actually give me competition." She raised a brow at me before winking.

"Sure Davis…look we should head downstairs…you need to be out of here by 6:30. As editor I get clothes from different designers and I already the right people that you are taking my spot so they have to get you measured. You get to pick 5 outfits…each from a different designer and you get a custom fit. If you're out of here by 5:30 then you should get there by six and you'll get to meet some designers before your fitting."

"Peyt…this is really too much" She really had changed over the years…the old Brooke never would have given a second thought to accepting this offer, by now she would have been in her room trying to find something to wear and then she would have raided my closet to find something.

"Brooke…its fine really. I've gone to tons of these shows and I'll go to more…I want you to enjoy yourself. Now you can go back to Tree Hill with a seriously memorable trip. You deserve this Brooke."

"Are you sure" She asked as we headed down to our rooms.

"Positive" I assured her before wrapping my arms around her. "There will be an extra key under the front mat for when you get back tomorrow night and there will be a limo downstairs at 5:30. Have fun" we pulled apart and she smiled at me gratefully.

"Thank you so much Pey" I nodded before turning around and heading to my room.


	10. Another Kind of Gift

It was Saturday morning before I saw Brooke again. She had been gone all day Thursday and I let her sleep in Friday. I had gotten off work early and but she was gone, I had left her a subway map and circled all the top stores that I knew she would love. I heard her come in but I was already in my room…exhausted. Stan and I had got into again over her staying and it ended the same way it always did…us not talking until someone apologized and this time it was gunna be him.

I walked downstairs, I needed coffee…bad. Everything in me was hoping that Brooke wasn't awake yet. Not that I don't love her being here, but I don't want her hovering over me to make sure I'm okay. I sighed as I saw her sitting at the counter reading the paper. It was either I sneak back upstairs or I keep going down. I took the latter option…either way I was gunna have to see her today and I figured it was better to get it over with now. "Morning" I said as I walked into the kitchen and over to the coffee pot.

"Morn…oh my god…Peyton what happened?" This is what I was trying to avoid. She leaped off the stool and was next to me a second later.

"Remember how I said I hated New York streets."

"Yea"

"Well this is why" I said gesturing down to the cast on my wrist and the sling holding my arm up.

"Care to elaborate" she questioned as she pushed me towards the stool and poured me a cup of coffee. I waited until she was seated next to me before I spoke again.

"I was coming home yesterday and I went to pick up some stuff from the drug store. Well before I got there some guy tired to grab my bag and run off but I didn't let go and kinda of snapped my wrist. At least I saved my bag" I shrugged as I took a sip of my coffee.

"Why didn't you call me…I would've met you at the hospital"

"Because it's no big deal…I've been mugged before…sadly its normal in New York"

"You must really think I'm stupid Peyton." She grabbed the now empty cup form my hands and threw it in the sink…I heard it break but it didn't phase either of us.

"Excuse me"

"Yeah…you were mugged in broad daylight…on an extremely crowded street…possible…strange and unlikely…but still, possible. What gets me though is the fact that this guy caught you off guard and still couldn't get your bag from you. Not only that…but he tried so hard to get your bag that you broke your wrist and all this time the people on that crowded street just kept on walking and ignored the entire situation." She was standing in front of me with her hands planted firmly on her hips.

"Brooke…let I go." I got off the chair and made my way to the stairs.

"Its that prick you refer to as your fiancé. I stopped by your office yesterday but you had already left…but before I left I noticed that your letter opener has a rubber handle…you would have to hit it pretty hard to bust your lip that way you did. Do you have another excuse for that one…" I stopped in my tracks…I didn't know how to get out of this one. "Why Peyton…how…how could you stay with him"

"Please drop it Brooke" I whispered with tears burning behind my eyes.

"No I will not drop it" She moved to stand in front of me. "Why wouldn't you come home…why wouldn't you say something to one of us. Peyton if you were scared to up and leave him fine but you were in Tree Hill for a week…you could've stayed there. These past three months you could've called one of us and said something."

"I did call Brooke" I shouted before turning my head to the side and looking down. "I called Lucas the day I got home because he told me I could if needed to talk. I tried saying something…you don't know how bad I wanted to…but I couldn't." the tears were unavoidable and they slid quickly down my cheeks.

"Why…Peyton he would've been here in a heartbeat if you said something and you know it, so why didn't you"

"Because how was I supposed to explain to him how I let my life fall apart like this. How I wound up locked in the bathroom at 11 o'clock at night sitting on the floor whispering into the phone so Stan would stay asleep. How the hell do you explain that someone Brooke"

"He wouldn't have asked for an explanation Peyton…he just would've been there 7 or 8 hours later. I'm the one that wants you to explain because I don't get it. I don't understand how the best friend I grew up with my whole life let some guy hit her. But I'm not gunna sit here and wait for you to explain it to me because the only thing I really wanna know is why my best friend felt she couldn't call me." I watched as Brooke shook her head before shoving past me and storming up the stairs. It didn't take long for her to shove past me again…this time with suit cases in her hand.

"Brooke…" I watched her shake her head and walk out the door. I couldn't believe she was leaving. I collapsed onto the couch in the living room and close my eyes. I was too busy crying to hear anyone enter the apartment. When I did finally hear shoes hitting the floor. I sat up expecting Brooke to be back in the apartment but by the time I realized it wasn't her it was too late. Some guy grabbed me tightly and buried my head into her chest. I tired screaming but his shirt was muffling my voice and I couldn't see where we were going and I didn't really care…as long as I got away from him. I few minutes later my arm was killing me from trying to get free. I tired to keep fighting but I was soon sitting in a car with a seatbelt holding me in and the car door shut.

"Thank you" I looked over to see Brooke handing something to the guy that had just carried me out of my apartment.

"What the hell" I screamed as I roughly wiped away the tears on my cheeks.

"You weren't going to leave on your own…at least not anytime soon and we don't have time to talk this out right now. So I paid that guy $100 to bring you ass down here and strap you into my car and now that it's done we can go." As soon as the words left her mouth we took off in the direction of the highway.

"Brooke you can't just do this" I looked over at her in shook and anger.

"Oh yes I can…your clothes are packed and in my trunk…your bag is in the back seat and it has your credit cards, drivers license and all other IDs in it. The only thing you have left in this city if your job and one of us will be calling them on Monday to resign. Now there's only one things left" I looked at her and waited for her to speak as we pulled onto the highway. She didn't though…instead she snatched my hand out of my lap and slipped of my engagement ring. "I don't want any part of that bastard in my car" she informed me as she threw the ring out the window.

"What the hell do you think your doing Brooke"

"I'm not doing anything except helping you. You can't do this on your own so I'm helping you walk away Peyton. You gave me a great gift on Thursday and this is my gift to you…this is your chance to be free again. I already know that once we get into Tree Hill I can't make you stay there. I'm just hoping that you will on your own." Those were the last words spoken between us for the rest of the ride to Tree Hill. She had left my cell phone in New York but taking the phone book with everyone's numbers. She was cutting me out of Stan's life. It was 8 and half hours later that we got off on the exit marked Tree Hill.

"I won't say anything to anyone about why you came home. It's your business and therefore your job to let them know."

"Thank you" I whispered as we pulled into her driveway. We each grabbed our own luggage out the trunk of her car and headed inside. I was grateful for what Brooke did but fear was fueling my anger towards her.

I couldn't sleep that night…instead I wound up downstairs on Brooke's couch watching TV at 3AM.

"Watcha watching" She sat next to me on the couch with a half gallon of double fudge ice cream. She handed me a spoon and I accepted it, moving closer to her.

"I don't know…not really paying attention to it" I shrugged as I dug into the ice cream.

"I'm sorry Peyton. I shouldn't have just ripped you away from your life like that but I didn't want to risk waiting another day and then something worse happening then him breaking your wrist."

"You don't need to apologize for anything Brooke. Its just…Brooke I'm scared…I don't know how not to be" Tears rolled slowly down my cheeks and she set the ice cream down and pulled me into her arms.

"I know…and I'm sorry that you have a reason to be scared. I just really wish you would've called me Peyton…"

"I wanted to…but I couldn't make myself pick up the phone."

"So what made you call Lucas" Her voice sounded hurt and id dint' blame her. I had called Lucas and not her…my sort of ex instead of my best friend.

"Because the last thing he said to me was to call for anything…even if it was just to talk…no matter the time. After that night I just really needed to do just that…talk. I only planned on talking to him…just to hear his voice and remind myself that I had somewhere else I could go, somewhere else to call home, but after awhile I wanted to tell him everything. Every time I tried though I couldn't find the words and after awhile I just told him I had to go."

"Peyton what happened that night to make you call"

"We got home that morning and he said he was jealous of Nate and Luke because of how close I was with them while we were here. I told him there was nothing to be jealous about and I thought he believed me. He kissed me and I kissed him back because it was times like that when things were okay. I let him push my back on the bed but he locked my finger between his and he wouldn't let go. I kneed him and he got off of me. From there we got into a screaming match…then a shoving match and then I made the mistake of hitting him. From there he took control and decided to beat the shit out of me. When he stopped he left and went into work. When he came home that night I expected him to apologize and promise never do it again, because that's what he always did, but not this time. Instead he just started screaming at me. He skipped straight past the shoving and into the hitting part." I laughed bitterly before I continued. "He stopped when I locked myself in the bathroom and he couldn't get the door open. I stayed in the corner until 11 and when I stopped hearing him move around I crawled out to get the phone before locking myself back in. He always left afterwards but when he came back he never hit me again. I called Luke because I was too scared to go back into the room and I just needed to her one of your voices…he just happened to be the first person I thought about and I just called him. I told him I couldn't sleep and I said I was whispering because Stan had to get up early and I didn't wanna wake him. Luke just stayed on the phone with me all night and talked to me because I asked him to. And I tried to so hard to make the words come out…to tell him that I wanted to come home but I couldn't. I don't know why…but every time I tried nothing came out, so I just sat there and listened to him and acted like it was nothing." Brooke hadn't let me go this entire time and by now she was holding me tighter.

"I am so sorry" I could hear that she was crying with me. I don't know why I never called her…I guess I was ashamed of my life…ashamed of what I had let happen. I was scared to be judged by her and everyone else here. Some stupid part of me feared they would abandon me and I let that part of me win out over the truth.


	11. Avoiding the Issue

I sat in the corner of the café drinking coffee. It was early but I still didn't want to risk anyone seeing me. Karen had been in the back when I came in and I was already sitting down by the time she came upfront. She hadn't noticed me yet and I was really hoping things stayed that way. My curls wouldn't give me away because I had used Brooke's straightener before I left.

I looked up as the bells above the door rang. I was relieved to see Brooke walk through the door. I'm not really sure relieved is that right word considering I'm not trying to draw any kind of attention to myself. But I am glad its her instead of someone else.

"Hey Karen" they smiled at each other before Brooke made her way towards me. "Morning Blondie…no sling today."

"No…I hate that thing" she shrugged her shoulders before grabbing a piece of my hair and then letting it fall back to my shoulders.

"I see you made use of my straightener." She sat down across from me and began picking at my muffin.

"Yeah…it's just"

"You don't want anyone to know that you're here" She raised one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows at me before rolling her eyes. "I get it…don't worry…I'm not telling. "

"Thanks" I whispered before the bells went off again. My back was facing the door and I when I glanced back to see who it was I immediately regretted it.

"Hey mom" I looked at Brooke to see a smile playing on her lips.

"I don't really anything funny" I hissed at her.

"That's okay…cuz I find it hilarious" she gaped at me with wide eyes before going back to eating my muffin. I was praying Lucas hadn't seen my face…praying with everything in me that he would get coffee and walk out. I must have the worst luck in the world.

"Hey Brooke"

"Hey Lucas" I looked towards her…my eyes pleading with her to not say anything and make him leave. She looked towards me and her smirk disappeared when we locked eyes…I could trust her to keep it a secret for now.

"I don't wanna interrupt, but I was just wondering how your trip went, how's Peyton" I turned my head away and was grateful that my hair was straight because it was now long enough to cover the cast I had hidden under the table.

"No it's fine." She choked on the laugh she was trying to hold back and Lucas looked at her oddly. "Sorry…the muffin's a little dry" she was good at composing herself. "Anyways…she's doing good"

"That's good...I'll catch up with you later" I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard the parting words leave his mouth.

"Bye Luke" Brooke responded calmly before breaking another piece of my muffin. I heard the bells above the door go off again signaling his departure.

"Thanks Brooke"

"No prob…listen I gotta get to work…I left the front door open and the key is sitting on the kitchen counter. So if you work up the nerve to go out later lock the door behind you." She stood up and grabbed her bag off the table.

"Alright" I whispered.

"Hey…don't feel bad Peyt. I'll see you later…I'll get more ice cream too." She smiled down at me but I couldn't smile back. "Bye..." she whispered as she looked at me sadly.

"Bye" I couldn't help it…I felt horrible about just sitting there and not saying anything to Luke…it felt like I had just lied to him and he didn't deserve that. I folded my good arm on the table and dropped my head in the nook of my arm. The tears came quickly and I buried my head deeper into my arm.

"I'm glad your back and all, but friendly visits usually don't involve changing your appearance to hide from people or not saying anything when a friend is standing right behind you." I looked up to see Lucas sitting in the chair Brooke had only a minute ago. "They also don't involve tears. What happened" his voice was gentle as he reached across the table and placed his hand on mine.

"Lucas…I…" I looked at him regretfully and he squeezed my hand gently.

"It's fine…we can talk later" he stood up, but didn't release my hand. I looked up at him…I didn't expect him to let go but it didn't make me feel any better. If I stood up he would see my wrist and I didn't want to explain that to him…but I didn't want to lie to him. "Are you planning to just sit there until I pull you up" he smiled down at me but his smile faded when he saw my arms shift down. "Hey…what's wrong" he knelt down in front of me…still not letting my hand go.

"Nothing" I forced a smile and shook my head. He put his free hand on my leg and looked at my sympathetically.

"Peyt…." His hand slipped under the table and gripped my wrist softly, pulling it from under the table. "This what you don't want me to see"

"It's stupid…I know" I closed my eyes to prevent more tears from falling.

"Come on…" he stood up and pulled me up with him this time. His arm wrapped around my shoulder as he tucked my body into his side. "So Miss New Yorker, how about them Yankees" I laughed lightly at his attempt to avoid anything serious as we walked down the sidewalk.

"I don't know…I'm not really a baseball fan" I admitted as I laughed again. He pulled me closer as he laughed with me.

"Okay…so Brooke is the only one of us who actually has to work on Sunday. I have all day to do nothing accept whatever your heart desires."

"Thanks Luke…but I'm not really in the mood to be out and about today" I whispered sadly.

"That's alright…I won't ruin your plan to avoid people. I'm here if you need me though"

"I know. I'm heading back to Brookes and I wouldn't mind some company" I looked up at him and he smiled at me.

"Let's go then" he rubbed my arm as I rested my head on his shoulder. I really did like spending time with Lucas…but in all honesty I wanted him to come with me because I was scared. I didn't want to be alone…by now Stan knew I was gone and he would be pissed. He's not stupid…he knows where I am and I can't help but think he's gunna come after me.

"Thanks" I whispered

"I'm just glad I get to spend some more time with you" I suddenly remembered why I loved being around him so much…he always knew when something was wrong…and he always knew what to say to make me feel better.

"So where's Sam today" I asked not only to take the conversation off me but also because I was curious.

"She's with Nathan and Haley…more specifically with their daughter Kristen…where she's been since Thursday actually. Since school ended we haven't been able to keep the kids apart. If she's not over there then they're staying with me. I don't think either of us mind…they're cousins so we're glad they're that close."

"If I were her age I'd be dying to come home because I missed my parents" I laughed at the thought.

"There's no need…I go over there every night. That's when one of them begs to stay at the other's house." I rolled my eyes and thought about the countless summers Brooke and I spent joined at the hip. "You do have a key to get in right" Lucas questioned as we approached the front door.

"It's inside at the moment but she left the front door open for me" I felt him nod. I turned the knob and pushed the door open.

"So how long are you here for" he asked as we walked into the house.

"Um…at the moment…I'm not really sure." I admitted as we sat on the couch.

"Just make sure you let me know when your leaving"

"Will do"

"So mind if I ask what happened to your wrist" he didn't look at me instead he reached over and grabbed the remote. He knows how much I hate being stared at and I'm glad he didn't do that. Just that made me want to tell him everything and I opened my mouth, ready to let everything come out.

"I…was coming home late one night and got mugged. Tried holding onto my favorite bag and wound up with a broken wrist" I had lied to him...I just couldn't make myself do it. I wanted to…I thought I was ready to but I was wrong.

"Why were you so adamant about hiding it from me before." He questioned as his eyes locked with mine.

"I just didn't want you to start worrying about me and going on about how New York isn't safe." It was disgusting how easily I formulated that excuse.

"Well in all honesty it isn't…and your wrist proves that…but I won't hassle you about it. Your okay…for the mot part anyway…so we'll leave it at that" he looked over at me and I caught the seriousness in his eyes. "I'm okay with a simple yes or no…even a nod or shake of the head will do…like I said before it's not that I'm not that I'm not glad you're here, but why?"

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I shook my head. I wasn't ready to talk about it yet. "I'm sorry" I whispered while doing my best to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Come here" I looked over at him and closed my eyes in order to stop the tears. "Peyton…" water slipped from beneath my closed lids as I let myself fall into his arms. Before I knew it my world was slowly fading and I didn't try to fight it. If there was a way to make all the pain go away for even just a few hours I was willing to take it.

When I woke up I saw Brooke curled up in the other couch. Lucas was asleep, he still had his arm wrapped around my waist but our bodies had turned and I was now laying with my body facing his but my back against the couch as we lay side by side. "Hey" I whispered loud enough to get Brooke's attention but not enough to wake Luke.

"Well hello. I didn't have the heart to wake you two…you guys just looked so…disgustingly cute." She scuffed as she rolled her eyes and turned back to the TV. Lucas shifted slightly before opening his eyes.

"Hey" he whispered as he smiled at me.

"Hi" Brooke chirped and we both laughed as Lucas nearly fall off the couch in shock.

"Do you think you could warn me next time I wake up and you know I have no clue loud mouth is behind me."

"Ohh…well you can nicely get out of this loud mouth's house" Brooke stuck her tongue out before turning back to the TV.

"I have to go check on Sam anyway."

"We all know she's not going home, so why do you bother going over there night after night" Brooke questioned as Lucas got up off the couch.

"Because I'm her father and it's my job. Now if you don't mind we have somewhere to be." Lucas pulled me up off the couch.

"Hey…I didn't give you permission to kidnap her" Brooke whined as she stood up.

"See now that's the joy of kidnapping…I don't need your permission…or yours" Lucas smirked in my direction before pulling me towards the door.

"Doesn't she need clothes" Brooke screamed after us as we opened the door.

"I'm sure we can manage. Bye" he called over his shoulder before closing the door behind us.

"Lucas…" I looked at him with worried eyes.

"Don't worry…you can stay in the car when I go in to say hi. Sam is gunna wind up staying again so you don't have to worry about her telling someone you're here. I just wanna spend some time with you…and I don't mean the two of us falling asleep on Brooke's couch" he laughed and I joined in.

"Alright" I knew what he wanted…he was hoping he could get me to talk about what was going on. He was worried and the fact that I had just cried twice in one day gave him reason. It didn't take long for us to get to Haley's and I was glad when he didn't try to talk me into going inside. Ten minutes later he was back in the car and we were on our way to his place.

He had a nice sized house and when we walked inside I could tell he hadn't change the decorating since his wife passed. The place was very homey with a distinct women's touch.

"What do you think" he asked as he watched me look around.

"I like it" I informed him honestly. Something about the place was comforting.

"So before I order us something to eat let me show you the guest room and find you something to wear…that way if you wanna crash after dinner you can."

"Okay" I followed him upstairs and into one of the rooms. He left me in there for a minute and when he returned he was carrying clothes.

"There's a t-shirt and pants. There's also a pair of boxers…I figured I'd give you a choice incase the pants were too big or you didn't really want my boxers…which is understandable…"

"Thanks Luke" I said cutting off his rambling.

"Not a problem" He took a deep breath and started into the hall. I followed him and we ending up in the kitchen. "So what are you in the mood for…food wise I mean" I laughed at how uptight he was being. He was the same Luke I remembered from high school.

"Pizza works" I smiled as I leaned against the counter. He nodded as he picked up the phone and ordered a large pie. We made small talk until the pizza arrived and while we ate we didn't really speak at all. I was too busy getting scared again. I couldn't stop the what ifs from popping into my head.

"Hey..." I looked up at him as I was torn away from my thoughts. "Whatever it is…just let it go for now" I smiled over at him before looking down at the table. It was comforting being around him…at times it really felt like I didn't have anything to worry about.


	12. Almost Perfect

"So what's on tonight's agenda…" I watched as Lucas cleared the table and walked over to the sink. "It is still your day so we can do whatever you want." I looked back down at the table but for once it wasn't because I was upset. I was just thinking…I didn't know what I wanted to do. I was used to sitting in my hot tub and relaxing when I came home at a decent hour, which hadn't been often lately.

"I don't know…can I be honest with you." I looked back in his direction as I turned in my chair.

"I'd prefer it…" he raised a brow as he continued washing dishes.

"Well…I kind of enjoyed it last time I was down here..."

"How do you mean"

"When we just acted like teenagers again…I don't really wanna be an adult with responsibilities and an actual life…not tonight." I looked at him with hopeful eyes…even though I didn't really know what we were supposed to do to get that feeling back. Planning to feel like a kid again probably wouldn't work.

"Works for me" he shrugged his shoulders as he turned off the water. "Now back to my original question…what's on the agenda for tonight?" he laughed as he walked over to me.

"Umm…what the craziest thing the two of us did in high school." I looked up at him and waited.

"easy…that would be the night we got in your car and wound up in New Jersey at Six Flags the next morning." He laughed again and I joined in.

"And it was a school day so the park was close to being empty" that was the craziest thing we had ever done and it was the best day of our senior year…at least for me it was.

"Okay…although it sounds like fun and therefore extremely tempting… I'm not driving anywhere and you can't…so we're not going to Jersey."

"Can we go to beach" I don't know where that came from…the idea just popped into my head and out of my mouth. It was starting to sound like a good idea though.

"Now that sounds like a plan…hope you don't mind walking…like I said…I don't feel like driving anywhere."

"It's fine" I stood and we walked into the living room. "Umm…can I borrow a shirt from you or something…if I remember correctly it gets kinda chilly at the beach this time of the night." He nodded and I followed him upstairs and into his room.

"Actually…you know what, if you don't mind a sweatshirt, those are in the closet in the guest room."

"That works…but only if I can have one that's been worn a few times. They're more comfortable when they've been broken in." I felt bad about being picky but he didn't seem to mind…he never really did.

"Let's see" he whispered to himself as he scanned the closet in what was going to be my room for the night. "How about this" he pulled out a well worn grey hoodie. I smiled when I recognized it…it was the same sweatshirt he worn throughout high school. The word's Keith Scott Body Shop were still clearly printed across the back.

"I can't believe you still have that" I shook my head as I went to take it from him.

"Hey…if you don't want it, it's fine…you can freeze." He held the hoodie out of my reach and smirked.

"Luke…" I whined as I tried reaching for it again.

"No one told you to be so damn picky"

"I can be picky if I want to…now give me that sweatshirt…please" I looked at him and pouted.

"Oh no…now that's not gunna work." I looked up at him pathetically and he caved just I knew he would. "You suck Peyton."

"No I don't…I just always get my way" I smiled triumphantly as he handed the hoodie to me.

"Oh really" he looked at me oddly and I slowly backed away from him.

"Lucas…" I said slowly.

"Yea…" he had a cocky smile on his face as he got closer to me.

"What are you doing" I back up until I hit the edge of the bed.

"Oh nothing…its just my turn to get what I want."

"And what do you want"

"Oh nothing much…your just gunna tell me how much you missed me since high school." He shrugged his shoulders as he stepped closer to me.

"Who said I miss you at all" I teased.

"Oh really, you didn't miss me…not even a little bit." He raised a brow as he stopped in front of me.

"Nope…not even a smidge." I closed my eyes and shook my head. "And you'll never get me to say otherwise."

"Wanna bet" I opened my eyes to him staring at me.

"Not really" I whispered…I really wished I could back up more.

"Too bad" his hands reached out and grabbed my sides. I tried to run but he pulled me back and began tickling me.

"Ohh…Luke don't….please" I screamed in between laughs.

"Did you miss me…"

"Not at all"

"That's alright" I was going to regret this…I knew it already. Luke knows all my weak spots…the places that would have me on the floor in tears from laughing so hard.

"Luke…." I squealed as I tired running again…once again my attempt was in vain. "Ohh I'm begging you…please stop" my voice was barely above a whisper from laughing so hard.

"All you have to do is say one simple thing" he laughed as his hands moved to another spot on my body, his fingers still busy at work.

"Never" I breathed out.

"Fine by me" my stomach was starting to hurt now. I turned my body in an attempt to squirm away but instead I wound up facing him and our lips met. We both pulled back quickly, staring at each other, unsure of what do next. His arms were still around my waist, our eyes locked. He was the first to move as he slowly leaned in towards me. Our eyes closed before the distance between us vanished.

I felt his hands snake onto my lower back, his finger tips sending chills up my spine as they hit my bare skin. I tilted my head back as his lips trialed kisses along my neck. This wasn't right…none of it…but it feels like it is. His legs started moving and I followed his lead as we moved back towards the bed. His hands gripped high on my legs as he hoisted me onto his waist, my legs automatically wrapping around him. He laid me gently on the bed, his lips never leaving my skin. All my muscles began to tighten as his hands pushed into my sides, creeping slowly up my torso. I tilted my head back further as I pushed my body up into his, my breath getting caught in my throat. He was the only one who ever had the ability to make me lose control with a simple touch. His hands slipped slowly back down and found mine. Despite my cast he gripped both my hands without hurting my wrist. As his fingers locked with mine the passion quickly disappeared. That miserable night with Stan was now in my head and it wasn't going anywhere.

"I'm sorry" I whispered hoarsely as I maneuvered myself from under him. He watched me walk out of the room but didn't say anything. Tears were already on my cheeks by the time I walked out the front door. My mind was swimming as I pulled out a cigarette and lit it. I inhaled deeply as I placed it between my lips. It helped settle my nerves a little as the tears began to dry on my face. I buried myself in thought and as soon as my cigarette was done I placed a new one between my parched lips and lit it. I leaned my body against the house and closed my eyes. I'd give anything to block out the last 4 years of my life and every last disgusting memory I had of Stan.

I wanted to leave and go to back to Brooke's…that way I could avoid Lucas and explaining what had just happened…why I suddenly ran out on him. I would've have left already but I had no clue how to get back to Brooke's. I looked at the door just as my second cigarette burned out. I had no choice but to go back in. Even if I was going back to Brooke's, her number was in my cell, which was in my bag, which was in the house. I threw the cigarette stub down and reluctantly walked back into the house.

When I walked into the room I found a note sitting in the center of the bed. –I'm sorry about what happened. It was out of line and I hope I didn't just ruin our friendship. You have someone else and I'll remember that from now on. Once again I'm sorry. You're welcome to stay for the night…I hope you do. I'm here if you need me Peyt. Lucas-

I smiled sadly as I laid the note down on the side table. He had his own thoughts on why I left…although he was wrong, it did stop me from having to explain anything to him in the morning. The clothes he left me were still sitting on the chair and after a few seconds of debate I chose to change.

I pulled the covers up over my body as I laid in the bed in Luke's shirt and boxers. It didn't feel that odd, probably because that's what I usually wound up in when I fell asleep at his house. If Brooke was still up I would borrow something from her but she usually was asleep before us and it was just easier to take something of Luke's instead of waking her up.

I closed my eyes but sleep wouldn't come to me. I sighed as I grabbed my phone from off the side table.

"Can't sleep"

"Nope…just laying in bed with my eyes closed." I admitted as I sighed deeply.

"Care for some company" I looked over at the door to see Lucas sticking his head in. I nodded as I closed my phone and set it back down.

"Thanks" I whispered as I sat up and rested my back against the headboard as Lucas sat next to me. I cringed slightly as my wrist started bothering me. I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip as I gripped my wrist with the other hand. It was the second time this had happened…it was hurting more now then it had before though. I could feel my entire hand throbbing as I fought back tears.

"Let me see" Lucas gently took my wrist in his hand and started massaging my forearm right where the cast ended. I felt my muscles slowly begin to relax as the pain began to subside. "If you get the blood circulating again it'll stop the pain and your hand will start to relax itself."

"Where'd you learn that" I questioned as I watched his hands.

"Pediatrician remember" he smiled at me before letting go of my wrist. "any better"

"Yea, thanks" I moved my arm back into my lap as we sat in silence.

"Listen…I just wanted to apologize again…" he began but I cut him off/

"Don't…" I looked over at him and as the clouds moved in the only thing I could really make out were his eyes shining in the dark. "and I don't want it to change anything either Luke"

"Let's hope it doesn't" his voice was sad…I could hear it. I can't say that I'm certain things won't change between us…in a way it feels inevitable. The tears were building again and I wanted so badly for them no to fall but as I felt the moisture on face I gave up on trying to stop them. "Hey…what's wrong"

I fell into him and without a word he wrapped his arms around my shuddering body. "Peyton what happened" his voice was serious and I knew he was talking about what had happened…what had made me come home. "Please talk to me"

"There's nothing to talk about. I just don't wanna lose you…what would I do if I didn't have someone to call in the middle of the night" I forced a small laugh. He sighed but pulled me closer.

"You're not gunna lose me" he whispered into my hair. He knew I was lying but he didn't say anything. He just held me because he knew that's what I needed. It might take awhile, but he knows I'll talk when I'm ready and not a second before.

"Luke" I whispered, my voice barley audible.

"Hmm…"

"Can you stay with me…please"

"You didn't even have to ask" he pulled back the covers and slid in next to me. I buried my face in his chest and we found ourselves in the same position we had been in on Brooke's couch earlier. He dropped a kiss on the top of my head as he pulled me closer to him. It didn't take long for my eyes to start closing and before I knew it I was once again sleeping comfortably in Luke's arms.

**Maybe her eyes are just a little bit red  
Almost all the time  
Maybe her hair, it smells like cigarettes  
When I climb into bed with her at night**

**She don't wanna try**

**But this just feels so right**

**She's almost perfect  
She is so close to being everything  
She's almost perfect  
But she's not, she's not mine**

**Maybe she knows she drives me crazy  
Just bats her eyes like she's my baby  
Maybe she's quick to let her tongue fly at me  
She's not the most proper lady**

**She's almost perfect  
She is so close to being everything  
She's almost perfect  
But she's not, she's not mine**

**I'm the one to blame I know I caused this crash  
So now I wander in this mess  
Into this lake of sour mashed  
Through my head the notion that**

**Maybe she's not quite honest with me  
Almost all the time  
Maybe I know there's someone else in her life  
When I climb into bed with her at night**

The song is "Almost Perfect" by Ingram Hill


	13. Terror in the Night

"Will you just talk to me" I looked at him…waiting. What else was I supposed to do?

"I've been trying to talk to you…but apparently I don't fit into your busy schedule anymore Peyton"

"You spend just as much time at work as I do."

"Yeah but I'm off on the weekends while you're on the phone with you job. Every since this new job you've been too damn busy for…"

"Well I'm here now so will you please"

"I'm trying to talk to you but you're the one doing all the talking. I'm tryna say something and I gotta talk over you. Why can't I get a word in? Why…"

"Will you calm down and just say…"

"See there you go…talking when I'm talking. I wanna talk…I don't wanna listen to you talk. You spend twenty two hours of the day of the fucking phone…I'm tired of hearing you run your mouth."

"Stan I am too tired for this right now…when you're ready to sit down and have an actual conversation about something other then who's talking…you can come find me. Right now I'm exhausted and I'm going to bed, you can argue with yourself for the rest of the night."

"I'm not done…" I turned around and walked out. I got to the stairs before he grabbed my arm. "Don't you ever walk off when I'm talking to you. You do not turn your back to me Peyton." His grip tightened around my wrist and I could feel my hand going numb.

"Fine...I'm sorry…now will you pleas let go." I knew better then to pull away…he wouldn't let go…he would just hold me tighter.

"No because you're going to listen. You're gunna stand here and listen to every damn word I have to say. And don't you dare interrupt me again." He let go of my wrist and I held it in my other hand.

"Okay…I'm listening" I informed him calmly. I saw his hand go up right before he slapped me across the face.

"I said I don't wanna hear a word from you" He went to raise his hand again but I got him first. My fist connected with his jaw and I saw him spit blood from his mouth.

"That's it Stan…I'm done. You will never lay a hand on me again. We're over Stan…finished." I turned and walk up the stairs….that was the last time I was going to let him hit me. I'd let him do it too much already, but I was determined to leave him this time. I don't care if I have to fight him back…I'm not staying with him anymore.

I pulled my suitcase down from the closet in our room and threw it on the floor. I immediately began tossing clothes into it, folding them was the last thing on my mind…I just wanted out at this point.

"What are you doing baby" I didn't turn around, I just kept throwing clothes into the suitcase. I pulled my duffle bag out and stormed into the bathroom. Everything I could find that was mine was tossed in the bag before I zipped it up. "Baby…"

"I am not your baby…I'm leaving" I turned away from him and moved towards my suitcase. I kneeled down in front of it and pushed the top down hard enough for it to close and lock. I grabbed the handle but before I could stand up I felt Stan on his knees behind me. His hand snaked around my waist.

"Come…you know you don't really wanna go anywhere" he lips were on my neck his hands slipping in and out of my shirt

"Stan…" I put my hands on top of his and tried to move them but I couldn't…he was too strong.

"I love you Peyton…you know I do…"

"Stan let go of me." I tried again to move his hands, but this time he moved his hands only to wrap his arms around mine. His hands were back on me but I couldn't move anymore. "Get off of me" I yelled. He grabbed my tighter before picking me up. It felt like every bone in my arms was breaking as he walked over to the bed. He threw my down and my back hit the mattress and he was instantly hovering over me, his lips against my neck and my hands locked in his. "Stop" I hissed in his ear.

"I think you're the one that needs to stop Peyt" My knee went up and hit him hard between the legs. He hissed and mumbled incoherently as he hunched over in pain. I pushed him off of me and got off the bed. I grabbed my suitcase and duffle bag from the floor and moved towards the door.

"It's over" I turned around and walked out of our bedroom. I had reached the downstairs living room before he was walking downstairs after me.

"Come on Peyton." I walked over to the table behind the couch and put my suitcase down to grab my bag. I turned around but before I bent to pick up my suitcase again I saw him on the other side of the couch staring at me. "Why are you doing this?" I looked past him and noticed that all three locks on the door had been fastened.

"Because…I'm done." I stated firmly as I picked up my suitcase. He moved to walk around the couch I walked the other way. He changed direction and so did I. We wound up back on opposite ends at the center of the couch.

"Stop being so damn difficult" he hissed at me. He tried walking around again but we found ourselves in the same position a few seconds later. "Damn it Peyton" he yelled. I flinched at his voice and caught him smiling. That same sadistic looking smile that I've grown to hate and fear over the past few years.

"Stan will you please just let me go"

"I'm sorry I can't do that" I saw him take a few steps back before he ran towards me and jumped over the couch. My eyes got wide as I dropped all my bags and ran. I knew I wouldn't make it out the door and as much as I hated to I ran up the stairs. I could hear him close behind me as I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door, locking it behind me. I back up until I hit the tub as he banged on the door. "Open the goddamn door Peyton…" The banging got louder and I flinched each time I saw the door shake. My breath caught in my throat when the noise stopped and the house got silent. I nearly fell in the tub when I heard the downstairs TV came on. The channels flipped until he stopped on some horror movie, one with a lot of screaming, just loud enough for the people below us to hear it over anything on the second level of the apartment. I prayed I was overanalyzing the situation…that he was just going to give up and sit down there. Ten minutes late I was still in the bathroom, standing with my back against the wall. He had stayed watching the TV and I finally breathed a sigh of relief. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall.

"Peyton…" I jumped when I heard his voice and saw the door handle move. "Fine…be that way" he hissed before the banging started again. I stayed frozen in the same position…the bathroom was huge but there was no where for me to go as I watched the door. My breath caught as the door flung open and I watched him smile at me. He slowly walked in and grabbed the door…slamming it shut behind him.

I jolted up with a scream before I began gasping for breath. "Peyton…" I looked around in the dark and finally caught the figure sitting next to me. I could feel my entire body shaking as he reached up and pushed the wet hair out of my face. "Hey…its alright…you're fine now, it was just a bad dream" he smiled at me as his hand cupped my face. "You're okay…" I shook my head as the tears finally began to fall.

"But it wasn't" I whispered as I collapsed into his arms. "I can't go back there" my head fell onto his shoulder and turned into his neck. "I won't"

"Peyton…what are you talking about…you won't go where" he wrapped me in his arms and kissed the top of my head. He moved my head and made me look at him. "Pey...you can talk to me…whatever it is." Despite the dark we managed to lock eyes. "What's going on…where won't you go and why"

"I can't…please…I just can't." I shook my head.

"Its okay…you don't have to…whatever it is…you don't have to worry about it now." He pulled me back into his arms and held me closely. That dream had been a little too vivid for me. That night was the first time he broke my arm. That was also when he started getting more careful about where he hit me and how. I was always able to hide the bruises and he never hit me hard enough in the face to leave a mark that makeup couldn't cover.

"Lucas…"

"Hmm…"

"I'm sorry"

"For what" I could hear the confusion in his voice.

"For putting you through this. I'm sure you have enough to deal with in your own life…you shouldn't be wasting your time taking care of me."

"I'm not wasting my time Peyton. I'm always gunna be here for you no matter. We are friends right" I nodded into chest. "Well that's what friends do…they care about each other…"

"But still…"

"No buts Peyton…that's just the way it is and there're nothing you can do about it so don't cut me off." He laughed lightly but I flinched. "Peyt…please tell me what's going on." I shook my head and then heard him sigh. I still can't tell him and I hate myself for it. I used to be able to tell him anything because I knew he would be there. I even told him about my drug habit in high school…but I can't tell him this.

"I'm sorry" I whispered as the tears streamed down my cheeks and onto his bare chest.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Peyt. Just know that when you're ready to talk I'm here. Doesn't matter what you wanna talk about…even if it's just 'cause you want some company…I'm here."

"I know" I wasn't lying. I knew I could depend on him but I still couldn't talk to him.


	14. Same Question, Different Answer

"Lucas…where are you taking me" I was blind folded and he had me by the shoulders, guiding me somewhere. I've never liked surprises and I still don't.

"Don't worry…we're almost there" he laughed as I sighed. He always loved to surprise me with things just 'cause he knew I couldn't stand it…he hadn't changed. A strand of hair fell into my face and he pulled it behind my ear. We had stopped by Brooke's earlier so that I could shower and get some clothes. I had straightened my hair before we left…not so much because I was trying to avoid people, but because I felt like I need some kind of change, at least for a little while. It still prevented people from recognizing me that easily and at the moment that's not a bad thing.

"Why did we stop" I asked suddenly as he lifted his hands form my shoulders. I could hear him moving…away from me. "Lucas…" I waited but he didn't answer me. I quickly undid the blind fold and looked behind me. He was leaning against some stage with his arms crossed.

"Well…" I was about to yell at him when I noticed where we were. The place was still the same exact way I left it.

"Tric…" I smiled as I turned and looked around the club. Everything was the same…the only things that had probably changed was the music selection and the food.

"Okay…I have to get to work but I'll be back later." Lucas walked towards the door and I watched him with wide eyes.

"What am I supposed to do until then" I walked towards him, he couldn't really be planning to just leave me here all day.

"I don't know…get to know the new manager…help set up for tonight...find out how the club's doing…you know, stuff like that. Have fun" I watched him walk out the door and I jumped slightly when it slammed behind him. He had just left me here, apparently with a complete stranger.

"Is someone out here" The voice was muffled behind and I watched some guy walk out from the back with three boxes piled in his arms.

"Ummm…" what was I supposed to say to this guy…sorry my friend had to go to work and I'm supposed to spend the day with you. "I'm sorry…I'll let myself out" I mumbled in a voice more high pitched then normal…that's what nerves do to me. I spun around and moved quickly to the door.

"You don't have to run off…you're not trespassing or anything. Were you looking for someone or something?" I turned around and my eyes once again grew wide and so did the guy's on the other side of the room.

"Peyton…" he walked closer to me.

"Nate…" I took my hand off the door my mouth still slightly open from shock. "What are you doing here…" I choked out and then it suddenly occurred to me that he should be the one asking that question.

"I'm the manager of the club now. I should be asking you that question…" I laughed as I walked back to the center of the room to meet him.

"As far as being in Tree Hill…I…don't really know…I came back with Brooke two days ago and now I'm just kind of here. As far as Tric…Lucas dropped me off a few minutes ago and left me here and now I get why he didn't hesitate to do so." We both laughed.

"Well come here" he opened his arms and I wrapped my arms around his neck. It felt good to be in his arms again…comforting…safe.

"It's good to be back" I whispered into his ear.

"It's good to have you back…new hair and all" he laughed as we broke apart "What happened to your wrist" he inquired as he swung his arm over my shoulder and guided me towards the bar.

"Would sore subject satisfy you…" I looked at him with hopeful eyes and he smiled.

"Yea it'll do…for now" I rolled my eyes as we took a seat at the counter. "So what's got you back home" He grabbed on of the boxes and slid it over so he could look through it. I peeked in and saw the numerous CDs.

"Ummm…will the same answer work." He raised a brow at me before going back to going through the music.

"I guess… it has to. So since your engagement ring's not on your finger I take it you and Stan are on a little break."

"You could call it that" I said slowly as I got up and walked over to the other boxes he had brought out earlier, they too were filled with music.

"I don't really like that response so sore subject doesn't really satisfy me for the first question anymore. What happened to you're wrist?"

"I got mugged one night coming home from work. I lost my bag and got a cast instead. Please don't go into a whole big spiel about how dangerous New York is and all that stuff."

"I won't…but do you know what I really would appreciate." He looked at me and I met his gaze.

"What's that" I asked with a small smile playing on my lips.

"Don't lie to me…" my smile faded and I looked back down into the box. "I'm not Lucas…I'm not just gunna ignore the fact that you just blatantly lied to my face and then wait for you to tell the truth. I'm not gunna leave you alone and you should know that already" I looked up when I felt his hand on my shoulder. "You mind telling me what really happened"

"I got into a fight with Stan and when I got tired of yelling I just walked away from him. Well he grabbed my arm to stop me and I twisted the wrong way and pulled before he let go and wound up with a hairline fracture." I rolled my eyes annoyed with Stan but mostly myself for just lying to Nathan's face…again. "So…I took off with Brooke and I haven't worn my ring since I got in the car. I guess we're on break because I know he didn't mean to do it…it was more like a freak accident kind of thing and he spent the entire ride to the hospital and the rest of the night apologizing for it. I forgive him and all I just don't know if I'm ready to go back there yet" I had just made myself out to be this strong girl…the one that everyone knew from high school. In reality I was weak and I knew it…I couldn't even face what had happened…I was coming up with every lie possible to keep my life a secret. It's pathetic and sickening, but I know that I'll keep doing it until I run out of options.

"Has he ever done something like this before." Nathan held a deadly glare in his eyes as he waited for me to answer…a glare that let me know he'd be on the next flight to New York if I ever told him the truth.

"No…we've argued and all…I mean that's normal. It's just that I have a tendency to walk off in the middle of him saying something because I don't want to hear it and I know he hates it. We never get to the point of talking things out because I walk away. I guess this time he just wanted to actually finish the argument and I think it shocked him more then it did me." It really is bad how quickly I can form a lie about this whole thing, how easily I find a way to defend Stan.

"I guess what really matters is that your okay" Nathan said with a sigh as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side. "Look Peyt…I don't know this guy that well…you do, so you have to make the decision whether you trust him or not. I trust your judgment and I trust that you'll find a way to make the right decision." I forced a smile. I'm glad he trust's my judgment because I sure as hell don't.


	15. In Dire Need of A Change

"Peyt….Peyt…Peyton…" Nathan waved his hand in front of my face and laughed when I blinked hard and nearly fell off the stool. "You okay" he was still laughing as I nodded in response.

"Nate…do you mind if I take off for a bit" I asked him suddenly.

"What's up" he stopped what he was doing and looked over at me.

"It's nothing…there's just something…something I need to do" I grabbed my bag off the bar and stood up.

"Yeah…I'll be here when you get back…have fun." He waved me off and I quickly walked out of Tric and into Tree Hill.

--Later That Night at Tric--General POV—

Haley walked into the club with a smile on her face. She had gone down to Charleston for the day to check out some aspiring bands. She was in charge of booking the music for the club and she enjoyed every minute of it. She wasn't supposed to be back until tomorrow, but the last two groups had canceled so she was able to return home. She was hoping to surprise everyone with her early return.

"Hey…have you seen Nate" she asked on of the waitresses.

"Ummm…he's…around here somewhere" the woman responded slowly. Haley looked at her funny but shrugged it off.

"Okay…I'll just go in the back and wait for him"

"Haley…" the brunette turned around. "I'm sure I saw him come out here not that long ago…"

"Okay…still, I think I'll go in the back and wait...and Kristen…switch to decaf…please" the brunette spun around and walked into the back of the club. She stopped when she heard her husband's voice on the fire escape and someone else's.

"So what about Haley...you know…your wife….the mother of your child….hell what about your daughter. Where are they anyway"

"Well as far as my wife…she's great and gone for tonight and tomorrow…down in Charleston on business. As far my daughter…she's at Karen's with Sam. I love my family and I always will…but it doesn't stop me from wondering off sometimes."

"I get what you mean…it's like no matter how hard you try…you find yourself in the same position you told yourself you wouldn't be, like you just wanna know what could've been."

"Yeah…but enough with the depressing stuff…how about some fun" Haley looked through the small crack in the door to see her husband pull a blonde to her feet. The woman had dirty blonde hair just past her shoulders. Every strand was in it's proper place. She wore low rise jeans and a red halter the showed off her toned stomach. Haley had always felt beautiful around Nathan but as she looked at the way her husband was staring at this other woman she couldn't help but question how he looked at her.

"Sounds like a plan" The other woman began to turn around but Nathan grabbed her by the waste and pulled her body into his.

"I thought we were gunna have fun" Nathan raised a brow as Haley felt the tears slide down her cheeks.

"Why Mr. Scott are you trying to seduce me…"

"Is it working" Haley turned around and ran back into the main part of the club. She wiped the tears from her eyes and put a smile on her face as she approached the bar.

"Can I have a shot…of anything…as long as it's strong." The guy nodded and handed the brunette a double shot of tequila. She slammed the glass down and looked up at the guy. He got ready to pour her another shot when someone covered the glass and stopped him.

"Tutor wife…we all know that you can not hold your liquor. Double shot of that stuff is more than enough for you" Haley glared at the smirking brunette. "Whoa…okay how about you tell me what's wrong and if I can't make it better then you can kill me with you eyes" Brooke held her hands up in defense and watched as Haley dropped her head in her hands.

"He's cheating on me…I saw him on the fire escape." Brooke's jaw dropped as she watched the tears fill her friend's eyes. Her eyes wandered past Haley and to the younger Scott brother who was busy chatting with some blonde he had just appeared with. She saw Nathan take the girl by the hand and whisper in her ear. She could tell from the girls movements that she was laughing. She leaned up and kissed his cheek before walking off.

"Excuse me…I'll be right back" Haley turned and watched as Brooke stormed over to Nathan.

"Hey Brooke" Nathan greeted…his smile disappeared when Brooke slapped him hard across the face. "What the hell is your problem?"

"My problem…I'm not the one screwing some bimbo behind my wife's back." The brunette hissed.

"What…okay where the hell did that come from" Nathan shook his head in confusion before focusing on the pissed off girl before him.

"Don't play dumb…Haley just saw you two outside." Nathan looked down before letting out a bitter laugh. He grabbed Brooke's arm and dragged her towards the DJ booth. "Get your slimy hands off of me."

"No…after all this…I want you to meet my bimbo…"

"I don't wanna…whoa" Brooke stopped dead in her tracks as she caught sight of the girl skimming the CD collection.

"Okay…please don't go postal on me or anything it was kinda just a spur of the moment decision"

"Bestest friend…what…. happened to your hair" Brooke played with her hands as she continued gaping at the former blonde.

--Flashback—

"Nathan" Peyton called out into the empty club later that evening.

"Yea…hello" the younger Scott raised a brow.

"I know it's drastic…but I just needed a change…something different." She walked closer to him with a worried look on her face.

"It's different…definitely different" Nathan mumbled as he took in her new appearance. Her hair was straight but that wasn't shocking because it had been earlier. It was also more brown now but that wasn't what shocked him either. It was the fact that her hair was about half it's former length that left him speechless. "But I like it"

"Okay then" she smiled as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Don't worry…it doesn't look bad at all…it's look good. Makes you look more mature" he stood up straight and pushed his shoulders back as he said the last part, causing her to laugh. "The outfit's nice too…a little more revealing then this big brother would like…but nice. She laughed again. She was wearing a red halter with a drooping neck line. It wasn't too low but it did show some cleavage. The bottom cut right above her navel. Her jeans were dark and cut low. They sat tight on her hip bone and hugged in all the right places.

"Thanks Nate." She shook her head as they made their way to the back of the club. "I went shopping…figured a new look should include a new outfit" she shrugged her shoulders before picking up a bag and bringing it out to the front.

"So do you have any idea when you're heading back." Nathan inquired as he began pulling stuff out of the box.

"Actually I'm not going back. I'm making the right decision and I'm doing what's best for me for the first time in four years"

--End Flashback—

"Well…"

"You cut your hair…I mean it looks good and all…it looks great in fact…but you cut your hair…I loved your hair…long…I miss it"

"Okay…well you obsess over her hair I'm going to go find my wife and bring her over her to see my bimbo"

"Hey…why am I a bimbo" Peyton turned to face Nathan as she pouted.

"Umm…Haley kinda saw you two on the fire escape and didn't realize…it was you…and yea" Brooke bit her lip as Peyton threw her head back. The blonde was pulled into a tight hug suddenly.

"Peyton…I'm so glad it's you. I mean I'm so glad you're here because I missed you like crazy but I'm really glad it's you." Haley pulled back and looked at the blonde before pulling her back into another hug.

--Flashback—

Nathan and Peyton found their way onto the fire escape about an hour after Tric had opened for the night. "Thanks for coming out here with me…I guess I'm just not use to all the noise anymore." The blonde smiled as they sat on the stairs.

"It's no problem…I'm usually out here at least once a night…just to get away for awhile. I usually wind up regretting it though"

"Why" Peyton watched him shrug,

"I don't know…I guess it just give me the chance to really think about things and sometimes I wind up thinking things I don't want to."

"Like what" the blonde inquired

"Mostly about how my life could've been like." He admitted as he looked over at the blonde.

"How do you mean"

"I mean…what if I had followed my dreams and jumped at the chance to play professional basketball. It's what I always dreamed of and what I always thought my life would be. I just can't stop wondering what my life would be like if I had chosen that path."

"I get that… So what about Haley...you know…your wife….the mother of your child….hell what about your daughter. Where are they anyway"

"Well as far as my wife…she's great and gone for tonight and tomorrow…down in Charleston on business. As far my daughter…she's at Karen's with Sam. I love my family and I always will…but it doesn't stop me from wondering off sometimes."

"I get what you mean…it's like no matter how hard you try…you find yourself in the same position you told yourself you wouldn't be, like you just wanna know what could've been." Tears began to burn behind her eyes but she shoved them back.

"Yeah…but enough with the depressing stuff…how about some fun" Nathan stood and reached his hand down. Peyton stretched her good hand up and let him pull her up. He watched the pain show in her eyes. There was something distant in her eyes…something that made her appear extremely alone even with so many people there for her.

"Sounds like a plan" Peyton began to turn around but Nathan pulled her back and she couldn't help but laugh at the seductive face he had.

"I thought we were gunna have fun" Nathan raised a brow and watched her smile at him. That's what he had been hopping for…something to get rid of whatever deep rooted emptiness and sadness the conversation had dredged up.

"Why Mr. Scott are you trying to seduce me…" She had lowered her voice for the desired effect and watched as he struggled to maintain a straight face.

"Is it working" a hint of laughter escaped in his voice.

"Well…to be perfectly honest with you…not at all" she shook her head and finally broke out laughing as did he.

"You always did know how to put people down Sawyer"

"What can I say, I'm good at it." she shrugged as she leaned up and kissed his cheek.

"Now how about we really go and have some fun now…just like we used to…you know…dance the night away."

"It's no fun by yourself…and you don't dance if I remember correctly." Peyton raised a brow at him and waited for him to respond.

"Your memory severs you well but I know a certain brooding brother of mine that I sure wouldn't turn down an offer to dance…especially not from you."

"Nathan…"

"Peyt…he's really missed you over these last few months. I mean we all have…but...it's not the way he does. Peyt you're the first person he's looked at that way he does since Amy. I know my brother and I know what that look means."

"Nate…please…I can't do this right now"

"No one's asking you to marry him….it's just a dance" Nathan swung his arm around her neck as they walked back into the club. "Just think about it" She nodded as they strolled back into the mass of people.

--End Flashback—Peyton's POV--

"You mean you're really glad I'm the bimbo" I joked and I watched Haley shrug.

"I guess" she smiled sheepishly as we both laughed.

"It's alright…I'm glad I was the bimbo too…cuz I really don't wanna have to beat the shit out of Nathan" We laughed again as she leaned her body into Nate's, her red eyes now full of happiness.

"Two things…why are you a bimbo and what happened to your hair" I looked to my side to see Lucas playing with my hair. I batted his hand away and he just laughed.

"One…I just am…two…I just need a change." I waited and for some reason his opinion was important to me.

"Change is good" I smiled with relief as the words left his mouth. I listened as a slow song came through the speakers. It was an old Lifehouse song titled "You and Me".

"Come on…" I watched Nathan pull Haley onto the dance floor and wrap his arms around her waist.

"Care to join them" I looked up at Lucas. The words had just left my mouth without me even thinking about it. But it was just a dance…Nathan had even said it was nothing but a dance.

"Love to" he smiled down at me as he reached for my hand. Our fingers intertwined as we moved to the center of the room. His arms slowly slipped around my waist as I place mind behind his neck. I laid my head on his shoulder as we swayed back and forth to the music. It felt strange having him touch my bare back, actually it gave me a warm tingly feeling that I'm not sure I like.

"Hey…guess what" I whispered into his chest.

"What" I could feel his voice vibrate through his chest and I smiled as I spoke.

"I'm not leaving" I could feel his heart rate increase and it made me think about what Nathan had said earlier.

"You're not?"

"Nope…I'm staying right here in Tree Hill." He took my hand down from his neck and looked at it….more like he looked at what wasn't there…my engagement ring. "We broke it off…wasn't working…so"

"It doesn't matter right now…we can talk later" he whispered as he set my arm back around his neck and his arm back on around my waist.

"Okay" I whispered I a leaned into him, my head falling back in its place against his chest.

"Peyton" his voice was almost childlike and my mind began racing with anticipation. There were things I want him to say but at the same time things I know I'm not ready to hear.

"Yea" my voice equally small

"I…I'm glad your staying…I missed you" I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Maybe Nathan was wrong, but then what was I supposed to make of last night.

"I missed you too" it wasn't until now that I realized how much I really did miss Lucas over the last ten years…it wasn't until right now that I realized just how good it felt to be in his arms again…not just safe…but all around good.

**What day is it**

**And in what month**

**This clock never seemed so alive**

**I can't keep up and I can't back down**

**I've been losing so much time**

**Cause it's you and me and all of the people**

**Nothing to do, nothing to lose**

**And it's you and me and all of the people and**

**I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you**

**All of the things that I want to say**

**Just aren't coming out right**

**I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning**

**I don't know where to go from here**

**Cause it's you and me and all of the people**

**With nothing to do, nothing to prove**

**And it's you and me and all of the people and**

**I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off you**

**Something about you now**

**I can't quite figure out**

**Everything she does is beautiful**

**Everything she does is right**

**Cause it's you and me and all of the people**

**With nothing to do, nothing to lose**

**And it's you and me and all of the people and**

**I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of**

**You and me and all of the people**

**With nothing to do nothin to prove and**

**It's you and me and all of the people and**

**I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you**

**What day is it**

**And in what month**

**This clock never seemed so alive**

The song is 'You and Me' by Lifehouse


	16. A New Heartache

I took a small sip of my coffee as I sat by myself in a booth at the café. It was almost 7 and everyone was getting ready to head off to work. Brooke had dragged me out of the house with her despite my protest for sleep. It had been decided for me that I was spending the day with Nate at the club again…it's not that I mind spending time with Nate…its just that I feel exhausted and I'd rather pass out then watch him work. It's not like I can really help him that much…I've only got one arm to work with at the moment.

"You two look really cozy last night…its amazing how perfect it all was." I looked up to find Haley in the seat across from me.

"Morning Haley…" I should have expected this…well I did…just not this early.

"Morning, now back to you and your wonderful night of talking and dancing and falling asleep…"

"Haley…stop…please…just friends…don't read more into it…please" She rolled her eyes at me as I continued to sip my coffee.

"All I was saying is that you looked like you had a good time and that you also looked very adorable sleeping on too."

"Hales…" I whined as I looked at her…I didn't want to have this conversation right now…or anytime in the near future. Lucas and I had spent the entire night talking and dancing…just having a good time. I took advantage of not having to deal with my life for one night and I really enjoyed myself for the first time in a long time. It was around ten when I started losing my battle with exhaustion. Lucas and had been sitting and talking in one of the booths and I laid my head on his shoulder. Before I knew his arm was around my shoulder and I was asleep. At some point I woke up when he moved and my head fell into his lap. He tried to pick my body back up but I batted his hand away before pulling my legs onto the seat and curling up with his lap as my pillow. "How did I get back to Brooke's yesterday?" I asked when I suddenly realized I had no clue what happened between that point and me waking up in the guest room in the middle of the night.

"Nate brought you over there" Haley laughed slightly at the confused look that had previously been on my face. "Luke was going to but Nate told him to go home because he had to get up in the morning and go to work."

"Yeah but Nate's here now so he had to get up too" I raised a brow at the brunette across from me.

"True but you and him will probably wind up back at our house when everyone else leaves to go to work. I'm sure you'll be sleeping for the rest of the morning" Haley laughed as she looked down at her watch.

"Where are you headed today" I asked as she got up from the table.

"Umm…over to Charlotte…maybe I'll hear something decent today" she shrugged her shoulder before waving bye. I waved back before dropping my head back against the seat and closing my eyes.

"Still tired…" I opened my eyes to find Lucas standing over me. "Why exactly are you here anyway…if you're this tired I would think you'd be at Brooke's still sleeping."

"I'd be very happy if that we're the case but Brooke forbid me from staying in the house all day and she dragged me out the door with her" I yawned as I closed my eyes again. I hadn't really slept well for the last few months…more specifaclly since I left Tree Hill after the funeral. Over the last few weeks my sleeping habits had worsened…between work and arguments with Stan I spent maybe 5 hours in bed each night…and only about two of those hours actually sleeping. Last night marked the end of my 4 week case of insomnia but I was still tired…beyond tired due to three months on absent rest.

"Here" I looked down at the table to find his house key sitting in front of me. "I'll tell Nate to drop you off at my house and you can get some sleep…you look like you need it."

"Luke…I'll be fine" I mumbled…not very convincingly considering that fact I yawned right after I said it.

"Normally I'd say fine because I know my brother's going back home to sleep…but he's going straight to the club from here." I was about to protest but instead of words out came another yawn. "And with that come back I win…" he laughed before leaning down and dropping a kiss on my head. "Get some sleep Peyt…I mean it" I nodded in response…didn't have the energy to be defiant right now.

I folded my arms on the table and dropped my head in them. I must have fallen asleep because was I opened my eyes I was laying on Luke's couch with my head on Nate's lap while he watched TV. "Ahhh…sleeping beauty awakes." He smiled before ruffling my hair which was now permanently straight. I batted his hand away as I sat up.

"How long was I sleeping" I questioned as I yawned again.

"About an hour…didn't wanna just leave you hear though. You're usually not such a deep sleeper." He looked at me worry evident in his brown eyes.

"Yeah…I know" I could feel my eyes closing again.

"Listen…Luke's bed is extremely comfortable and I would know…he had to kick my off of it almost every time I'm over here. That's besides the point though…go up there and sleep the rest of the day. Your eyes are red Peyt…you really need some sleep." I nodded absentmindedly as I fought to stay awake. "Call me if you need anything…now go" He pulled me off the couch and pushed me towards the stairs.

"Bye Nate" my voice was barley audible as I ascended the stairs. I heard him say goodbye before the front door closed. I went directly into Luke's room and collapsed onto his unmade bed…Nate was right…it was comfy. I closed my eyes but I couldn't fall asleep. The same thing had happened to me last night…I woke up at around 3 and couldn't get back to sleep. I just went in and out every ten minutes but it wasn't real sleep. I reached for the remote on the night stand and turned on the TV. I was hoping it would help me fall asleep but as I watched movie after movie my eyes only began burning more and more.

I'm not sure when it started but at some paint the tears had formed in my eyes and flown from my eyes. They rolled slowly down my cheeks and I eventually gave up on trying to wipe them away. The things that pisses me off is that I don't know why I just started crying and that's what makes me cry more. Deep down I know what it is…I have to know…my mind just hasn't figured it out yet and that in itself is tiring. I rolled over and culled my body into a ball in the middle of the bed…hoping and praying with everything in me that I would cry myself to sleep. It didn't hurt like this when I was sleeping.

I heard the front door open and close and then I heard the footsteps on the stairs. "Peyt…" I didn't turn around and I didn't respond to him….I didn't want him to see me like this…partly because I'm ashamed and partly because I have no way to explain myself. I closed my eyes tightly…praying for him to walk out the room. I felt his body hover over mine as he grabbed the remote from my hand, I let it slip out easily but I couldn't stop the shudder the shook my body briefly. He must not have seen my face and just thought I was cold because he turned off the TV and pulled the blanket over my body.

My cry remained silent as he left the room but the tears fell harder. I hated feeling like this…like something was wrong with me…like I'm a pathetic version of my former self. In high school I was full of fake smiles to hide my feelings…to hide my emotional pain. Now I'm ten years past that and I can't maintain that fake smile…I'm carrying an emotional pain so strong and constricting that it's becoming physical. What I'm going through now feels worse then any beating I received from Stan.

I'm surrounded by so many people that care about me and who would go to hell and back to protect me…but I feel extremely alone. I've distanced myself from people more now then I did ten years ago. My walls are so much higher and thicker that I couldn't trust someone if I wanted to. I've buried myself so far down in lies that I don't know how to find my way to the surface.

Heartache is what made me push people away before…fear of putting my heart on the line and having it shattered. Fear is controlling my life still but the fear is different because the heartache is self inflicted. I've never been able to trust people easily but now I can't even trust myself. I'm scared of myself and who I am because I've become my own disappointment. I've become the thing I've always despised most…weak and I still don't know how I got to be this way. I never pictured myself to be a person who would put up with four years of abuse. It wasn't until after the first year that I attempted to leave…I let him do this to me…over and over again. I let him hit me and force himself on me night after night for over a year before I got the never to try and leave him. I found the strength say its over and somehow I wound up in that apartment for another three years.

I had buried myself so deep in thought that I could feel how violently my body was shaking….all the while still silent. I felt the bed sink behind me and the blanket lift. He pulled me into him and I immediately turned my body and buried my face into his chest. "What's wrong" he whispered as he dropped a kiss on my head, his arms wrapped tightly around me and our legs tangled.

"I don't know…." I admitted truthfully. In all honesty I didn't know what made me start crying and I didn't know I why I couldn't stop. The answer was buried deep inside of me but I couldn't find it and the little bit that I did find and did understand couldn't be put into words.

"Whatever it is…I'm sorry" it was comforting and safe being wrapped up in his arms. The warmth of his body and the beating of his heart made me feel a little better…just like always…but I still felt unbearably alone. "Just hang in there Pey…whatever it is…it'll get better soon…I promise you it will" I closed my eyes as his words sunk in and knew I would be able to sleep. I had fallen asleep in his arms quite a few times since I had returned home, and I always slept decently until his body was no longer there. Despite the emptiness I was holding inside I could only sleep knowing someone was there. When I felt myself letting go I welcomed it happily...simply because it never hurts like this when I'm sleeping.

**It's never easy and you never know**

**What leaves you crying and what makes you whole**

**There ain't no way that I can hold it down**

**Falling to pieces**

**Forever in doubt **

**  
**

**But its alright, why don't you tell me again**

**How you'll still be there when the heartache ends**

**Well it's alright, why don't you tell me my friend**

**How you'll still be there when the heartache ends**

**  
**

**There ain't nobody who can show you how**

**To find the surface when you're underground**

**There ain't no blanket that can hide this cold**

**And there ain't no memory that ever gets old**

**  
**

**Buts it's alright, why don't you tell me again**

**How you'll still be there when the heartache ends**

**Well its alright, why don't you tell me my friend**

**How you'll still be there when the heartache ends**

**  
**

**Well I move all directions, to the corners and the outskirts**

**While the lovers and the lonely start to whisper all about me**

**And if I stand here silent, I almost start to feel you fading in **

**Telling me hold on**

**  
**

**Cuz it's gunna be alright, why don't you tell me again**

**How you'll still be there when the heartache ends**

**Well its alright, why don't you tell me my friend**

**How you'll still be there when the heartache ends**

**Say you'll be with me when the heartache ends**

The song is 'When the Heartache Ends" by Rob Thomas


	17. Trust

I woke up to an empty bed that night. I sat up and looked around…I couldn't see anything though…Lucas had closed the door and the curtains…its was almost pitch black in the room. I climbed out the bed and stretched before exiting the room. I found Lucas downstairs in the living room with Sam. I leaned against the wall and watched as they sat on the floor around the coffee table. Everything that had been on the table had been removed and placed on the floor to make room for the coloring books and crayons.

"Your not supposed to color outside the lines" Sam pointed to the few spot where Lucas had messed up. I couldn't help but smile as he stuck his tongue out at her.

"What would you say if I did this…" he took his crayon and started coloring in part of her picture.

"Hey…this one's mine" she snatched it away and stuck her tongue out before placing it back on the table and going back to work.

"Mind if I join you" I questioned. They both looked up at me and Lucas waved me over.

"Have a seat" he patted the floor and I sat down next to him. "Sam do you remember Peyton?" She nodded her head and waved at me.

"Hi…" I smiled her direction and she did the same before turning back to her pictures.

Luke moved closer to Sam and they began working on one of those large fuzzy posters with the makers that run out after a few minutes. I used to love those things as a kid…I just hated the stupid markers. I reached for a blank piece of paper and a pencil. It's been almost 4 years since I drew something other then a sketch for the magazine…it feels great. It didn't take long for me to recreate the image of them working on the poster together. At some point she had moved into his lap and that's where I chose to draw her.

"That's pretty" I looked up from my sketch to see Sam staring at it…then at me.

"Thanks…do you want it" she nodded her head and we exchanged smiles as I handed her the sketch. The drawing was one of those moments you like to remember but you can never really get a picture of it or catch it on film. I had just captured it for her and I was glad it made her happy.

"Thank you" she said with a yawn.

"Your welcome"

"Let's get you to bed" Lucas stood up and lifted his daughter into his arms. "You've got an early day tomorrow" She rested her head on his shoulder and yawned again.

"Goodnight Peyton" she waved goodbye to me with one hand while the other held onto the sketch.

"Night" I waved back before the retreated upstairs. I started picking up the crayons and putting them back in the box…in the proper order. I used to drive Brooke crazy when we were kids because my crayons had to be in color order when they were put away…I've always been meticulous about my art and utensils. Lucas returned a few minutes later and I had finished putting the box of 64 crayons in order and the coloring books were stacked in a neat pile.

"You didn't have to clean everything up" He stated as he put the vase and picture frames back on the table.

"It's alright…I didn't mind." We both stood up and headed into the kitchen.

"Sleep well" he questioned…there was something behind his smile that was making me wonder.

"Surprisingly…yeah" I raised a brow…I slept without him there and it must've been for awhile because he left to get Sam and then they looked like they had been coloring for some time.

"That's good" He ignored my suspicious look and pulled out two wine coolers from the fridge.

"Why" he handed me a drink and shrugged innocently.

"How would I know…I mean besides you being exhausted."

"Lucas…"

"I had to go get Sam and when I got out the bed you started waking up. You had only been asleep for an hour Peyt so I just gave you something to drink"

"What was so special about that drink that made me sleep by myself for another 5 hours"

"Okay…so maybe I crushed a slipping pill and mixed it in there…I'm sorry but you looked so tired and you wouldn't stay asleep and you looked so much more peaceful when you feel back asleep after that."

"It's fine.." I said cutting off his rambling.

"Really…" he questioned. I should've been at least a little upset…but I wasn't.

"Actually….thank you for doing that…I did need the sleep" I admitted as I sat on one of the stools and leaned against the kitchen island.

"Well…your welcome" he sat next to me and took a sip of his drink. "Umm…Brooke called…she said she wouldn't be home tonight but that she would put a spare key where it used to be at her old house and you could go there if you wanted."

"Is it alright if I just crash in the guest room tonight…I don't really feel like going anywhere…it's kinda late."

"It's not a problem."

"Thanks…" I traced the rim of the bottle with my finger tip.

"Wanna talk about it" I looked at Lucas in confusion. He pointed to my finger which was still tracing the top of the open bottle. I laughed lightly…he and Nathan had learned all my little habits in high school…it kinda sucks because I've never been able to hide what I'm feeling from them.

"Not really" I looked over at him and smiled sympathetically.

"It's fine"

"Luke" I began tapping my nails against the cool marble…another habit of mine.

"Oaky…I still hate it when you do that" he grabbed my hand and lifted it from the counter. I laughed…I sued to drive him crazy in high school…I'd tap my nails just to see him cringe.

"Sorry"

"Just don't do it anymore…anyways what's up" He asked as he let go of my hand.

"I…I'm not really into the whole pill thing unless it's absolutely necessary…and…ummm…yea so…" I was babbling and I knew it…I just wasn't sure how to say what I wanted to.

"Need some company…" he cut me off with a sly smile playing on his lips.

"Do you mind?" I bit my bottom lip as I looked up at him.

"Not at all…as long I get to sleep it's my bed"

"Deal" I laughed lightly as did he…his bed was more comfortable…a lot more comfortable. "So why does Sam have to be up early?" I questioned as I sipped my drink.

"Ohh…she's off to camp in the morning…it's a three week sleep away camp for kids between 4 and 8. I've been a little hesitant to let her go but Hales and Nate are sending Kristen so they'll have each other."

"Don't worry…she'll be fine and she'll have fun. I used to go to summer camp and I loved it. I remember the first summer I went my dad basically dragged me out the door because I didn't wanna leave Brooke all summer. Well I got to camp was miserable without my best friend for the first day but on the second day she showed up. She had spent the entire night whining to her parents and they…more specifically daddy's money…was able to get her a late admission. We had a blast and went every summer for the next 5 years until we hit middle school."

"I know she'll have fun…but I'm just have some parental attachment issues." We both laughed and he shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "I was a wreck her first day of kindergarten…she actually told me I could leave and led me to the door."

"Tell me your joking" he didn't respond and couldn't' suppress my laughter. "Lucas…"

"What…you wouldn't understand…just wait till you have a kid…then we'll see"

"Whatever…between you and Nathan…I feel really bad for those girls when they get into high school…I think I feel worse for the guys though."

"Hah…your dad threatened to beat my ass with a rake"

"Yeah…after you walked into the house and threatened to hit him with it" I cocked my head to the side. "Rake boy"

"Yeah yeah yeah…whatever." We only spent a few more minutes downstairs talking about nothing in particular before making our way up to his room. I once again spent then night in his clothes and in his arms.

I woke up to an empty bed again the next morning. There was a note on the pillow from Luke saying that he had gone to take Sam to camp and that he'd be back around 11. I looked over at the clock on the nightstand…he'd be here in about an hour. I pulled myself out of bed and put my clothes back on. If I didn't take too long I could walk to Brooke's, shower and change and then get back here before him. He was on vacation for the next two weeks so he was free all day and we had made plans to go to the beach and relax.

I walked back into his house 50 minutes later. I made my way down the hall and screamed when I felt arms slide around my waist. "Breaking and entering is a crime you know"

I turned around and hit him as hard as I could in the arm…anger blaring in my eyes. "Damnit Peyton…" he rubbed his arm and looked at me.

"That wasn't funny…damn you Lucas…" my hands were shaking as I shoved past him and towards the front door. He grabbed my arms to stop me form leaving.

"Peyton…I'm sorry…it was a joke…"

"Don't touch me" I screamed as I tore my arm away from him.

"Peyt…"

"Just leave me the hell alone" I stormed out of his house. I wasn't really that angry with him…I had no right to be…I was just scared. I think it might be safe to classify the feeling as terrified. When he grabbed me everything in me froze and I thought it was Stan. I'm so filled with unwanted memories now and I'm mad with him because he made them came back after he made them go away.

I wound up sitting on the beach, watching the waves crash along the shore. I just want to forget everything…there's only one way I've ever been able to do that though and I promised myself that I wouldn't be that person anymore…an hour of feeling nothing wasn't worth it in the end. But the longer I sit here the more I'm tempted to find some…from somewhere. I've always hated this feeling…like I'm so far down that I have to look to drugs to feel even slightly okay again. It's an awful thing and it makes my stomach turn every time…including now.

The tears won't stop coming as I pull my knees into my chest and burry my head. I hate Stan…not just because of the physical abuse I had to deal with but for the emotional abuse I'm still dealing with. He's instilled this fear in me and despite the fact that he's nowhere near me I can't get the fear to go away. It pisses me off because all logic and reason go flying out the window immediately now. I mean…how would Stan have gotten into Luke's house…that's number one…number two…Luke sounds nothing like Stan…nothing at all…there's no way I should've confused them.

I'm tired of feeling bad…of feeling worthless. I wanna scream that it's not fair but I can't because I know I did this to myself or at least I let it happen….for four years I let it happen. I was torn out of my thoughts as thunder roared and lightning lit up the sky. I hadn't even realized that it had gotten dark out…not because it's late, but because it's about to storm.

"Perfect" I mumbled as the rain started. I don't know where I'm supposed to go…Brooke's working, Haley's gone, Nate will make me talk to him and Lucas is the person I'm trying to avoid. So I'm just sitting here…getting soaked because I don't know what else to do. With the wind picking up a little bit of speed I know I can't sit on the beach much longer.

I jumped when I felt someone grab my arm. "It's not safe out here" I rain was falling so hard that I could barley make out the guys face but from the voice I knew it wasn't either Scott brother. My first reaction was to scream and that's just what I did. "Miss"

The fact that he just called me 'Miss' should've told me that he wasn't trying to hurt me, but I didn't know what else to think…I'm having a hard time trusting the people I've known for years…there was no way I was gunna trust a complete stranger. I pulled my arm away…a little too hard and as a result I could feel my arm pop out of the socket. It's done that quite a few times since I dislocated it a little over a year ago. That didn't stop me though…I took off, running as fast as my legs would carry me across the wet sand. I don't know what I'm running from because the further away from the beach I get the worse I feel. The one thing I never seem to learn is that I can't run from myself…not matter how hard I try…it's just not possible. I kept running though…right now all I want is too fell like I did this morning…I just wanna feel safe again.

I knocked hard of the front door…over and over until it opened. "Peyton…" I didn't wait for him to say anything…I just threw one arm around him and held him as tightly as I could.

"I'm so sorry…I never should've left" I whispered

"It's okay…"

"Luke I just got so scared…I shouldn't have but I did and I couldn't make it go away…I still can't."

"I used to do that to you all the time and it never bothered you…" he hadn't let me go and I was thankful.

"I though you we're him" it was barley audible but I know he heard me.

"Who…Stan" I didn't say anything and that's when he stepped and made me looked at him. His eyes were caught between my face and my wrist…not saying anything was telling him everything. "Peyton…" I still had nothing to say. "Peyt…please say something…anything has to be better then what I'm thinking right now"

"Lucas…" I tried to form words….to form a lie…anything…but there was nothing.

"Peyton…." The way he said my name…his voice was filled with disappointment and it made me cry harder.

"I'm sorry" I whispered as I looked down at the floor. He cupped my face in his hands and made me look at him.

"Listen to me…don't you ever apologize for what that smug son of bitch did to you. It was not your fault and don't ever think that it was." He hugged me too tightly and I flinched…not from fear, but from pain. He looked down at me and then noticed that my arm was hanging limply at my side. "How did you pop your arm out the socket" he questioned as he guided me into the living room.

"Some guy grabbed my arm to get my attention because I was sitting in the rain. I freaked and pulled away"

"Okay…but that shouldn't pop your arm out unless you've dislocated your shoulder...a lot." He paused as realization hit him he looked at me sympathetically. "So that means it can just be popped back in" I nodded…it had been pulled out so many times it barley hurt to set it back and I didn't move when he pushed my arm back into its proper place.

"Thanks" I wiped the tears from under my eyes and focused back on the ground as we sat on the couch.

"Look…it happened…it shouldn't have, but it did. If you want to we can but I won't make you talk about it because it over, you're here and you're safe and that's all that matter to me. I don't need details…at the moment they don't matter…I'm only concerned about you and making you feel okay…not scared….alright" I nodded in response…I didn't want to talk about…it just bought up bad memories that I wanted to forget more then anything.

"Not now…" I looked up at him willingly for the first time.

"How are you…I mean…I know it can't be good but just…how are you holding up" he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I've been better…I'm kinda fighting fear and temptation and its…its just hard" I admitted without thinking about it.

"What do mean you temptation." There was no way to get out of this one…he knew what I was talking about…he just wanted to make sure.

"It never really went away during our senior year…it was always there…haunting me. When things started going really wrong it was the first thing that came to mind. It was easier in college because there were so many things I could do to take my mind off whatever was bothering me. Then things took a turn for the worse with Stan and I fell back into that place I never wanted to be in again. I knew kids that were selling and I went to them. Over four years I've let my self slip 16 times because it didn't hurt so when I wasn't thinking about it. Today I just wanted everything to go away…I mean he's in a different state and I'm terrified of him…I didn't wanna feel that scared but I don't wanna be that person anymore…the one that needs cocaine to feel better."

"So don't be…if you wanna feel better turn to someone instead of something."

"I know…its just hard…really really hard." I shook my head as I sat up.

"So what made you come home this time as opposed to any other time?"

"Brooke…she packed my suitcase and paid some guys to carry my out of my apartment and to her car. She made the decision for me to come home and I'll never be able to thank her enough for that"

"She knows Peyton…any of us would gone to the same lengths to get you out of there"

"I know that…I just don't get why I couldn't do it myself" the tears started again and they fell quickly down my cheeks.

"Because fear changed the way people think and interferes with their judgment. You were scared and with good reason. Peyt I don't know what went on in that apartment but I know something had to have happened to make you stay there. Whatever it was doesn't make you a weak person." He smiled down at me as he cupped my face with one of his hands. I leaned in a kissed him…I don't know what made me do it exactly…but I did. I guess it has something to do with his ability to always make that horrible feeling go away. I pulled away quickly when I finally realized what I had just don't.

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have done …" he cut me off as he lips collided with mine, his hand finding my back and pulling me onto his lap.

**Lucas's POV**

It was wrong to kiss her back…she was over emotional….but I couldn't stop myself. Every night that I've held her in my arms I have to fight the urge to kiss her…I have to stop myself from telling her that I love her. I loved her since our junior year of high school…and even after she left she held a piece of my heart…a piece that to this day belongs only to her. When she showed up three months ago I couldn't deny how much I cared about her. With one night I fell in love with her all over again and I knew it wasn't just my mind playing tricks on me when we drove to my house the next morning. My heart broke when I saw the ring on her finger and it shattered when she actually said she was engaged. It took so much to just be friends and then I thought I had ruined it all the other night in the guest room. It felt so good to hold her in my arms that night and it hurt like hell when she ran away from me.

Somehow we wound up in a new position, her laying on the couch and me laying over her. God it feels good to be this close to her again…it feels wrong but too good to stop. I'm letting my heart rule over my mind and I can't stop it. We shouldn't be doing this and we both know it…yet neither of us is pulling away.

My lips trailed down her neck and I felt her push her body of the couch and into mine. Her legs wrapped around my waist and I instinctively stood up and let my arms help hold her up. I'm not sure how, but we made it upstairs and into my room. We immediately collapsed onto the bed. My hands sat on her hips and slowly slid up, pushing her shirt up her torso. She used her arm to push my hands back down.

"Lucas…don't" she whispered when my hands slid back up. Something in her voice and her movements tells me that she doesn't want this to stop completely, she just doesn't want me to do that one thing. I'm pretty sure I know why. I shift my body and plant a gentle kiss right above the edge of her jeans. My lips move up slowly and she once again tried to stop me, this time with both hands. "Luke…"

"It's okay…" I cover her hands with mine and gently move them to her side. She doesn't stop me but I can feel her getting tense. I slide her shirt up slowly and find out that unfortunately I was right. There are dark bruises on her upper stomach, some small and some big. I run my hand over the bruises lightly before leaning back down to trail kisses along her stomach. Her body lifts slightly as I pull the shirt over her head and toss it to the floor. I find her lips again and I stayed there until she relaxed again.

I hate the fact that she so insecure now…I hate what that bastard did to her. She didn't deserve this…any of it…ever. "I love you" I didn't mean to actually say it but I did and now things are probably going to become awkward…not that sex wasn't going to do that to our relationship anyway.

**Peyton's POV **

"I'm in love with you" the words just came out…it shocking but I don't care right now because it's true. I've never felt more comfortable then I do right now and while I'm telling him all this different things it can't hurt to throw that in there. He stops and smiles at me…a smile that reaches deep into his eyes. I don't know what's going to happen after this…I'm scared to think about it because I know that I'm not ready for what he is. All I know is what's happening right now and all I can do is trust that he'll be patient with me…I just wish it wasn't so hard to trust people …especially to trust him.


	18. When It Comes Down to It You Lied

"Hey" I whispered as I closed the door to the club behind me. Nathan turned around and smiled at me as I walked over.

"Hey you" I sat down at the bar and watched as he shuffled through one of the boxes.

"I kinda need to talk to you" it was coming up on 7 PM and I was shopping he would say he didn't have time.

"Alright…what's up" when I didn't say anything he stopped what he was doing and sat next to me. "Peyton…" he took my hand in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"It's about what I told you before…about coming home and all that" I couldn't look at him…no matter how hard I tried my eyes stayed on the bar top. I didn't really wanna tell him but out of everyone…Nate deserves to know most. He was there for me through thick and thin so it's not fair for me to shut him out like this.

"Okay…"

"I didn't leave because Stan accidentally broke my wrist." I stopped talking…I'm not sure how to put the rest into words…I still haven't actually said the words to anyone. Brooke just knew and Luke figured it out form what I didn't say.

"But that's what you told me happened" he let go of my hand and stared down at me…waiting.

"Nate…I…"

"What Peyton…what are you trying to tell me huh…that I asked you not to lie me and you looked me dead in my eyes and did it anyway. Is that what we needed to talk about" his words were laced with anger…all the way through from the moment they lest his mouth.

"I'm sorry" we both stood up and I stepped away from him and towards the door.

"For what…sorry for lying to me or sorry that your conscious is making you admit it." I can't take him screaming at me…not now…I'm too stressed out to stand here and listen to him.

"Sorry" I don't know if he heard me but I didn't wait to find out…I was out the door in seconds and heading down the streets of Tree Hill with a tear stained face. I wound up at Brookes…I was really hoping she went home…I needed to talk to her…I needed her to tell me everything was going to be okay and that my life wasn't falling apart at the seems.

The front door was open and I let myself in. I found her upstairs in her room flipping through a magazine. I knocked lightly on her door to grab her attention and she smiled lightly until she saw the tears. "Hey…"

"Peyton…what happened" she sat up on her bed and I sat next to her. She pulled me into her and my head fell on her shoulder.

"Everything's so messed up and part of me just wants things to go back to the way they were…at least I knew what was happening around me."

"Yeah and you we're getting the shit beat out of you as well so going back is not an option, it never was. What would make you even considered doing that" Her voice had changed from anger to concern.

"Nathan's pissed off at me…Lucas is fed up with me and he probably hates me too. He's disappointed in me, you're disappointed in me and I'm falling apart. I can't do this Brooke…"

"Can we backtrack for a second. Nate has no reason to be pissed at you and Luke does not hate you. Where are you getting this from"

"I just came back from the club and Nate's mad cuz I lied to him. He started yelling so I left. I went to the club from Luke's and everything was fine until I freaked out on him."

"Okay…care to elaborate on the Luke situation since that happened first."

"I stayed over there last night because by the time I woke up it was really late. Well he had to take Sam to camp this morning so I came back here to change and when I got back to his house he grabbed me from behind and I freaked on him and ran out the house."

"Peyton…he'll get over that" Brooke grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly.

"He did get over it…I went back there and told I'm I was scared because I thought it was Stan and he read between the lines and figured out what I've been hiding."

"So you think he hates you because of that…Peyton" there was disbelief and sympathy present in her voice.

"No he wasn't mad over that…at least not at me."

"Okay…now I'm lost…I don't get how he could possibly get pissed off after that"

"Maybe because I left him in the bed" She pulled back and stared at me, brows raised fully.

"How do you mean…like you we're sleeping and you got up and left without waking him…or do you mean you left him a little…" she waved her hands while looking for the words…."elevated." Only Brooke.

"Which one would make him frustrated."

"Whoa…okay…lets go back a little bit…lets start with…maybe…how the hell you two wound up like that in the first place."

"I kissed him and he kissed back. We wound up in his bed and somewhere along the way he told me he loved me and I said it back" I saw the shock on her face as she gaped at me.

"You two said what" She shook her head slightly. "Did you mean it" she watched me nod and a slight smile appeared over her face. "Aww Peyt…"

"Yeah…but then I freaked out again and I just…Brooke I had to get out of there."

"P Sawyer…I don't get it…how could you tell him you love him and then just…leave"

"Because…Brooke I can't go there with him…I'm not ready for any of that…a relationship or a one night thing."

"Okay…whatever…and why is Nate mad…what did you lie about" Brooke raised a brow again and waited for me to answer.

"About why I came home…I told him that Stan accidentally broke my wrist and that I just needed a break"

"You still didn't tell him did you" I shook my head.

"I went there planning too…I mean it's Nathan…if it weren't for him I cant say I'd still be alive right now so he deserves to know whatever's going on in my life" Brooke looked like she was about to chew my head off but stopped when the doorbell rang.

"I'll be right back…don't move…we have a lot to talk about." Brooke pointed her finger as me before going downstairs. She returned a few minutes later and sat back in her previous spot on the bed.

"Who was it" I questioned, hoping to avoid the subject of me for just a little longer.

"Alex…but I told him to call me back in an hour or two because I was busy…see I answered your question and kept us on topic." She smirked over at me…she knows me too well.

"Brooke you didn't have to do that"

"Yes I did…so let's go back to Nathan and lying to defend that ex fiancé of yours who never should have been more then a disgusting bed stain." She smile sweetly before scowling.

"Brooke…what do want from me" my voice was crueler then intended. "I didn't come back here on my own…you dragged me back to Tree Hill…I wasn't ready for any of this. I wasn't ready to let the words know what was going on with me. I didn't ask for people to know what my life had turned in to so I wasn't planning on telling everyone."

"But Nathan is not everyone…Peyton he's Nathan"

"I know that…and I know what he's done for me."

"Then why can't you just tell him…you told Lucas…you told me…so why not him."

"I did not tell you…you found out on your own…I didn't tell Lucas either…he figured it out because I didn't deny it. You don't know what it's like to watch the people you love look at you like they're ashamed of you. You might not say it out loud but your eyes say it every time you look at me. Brooke you have no clue how much it hurts to have everyone that matters disappointed in you…I don't want Nathan to look at me like that…god…I think I'd rather have him pissed off over me lying then pissed and disappointed from the truth."

"I'm not disappointed in you…I told you that…I just"

"You don't understand it…I know that…but Brooke I did something that you didn't ever want me to do…that equals disappointed. It's just like high school when everyone found out about the coke…I'm getting the same feeling now that I was then and it's tearing me apart. Brooke I didn't wanna come home because I knew I couldn't deal with this…I wasn't ready to face this and now I don't have a choice. Everything's coming out because I can't avoid it…my emotions won't let me. I'm still trying to keep things from everybody and I'm getting pissed off at myself because I never stopped him from doing this to me." I lifted my broken wrist slightly as the tears streamed down my cheeks.

"Peyton…how many times has he broken your wrist…or any other bone in you body for that matter" Her voice was quiet and hesitant…like she didn't really want to know…she probably doesn't.

"I don't know…" I wasn't lying to her…I honestly I have no clue how many times I've worn a cast or brace of some sort.

"What do you mean you don't know" Her face was one of pure shock/

"He's broken my wrist 4 times, I've dislocated my shoulder 17 times but that doesn't really hurt anymore, I've broken my leg twice, twisted my ankle an unknown amount of times, my arms been broken twice, and I don't know how many times I've had broken ribs because most of the time I don't know if they're cracked or bruised. So like I said…I don't know" My voice was bitter and I was fighting back tears. I didn't wanna talk about this…I didn't ask to…I wouldn't have been lying to people if I was ready to talk.

Brooke's eyes were glistening with her own tears but my anger towards her didn't fade much. I love her to death and I'm grateful that she got me the hell out of that apartment but she honestly thinks that talking about this is going to make it all better…that it's going to stop this damn pain and confusion. It's fear of this miserable feeling that stopped me from coming home in the first place.

I looked down at the ground and out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of the door. Nathan walked slowly around the corner and locked eyes with me…all the anger he previously had was gone from him and now in me. I glared over at Brooke…how could she.

"He deserved to know Peyton…you ever said it yourself. Nate should know what's going on and you weren't gunna tell him. I just don't get why you didn't tell him in the first place." I watched as Nate walked over to me. He kneeled down in front of me and grabbed both of my hands.

"Peyt…did you really think I would be mad at you" I can hear the disbelief in his voice…that thought probably hurts him as much as it hurts me. "I'm not…I'm just…"

"Disappointed" I muttered, filling in the word he was trying to avoid. Tears streamed quickly along my face as Nathan tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. "I didn't want you guys to mad or disappointed with me and now you all are"

"I am not disappointed in you…I just…I don't understand…the old P Sawyer that I grew up with never would have let this happen…so I'm trying to wrap my head around this and I just cant…no matter how hard I try I don't understand. What happened…something had to have happened to change you…to make you stay" Brooke watched me…waiting for me to give her some kind of sign to say that she was right…I did nothing but sit there and let Nate wipe away the tears. She was drilling holed into me and she wasn't planning to look away anytime soon.

"Brooke.." my voice cracked as my eyes pleaded with her to just drop it. Maybe she was right but that was a whole other subject I didn't wanna face.

"Brooke can I talk to her" We both looked at Nathan and Brooke finally nodded her head and left the room. Nate sat in her spot and pulled me into his arms…all I could do was keep crying. "Peyt…please talk to me…you used to be able to talk to me about anything…so talk to me now…what happened."

"Nate…I…" I don't know what to say…I don't wanna lie to him…but I don't wanna talk to him.

"No…I'm not just gunna tell you its okay and let you talk later…I want you to talk to me now…don't be afraid to open up to me…I don't get it and I need you to make me understand what happened. It doesn't sound like the Peyton any of us knew…what happened to you."

"I was stupid" I looked down into his lap as my head rested on his chest…I couldn't look him in the eye…I wouldn't.

"You are not stupid…you just made a mistake is all…now explain it to me" he was calm…between his voice and his even heartbeat I can tell he's not mad.

"Nathan please…I don't wanna talk about it" I was begging him…I would do anything if he would stop the conversation now.

"I don't care…your not going anywhere until you talk to someone…this is eating you up inside…I can see it in your eyes that you are being torn apart…why"

"Because…"

"Because what"

"Because I was stupid and weak." He was going to make me talk. He squeezed my hands tightly and his arms were wrapped snugly around my body.

"Peyton…"

"I was in my last year of college…I was having a good time and being a college student because it was the end of the semester. I went to a party with my roommate. Her name was Cassie and we had found a way to be roommates for the entire four years we where together. I wasn't feeling well and I got a really bad headache during the party and I asked her to take me home and she agreed. We were driving back and we went through an intersection and some drunk guy ran the stop sign and slammed into the driver's side. Cassie died instantly I wound up with a few bruised ribs and a twisted ankle. I felt so guilty…I was the one that asked her to bring me home…the dorm wasn't that far…I could have walked it but I didn't want to and she died because of it."

"Peyt …she died because some idiot decide to get wasted and then get behind the wheel… that wasn't your fault"

"I felt like it was…I spent almost half year blaming myself for her death and then I met Stan. He was great at first and he got me to stop feeling so bad. In the process of getting rid of the guilt I started doing the one thing I told myself I wouldn't do again…I started depending on him like I did with Jake at the end of Junior year. Jake had come to the rescue and I felt alone and he was there so I leaned on him and let him control me and how I felt. I really thought I loved him…and I did the same thing with Stan. It was a couple of months after we started dating that I told him I loved him because once again I thought I did. After that the arguments started and then one day he hit me and all the sweet talking he used to stop me from feeling guilty about Cass was used to make me believe that it was my fault that he hit me. I actually believed him when he told me I asked for it and I believed him for almost a year no matter what he did to me." I shouldn't have said that…I knew it as soon as Nate's heat rate increased.

"What do you mean by that…what…"

"Nathan don't okay…just…don't" I pulled away from him and looked down to the floor.

"Come here" he pulled me back to him and held me tighter as he dropped a kiss on top of my head.

"When I finally tried to leave, he broke my wrist for the first time and I got scared. After that I didn't stay because I thought I deserved it…I stayed because I was too scared to go anywhere."

"Peyt…none of what happened was your fault and you didn't deserve any of it." his voice was firm yet gentle.

"It doesn't make me feel any better about it though and it sure as hell doesn't make it hurt any less."

"Everything's gunna be fine…I promise you that everything will be fine" he spoke in that same kind of voice as he gently rubbed my arms. It was a quality about him that I had learned to love in high school. After everything that had happened over the summer before senior year I just couldn't seem to find the point to life anymore. From Jake and Brooke leaving…to Elizabeth and some psycho stalker…I felt like I was being shattered into a million different little pieces. I wanted to feel better so I went to Rick and bought cocaine. Nate walked in on me holding a book in my hand, one long line of powder stretched across it. He looked at me and asked if I was trying to kill myself…I'll never forget how pissed off he looked…it showed on his face and was rotted deep in his eyes. It was when I didn't answer and looked away in tears that his expression softened. He stayed with me that entire night and spent almost every day of that summer by my side. He had said those same words to me every time I broke down with him…that everything would be fine, he always promised that as long as he was around, everything would be fine.

My words were literal when I told Brooke that I might not be alive if it weren't for Nate.


	19. Despite What You Know

"Okay…so I have a question for you" I looked up at Nathan who still had his arms around me as we leaned back against the head board of Brooke's bed.

"Ummm…okay" he had that stupid smirk on his face which meant he was about to pry.

"What's up with you and Lucas…I mean you guys looked kinda cozy the other night"

"You know…Haley said the same…same words and all." He laughed as he shook his head.

"Doesn't surprise me…but I really wanna know…you guys act more like friends with benefits then just friends."

"What makes you say that" I questioned as we looked at each other. "We've always been like this" With the exception of the make out sessions we'd been having Lucas and I were the same in high school.

"Yeah I know…and I've always thought you two look a little more then friendly."

"I guess…but I told Brooke earlier…I just can't go there right now…with anyone…especially not Lucas."

"Why…" I sighed deeply as I let my body completely relax against his.

"I do care about him…I was in love with him in high school and I still am"

"So then what's the problem Peyt…"

"That is the problem….Nathan that would be a huge risk for me…I've never loved anyone the way I love your brother and I know he loves me. No one can make me feel the way he does but that also means no one can break my heart like he can." I hadn't realized the tears broke free until Nathan gently wiped the away.

"Luke would never break your heart Peyton…he couldn't dream of it."

"You say that Nate and I wanna believe you…but he already has…between Brooke and Nikki I've had my heart broken, mended, and then broken again."

"That was high school Peyt…and I'm not trying put you down or anything, but with Brooke and Nikki you pushed him away"

"I know I did…I also know that I'll do it again. With everything that's been happening in my life…I'm not ready to open up to someone. Nate…things happened that…it makes it even harder for me to trust people. I feel like shit because I know Lucas would never hurt me…but I just can't get that thought out of my head."

"Can I ask you something else…and for I one I promise not to make you talk about it" I wasn't ready for Lucas…but I wan even more unprepared for this conversation.

"Okay…" my voice was hesitant and he sensed it because he pulled me closer to him.

"What did you mean before when you said you stayed with Stan no matter what he did" once again I could hear his heart rate increase. He knew the answer…it's one of those times when you know what the person is gunna say but for some sick twisted reason you still need to hear it.

"Nathan…" I was fighting back tears again. I didn't wanna talk about this…the thing is he already has it figured out…I never wanted him to know…I didn't want any of them to ever know how bad things really were.

"Never mind…you don't have to…god I'm sorry….Peyton"

"It's fine…look…I need to get out of here…I owe Luke a serious apology" i got off the bed and turned around to face him.

"Alright" he looked at me sympathetically…that was the exact look I was trying to avoid.

"Bye" I mumbled as I turned my back to him and walked out. I was quiet as I went downstairs…I didn't wanna run into Brooke. The only talking I wanna do right is apologizing to Luke…I owe him a lot of apologies for a lot of different things over the years…this just happens to be an apology I need to take care of quickly.


	20. Counterfeit Perfection

I walked slowly into the house…this had been…an undesirable day. I leaned back against the door as it closed. I took a deep breath…I had been doing that a lot today so I could relax. Too many revelations in less then 24 hours. I made my way into the living room…I had every intention of passing out on the couch but it was already occupied. She was the last person I expected to see today…her back turned to me and her hair tucked neatly behind her ear.

I bent down at the edge of the couch. I was about to wake her up but stopped when I caught sight of her back. Her shirt had lifted just high enough for me to see the edge of deep blue bruise. My finger lightly lifted the shirt higher and I was shocked to find that the blemish traveled to a point just below her neck. I could make out older, smaller bruises covered by that one large one. I traced over it with my finger tips and she flinched as I moved along her spinal cord.

"Hey" I whispered as she turned around to face me…a frightened look in her eye until she realized it was me.

"Hi…I'm sorry I just walked in here but it started raining and I had the extra key…"

"It's fine…I don't want this to come out the wrong way…but I didn't expect to find you here"

"Yeah…I just figured I owe you an apology of some kind" she laughed nervously…it was the same laugh she used to give when she was uncomfortable in the conversation.

"Well…I actually thought I owed you an apology…" I admitted as she sat up and I took a seat next to her.

"Luke…what do have to apologize for…" her brow wrinkled as she caught my gaze.

"For pushing you…because I treated the situation like everything was normal and perfect for both of us…more specifically for you….and its not"

"Lucas…" I shook my head…she wanted to tell me it was alright…that it was her fault, but in all honesty it wasn't. She was vulnerable…and I should have stopped myself from letting things get as far as they did.

"Peyt…your not ready for any of that….and…"

"Brooke or Nathan" she questioned cutting me off.

"What…"

**Peyton's POV **

It was my turn to shake my head…but it was merely for amusement in my case. "You're not gunna get them in trouble or anything" I raised a brow at him…suddenly the situation wasn't so uncomfortable.

"I…" he held his hands up in defense. "Haley…which I guess is really strange because she doesn't know what's…going on…but she gave me the same speech that everyone else probably would have." He shrugged and closed his eyes.

"Let's see…She's just getting out of a long term relationship…she needs time…this is hard on her…you shouldn't rush things…give her space…and everything else that sounds exactly that" we both laughed as he nodded in response.

"I think that about covers it" it's weird how we can just make everything okay…after everything that happened today…what I told him…how I left him…after the awkward tension between us just minutes ago…we're sitting here joking and laughing like none of it ever happened. In a way I guess its more amazing then weird.

"So…what if I told you she was right" I was still smiling as I spoke…even though the conversation was very serious.

"I'd say…I understand…and that it's okay" I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "The only thing is…we need to work on the whole just friends thing…cause right now I think we're more along the lines of friends with benefits…or semi benefits." He laughed as he shook his head and I joined in.

"I'd say I agree with you…but can we keep the whole closeness aspect." I questioned as my laughter subsided. We had blurred the lines of friendship and I kind of liked it that way.

"You mean with the nightly company" he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and I fell into him. "I wouldn't have it any other way…I mean why would I pass up the chance to get you in my bed" I tried to pull away but he only lifted me into his arms.

"Lucas…what are you doing" I shrieked as he spun around. I clung to his neck and buried my face in his chest as he spun faster. He stopped suddenly and started towards the stairs.

"We are going to bed…because it's late…and I'm tired" he ascended the stairs and walked into his room.

"Maybe I'm not tired"

"Maybe I don't care" he dropped me on the bed before pulling off his shirt. He rummaged through his drawers and soon threw me a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. "You can change while I go lock the front door." With that he was gone. I couldn't help but laugh at him as I changed. I folded my clothes and set them on in the chair just as he was reentering the room.

"So Mr. Scott…do I get to pick which side of the bed I'm sleeping on" I looked up at him as I slid under the covers.

"Sure" he shrugged as he walked around to the other side and climbed in. He turned the lamp on before laying down. "Night Peyt"

"Night" I whispered as I turned my back to him. The smile was slowly fading from my lips. We had done nothing but avoid the issue…not that I know what that issue is. It doesn't matter though…we had laughed everything off and pretended things we're okay. If we didn't really talk about things we we're gunna keep winding up in the same situation. In all honesty I know that the closeness we're both allowing is what makes us more then friends…I'm too scared to stop it though. If I stop it then I run the risk of losing him…I need him too much to let him go.

I jumped slightly as the bed sunk behind me and he slid his arm around my waist. "It was too quiets…couldn't even hear you breathing." He rested his head on my shoulder and his breath sent an odd yet comforting feeling throughout my body.

"Well now you can feel me breathing…see I'm still alive" I inhale deeply as I pushed deeper into him.

"Good to know" his voice was fading with each word. His breathing soon evened out the way it does only when you're sleeping. That's when I let the tears fall/they we're silent and slow…I was calm but still crying. Things couldn't stay the way they were…they wouldn't…it wasn't possible. Lucas and I can't just be friends…we don't know how. Even what we're doing right now…it's not what people who are just friends do. I cried myself to sleep…and stayed asleep in his arms. I would give anything for things to stay the way they are right here…right now. Things feel perfect…too bad perfect doesn't exists…there's only reality.


	21. Some Things Never Change

I stirred slightly as I started waking up. I let a small smile play on my lips when I felt Luke pull my body deeper into his. "It's too early to get up" My smile grew as he buried his head in my neck as soon as the words left his mouth.

"Lucas…you do realize its 9 o'clock right" we we're both used to being up earlier then this…I can't deny that it feels good to sleep in though.

"Yes it feels very good to sleep in" his voice tore me away from my thoughts and I spun around to look at him. I cocked an eyebrow and waited for him to look at me. He chose to keep his eyes closed. "You were thinking it…I know you were…because I thought it when I first woke up this morning. Now go back to sleep…but turn first…I was kinda comfortable." I couldn't help but laugh at how serious his face looked when he said that. "I'm not joking" I stopped laughing and opened my mouth to say something…but I was at a loss for words.

"Lucas…don't do that" I shook my head…I was referring to his disturbing way of knowing what I'm thinking.

"Why?" he questioned while trying to turn my body back around. I didn't fight him and my back was soon pushed against his chest again.

"Because it's creepy" I informed him with a yawn as I closed my eyes…maybe sleeping in was a good idea.

"Mmm…" I don't know if he actually said something or not, but if he did it was muffled by my neck, where his head was conveniently place as soon as I was facing the right way.

"You slut…not even a week and your in bed with him" I would have responded but Lucas pulled the covers over our heads. "Excuse you"

"Go away Brooke…" Lucas removed his head from my neck just enough to get the words out clearly.

"Let me think…no" it was a matter of seconds later when cooler air hit our bodies and Brooke was smiling deviously with the comforter and sheets in her hands.

"Don't you have a job you're supposed to be at" Lucas glared at her as he moved away from me and leaned back on his elbows.

"I'm off today…I came to take my best friend out for a girls day kinda of thing…and I find this…which is what exactly?" she raised a brow as she smirked and waited for an answer.

"Well we were sleeping…notice the use of past tense" I watched Brook roll her eyes and scuff.

"Yeah…well you can go back to sleep…but I'm stealing blondie…or simi blondie…whatever…you get up and get dressed." She pointed at me and then waved her hand in the direction of the bathroom.

"But what…" I started but she cut me off.

"You have clothes in there already" I looked back and forth between her and Lucas.

"You two really need to stop doing that" I held my hands up as I shook my head. I saw Brooke sit on the edge of the bed with a sly smile before I headed off to the bathroom.

"So…Broody…let's talk" he groaned and I assume he forgot where he was positioned and attempted to fall back. I head him mumble something…after his head collided with the headboard. I could hear Brooke's laughter until I closed the bathroom door. I knew I had to wash up quickly…simply to save Luke from Brooke's intended game of 20 questions. It was fifteen minutes later that I walked out the bathroom to find Luke with a pillow over his head.

"Come on Davis…" I saw her pout as she got off the bed.

"Bye Brooke" Lucas smiled as he reached down to the floor and pulled the covers back over his body. I laughed as we left the room and made our way downstairs.

"Okay… I'm so not even gunna bother waiting…what did I walk in on. I mean the conversation we had last night made it seem like you were planning to avoid him like the plague."

"Well…I was, but we talked and he's okay with the just friends thing" we pulled out of the driveway and headed towards the mall…some things never change.

"There's a catch…I can her it in your voice and its written all over your face…what's wrong?" I really hate the way she can read me sometimes.

"No catch…everything's cool" I smiled at her but she only rolled her eyes before pulling out of the driveway.

"Peyton…" I sighed deeply, the tone in her voice lets me know she's not buying it.

"Okay, so maybe we just laughed everything off and acted like it was nothing. For right now I'm fine with that…its just…what's gunna happen later. I mean, this isn't nothing…its something…it's a pretty damn big something and eventually we're gunna wind up in the same awkward position." My eyes wandered outside the window. I was fighting back tears…I hate crying, but that's all I've been doing since I got here.

"But maybe things won't wind up that way…you said that he understands right?"

"Yeah he said he does…and I'm not doubting that…but Lucas and I aren't very good with the whole just friends thing…we never have been."

"You we're in our last year of high school. You guys never did anything…your we're just good friends…why can't you do that again."

"Because back then we we're convinced that we weren't into each other…or at least we both believed that other wasn't interested. Now…we screwed that up already…I'm in love with him and he knows…I told him. And I finally let myself believe him when he said he loved me…but I just can't go there with him…and if I do and something happens…if I push him away." I stopped to wipe the tears from under my eyes. I didn't wanna talk about this…I enjoy living in my fantasy world where I don't have to worry about this damn drama.

"Peyt…I'm sorry" Brooke reached for my hand and gave it an assuring squeeze. She smiled at me but I couldn't return the gesture.

"I just don't wanna lose him Brooke. I need him in my life…I need him as my friend and if that's all I can have him as…I'm fine with that…just as long as I have him. But… I'm gunna lose him" I've been avoiding that thought since last night. I don't wanna admit it but I know it's true…it's inevitable. We're too close and it's just a matter of time before we completely cross that line again. If we're just friends I'm not scared of him…I'm not scared of getting hurt…of being hurt broken. The minute we become more…that all changes.

As soon as Brooke pulled into a parking space she turned towards me. "Peyton you are not going to lose him. It's Lucas…he's not just gunna abandon you because you won't sleep with him. He loves you…and he will wait for you. Peyt he may not completely understand what you're feeling because he didn't go through what you did…but if you say you're not ready he'll respect that…you know he will."

"I know that Brooke…but I wanna be with him…he's not the only one pushing…I 'm doing it too. I lead him on and then I can't handle it but I always go back because I wanna be with him…I'm in love with him…at least I feel like I am…but I've been in love before and it's never felt like this…for the first time…I don't like what I'm feeling."

"You're just scared…and nothings wrong with that"

"No…it's…god Brooke it's more than that…when I'm not with him I wanna be…I wanna be up in his room laying in his bed with his arms wrapped around me…but the moment I'm there I just wanna run away. I go to him and I kiss him and I tell him everything is okay…that I'm okay…but then out of nowhere I run and leave."

"So maybe you need some time away from him" I looked at her through teary eyes and bit my bottom lip.

"Yeah…" my voice was a whisper. She was right…my heart hates to admit it but my mind knows it's true. "Hey…we came here to shop not to sit in the car all day and watch me cry" I forced a laugh and she smiled sympathetically. I was avoiding the subject and she knew it…but like always…she let me.

"Come on…semi blondie person…whatever you now are" I laughed as she rolled her eyes and shook her head at me. I followed her out the car and she linked arms with me as soon as we were side by side. "Okay I am giving you a makeover…and you have to wear whatever I tell you too" I laughter subsided as hers grew…this would be a long day…at least for me.


	22. What Sets Him Apart

It was nearing midnight when I made my way into the house, its always helpful to know where people hide their spare key. The night air had grown cold and I couldn't help but shiver even after the door had closed. I looked around the living room, it was dimly lit by a light shining in from the back hall. Slowly, I made my way back there and then up the stairs, hesitant in a way. I gave a small smile as I reached the doorway and watched him sleep, his body content on one side of the bed, the other end empty.

"So you break into my house…and now you're just gunna stand there and watch me" at least I thought he was sleeping.

"Maybe I get a kick out of things like that" I joked. I gave a small laugh, more like a forced one that faded as quick as it came. He waved me over with one hand and I reluctantly obeyed. I sat on the edge of the bed and I let my body fall into place next to his, my head resting on his chest.

"The last time you did this…you came to tell me you were leaving Tree Hill" I sighed and he dropped a kiss on top of my head. "Where ya headed?"

"My aunt has a place just outside of Tree Hill…it's only like an hour or so away from here. I just can't be here right now Nate…"

"I know…and that's what hurts. Knowing that you're not comfortable here anymore…Tree Hill isn't a place for you to run to, it's just another place you're running from, with people you've been running from for years."

"Nathan…I'm not…"

"Yeah you are…and that's fine Peyton…things have change…you've changed… you need time to figure out who you are…to find yourself again. I understand that you have to do that on your own time…by yourself." That's why I had come here to tell him…he understands what I'm feeling…I knew he would. "I'm glad you did and all, but why did you come to me…why not Brooke…why not Luke.?"

"Because…Brooke would do anything to make me stay and Lucas would try everything in his power to make me feel better….to convince me that he would make it better and I would believe him…but you…Nate you just get it…you get me in a way that they can't…or maybe in a way that don't want to"

"Peyton…if I asked you to stay…what would you do…not if I gave you all these reasons…if I just asked." Something in his voice sounded as fragile as I felt…like my answer would serve as the ground for our entire friendship…in a way, this is one of those questions…an extremely simple question with an answer that could have a make or break outcome.

"If you asked me to stay..." I turned on my side and we locked eyes. "Nate I wouldn't give any of this a second thought…I'd go home…and I'd see you tomorrow at the club and I'd see you everyday after that" his opinion was too important to me…if he wanted me to stay I would…because I know he'll only ask if he thinks it's best and I trust him.

"Peyt…I don't want you to go…but I won't ask you to stay" a watched a sad smile creep onto his face. "Are you all packed?"

"Yeah…actually my stuff is downstairs…Brooke thinks I'm staying with Luke and vice versa…now they won't worry about where I am going in the middle of the night"

"Leave in the morning…you can stay here for the night…I'm gunna miss you…a lot…so I'm making you stay with me for a few more hours." He leaned his forehead against mine…a genuine smile taking over his features…it made me smile too.

"I'll miss you too…I will call this time…I promise you I will" This time I have every intention of keeping that promise…after all, I have no reason not to.

"Get some sleep…you have a long day ahead of you" he kissed my forehead gently and I smiled as his lips left my skin. This was what I was so afraid to lose…this untainted closeness…this thing that I only have with Nathan. The comforting feeling he gives me that sets him apart from everyone else…even Lucas.

I must have falling asleep with that thought because when I opened my eyes Nate was gone. I sat up in his bed and stretched before glancing at the clock. 4:45. Where the hell is he at this time of the morning. I stumbled out of bed and felt around the pitch black room. It was a few stubbed toes later that I found the stairs and made my way down them. I stopped on the bottom step and my brows furrowed when I noticed my suitcases missing…I know I put them by the door last night.

"There outside…in the trunk of the cab…you're fare is paid and he'll give you whatever change is left over… so all you have to do it sit back and enjoy the ride" I turned to find Nathan leaning against the doorway of the living room. I slowly walked over to him, a genuine smile playing on my lips.

"You know I love you right" he pulled me into his arms with a gentle laugh. "I'm gunna miss you so much Nate"

"How could you not" I pulled back to find his famous smirk plastered on his face. I rolled my eyes and laughed at him as he ruffled my hair. "I'll miss you too…call me…I wanna know that you're alright Pey" I nodded as he cupped my face in his hands and dropped a kiss on my forehead. My eyes closed tightly as I took a step back… towards the door and away from Nate. "Bye Peyton"

I waved at him…I couldn't bring myself to say bye back in high school and I still can't…it's too hard. I gave one more smile before turning around and walking out the door. I'm determined to get my life back on track…by myself. It wasn't long before we were on the highway towards my new "home". I took a deep breath and looked out the window…that's where my eyes remained for the rest of the ride.


	23. Paranoia

"Thanks" I whispered to the cab driver as I closed the door. I watched him drive off before turning around to face the house. It was exactly the way I remembered it…same colors and all. I lifted my two bags into my hands and trudged towards the front door. I lifted the second flower pot and retrieved the spare key, a smile forming on my lips…I don't know what I would've done if I had forgotten where the key was.

I opened the front door to find the house extremely clean…I must have just missed the maid. My aunt lives in sunny SoCal…she only flies out here in the fall…the rest of the year she hires a maid to keep the place neat. I always found it slightly disturbing to have a woman address me as 'Miss Sawyer' when I was eight.

I dropped my bags at the foot of the stairs and wandered through the house. The mantle above the living room fireplace was still filled with pictures. I glanced them over and stopped on a family portrait…my family portrait. I was seven in the picture… sitting very happily on my dad's shoulders…his arm wrapped around her shoulder. I miss them both so much…it never really stopped hurting. I had gotten a call from my dad's company one afternoon saying his ship had capsized in the middle of a bad storm. I refused to believe he was gone until they recovered his body a month later. His death was one of the reasons I left Tree Hill. That and the fact that the crazy woman claiming to be my long lost mother used his absence as a reason to show up at my door every day… sometimes twice a day.

I disappeared the night of graduation…I went to Brooke's party and spent the entire night with her, Nate, Hales and Luke. I left the party and found Nate waiting by my car. He gave me an envelope and hugged me goodbye. I left Brooke's party and drove straight to New York. It was on one of my gas stops that I opened the envelope to find $500 and a note from Nate. I've never forgotten a single word from it…

_Hey you…you know I'm gunna miss you like crazy right. Well I just wanted to wish you good luck in life. This year you've proven that you're strong enough to get through anything that's thrown your way. I'm proud of you Pey, extremely proud…it brings a tear to my eye thinking how much my lil sis has grown up. I'm serious though, and I know you mom and dad would be just as proud…probably more. Don't ever forget that they're up there watching you and that they always will be. They'll never leave you unless you let them because you can carry them with you in your heart. Wherever it is that your headed don't forget about your favorite big brother. I'm here if you ever need me…I'm just a phone call away. You can always come home Pey…don't ever forget that. On the topic of the money…think of it as a graduation present…get you off to a good start. Take care of yourself Pey. I love you and once again I'll miss you. Love Nathan…the best big bro in the world!_

I don't know why I never called him. I mean I get why I didn't after I got involved with Stan…but before that…I didn't have a reason. I guess I was just really determined to leave everything in Tree Hill behind me…even him. I won't do that this time…I won't isolate myself from everyone. I found the cordless phone sitting in the office. I sat down in the large leather chair and dialed a familiar number.

"Hello"

"Hey" I responded with a smile on my face.

"You're lucky I answered the phone…I usually don't take private calls." I could hear the laughter in his voice and it made my smile grow.

"I didn't know this number was private…but it doesn't matter… because you knew it was me… didn't I always tell you that we had a special psychic connection thing"

"Okay…its official…you are too perky in the morning…it's not even six." He was trying to sound aggravated but I could tell he was smiling.

"You know you love…but anyway…I just called to tell you I got in okay…and to say thanks."

"Your welcome…it's a college graduation present" I roll my eyes at him despite that fact that he can't see me. When I had got out the cab the driver reminded me that I was supposed to take the change…the change came out to be just over $500. "Seriously though…are you gunna be okay with that" I could hear the concern in his voice and it made me laugh…it also gave me a warm comforting feeling.

"Nate…I have money…I don't plan on staying away long enough to run out." I heard him join in on my laughter.

"Yeah that may be true, but as big brother it is my job to take care of you. It can't hurt to have a little something extra. Hey…you can go buy yourself a new cell phone and then you call me…and that way since this number is private…when you don't call me…I can call you. And I can also call you every morning at 6AM to wake you up."

"Haha" I shook my head as he continued laughing. "But that doesn't sound like a bad idea…I do need a new phone"

"See there ya go…aren't I smart"

"Of course Nathan…you are very very smart and very very special young man." My words were slow and well pronounced.

"Hey…" I laughed and I could just imagine the scornful look on his face.

"Listen I'm gunna go and let you get back to your beauty sleep…god knows you need it"

"No more than you babe…no more than you"

"Ha"

"Hmm" I wanted to stick my tongue out at him but he wouldn't see it. "Ohhh…I win…facial expressions don't count over the phone"

"Loser…are you gunna do a little victory dance now."

"You now you love my victory dance…its hot…like me"

"God…what are you five" I scuffed at him… I let myself smile though…simply because he couldn't see me.

"Your just made that you lost and I won…Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer is a poor loser and the most vital part of that sentence…you're a loser. Ha!" I can never win with him…its like he sits at home and practices.

"Nathan go to sleep" its times like these when people would really think we are siblings.

"Glady…not that I need the sleep…I got beauty and brains." I laughed through the phone.

"Whatever loser" I let my voice drag out until he cut me off.

"Sorry…that'd be you sis" he's enjoying this too much for a 28 year old.

"Goodbye Nathan"

"Bye Peyt" I got ready to hang up the phone when he voice came through the line again…it was different this time though… he was serious, the caring and concern laced through very word. "Peyton…call me"

"I will…I promise" I wanted so much to hug him right now…but I can't. "I love ya Nate"

"I love ya too…take care of yourself" I nodded and it didn't matter that he couldn't see me… he knew I did it.

"Talk to you later" I whisper into the receiver.

"Bye" I hear the phone click and the line go dead. I hang up the phone and suddenly the house feels cold. I'm gunna have to get used to being alone now… I'm not gunna wake up and find Brooke downstairs on the couch eating ice cream…waiting for me with an extra spoon. I'm not gunna fall asleep in Luke's arms…and he's not gunna hold me when I wake up in the middle of the night…he won't be there to make the fear go away. And Nathan's not gunna be able to wrap me in his arms when I'm about to fall apart… and he won't be there to pick up the pieces when I do breakdown. Giving up Tree Hill means I have to give all that up too…and to be perfectly honest…it sucks.

I jump slightly as I hear a door shut, jarring me out of my thoughts. I could have sworn I closed the front door. I scold myself immediately for getting so jumpy. It's another thing I have to get used to and get over… my paranoia. That's one of my biggest problems that I have to fix…I can't be scared to turn every corner.

I just don't know why I chose such a big lonely house to do all that in.


	24. What I'd Prefer

Nathan walked into the café behind Haley, everyone else already sitting down with their morning coffee. The kids were both at school and it was time for work. The younger Scott took a seat in an empty booth and put his head down. He was exhausted…he had been up all night makes week long plans for Tric.

"You look beat bro" Nathan glanced quickly at his older brother before his head fell into his arms again.

"Yeah…well…" Lucas looked down and waited briefly before giving a slight laugh.

"Were you planning on finishing that statement" the blonde slid into the seat across from his brother.

"No…not really" he shook his head the best he could as he fought to stay awake. He looked up when he heard someone else speaking to his brother.

"Hey…could you take me to work…Alex just got called in early so there goes my intended ride" Brooke smiled hopefully at the older Scott…ignoring Nathan all together.

"Umm…I wasn't planning on going in early today…but I guess I could" Lucas shrugged and took another sip of his coffee. He had planned on spending some time at the café…just to sit back and relax.

"I could take you now if you need" the younger Scott offered.

"I don't have to be in now…I'll just call and say I'll be late…I can go whenever you were planning to leave Luke… if that's okay" she hadn't averted her eyes from the blonde boy in front of her.

"That fine Brooke" Lucas nodded in her direction.

"Thanks Broody" she winked at him before making her way back over to Haley. Nathan sighed in frustration as he watched her walk away.

"How long is she going to hate me" He looked at his older brother with defeated eyes. It had been 3 months since Peyton left…and 3 months minus a day since Brooke last spoke to him…including the hour she spent chewing his head off for allowing her to leave.

"Couldn't tell ya…sorry Nate"

"I'd rather have her yelling at me then just not talking to me at all"

"Yeah…it is kinda disturbing when she won't even scream at you…I guess you just have to give it time…or hope Peyton shows up…any word" there was a glimmer of hope in Lucas's eyes but it disappeared as soon as his brother shook his head no. The last time Nathan had spoken to the curly headed blonde was the morning she had woken him up…the morning she promised to call him.

"Look…I'm gunna head down to Tric…the atmosphere is a litter better over there…hey and there isn't a fuming brunette who's dying to strangle me." He gave a sarcastic smile causing his brother to laugh.

"She's bound to come around eventually" the two brothers stood up.

"I'd prefer it if Peyt just came home"

"Wouldn't we all" Lucas's voice was just loud enough for Nate to hear. Both brothers held the same longing look in their eyes as one moved towards the group and the other walked out the door.


	25. Faded Pictures in a Broken Glass

"Hi Diane" Karen gave a warm smile and wave to the woman who was strolling somberly through the door and towards the counter. The red headed woman sat graciously into the vacant seat, her head almost immediately falling into her hands after she waved to the woman across from her.

"Hey" the stress was apparent in the younger woman's voice.

"Listen, whatever you want, it's on the house" Diane shook her head but kept her face in her hands.

"Just some coffee…back to back cups if it's possible"

"Work was that bad huh?" Karen set two full cups of black coffee on the counter before leaning forward on her elbows, preparing herself for another heart wrenching story.

"Remember the young brunette I was telling you about, the one that came in about three months ago." Diane was a nurse at County General. She usually told Karen about her patients, the stories usually sad.

"Yeah…the way you look tells me that you're not about to say she woke up today." Karen sighed as Diane shook her head. It was a little over three months ago that she learned of a young girl who wound up at the hospital after a tragic car accident. The driver was killed instantly while she was left in critical condition. The doctors believed that she wouldn't make it through the night, but she had proved them wrong. Unfortunately, her condition had not improved any over the last three months.

"I told you before we've been trying to find her family…well we did" Karen looked hopeful, but Diane shook her head again. "Both parent's dead, no siblings and no other family as far as we can tell" Karen sighed deeply, her heart went out to the poor girl.

"Any change in her condition" She asked, hoping for something good.

"No…in fact because of the info on her parents…they're tempted to shut down her life support. Her doctors are fighting for her though…I think she's got a place in all of our hearts…I mean how could she not, especially now that we know she has no one."

"I know she has a place in mine" It was the older woman's turn to shake her head. "Anything else happene"

"Nothing good. Another girl came in today…we have to do reconstructive surgery on her face so we have a picture of her. Karen her fiancé beat her so bad that her curls are the only thing that look the same about her."

"What happened to her fiancé"

"The police are looking for him. She's been in and out of consciousness all day, but she stayed with us long enough to give his name."

"At least she's doing better then our other girl." Diane raised her brows in agreement as she finished her second cup of coffee. Both women jumped as they heard glass shatter across the room. They looked over to see Haley lifting a picture frame off the floor. Haley had stopped by the café that evening to get something to eat before heading back to the club to help Nathan. The brunette shook her head as she walked over with the shattered frame.

"I swear I'm turning into the biggest klutz, that picture has been there for years and somehow I still knocked it off the wall" Haley rolled her eyes as she set the frame down.

"Don't worry about it Hales." Karen looked at the picture which had grown slightly faded. She couldn't stop the smile the formed on her lips as she looked at the smiling faces. It was a picture of 5 smiling teens on graduation day. Haley stood between Nathan and Lucas. Brooke and Peyton sat in front with their heads leaning in as far as their hats would allow, their hands clasped together with smiles on their faces.

"God she looks familiar" Diane turned the picture so that she could see it clearly.

"Well if you're referring to the brunette between the two guys…that's me" Haley informed the older woman, her appearance had changed over the last 11 years, especially after she had Kristen.

"Oh my god…" both Karen and Haley turned to look at Diane who had a shocked look on her face.

"What is it?" Karen asked as she tried to figure out what Diane was so surprised about.

"It's her…my patient." Diane shook her head in disbelief. "All this time…I've been coming to the café for years now, and I never noticed this picture."

"What are you talking about" Haley asked as she tired to piece things together.

"Diane…" Karen's brows furrowed as she waited for her friend to answer.

"You know her…so I don't have to abide by the confidentiality code…Peyton's the girl."

"What…" the word came from both Haley and Karen as they glanced from the picture to the red head.

"Peyton Sawyer…" there was a slight questioning in her voice…as if she was asking if her identification was right. The two girls across from her nodded their head as they waited. "She's the car accident victim."


	26. Somehow Things End the Same

It was under an hour later that four old friends found themselves in County General waiting room…doing just that, waiting. They had arrived during the doctor's rounds and wouldn't be able to go into the room until he was done with the entire floor. Each minute seemed like an hour for the restless group. Nathan and Brooke both completely zoned out…their minds racing with thousand's of what ifs. Lucas and Haley both had their eyes glued to the closed doors, ready to sprint to the elevator as soon as the doctor appeared.

It was fifteen minutes alter that the doctor came though the door and it took Lucas less then a second to get up and go off towards the stairs. He had taken time to think and decide it would be quicker to just dash up the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator to come down, after all she was only on the third floor.

He took the stairs two at a time, occasionally three at a time, anything to get him upstairs faster. He burst through the door and continued briskly down the hall. His pace was slowing with each step as he though more and more about what he would find when he opened the door. His hand came to rest of the door handle, but he didn't push, his hand wouldn't move. Lucas stayed frozen to the spot, his eyes looking at the solid wooden door in front of him. He had rushed to get up there to see her and now he was hesitant, in fact, he was tempted to turn around and go home.

"Lucas" the blonde turned his head to find a warm yet sad smile.

"Hey Diane" he turned back towards the door, still unable to make himself move foreword.

"Just go in…she looked much worse when she first came in…so you're getting the better side of this" When Lucas didn't move Diane walked over to him and pushed the room door open, the only thing for him to do now was walk through.

"Diane" Lucas called out as the red head began to walk away. She turned back to face him and found a worried look on his face. "She's gunna be okay right…"

She wanted so badly to lie to the broken hearted man in front of her, but she knew it was best not to. "That's up to her…there's no guarantee for anything right now." She watched as the blonde nodded and turned back to the open door. He sighed deeply as he prepared himself for the worst.

The blonde stepped through the open door with his eyes closed, he wasn't ready to see her yet, he had no idea what to expect. He forced himself to take another deep breathe before opening his eyes. He turned towards the bed and found a body stretched lifelessly across a bed. There were three large machines going as well as two IV drips.

He walked slowly towards her bed, his hand immediately finding hers as soon as he was close enough. He stretched his good hand up to her face and ran his fingers slowly down her cheek. He could see the multiple scars that were beginning to fade along her face. He sat cautiously on the edge of the bed as he subconsciously gripped her hand tighter.

"Oh god" he didn't need to turn around to know it was Brooke who had entered the room. She rounded the bed and sat across from Lucas, her mind still racing with the same questions from early…all what ifs. Nathan and Haley where in the room seconds later but while Haley moved foreword, Nathan stayed back. Although he had been worried, he had also spent time being mad at Peyton. He was mad because she promised to call and she never did, because she swore she'd be back soon, and she never showed up. He had been mad at her while she was lying helplessly in the hospital.

"Hey you guys…" they all looked to the door to find Diane coming through the door, a chart in her hands.

"What happened...?" Brooke whispered through tears as her eyes shifted from Diane to her best friend.

"The accident was really bad…we're not really sure on what happened…it looked like they were hit on the driver's side, that explains why the driver was killed, but why it had such an impact on her is what we can't figure out."

"Who was driving…she didn't have a car…she took a cab over there" Nathan looked to Diane, waiting for answers. He couldn't bring himself to look at Peyton no matter how hard he tried.

"Umm…I believe his name was Stanley Richardson…he was DOA…it was a tragedy."

"Yeah…it was definitely a tragedy that he didn't wind up in the hospital suffering…its tragic that he didn't deal with months of excruciating pain" Diane looked at Brooke in shook.

"I'm I missing something" it was Haley who was the first to speak a minute later. Her face revealed her genuine confusion…there were only three people who knew why Peyton had returned to Tree Hill.

"Never mind…I'm just being bitter…I needed someone to take this out on." Brooke blurted out quickly, but bother of the other woman knew there was more to it then that.

"Brooke, maybe its best if we just say something…it might help in some way…I mean it's not like he's gunna coming back anymore and that's why nothing was ever said…so…" She turned to face the older Scott, whose hands and eyes remained glued to Peyton.

"Luke…I don't wanna betray her…and I feel like that's what I'd be doing" the brunette had tears burning behind her eyes as she looked between the two blondes.

"Then I'll do it…Stan deserved to die…" Lucas let his gaze fall down to the floor, his eyes filled with rage.

"How could you say something like that Luke" Haley looked at her best friend, completely baffled.

"Because it's true" Lucas shook his head as he briefly looked at the crossed armed brunette, her expression showing her disbelief.

"That's bull Luke and you know it…I can't believe you…he had her and you wanted her….now he's dead and therefore out of you're way"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Lucas stood form his seat and moved quickly towards Haley. He wasn't quite sure where she was headed with her comments.

"You know exactly what I'm getting at Lucas…you were jealous of him…you wanted Peyton from the day she walked back into Tree Hill…I can't say that I wasn't rooting for you two, but I figured it wouldn't be at the expense of Stan's life."

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about Haley" Lucas pointed a finger at her but she stood her ground.

"Really…I don't? Tell me you're not happy he's dead"

"I'm more than happy he's dead" the comment earned a raised brow from Haley.

"Why the hell is someone dying such a good thing Lucas" she was screaming at him now. Everyone in the room was focused on the two best friends, Brooke with tears running swiftly down her cheeks.

"Because that bastard didn't deserve to live and like Brooke said…he should've spent months in the hospital…lying there in pain with no one because that's exactly what he did deserve" his voice was just as loud as hers.

"Will you two tone it down a little" Diane hissed at the two adults in front of her. Security would kick them out if the screaming match continued.

"Why Lucas…I don't get how you could possibly say something like that about anyone" Haley's tone remained the same as she completely ignored the glaring red head beside her.

"Why Haley?" Lucas was showing nothing but anger and hatred as he stared menacingly at the brunette. "Because that sick son of bitch spent 5 years beating the living shit out of her… that's why" Her expression turned from anger to shock as she watched Lucas shove past her and storm out of the room.

"What did he just say" Haley shook her head as she locked eyes with her husband.

"He said that she spent five years as Stan's punching bag in New York, came home and yet still none of knew" Brooke scuffed before tightening her grip around Peyton's limp hand.

"But the three of you knew…why didn't I…Nathan how could you not tell me" she had tears ready to break free mostly for the friend she had that was lying on the bed, but also because she had been kept out of the loop on a major part of one of her friend's lives. For three months they had all neglected to tell her and she couldn't deny that it hurt.

"Because it wasn't my place to tell you that Haley…she told me…she told all of us in confidence Hales. This was big…so big in fact that she didn't wanna tell me. Peyt was still dealing with all of this, she was ashamed so she wanted it to be a secret and I respected that. I wasn't trying to shut you out Haley…I would never do that, but I couldn't betray her like that." Nathan had tears burning behind his eyes as he switched his gaze to the lifeless blonde for the first time. Haley nodded her head; although it still hurt she understood…there was know denying that this was something private and something that only Peyton had the right to reveal.

"Yeah…she tells him what's going on and he lets her run off again…god you're such a great friend" Brooke's voice was bitter and she did nothing to conceal it.

"Brooke please" Nathan shook his head as he looked pleadingly at the brunette. Those were the first words she had spoken to him and they weren't what he was expecting.

"What…I'm supposed to commend you on letting her leave again…wake up Nathan…the car was hit on Stan's side…he's the reason she's laying her not some car accident, him. He found her and he beat the shit out her one last time…that's why she's laying in the hospital right now and you know it. Ask Diane, she'll agree…the injuries she has…are they concurrent with a car accident?" She looked over at Diane who in turn looked sadly at Nathan.

"Not her accident , there wasn't much damage done to her side of the car and that's why none of this made sense…until now." The red head looked down to the floor as she finished speaking.

"So in other words Nate…none of this would've happened if she had stayed in Tree Hill. She wanted to run and you let her…hell you encouraged her…gave her cab fare and all." Brooke refused to hold back, she needed this to be someone's fault and Nathan was the easiest target.

"So this is all my fault then...I just handed her over to him" He was angry with Brooke for her accusations, but he couldn't help but believe them…he had given Stan the perfect opportunity.

"Nathan this isn't you're fault…" Haley laid a hand gently on his shoulder as he turned to face her.

"Don't try to make him feel better Hales" Brooke voice stayed even as her eyes once again began watering.

"It's not his fault Brooke…so stop blaming him."

"What if it is my fault Haley" Nathan let a single tear slide from his eyes as he began to fully believe that the whole situation could have been avoided if he had done things differently. Nathan shook his head before turning and walking out the room, as far as he was concerned he had no right to be in her room.

Haley watched him walk out dejectedly before turning back to Brooke with a dangerous glare in her eyes. "How could you say that to him Brooke…you know how much he cares about her. He's already blaming himself for everything…why make it worse and tell him he's right?"

"It has to be his fault" Brooke stated firmly, receiving a questioning glare from the to her brunette.

"I'll never get how you could say that about him….after everything he's done for her…I'll never get how you could say that to him." .Haley didn't wait for a response, she simply left and went after her over emotional husband.

Brooke stood up, letting Peyton's hand sit gently in hers, the grip loosening as she pulled away. "Because I took you away from him….he wouldn't have come after you…god…you wouldn't have needed to leave here if I hadn't just dragged you out of there. This has to be Nathan's fault….if it's not his…then it's mine…and I know it's not his" Brooke's tears were streaming rapidly from her eyes as she pulled completely away, and apologetic look written in her eyes. The brunette backed away from the bed and out of the room, her eye's not leaving her best friend until she rounded the corner.

Diane looked on in confusion as the last of the group walked out the room. She had spent three months trying to find the people who cared about Peyton. She had succeeded in finding them and even in getting them to the hospital, but somehow all the emotion had pushed them away and now the helpless blonde was once again lying in her room….alone.


	27. Broken Promises

He had waited out in the hall and around the corner for almost an hour. He wanted to see her, but he wanted to see her alone and Diane was reluctant to come out of the room. It was nearing 8 o'clock when the red head did leave and the younger Scott was quick to take her place. He sat in the seat next to the small bed and gently took her hand in his. He kissed each of her knuckles as tears began to burn behind his eyes again.

"God I've missed you so much Peyt. I was actually mad at you for not calling again. You promised to call…if…if I had just believed you I would've known something was wrong…I should've known…I should've looked for you." He rested his forehead against their intertwined fingers. The sudden pressure against his hand caused him to shoot his head back up, hope shining in his eyes. He stared and waited, but there was nothing but her still figure lying in front of him.

His body shuddered, not form cold, but from something else, something he couldn't really name. He kept her hand in his as he folded his arms on the bed and dropped his head in the open space. It had surpassed being a matter of wanting her to wake up…Nathan needed her to wake up…he needed her to be okay. He didn't know what he would do if she wasn't okay…there would forever be a guilt there…a guilt that he was sure would get stronger through time.

It didn't take long for sleep to overcome him. He was both physically and emotionally drained, he had been all summer. For three months he had been too worried to get any decent rest…now he at least knew where she was. He felt better sleeping next to her…knowing that if there was any change in her condition he would be the first to know. From now on he vowed to be there for her through everything, he had made the ultimate mistake letting her go after high school. He watched her run…he basically encouraged her. He had promised her she would be okay...twice…the first time was ten years ago, the second was 3 months ago when she confided in him. He promised her that he would protect her and now she was depending on a machine to breathe for her.

Diane walked quietly into the room. She stopped at the foot of the bed and could not hold back the small smile that crept onto her face as she took in the sight of the young man sleeping soundly, his head resting on the edge of the small mattress. She had feared that the entire group had gotten caught up in their own emotions that they forgot why they were at the hospital in the first place. Luckily, at least one of them found the ability to stay with her.

The red head walked around to the unoccupied side of the bed, her eyes coming to rest on the machines beeping against the back wall. Diane once again smiled as she noticed the improvement in the young girls vitals…it didn't work for everyone, but there were a significant number of patients who suddenly started to get better once the people they cared about started coming around. Apparently that was the case for Peyton. Diane carefully pulled the oxygen mask from the brunette's face and watched as her vitals remained stable.

"What are you doing?" Diane looked over at the Nathan who was staring at her suspiciously.

"Nothing bad…its good actually"

"Won't that kill her if you remove the mask?" His brows furrowed as he glanced between the two women.

"Not if she's breathing on her own…watch her chest" The same hope that was present when he thought he felt pressure on his hand now returned to his eyes when he saw her chest rise and fall repeatedly.

"What are the chances of her having to go back on life support?"

"There's always a chance but its not likely if her vitals keep improving over the next twenty-four hours"

"So for right now I just have to wait until tomorrow" he whispered to no one in particular, defeat evident in his voice. "For all any one knows I could lose her tonight, I could lose her in 5 minutes or in 5 hours. "

"Nathan you can't lose hope. There's never a guarantee, no matter what the situation. She's doing better…you've gotta stay looking on the bright side."

"That's a little hard to do when I'm the reason she's in here" He shook his head before resting it against their connected fingers.

"This was not you're fault"

"How do you know"

"Because regardless of what Brooke says, weather you let her leave…you're not the one who hurt her." Diane placed her hand gently on his shoulder but her shrugged it off.

"Yeah…but I swore 11 and ½ years ago that I would protect her…I did one hell of a job didn't I."

"Nathan…"

"No…she trusted me to take care of her…I've always been there for her…except for when she needed me most. I should've known when she first came back to Tree Hill…I suspected that something was wrong and I watched her get in the car with him and leave. Hell…I let her run away all those years ago…she never should have met that bastard, she should have been safe in Tree Hill and all it would've taken was for me to say I didn't want her to go…but I gave her my blessing and now she's fighting for her life"

"None of that makes it you're fault" Diane repeated sternly. "this is all Stan's fault and no one else's"

"Whatever you say" he shook his head once again as tears slowly began to slide down his face. He rested his head against her stomach, the grip on her hand tightening.

"It's not you're fault Nate….you're not to blame for any of this" Nathan's head shot up as he looked at the owner of the voice in disbelief. "I'm sorry about what I said…I was angry and it was easiest to take it out on you, but that's no excuse."

"It's not you're fault either Brooke" the brunette turned her head to face Diane.

"She didn't wanna be here…she said so, I made her come back…if she had come on her own terms she never would have wanted to leave."

"If it's not my fault Brooke…then it's not yours." The two brunettes looked towards each other briefly, before focusing their attention back on Peyton. "Sit" he gestured to the empty space on the bed on the other side of Peyton's body. Brooke nodded and sat down, her hand quickly finding her best friend's.

"She's off life support" Brooke smiled as she finally noticed the missing mask.

"Yeah…about half an hour now. Diane says if she stays stable and keeps improving though tomorrow then she probably won't have to go back on it." They both looked towards the older woman, who nodded in response.

"That's good" Brooke said gently. She locked eyes with Nathan and smiled slightly. He returned the gesture before focusing his attention back on Peyton.

"Yeah that's good"


	28. The Only Opinion That Matters

It was three days later that he found the courage to make his way back into her hospital room. The guilt was eating him up inside. Guilt from not looking for her and guilt for leaving her in the hospital not even an hour after he found her.

"Hey…look who finally shows up again" Nathan raised a brow at his older brother with a gentle smile.

"Yeah…I couldn't quite get myself to make it into the elevator. I've gotten into the lobby about 5 or 6 times…but never to the elevator." Lucas shook his head as he moved to sit on the unoccupied side of the bed.

"You know, for people like you they did create these things called stairs. Might take a little longer, but they get you to the same place." The two brothers shared a brief laugh.

"I expected Brooke to be here"

"She left to go get something to eat, but she'll be back soon."

"When's the last time you left Nathan." The older Scott waited, but he got no response. "Nate….you should go home for the day…get some real sleep…some food…shower maybe…see your wife and daughter …come back later this evening."

"I don't wanna leave her Luke…what if something happens….I wanna be here…besides I won't be able to sleep if I go home, I'll be too worried about her." The younger Scott shifted his eyes back to the sleeping figure next to him. He had refused to leave and after an hour of begging, Diane had caved and let him stay past visiting hours. He was too scared to leave her.

"Nathan…go home. If anything happens you'll be the first person I call…I swear. You look exhausted...you can't spend 72 hours in a hospital." Nathan was about the protest when Lucas interrupted him. "I'll be here, and so will Brooke…nothing is going to happen to her. She'll be fine for a couple hours."

Nathan gave a reluctant nod as her stood from his seat. "Maybe you're right" he hated to admit it, but her knew he needed to go home for at least a little while. He missed Haley and Kristen. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Love ya Peyt…"

Lucas watched as his brother made his way slowly out of the room. It was the first time he had been in her hospital room alone. He smiled as he watched her chest rise and fall…she seemed peaceful, untainted by the life she had been running from.

"I'm sorry I haven't been here…its just hard." His fingers slid slowly along her cheek as tears slid down his. "I hate seeing you like this and knowing there's nothing I can do about it. I can't help you, I just have to sit back and watch." His hands held hers gently as he rested his hand atop their intertwined fingers. "I'm not used to doing that Peyt. I just…I wanna hold you in my arms again…and tell you…I love you"

"She knows…it scares the living daylights out of her, but she knows." He didn't bother to look up, he knew her voice. "It's nice seeing you around here for a change. I thought you were gunna keep walking in and out of the lobby for the rest of the week." Brooke laughed light heartedly. She had seen him do it twice, but she never pushed him to go see her…she knew it was hard for him. The two Scott brothers…one too guilty and scared to see her, the other too guilty and scared to leave. "So I see you got Nathan go home…finally"

"Yea…he tried to protest…but I made him go"

"Good…he needed to get out of here…I think it was just making him feel worse being in here all day. Speaking of…how are you doing?" The sincerity in her voice showed in every word. He glanced up at her and shook his head dejectedly.

"I honestly don't know…I mean obviously none of us are doing too well right now, but I can't describe how I feel right now. I just…"

"Want her to wake up…we all do" Brooke rested a hand comfortingly on his. She sighed deeply…this was weighing her down just as heavily as everyone else. "I miss her so much…the old her. The last time I saw her really okay…it was after the funeral…at River Court. She just seemed so…"

"Happy" Lucas watched as Brooke nodded in agreement. He couldn't help but realize that she was right. As much as he had tried to convince himself over the few weeks they had spent together…she hadn't been happy, and he had known. Comfortable…at times…but never actually happy.

His head found comfort on their fingers again. He was tired…so very tired…physically and emotionally drained. Brooke too felt her energy draining, and her head soon found comfort on the edge of Peyton's bed. Neither one of them had had a decent nights sleep since Peyton disappeared three months ago, and it didn't take long for them to both fall asleep at her side.

It was an hour later when he felt the same thing Nathan had… pressure on his hand. He lifted his head and his heart skipped a beat when he found her staring down at him. Her face was contorted into a look of pure confusion as she blinked a few times.

"Hey…how are you feeling" his voice was gentle as he stood from the chair and hovered over her.

"I'm fine…" her voice was sharp and it made him lean back a little bit.

"That's good…" he replied hesitantly, his eyes still intent on her.

"Yeah…what's going on Lucas…where am I" she looked around the room…she could tell she was in a hospital, she just didn't know where.

"Tree Hill Memorial" he gripped her hand tighter. "What's the last thing you remember Peyt?" he voice lingered just enough to let her know he was worried…to let her know there was something she should remember but she didn't. Brooke lifted her head just in time to watch her best friend struggle with Lucas's question.

"I…uhhh…I went to Nathan's last night, and…I told him I was leaving Tree Hill and I stayed there for the night and took a cab to my aunts this morning. I…called him…I think…" Her two friends cringed as they watched her face contort. If she didn't remember it meant someone had to tell her.

"Speaking of Nathan…I…should go call him" Lucas dropped a gentle kiss on her forehead before slipping his hand from hers and leaving the room. They stayed silent for a good five minutes before Peyton finally spoke.

"Did I do something…" Brooke watched as her best friend's eyes quickly filled with tears.

"Ohh…sweetie no…you didn't do anything at all…Luke just swore to Nathan he'd call as soon as anything happen…we've all been waiting for you to wake up and Nate hasn't left your side for the past week so he'd really wanna know that you woke up" she was babbling and she knew it…Peyton knew it too. Peyton also knew that Brooke only babbled when she was nervous.

"Brooke…wait you said for the last week…how long have I been here." The brunette shook her head and tried desperately to find something to say. "Brooke…"

"A little over three months" she had her own tears forming in her eyes as she watched Peyton try to form a word. "I…"

"What…you're joking right…I mean you have to be."

"Peyt…" tears slipped from both their eyes…neither knowing what to say or how to approach the situation. Brooke was relieved to see the younger Scott come rushing through the door.

"oh god…" he kissed her forehead as he rested his hands on either side of her shoulders. "you're okay…ohhh" he pressed his forehead against hers as tears of relief slipped from beneath his lids.

"Stop…" Peyton used all the strength she could muster to raise her voice. She watched as Nathan stepped back and as Lucas and Brooke looked towards her with worried expressions.

"Peyton…" Nathan's voice was gentle but she shook her head.

"What happened…why am I in the hospital. What are none of you telling me" she bit her bottom lip as she shifted her gaze between her three friends. She waited but none of them spoke. "Damn it…" she reached weakly for the call button and jammed on it until a nurse came in.

"Peyton…you're awake" it was Diane that came into the room, relieved to see her patient doing better. Her smile faded though when she caught the look on Peyton's face.

"So since you know my name then you must know why the hell I'm here…so if you wouldn't mind filling me in…" she was angry and scared and nervous and more than anything she wanted to know what no one would tell her.

"Okay…you wound up here after a car accident. It took some time but we found the people close to you and let them know what was going on. They informed us that you had been in an abusive relationship and that the man driving the car was your ex. He was dead on arrival and until last week we couldn't figure out why your injuries weren't concurrent with a car accident. You…"

"Stop" Peyton closed her eyes as images of Stan walking into her aunts house filled her head. She was in the hospital because he had found her. Diane watched the young girl sympathetically…she had learned over the years that there was no easy way to break that kind of news to someone…how do you tell a person that they were almost beat to death. So she had learned that sometimes the best way was to just come right out and say it…not to sugar coat it.   
Peyton had done exactly what she expected…begged her to stop because she remembered.

"I'm sorry" Diane offered her a small smile before letting herself out of the room.

"I'm so sorry Peyt…I never should've let you go up there alone…I" She reached for Nathan's hand and gave it a weak squeeze to cut him off.

"It's not you're fault Nathan…none of this is. None of you are to blame for this…" she glanced around at the other two and in room and her eyes focused back on the door as Haley came rushing in. "Hey Hales"

"Hey…we missed you" Haley scrunched up her nose causing Peyton to laugh lightly. Haley had sensed the tension in the room and the look in Peyton's eyes let her know she needed to break the ice. "Okay just cuz you're in the hospital and you're away now doesn't mean you can steal my husband from me. He's got a family you know." Haley scuffed as she rolled her eyes. They all laughed and Peyton mouthed a silent thank you to the standing brunette.

She was grateful when Lucas took Nathan's spot and took her hand in his. He gently kissed each of her knuckles before leaning in to kiss her cheek. She turned her head however and their lips met briefly before he pulled back. He was ready to apologize but she stopped him with a gentle smile. "I meant it when I said I loved you" he voice was a whisper and the only people that heard her were Lucas and Brooke. Brooke smiled before giving her best friend's hand a squeeze and excusing herself.

"Hey you two lets take a trip to the cafeteria…I know Peyton's gotta be starving 'cause I know I am." The brunette spoke as she ushered Nathan and Haley out of the room with her.

**Peyton's POV**

I gotta love my best friend. I watched as Lucas settled his gaze back on me and smiled. I couldn't help but return the gesture. Nothing like waking up from a near death experience to set a romantic mood.

"I love you too…but…why'd you leave Peyt." And nothing like an over curious brooding blonde to ruin it. his smile had only faded slightly but I knew it was hurting him, that I had hurt him when I just walked away from him…from us.

"Because I was still running from this place…Lucas I wasn't ready to face Tree Hill and everything in Tree Hill. I lost my parents here…all the drama from high school…I disappointed all of you guys…all the people I care about most. Tree Hill just had too much emotion for me to deal with. Luke I was too unstable to face any of that."

"But we would've helped you…I would've helped you through all of it." Something about the look on his face made me love him more. He was just so…genuine with his emotions…so caring…so willing to sacrifice everything for me. I would never be able to let him do that…and that was why I left. Because he would've given up everything and it wouldn't have made any difference. He couldn't love me out of this…none of them could and Nathan was the only one who understood that.

"I had to do this on my own Lucas. These are my own demons that I have to fight. I had to deal with everything that happened over the last 10 years of my life before I could deal with anything that happened here…and being in Tree Hill…being with all these people that care about me…that love me…it was just helping me to avoid it…to pretend like everything was okay when it wasn't…when it still isn't."

"But Peyt…" I smiled sadly at him…he was still trying and he would keep trying.

"I know you wanna help me Lucas but you can't."

"And how is running away gunna help."

"It won't…but I'm not running away…not anymore. When Brooke brought me back to Tree Hill she said she was helping me to walk away from it all…and she did and I'm beyond grateful…but walking away is only the first step…I walked away from him…now I have to face what he did to me"

"But Peyton he's dead…he can't hurt you anymore."

"But he is Lucas…and he will until I deal with it and no amount of love in the world is gunna help me. I have to fix me…and not you or Brooke, or Nathan or Haley or anyone can do it for me." I watched his heart break through his eyes and as much as it hurt I knew he finally understood.

"But I love you…" tears started to roll down his cheeks and it made them roll down mine as well. He wanted so badly to help me and I wanted so badly to let him…but being with him was like running away from this…and I don't wanna run anymore.

"I know you do" his head fell next to mine and I could feel his hot tears on my neck.

"So stay with me" he has no idea how much I wanna do just that but I'm too broken.

"I love you so much Lucas…I do…I always have and I always will but…I wanna be able to love you likes there's no tomorrow…I wanna trust you with everything I have…I wanna be scared and happy and confused and nervous and I wanna get butterflies in my stomach every time I touch you or think about you and I want all of those to be feeling I look foreword to…feelings that I get because I'm head of heals completely in love with you…I wanna be good for you Lucas…and right now I can't be."

"You are good for me…you're perfect to me."

"But I'm not in love with you" nothing hurt me then saying those words to him…I can't even begin to describe the pain that's tearing through me right now.

"But you just said…" he pulled back and looked at me with confused eyes.

"I know I said I loved you…but I can't be in love with you until I feel okay again…until I'm ready to give you all of my heart and soul and right now I just can't do that…I'm not if the right place to do that."

"Why not"

"I don't know…but that's what I need to figure out…I wanna figure it out because I wanna be with you…I remember what it was like to be in love with you Luke…and I would give anything to feel like that again. I wanna feel like all the pain is worth it for just a few moments with you."

"And there's nothing I can do to make you love me like that." I shook my head and watched his head fall dejectedly. "Okay."

"I'm sorry" he leaned down and kissed me with everything he had and I kissed him back.

"I know" he leaned in again…why did this have to hurt so damn much.

"Maybe we should come back later" We broke apart when we heard Brooke cheery voice. He wiped my tears away as I wiped his.

"Maybe you should" I joked as he pulled away from me completely. Brooke knew my fake smiles but she didn't ask. Haley knew something was wrong but she knew she would get it out of Lucas later. One look at Nathan and he knew from my eyes that I wasn't staying here…that I would be gone again as soon as I was out of the hospital. This was exactly why I couldn't stay here…it's the love and caring they're so eager to give me that makes them ignore all the problems…I'm tired of ignoring it.


	29. Fix Me

They're all sitting there…talking and laughing. Luke's got Sam bouncing on his knee while Haley plays in Kristen's hair. The TVs on and Meet the Parents is playing…a classic that the two brothers will never grow tired of. They're all watching and smiling and making small remarks…and all I wanna do is scream.

I've been cooped up in this room for the past week and my only window overlooks the parking lot. The bed is hard and stiff and the sheets are starting to feel all itchy. The room's always cold and the food is horrible. Plus…its lonely at night…they won't let Nathan stay with me anymore and that only adds to my misery. Lucas is being distant because of the conversation we had the day I woke up. He's sitting next to me now and he's holding my hand, but he doesn't look at me that same. I know it's because of how much I hurt him and I want so badly to take it back…but I can't.

"Mommy I'm hungry" Kristen turned to look up at Haley with a pouty look on her face. With Haley as a mother its no wonder she mastered that look.

"Me too" my gaze shifts to Sam as she turns to look up at Luke who smiles down at her.

"Okay…come on" He drops my hand on the bed and without even a look in my direction he starts walking with Kristen and Sam out of the room. Tears spring to my eyes as Brooke sits on the edge of the bed, her hand instantly taking the place of his. I watch as Nathan and Haley slip quietly out of the room, each with their own sympathetic look in their eyes. Nathan also has a dangerous gleam in his eye that lets me know if I don't stop him he'll beat the living shit out of his brother.

"Peyt…what happened between you two that day" her brown eyes are flooded with concern for me…and for Lucas because I know she's seen the lost look in his eyes just as much as I have. She gives my hand a gentle squeeze, urging me to tell her. I know she won't judge me but I can't help but feel guilty.

"I told him…that I wasn't in love with him" That was the easy part…its what comes next that I know she won't like.

"We'll come back to that because there's more…isn't there" she watches me nod my head and I know she knows…she's just praying that I won't actually say it.

"I'm…" I pause…actually I stopped…I don't know how to finish…I don't wanna finish.

"Leaving…again" she finishes for me and part of me feels relieved…but part of me wants to say that she's wrong and make something else up. "Nathan told me…and I told him he was wrong…that you wouldn't run again"

"I'm not running Brooke"

"Funny…he said that too. Where?" she won't look at me and it hurts. He eyes are focused on the TV screen that she's not actually watching.

"New York" that catches her attention and she shoots me a shocked look before rising her eye brow and waiting for me to explain. "That's where this all started."

"No Peyton…it started here…it started right here in this hospital actually…when your mom died."

"The pain might have started here Brooke…but they guilt didn't…and the fear didn't. That all happened up there and that's where I have to face them."

"That's why you went to him…that's why you always go to him." I get the feelings she's talking more to herself than to me because her eyes are closed and her head is turned up to the ceiling. "Am I right"

"What are you talking about?"

"Nathan…after graduation…before you left to go to your aunt's...you always turn to him"

"I'm still not following Brooke."

"He gets you…I'm your best friend I don't get you like he does." Tears fall slowly down her cheeks and I'm not sure what to say…if there's anything that I can say that wouldn't be a lie. She's right and I know its hurting her but it's the truth.

"I'm sorry"

"Don't apologize…its not your fault. There's just something about you that only he can understand and that only he can follow. I was being sarcastic when I asked him if you were going to New York but then he said you were and he gave the same reasons you just did. Its why he always lets you go" She wiped the tears from under her eyes just as Lucas walked back in with the two girls.

"Brooke…" I watched her get up from the bed and move away from me.

"Whatever you feel like you need to do" I can't tell what she's feeling…her words seem angry but her voice is telling me otherwise and so is the look on her face. She finally starting to understand and because of that…she's starting to hurt…she knows she can't fix me.

"Everything okay" Lucas glances between me and Brooke, but both of us now have blank faces that he can't read.

"Peachy" She winks at him before sitting in the chair next to my bed and focusing on the TV. His eyes find mine and I can't do anything but smile at him. I mouth to him that it's fine and he nods before moving to resume his seat by my side. Its funny how they are both sitting next to me yet I felt closer to them when I was 600 miles away.


	30. Breakaway

"So…" I turn and focus my gaze on Brooke. She's focused straight ahead on the road. I'm finally out of the hospital and you would think I'd be happy right…well maybe I would be if the tension in the car wasn't so thick. 'So'…that's the first thing Brooke's said to me the whole ride.

"Sooo…" it's a lame response, but the silence is killing me. I can't sit in this car like this for another thirty minutes.

"You're leaving in a few hours…maybe less." I watch as she grips the steering wheel just a bit tighter and I can suddenly feel my heart pounding in my ears. "So I have to ask. The other day…you said you told Lucas you didn't love with him…why?" She caught my eye for a brief second before we both looked straight ahead.

"Brooke I do love him…I'm just not in love with him. With where I'm at right now…I can't be…my heart just won't let me go there"

"Okay" I turned to face her…I was expecting some long lecture from her…but she was apparently leaving it at that. She must of felt me burning a whole through her because she started the laugh a little.

"No lecture or speech or anything like that. I get what your saying Peyton and I'd rather you wait for your heart to heal before jumping back into anything. I don't wanna see you hurting again…I've seen it too much since junior high. I want you to be happy…genuinely happy, and I know Lucas will wait for you to be ready" She offered me a small smile as she grabbed my hand.

"I'm sorry Brooke"

"For what" she looked at me dumbfounded with raised brows.

"For leaving…I mean…I know you don't want me to…but"

"But nothing" she cut me off and gave my hand another tight squeeze. "It doesn't matter what I want…or Lucas or Nathan or Haley. All that matters is what you want and what you need to do. Peyton if you feel like going to New York will help you then I support you 110. You're my best friend and you've always supported me no matter what…its about time I do the same for you." She gave me a smirk and wink before focusing back on the road. I'm so grateful for her…I just hope she knows because I don't know how to put it into words.

We didn't talk much during the rest of the ride home…but it was a comfortable silence. It was fifteen minutes later that Brooke pulled into Nathan and Haley's driveway. "You ready" she turned to face me with tears brimming in her brow eyes. She took a deep breath and blinked back the moisture as I nodded. We both slowly made our way towards the front door…both trying to prolong the few hours we had left together.

"Hey you guys" Haley greeted us at the door with a bright smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. She didn't want me to go either…but knowing Hales she was determined to make the best out of the time we have left. "Aren't you supposed to be on crutches or in a wheel chair…or something like that" She gazes at me and awaits my response. I get ready to answer, but a startled shriek leaves my mouth instead as I feel the ground disappear from beneath my feet.

"You know she's stubborn as hell Haley." I shoot Nathan a glare as he moves towards the front door with me in his arms and a laughing Brooke trailing behind me.

"Actually I've been on crutches for the last few days, but I'm feeling better and I have them in Brooke's car just in case" Three months of not moving had left me…slightly unstable when it came to walking. In fact the first time I tired to walk Lucas had to catch me so I didn't end up on the floor. For two weeks my legs were nothing but jell-o, but with the physical therapy I was able to slowly get back on track.

"So are you glad to be home." Nathan questioned as he set me down on the couch and crouched down so that he was eye level with me. I nodded with a smile on my face because I had wanted nothing more then to get out of that wretched hospital. "That's what I thought" he ruffled my hair, which was now a darker brown and had long ringlets that fell to my mid back. I batted his hand away and he just laughed as he stood up and walked towards Hales.

"Hey" I turned my head to see Lucas walking in from the kitchen. He had a warm smile on his face which I gladly returned. I missed that smile…a lot.

"Hi" I followed him with my eyes as he walked over and took Nathan spot in front of me. I sat up and let my legs fall between his as my hand rested in my lap.

"How ya feeling" he gently tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and let his hand trail slowly down my neck.

"I'm okay" I closed my eyes and let myself relax into his touch…god I'm gunna miss him.

"That's good" I feel his lips pressed softly against my forehead and I wish he wouldn't move, but he does. I open my eyes as he stands up and sits in the one seater next to me. I hate the distance he's putting between us right now, but I understand why. It would be to painful for either of us to spend all this time getting close when we both now I won't be here when the night rolls in.

Until about 6 we all find a way to act as if nothing's wrong and nothing's about to change. But when Lucas catches me staring at the clock I can feel his entire demeanor change and its not long before everyone else follows suit.

"I'll be right back" I offer a small smile as I lift myself up and make my way to the bathroom. I don't actually have to go, I just need to clam my nerves and I'm pretty sure they all realize that. I'm sitting on the edge of the bath tub when the doors slowly creaks open and Lucas sticks his head in. "Ever heard of knocking" I raise a brow at him with a small smirk playing on my lips.

"Sorry" he shrugs as he lets himself in and closes the door behind him. He sits down next to me and his eyes find a sudden interest in the blue rug under our feet.

"Luke…"

"I wanna go with you" he looks up at me with glazed over eyes and I feel my heart breaking.

"You can't." I shake my head and watch as he stand up and paces back and forth before turning back to me.

"Why not" he's pleading and it makes me feel even worse. His hands grasp mine and he pulls me to my feet. "Please let me go with you" I look down because I can't bear to meet his gaze anymore.

"Lucas…" I stop talking when I feel his lips pressed softly against mine. His hands are placed gently on my cheeks and slowly his fingers creep into my hair. My hands are resting on his chest and I give into him because this feels so much better than the conversation we were just having. His hands slide down my waist and then grip my hips and he hoist my body onto his. My legs wrap tightly around his waist as he presses me against the wall. I know this wasn't supposed to go this far…but neither of us are stopping it.

"Please Peyton…" he forces out between kisses but I don't respond. I don't wanna watch his heart break through his eyes again and I don't wanna feel my chest constrict when he walks out of the bathroom dejectedly. His lips trail lightly down my neck as my pulse quickens. Tears slide down my cheeks as he moves us away from the wall. I can feel us moving down and soon my back is hitting the soft rug next to the sink.

This is wrong on so many levels….the first being this is simply to avoid the paid…and someone down the line…because this is Nathan and Haley's bathroom floor. He knows why I won't answer him when he repeats his request…he knows that I'm going to turn him down, but that doesn't stop him from pulling my shirt over my head. "But I love you…so much" its when he says those words that I finally realize…we can't do this….its not fair to either of us…especially not to him. I find his lips again and let the kiss linger longer than it should.

"I'm sorry Luke…I…" his head falls in place next to mine and I can't seem to find the right words.

"I know…I just wish…" he sighed deeply as he lifts himself up on his arms and moves to sit next to me instead of on top of me.

"I have to go alone…and besides…you can't just tear Sam away from here." The look in his eyes tells me this is not news to him. He only asked me out of desperation…not because he actually expected me to say yes…but just because he felt like he had to. I sit up and he hands me my shirt.

"Can you at least call this time" he pulls me into his side and kisses my forehead as I nod 'yes' in response. He gets to his feet and pulls me up with him. He kisses me one last time before tucking a curl behind my ear with that warm smile on his face. He wipes the tears from beneath my eyes before grabbing my hand and entangling our fingers. He leads me out of the bathroom and back down the hall to rest of the group. I look up find Haley glancing down at her watch and then back at Luke and I.

"Okay…do I need to throw out my brand new rugs?" She rolls her eyes and everyone laughs except Nathan.

"Not the mental image I need right now Hales." He shakes his head in mock disgust and his body shudders before he opens his eyes. "Okay…umm…as much I would enjoy this conversation…you've got a plane to catch in 45 minutes." He catches the baffled look on my face and then explains. "I know you didn't think I was gunna let you drive to New York…you didn't lose your mind in that hospital did you?" I laugh as a smile finds its way onto my face. My bags that I had brought with me to my aunts place where sitting by the door…I have never unpacked them. Leave it to Nathan to take care of the details….he always does for me.

Tears begin to swell in my eyes as I glance around the room. I can only stand to give them each a hug…no goodbye conversations…just simple 'I'll miss you's. The cab pulls into the driveway and we turn towards the window as the horn honks from outside. Nate has my bags in his hands as the two of us walk towards the cab. Once the bags are in the trunk he turns to look at me and I can see the tears that are threatening to slide down his cheeks. I close my eyes as Nathan wraps his arms tightly around me, my head buried in his chest.

"I'll see you later sis" he kisses my forehead gently before I pull away. I just wish this didn't have to hurt this much…the whole goodbye process. I take one last glance back at that front door with everyone standing there, small fake smiles on their faces. I give them a small wave before getting into the cab, and as we pull out of the driveway I don't bother to look back…this is painful enough already.


	31. Home Again

"Welcome to LaGuardia International Airport" I listened to the mechanical voice that sounded over the speakers. I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now. Part of me misses Tree Hill and everyone there, but another part of me is excited to be here again. Lucas was right when he said I'm a big city girl…I just loved busy it all was…all the time.

As I wave down a taxi, it suddenly occurs to me that I'm lucky to have bought my apartment instead of renting it because I actually have a place to live now. I settle myself into the back seat as prepare for the hour drive into Manhattan…possibly more if the traffic's really bad. My phone's in my hand and I dial a familiar number…eleven numbers that I should have dialed a lot more often over the years.

"Hello"

"Hey B. Davis" I smiled to myself as I heard her inhale…I can just imagine the bright look on her face.

"P. Sawyer…I take it you got in alright?"

"Yeah…I'm on my way to the apartment now"

"That good…I'm so glad you called me" I didn't need to ask her why…she's my best friend, but she was never the one I chose to call. I know it hurt her the night I told her I called Lucas…and I feel horrible about that, but I feel at least a little better hearing how happy she sounds now.

"Figured I should let you know I landed safely…plus…I miss you Davis" I smirk as I hear a small giggle erupt from her end of the conversation.

"I miss you too…sooo...can I expect to hear from you again, soon." He voice sounds hopeful….and slightly desperate.

"You can count on it" I smile and look out the window. I sigh lightly as the sign for the Lincoln goes by. "Listen Brooke, I'm about to head into the tunnel so I gotta go. But I love you Davis and I miss you like crazy"

"I love you too P. Sawyer. I'll talk to you later." There were points in our relationship when we refused to say goodbye to each other…the first being when my mom died. It was always see you later, or talk to you later, but never goodbye…that just sounded to final.

"Talk to you later" I closed my phone just as the cab drove into darkness.

---

Have you ever been so prepared for something…and then when it actually happens …your throat constricts so you can't breathe, and your heart starts pounding so hard you can hear it AND feel it in your ears…and your palms get sweaty and suddenly it feels like someone turned the thermostat up to 110. Yeah that's me as soon as I close my apartment door.

I press my back against the door and inhale deeply, my eyes closed to stop the room from spinning. I'm standing here telling myself I'm fine…over and over and over again. To think…I haven't even made it away from the door yet.

"Hey you"

"Hi Nate" somehow hearing his voice is making me feel better already.

"What's wrong" just like him to cut straight to the point.

"Who said anything was wrong"

"No one…but I can hear it in your voice…you okay"

"Yeah…I just haven't been in this apartment in so long. I guess its just hard…to many memories" I take a deep breath as a tear slides down my cheek. "I haven't quite made it away from the door yet and I just…I don't know…I thought maybe it would easier if I had someone to talk to. I know it sounds stupid…I mean I shouldn't need someone to talk to me just so I can walk through my apartment…it's silly actually."

"So how was your flight?" I smile as I wipe away the other tears that I had let fall.

"It was okay" I leaned down and grabbed my bag before walking down the hall. "How's Tree Hill without me"

"God…its so boring…I don't know how I'll ever survive" I can just see him rolling his eyes.

"Excuse you…I'm hurt" I laughed lightly as the other voice echoed through the phone.

"Tell Haley I said hi"

"Peyton says hi"

"Hey Peyt" her voice came through the line loud and clear…knowing Haley she probably screamed right next to Nathan's hear…the mental image of him cringing makes me laugh.

"I'm glad you find her making me deaf…amusing….so happy to keep you entertained"

"Ohh you live for it….don't live in denial" I suddenly realize that I'm in my room and I've begun putting away my clothes. I stop when I open the closet door and look inside.

"Nate…I gotta go" my voice is small and I already know he's gunna start worrying.

"Peyton…"

"I'm okay…I just have to finish unpacking…I'll probably call you back later…okay"

"Alright…talk to you soon." I repeated the line before ending the call. I guess I forgot that all his things would still be here…his clothes, shoes, brief case…all of it. I make my way downstairs and into the kitchen. When I retreat back into our…my room…I've got a box of heavy duty garbage bags in me hand. I take one out as I look around the room…I'm making this place mine again.


	32. Never Will I Break

I should feel okay….right. I mean, Stan's gone…he's dead…he's not gunna come banging on the front door. His stuff is out in the back alley for the homeless to grab and take far far away from here…away from me. So I shouldn't be looking over my shoulder, and I shouldn't have slept in the guest room last night…but I am…and I did. I couldn't sleep in our…my…bed…too many…painful memories….same for the couch. So I wound up in the guest room. That was last night…I made it through the first night back here…and guess what I'm doing right now…I'm sitting here watching the phone ring. Why…because I'm too scared to pick it up. So as I lean against the counter with a cup of coffee….the phone keeps ringing and I keep watching it. The first thing that comes to mind is who the hell is calling me…why do they keep calling back without leaving a message. Its probably Nate calling since I didn't call him back last night…but why wouldn't he call my cell. How does he have this number? Paranoid much. I know I'm being crazy and stupid, but I can't help it. I walk over to the phone and look down at the screen…"Unknown name…Unknown number"….yea that just makes me feel so much better. I'm hesitant , but I find it in me to reach down and grab the phone.

"Hello" my voice is small and I can just picture Stan on the other end with that stupid smile on his face…the one he gets when he knows he's won.

"Hey"

"Hey Lucas" I smile slightly as I breath a sigh of relief…not that I should have been nervous or scared to begin with.

"You know Nathan is about ready to kill you…Haley actually had to grab a suitcase out of his hands a few min…"

"Peyton…." I laugh as Nathan's frantic voice cuts in over Luke's.

"Hi"

"Are you okay…" he sounds panicked and relieved all at the same time.

"No…" I let the statement hang…I'm not sure what else to say.

"What's wrong…did something happen" I can imagine his eyes growing wider with each word and it makes me feel better…knowing that there is someone out there that's willing to drop everything and endure a nine hour car ride just to check on me.

"Well nothing's really wrong…" I bite my bottle lip.

"Wait…" I can just see the confused look on his face.

"I lied…I just figured if I told you everything was fine…you'd yell about me not answering the phone…but if I said something was wrong you would let it slide…cause I really don't wanna hear you yell at me or anything." Lie…and I'm positive he knows that…but I don't know whether he'll call me on it.

"Peyton…I'm glad you're okay…and I won't yell, even though my nerves are currently shot because of you, but why didn't you answer the phone…I've been calling you all morning. When you didn't call back last night I assumed you went to straight to bed…but then this morning when you wouldn't answer…I freaked out."

"I'm sorry Nate…why didn't you leave a message or call my cell."

"You're answering machine never came on and…I didn't even think about you cell." He sighed…he's probably shaking his head right now, upset with himself and with me.

"Sorry" my voice is light and child liked…I feel like a little kid who jus got caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about Peyt"

"Yes I do…I made you worry…all of you. Nate you almost came up here because of me and that's not fair to you. I've been putting you through soo much Nathan…and you…"

"What, I never complain…"

"Well…"

"Peyton…that because there's nothing to complain about…I love you and you know that…at least I hope you do…" he sounded slightly heartbroken…it was another one of those moments where it was crucial that I choose my next words carefully.

"I know Nate….I do…and I love you too but…"

"But nothing…if you know that…then you should know that I'm willing to do _anything_ for you Peyt…yes I worry about you…and I always will…I can't stop that and neither can you babe. I like worrying about you…well not really…I"

"I know Nate…I do too" He never was very…articulate. I could imagine his warm smile and it made me feel better…as always.

"Look I've gotta head down to the club…but I'll call you later…please answer the phone…"

"I will…"

"You…"

"Promise…I'll answer" he laughed lightly and I did the same.

"All right…I'll let you talk to Luke…I'm pretty sure he misses you…maybe even more than me…nah…not possible" we both laughed again as I curled up on the couch.

"I don't know…you might have some competition Nate" I joked and he countered with a sarcastic laugh.

"I'll talk to you later"

"Bye bro"

"Now when that becomes official…then I'll have some competition"

"Put your tongue back in your mouth"

"Did I ever tell you how creepy it is when you do that…especially from halfway across the country."

"Bye Nathan"

"See you later" I liked the fact that he didn't say goodbye…it was comforting.

"Peyt…" Luke's warm voice echoed through the phone.

"Hey again"

"So…anything interesting going on today"

"I don't know…I think I'm gunna try and go shopping." He didn't have to ask why I said try…he knew how hard it was going to be to get out of the house.

"Sounds good…" there was silence between us for a moment. "I miss Peyton…so much"

"How could you not" His laugh was small…he didn't wanna joke right now…that's not what he wanted …what he needed to hear. "I miss you too…a lot…which is kinda scaring me…'cause I haven't even been away from you for 24 hours yet" tears were glistening in my eyes…I really did miss him…all of them.

"I love you" my breath caught in my throat as soon as the words left his mouth. "You don't have to say it back…I don't want you too, at least not right now…not yet. I just wanted to tell you that…I needed to"

"Okay" I closed my eyes as the first tears slipped slowly down my cheeks. "Thank you Luke…" I was thanking him for understanding…and for making sure that I knew I was loved…I needed to know that…to know that I had Nathan and him…that I had all of them…and they would make sure I was okay. They would go to any lengths to make sure that I felt stable…with them I wouldn't break…they would see to that.


	33. Letters

**1 year later**

I gave the envelope in my hand one last glance before dropping it in the mailbox outside of the building. I've been slowly getting back on my feet…back to my job as chief editor of Cosmopolitan. I didn't think it would take this long to get back to…normal. I'm still jumping at loud noises and unexpected touches, but I haven't felt this normal since…actually I don't remember the last time I felt like this. I've got my friends in Tree Hill, and I've got the ones here in New York now too. They all notice the difference in me now…the fact that I'm willing to go out with the rest of the staff on Friday nights is a big change. I think they all just assumed I thought I was better then them before.

The ringing of my cell slices through my thoughts and I don't bother to check the caller id as I flip it open. "Hello"

"You have to know its me calling you by now…so why do bother with the formalities?" I laugh lightly as I continue down the street…I walked to work today…the first time since I've been back here…its might seem small to someone else…but its big for me.

"Well with my luck…the one time I don't say hello first it's not going to be you and then I'm just gunna feel like an ass"

"Well then you can just tell me about it later and we can have a good laugh…wouldn't want our conversations to start getting dull now would we" I can here her clicking away at her keyboard as she types. Brooke calls me every Friday…at the same time. She's been doing it since I left Tree Hill again. As busy as she is, she always finds time to talk to me. She's got her own business now…designing clothes. I'm proud of her…she may not be the best artist, but her sketches are amazing. She mailed quite a few of them to me…there are time when I'm dying to fix her poor attempts at mannequins, but I never do…this is Brooke's thing.

"So what's new Davis"

"Absolutely nothing has changed since you called me on Tuesday…besides me getting new orders…but noting major."

"Your hiding something…" I could hear it in her voice…she was…I can't say happy…the doesn't even begin to describe the sound of her voice…its so much more than then….almost…blissful.

"Okay…is it that obvious…"

"Yes…its beyond obvious Brooke…what's going on"

"P Sawyer…I can't tell you"

"Brooke!" my jaw drops…how can she not tell me…that just so…ahh.

"I know…I'm sorry…I mean I really really really want to…but I can't…I'm sworn to secrecy...okay I think I should go now…because you're so gunna find a way to make me slip and tell you" She knows me too well…and sometimes, like now…it really sucks.

"Fine…but am I ever going to find out…and I mean anytime soon" I plead over the phone…I hate when I'm the only one who doesn't know something.

"Eventually…just not today…but I'm getting off the phone now."

"fine…I'll talk to you later"

"Bye Peyt…"I hear the phone click off before I shut it. Last time Brooke had a secret to tell me it was that Haley might be pregnant…I had forced that out of her seven months ago…but it turned out to be a false alarm. Maybe Hales really is pregnant this time…it would make sense for them to not tell me…I don't know if I'd be able to keep that from Nathan, which is why that didn't wanna tell me last time. Haley likes to be sure of these things before she tells Nate anything. There is one way I could find out….

I dialed Brooke's cell number, making sure to block my number.

"Hello"

"Tigger…" I don't exactly sound like Haley, even when I try, but she's the only one that calls Brooke that.

"Tutor Wife I swear I didn't say anything this time…I kept my mouth shut like I said I would." Brooke sounded proud of herself…she's always been bad at keeping secrets…I hated to rain on her parade….well not really

"Thanks Davis" I couldn't suppress the laugh as she gasped from her end of the line.

"P Sawyer…you little…god you suck…I hate you"

"You love me…" I countered

"Yeah…but right now I hate you…and I am not talking to you…Tutor Wife is so gunna kill me." I heard her hang up with a sigh…I win. I smirked as I waved to my doorman and walked inside my building. The elevator ride was slow…I think it's because I'm so tired and I just wanna sit back and relax.

I approach my door slowly…I left it unlocked this morning…Nate's idea. I keep him updated on how I'm doing…every night. Even if its just a five minute call to ask how was your day and have a good night…we've spoken at least once a day since I've left. Last night he said that I had been doing well and he was proud of me for getting my life back together…I'm proud of me too. He suggested that I leave my door unlocked when I left for work this morning…something about facing my fears…that there was a door man downstairs that wouldn't just let someone in…that everything would be fine when I got home. I know everything he said is true, but that doesn't stop my stomach from forming little knots. I stop in front of my door, inhaling deeply…this shouldn't be so hard…the doorman would have told me if anyone had even stopped by. I close my eyes as I let the breath out and my hand cautiously finds the doorknob. As I push it open a letter sitting on the floor catches my eyes. I have to force myself to pick it up. My heart skips a beat as I turn it over and see the bright red kiss imprinted on the seal with the letter SWAK written below it. The only person I've eve know to do that is Brooke…but she's in Tree Hill…she has to be because I just talked to her…on her office phone. I slowly break the seal and take out the handwritten letter.

-Okay so before you start freaking out…yes its Brooke and…SURPRISE!. How did I pull this off…let's just say everyone is in on this…but you. Now I need you to walk and read…assuming that you can multitask. Now you have to follow all my directions…or else this won't work. So step one…proceed to the kitchen. When you get there you'll notice food…remember how Kate had to take off from work this afternoon…well this was her emergency. Told you everyone was in on it.-

I looked around the kitchen…completely spotless, but table was already set, and the oven was keeping the food warm. This was only slightly bizarre, and knowing Brooke…it was only going to get stranger.

-Smells good doesn't it…but you can't eat yet. If you haven't done so yet, put you stuff down somewhere. Now proceed up the stairs…your going to go into your room…but your going to finish reading my letter first so stop reading until you get to the top of the stairs.-

I followed her instructions, and was shocked to find the hallway lined with rose petals, the scent of vanilla radiating from the few candles in the hall.

-This is what I call P Sawyers day off…or evening off…whatever…important part is that you deserve this…we're all very proud of you because you've gone through so much and found a way to wind up on top. Now walk to your bedroom door and stop again. Inside there is a nice warm bath waiting for you but you can't go do that until you finish reading my letter. Okay now enough with the directions…on to the best friend stuff. Peyt…I miss you so much…I've seen you once in the past year… its time for another visit. Enough with my whining…I'm so happy for you Peyton…you've gotten through all of this and your life is getting to where it should be. I guess all of this is my way of saying congratulations…and thank you. You've done so much for me and been there for me since elementary school and I don't know if I've ever taken the time out to just say I love you and thanks for being my best friend…I should have done it a long time ago. So go enjoy your evening and call me later…Love you…PS…everyone here is missing you like crazy…especially Luke - Love always B Davis

I let the tears slide slowly down my cheeks….how on Earth was I lucky enough to have friends like her….like all of them. I smiled softly as I folded the letter back up. I opened my bedroom door and walked straight into the bathroom…sure enough a warm bath was waiting. I undressed and climbed in, letting my head rest against the side. My first thought was Lucas…I haven't talked to him and the week. He's not as anal as Nathan and Brooke about the calling. We always let some time pass in-between our calls…that way we have something to talk about. I've fallen in love with him again…and its scares me. I've finally let my heart go there again…I've let myself become vulnerable and its back to that feeling I love and hate all at the same time. I haven't told him yet…I'm hoping to do it in two weeks when I see him again. That's what I mailed out today…eight plane tickets to New York. I've only seen them once in the last year and I've been missing them a lot lately. Brooke's the only one who's seen my apartment, so I figured this time they could all come here. Nate, Hales, Luke, Sam, Kristen, Karen, Keith and Brooke…who has the option to bring Alex. They should get the package tomorrow and I'm just hoping they can all get off from work.

I look down at my fingers and notice that I'm starting to prune…which means its time to get out. After getting dressed I make my way back downstairs…back to the dinner that has been so patiently waiting for me. I make myself a plate and sit down. I take moment to close my eyes and just inhale the scent…I don't usually eat home cooked meal…I've become more of an order Chinese food girl. I feel something slip around my eyes and my heart rate instinctively increases.

"I swear I'm just following Brooke instructions" I hear Kate's voice from over my shoulder. "I've gotta get you to the roof because that's were your supposed to eat…and let me tell you the view from up there is amazing." I laugh as I let Kate guide me upstairs. She's always liked the view from my roof…but she's only seen it during the day and its so much better at night.

"At least its warm out" I say as we step outside.

"True" she moves from behind me and stands in front of me instead. "Ready"

"I guess…even though your making it sound like a I should be scared…I shouldn't be should I"

"No of coarse not…" I undo the blind fold and my heart skips a beat as I look ahead of me.

"Oh my god"

"I'm gunna go…enjoy the rest of your evening Peyt." I mindlessly wave goodbye to Kate…she's right dinner on the roof was a much better idea. This place looks amazing…Christmas lights are lining the room…and a candle lit table is sitting by the pool, reflecting perfectly off the water. There are more red and white rose petals scattered along the floor. I feel hands go over my eyes and I spin around quickly.

"Guess who…" My jaw drops.

"Brooke" I throw my arms around her. "I can't believe you're here"

"We've gotta do the walk and talk thing…" s he grabs my hand and pulls me back downstairs with her. "I kind of missed my flight because I couldn't leave without seeing you…but I've gotta get out of here soon cuz I have work tomorrow. " she throws me a sad look as we walk into my bed room.

"What time do you have to go" I watch her pull a black dress with an intricate yet subtle design out of my closet and hand it to me along with shoes. Its not mine and I fold back to the tag to see her name printed on the tag. She pushes me into the bathroom.

"My flights at nine and its seven now…so technically I should already be gone…but someone takes really long showers so…"

"Why am I getting dressed up" I ask from behind the door.

"Because we've been planning this for the past three weeks…down to that dress…beside as much time as I put into upstairs…design and setup…you are not wearing pajamas P Sawyer…I'm offending that you even think I would let you ruin my image of how this evening is going to go. So hurry up so I can fix the way your hair is supposed to look."

"Brooke I'm eating by myself …does it really matter what I look like" I open the door and raise a brow at her.

"Yes…it doesn't matter if your eating at all…Peyt please…this whole this has been planned down to the minute…it had to be…so please…what if I miss my flight again…then you won't be eating alone and you can get dressed up for me." She was begging me…I handed her a brush and watched her face light up as I sit on my bed. I know Brooke and I know she put all of her energy into this…she even made me a dress. The least I can do is let her let this pan out the way she wants it to…the way she needs it to in order for her to feel like this happened perfectly. She pulls my hair into a neat ponytail with a few ringlets hanging down to frame my face.

"I'd love for you to stay…but you might not get another flight out tonight or in the morning Brooke" I turn to face her…I wish she could stay.

"I know…I got the last seat…the next available flight isn't until noon tomorrow." She wraps her arms around me tightly. "I love you P Sawyer" she pulls and smiled.

"I love you too…thank you for being my best friend" I lets out a small laugh as tears spring to both of our eyes.

"Thank you for being mine…I gotta go though…but before I forget" she pulls a letter out of her bag and hands it to me. "From Lucas…he asked me to give this to you and to tell you he loves you…but read it after dinner…one because I don't want to food to get cold…and you should be sting down and relaxing when you read it…that's when you can wear your pajamas."

"I'm gunna miss you Brooke" I won't tell her about the tickets…it can be my surprise for tomorrow.

"Miss ya already…call me tomorrow" I nod as we embrace one last time before she heads downstairs and I head up. I left Luke's letter on my bed…as much as I want to read it…Brooke's right, it'd be better to read when I was dressed down. As I walked back outside I suddenly fitted in better with my surrounding…the thought makes me laugh. Only Brooke would make me get dressed up on my evening to relax.

"Have I told you lately that I love you" I feel arms slide around my waist, and just his scent makes me smile. I turn around and bite my bottom lip.

"You don't have to leave tonight too do you" we lock eyes as he shakes his head no. "I missed you Luke" my voice is small as I wrap my arms around his neck. Have I mentioned how much I love my best friend….only she could pull this off.

"I've missed you too Peyt" he places a gentle kiss on my forehead and I see a flash go off. I catch Brooke out of the corner of my eyes smiling with her camera.

"Okay I really have to go now…so hurry up and turn around and smile." Lucas and I both laugh as we turn to face to overly giddy and late brunette. He stands behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. She snaps the picture and smiles brightly. "Perfect" I mouth thank you to her and she winks before spinning on her heel. "Have fun and be safe" she calls as she walks quickly back downstairs.

"So how about dinner" I turn to face the clean shaven blonde.

"Sounds good" he reaches for my hand and are fingers hook together as he leads me over to the table which is now set for two. He pulls my chair out for me before moving over to his own seat. There's a comfortable silence while we eat…and a lot of stolen glances. Despite a slightly hectic afternoon at work…this day has been…perfect.


	34. Crossing The Line

"So what is in that letter Brooke gave me" I looked over at him from my position on the kitchen island. He refused to let me help him clean up, so I sat on the counter next to him and just watched as he washed dishes.

"Nothing…it was her idea…something about making the surprise bigger…but if you want me to write you a letter…I'm sure I could come up with something." His blue eyes meet mine and I can't help but smile. I slide off the counter and stand behind him, my arms looping under his as I rest my chin on his shoulder.

"Its okay…having you here is better than a letter" he turns to faucet off and spins around to face me.

"Good to know" he taps my nose playfully as I bite the inside of my lip. We haven't kissed since that heated moment in Haley's bathroom a year ago. That moment would have been the perfect time for one of us to lean in…but he chose to tap my nose and turn back around to dry off the counter. I think this is his way of keeping boundaries between us…of giving me my space. It stings me a little though because I don't want the space anymore…I wanna be as close to him as possible…physically, mentally…all of it.

I let out a slow yawn as I get back on the counter and he looks back and smirks at me. "Tired?" I attempt to say no but another yawn escaped my mouth instead.

"Okay…maybe…but I'm not ready to go to sleep yet." He cocks his head to the side as he moves to stand between my legs. I wanna spend every moment possible with him.

"I'll be here when you wake up…promise" he kisses my forehead lightly before turns his back to me. He grabs my arms and laces them around my neck before pulling me onto his back.

"What are you doing" I ask with a small laugh as he turns off the kitchen light.

"Escorting you to your room…unless you'd rather walk" he started to set me down but I held onto him tighter.

"No...this is good" my head rests next to his as we make our way up the stairs and towards my room. He still smells the same. I smile as he sets me down in front of my door.

"So this is where the ride ends" I look up at him and watch a hesitant look briefly float through his eyes. I wonder about it, but not for long because his next comment makes it clearer. "So I'll see you in the morning" he wanted to, but he wasn't going to stay with me…that would be crossing this invisible line he had put between us…a line he had to draw. He could tell me he loved me but intimacy was out of the question. I can't say that I don't understand it because I do…it would be too hard for him and it wouldn't be fair of me. It wouldn't be right for me to taunt him and give him hope of something he couldn't have…something he wanted so badly….but I couldn't give it to him. Me…my heart…body…soul…all of me…he wants it all and I haven't been able to give it to him…so he learned to keep his distance and not torture himself.

I smile lightly at him and get ready to nod my head in understanding…but I stop. Its then that it hits me…this isn't like last time…or the time before that…I've changed and I'm finally starting to feel whole again. I let myself fall in love with him…that's the biggest difference of all. I wouldn't be torturing him or teasing him with something he can't have. This time around he can have me…all of me…I want to give myself completely to him. The idea of being that vulnerable scares the hell out of me…but I'm ready for it…I'm willing to risk it…for Lucas.

I catch his eye and in that moment I know I can't do this anymore…I don't want to…I don't wanna dance around him anymore…it's foolish and there's no points. "You can take the guest room" I watch him nod his head…a brief pain flashing through his eye. He turns to walk away but I grab his shirt to stop him. "But…I really don't want you to" I bite my bottom lip before pulling him closer to me. I stop with him barley an inch away from my face…I need to know that he still wants this too…that he's willing to fight for it and not just depend on me. I wait for him, but he doesn't move and ten seconds later we're still dangerously close…but still with distance between us. I fall back against my bed room door and my head hits the wood with a thud as I feel tears well in my eyes…not from any pain in my head…but from the pain that seems to slowly be slicing its way through my heart.

His hands find my waist and slide ever so slowly down to my hips…but he doesn't come any closer to me….and it hurts because I'm starting to think that he doesn't really want this anymore…that his I love you's don't hold the same meaning…that he doesn't want me anymore.

"I love you…you know that…I'm not really sure when it happened…but about two months ago I fell in love with you again…or at least I realized it…and it made me happy and scared and anxious and twenty other things all at the same time. And I've been waiting until I saw you in person to tell you that…and here you are…so I'm telling you...I am completely and totally in love with you…I found that feeling again…that one I lost and thought I couldn't get back…I finally got that amazing feeling back." I let a few tears fall from my eyes…whether his feelings are the same or not…that still felt good to say. I rest my hand on the doorknob and turn it slowly. As the door pushes open I feel myself going back with it…away from Lucas…and he's doing nothing to stop it.

As I take a step back all that's left on me are his fingertips. I force a smile as I push back tears. I lock eyes with him and I see something spark in his eyes…it's a different look then the one he's had glued to his face since we came upstairs. It isn't a look I've seen at all tonight…I don't know if I've ever seen that look in his eyes ever…and I can't place what it is. I feel his hands resuming their place on my hips and he gently pulls my body back into his. "It feels…so good to hear you say that…to watch the look in your eyes when you said it" I close my eyes and smile as he finally closes the distance between us. It feels good to be this close to him…to taste him again. We move back into my room and soon we've fallen back onto the bed. My hand slips under his shirt but he stops me. I pull back from him with a slightly raised brow.

"We haven't gone there…and I don't want you to feel like we have to…I didn't come here expecting that Peyt…and I wasn't expecting that when we made our way in here." He's got this adoring look in his eyes…this innocence that makes me smile and blush.

"I know…and I love you even more for that. I'm glad we never quite got to this point because I've never felt like this before…I want this Luke…it just feels…"

"Right…perfect" I nod my head because either word could finish my sentence. He smiles at me as he leans back in. He grips my hands and turns us so that I'm underneath him. With one hand grabbing the edge of the black dress, his lips leave mine only so that he can pull it over my head. He trails kisses from my neck down to my stomach, his hand trailing up my sides. He sits up and I help him lift the shirt over his head. His leans in towards me and stops to flash me an adoring smile before he presses his lips against mine again.

I don't think I've ever felt like this before…my hearts pounding in my chest and my breath keeps catching in my throat…I can't think straight and his lips on my neck makes me shudder. I force myself to concentrate on his belt and I quickly undo it without looking down. As soon as I have the button undone I help him slip his pants onto the floor next to my dress. I can feel my toes curling as our legs become entangled and I slowly slide one leg up along his.

He's breathing just as heavy as I am as he pulls away and rests his forehead on mine. I could stay like this forever…just gazing into his eyes…in this moment I'm perfectly content. There's no way to describe the way it feels to keep our eyes locked as he leans back in. He stares right into me until our lips meet…and I melt into this feeling of pleasure and security.

With the last pieces of clothing disregarding, he takes my hands as he joins his body with mine. His gentleness slowly becomes more aggressive…and I can't recall much after that point other than the indescribable feeling I have when I fall asleep tucked perfectly in his arms some time after midnight.


	35. A Morning To Remember

The smell of breakfast swarms around me as I roll over in bed. It takes me a minute to remember what's going on and when I finally do a smile takes over my face. My eyes open slowly as I pull myself up and lean back on my hands. I love the comfort of my bed, but the idea of going downstairs to see Lucas puts my happiness on a whole new level.

"Morning" I glance over at the door to find him walking through the doorway with a tray of food in his hands.

"Morning" I smile shyly at him as he approaches the bed. I lift myself up a little more to glance at the two plates of food on the tray. "How long have you been up" I question as I take notice of the two full plates of food.

"About an hour" he shrugs towards me after he sets the tray down.

"You could've woken me up" I bite the inside of my lip but he just shakes his head and waves me off.

"Now how am I supposed to surprise you with breakfast if you're awake." He raises his brows at me and I just roll my eyes. I watch as he leans in towards me, but before he can close the distance I lean back and place my hand over my mouth.

"Umm…hold that thought" I flash him a coy smile as I lift myself out of bed and let his shirt fall to my knees. I saunter into the bathroom and approach the sink. I grab my tooth brush and am slightly surprised to see him leaning in the bathroom doorway when I glance in the mirror. I feel somewhat self-conscious knowing that he's standing there watching me. I avoid his gaze as I brush my teeth simply to stop myself from blushing. I shut off the water and reach for the Vaseline. I watch him through the mirror as I apply it to my lips. There is something nervous in his eyes…his whole stance seems almost…scared. He looks like he wants to run away or something and it makes me feel a little worried. I break eye contact with him because the more I look at him the more hesitant he seems to become.

It's when I briefly pay attention to what I'm doing the I suddenly lose my breath. My eyes dart from my reflection to his. I see a hesitant smile grace his lips when I turn to face him. "Lucas…" I can barley get his name out of my mouth as I stare down at my hand… my finger….the white gold, diamond ring that's sitting on my finger.

"I brought it with me hoping that I would be able to ask you at some point…and after last night…I've been waiting to hear you say that…to look in your eyes and know that you feel that same way about me as I feel about you…when I woke up this morning, I just…it seemed like it was the right time to do it…and then I freaked and I tried to get it back off your finger, but every time I tired you moved or you started waking up…and…well here we are" I watch him laugh nervously. I can't get the shocked look off my face, and I feel my lips part slightly as I watch him kneel down on my bathroom floor. "Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer…"

I know what he says...not that I can hear him say it. My minds racing with a million and one thoughts right now and my hearts going a mile a minute. How on earth did I wind up in this position, with another engagement ring on my finger and Lucas kneeling in front of me. He's just there…looking up at me…smiling nervously. I can't tear my eyes away from him and my feet are glued to the floor even though my mind is screaming at me to run away. But my heart…its screaming for me to say yes.

"Hey…" I blink a few times after he grabs my hands and hold them gently between his. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to freak you out. I woke up and I wasn't really thinking and then I couldn't get it back off…if you want we can just pretend this never happened"

"I can't…"

"Its okay…I understand…" he's trying to seem fine…but I can see in his eyes that he's hurting now.

"Lucas…"

"Don't worry about it." He stands up and I watch as he slips the ring off my finger…for some reason I can't move…I can't even blink or open my mouth to call out to him. Its when he's back in my bed room that I finally find my voice again.

"Luke" I follow him into my room and stop when he turns around to face me. "I meant that I can't just forget about it…I don't wanna just forget about it Luke. I love you…so much…but you have a life in Tree Hill…and a daughter…and I'm up here in New York. It just doesn't seem plausible right now." I bite my lip as I watch him lean in and close the distance between us. I force myself to pull away from him as I fight back tears. "And…I…I'm not ready for this Lucas…its just too much…too fast."

"I just don't wanna lose you again…I never wanna lose you. I don't wanna leave here and then a month form now find out that you found someone else and I lost my chance…again. Every time I've wanted to tell you how I feel or make us official…something…someone is in the way. First it was Nathan…then Brooke…then I tried to tell you that day you kicked my out of your room…but I realized you wanted Jake…and then it was him and Brooke that stopped me…then you left and when you came back…I thought it was finally my chance…our chance…I thought we could finally get there…and then I felt the ring on your finger…I just…I don't wanna leave and come back and find out that you gave your heart to someone else. I know that's probably really selfish…but I don't care anymore…Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer…I have to be with you…I NEED to be with you." He's got tears brimming in his eyes…and I've got tears cascading down my face.

I push every fear inside of me deep down…someplace where they won't come back…at least not for a little while. My hands find their way to his shoulders and he watches my in confusion as I push him down to his knees. I see that fire return to his eyes when he realizes what I'm doing. "I can't lose you…I won't" I close my eyes as I feel him grasp my hands again. He kisses each of my knuckles…he knows how much this is taking out of me…how hard this truly is.

"Will you marry me" I can feel his grip tightening out of fear that he took my gesture the wrong way.

I open my eyes slowly and look down at him. "Yes" I bite the inside of my lip as he slips the ring back on my finger and stand up. His arms wrap tightly around me and I quickly return the gesture, burying my face into his neck. "Please don't hurt me" he pulls away and harbors a look of pure confusion in his eyes. "Cause I don't wanna hurt anymore" he kisses away the few tears that slip from beneath my closed lids. His hands come to rest gently on my cheeks as he leans his forehead against mine.

"I swear to you…I will never hurt you…I did twice before…but I won't do it again…I swear I won't." I lean in and press my lips to his.

"Okay…" its comes out as a whisper as I watch him smile down at me. He loves me more than anyone else ever has…and I love him more than I've ever loved anyone else…that's the exact thing that scares me…it always has been the thing that scares me most about him…no one else can make me feel that great…or the bad…bring that much happiness…or that much pain.


	36. Perfect Timing

I woke up to find the space next to me empty. I looked around, trying to find any indication of where she had gone. It was when I glanced at the clock that I realized she was probably at work. She took off yesterday, simply because I asked her to. I wanted to spend some more time together, before the house got packed.

I've been here for two weeks now, and I've been enjoying every minute of it. I think she's enjoying it to. I mean, she seems as happy as am, at least she did the other day. But yesterday something was different…she was a little distant. I tried to ignore it…tried to push it to the back of my mind, but the feeling just kept resurfacing. It was almost as if she looked guilty…but what could she possibly feel guilty about, unless there's something I don't know. I don't want to think that she's hiding something...but that look in her eyes last night.

I shake my head and push the thought to the side before getting out of the bed. It's been just the two of us for the past two weeks, but this evening everyone else from Tree Hill will be here. Getting off of work wasn't really an issue for any of them…they all own their own businesses…it's summer so the kids are off, and me…I get to take off because aside from my three week vacation, I have about a month of sick days racked up since I rarely take off. So for the next two weeks, Tree Hill is moving to New York.

From what Haley tells me, she's just happy to be visiting, as well as Keith and my mom, Brooke's been gushing about playing editor again, Nathan just wants to see Peyton, make sure she's okay…he'll probably try to convince her to move back to Tree Hill…she won't say yes, but for two weeks he'll keep trying…Hales says he's been checking the weather everyday, making sure mother nature isn't going to try and stop him from seeing his best friend…soon to be his official "little sister".

That thought brings a smile to my face as I walk out the bathroom. One afternoon in our junior year…I told her that one day I was going to marry her. I remember her turning to look at me like I was crazy…I kissed her and then she settled back into my arms with a smile on her face. We may have been thrown off track a few times, but it's finally happening.

I told Peyton I would clean up the apartment a bit today, she said I didn't have to, but I'm doing it anyway. She gets home a little earlier than usual today, that way she's here when everyone arrives, and I know she'll be running around the house trying to get it spotless. I have nothing else to do, so I figured the least I could do was clean up a little so she can relax when she gets home.

I spent about two hours upstairs…I've gotten used to the size of her apartment, but having to vacuum the master bedroom, 3 guest rooms, the living room, and then straighten out 3 bathrooms, including the master which should count as two bathrooms…it just reminds me how huge her apartment really is…and there's still the family room, another bathroom, kitchen and dining area…all downstairs. I now know why Peyton told me not the worry about cleaning. But I'll finish it all…just because it's the least I can do since I've been living here for two weeks.

The sound of cabinets opening and closing grabs my attention. I start down the hall and as I'm heading downstairs I hear the dishwasher start. I'm about to turn around and go grab something from upstairs….anything that I could hit someone with. There's a baseball bat in one of the guest room closets, I saw it while I was cleaning, and now I'm seriously contemplating going back to get it.

"Mr. Scott" the voice stops my as I'm turning to go back upstairs. I continue down the steps and as I'm about to step onto the last step, a short brunette appears in front of me. "Good morning…"

"Morning…" I respond hesitantly…I assume she can see the confusion on my face because she give a small laugh before sticking out her hand.

"I'm Susan… "

"Lucas" I responded as I shook her hand….still lost as to who she was or how she knows my name.

"Miss Sawyer called me this morning and asked if I would come do the cleaning a little early this month."

"Oh…so you clean this whole place by yourself…" my eyes got wide at the thought and once again she just laughed.

"No…friend Elaine is here with me, and we each take a floor and then finish the terrace together." I gave a small nod. "I see you got started upstairs…or I heard anyway….Miss Sawyer said that you would probably insist on helping clean." This time I had to laugh myself…she knew me too well.

"I don't really have anything else to do and the place really isn't that dirty." I shrugged.

"Yeah, Miss Sawyer does a pretty good job keeping this place tidy and we're grateful for that, but once a month we come and clean this place and make sure it's spotless."

"Well feel free to put me to work" I gave another small shrug as Susan laughed.

"Really…it's okay…you don't need to do anything…this is what we get paid to do"

"I know…but I insist…and don't bother arguing with me" I flashed her smile which she returned with a roll of her eyes.

"Well Elaine is on the second floor changing all the bedding. I'm good down here…so if you wouldn't mind sweeping the terrace and taking care of the pool…skimming it and adding some chlorine."

"Okay…I'm just gunna grab a water first" Her smile falters for the briefest of moments but she quickly nods before turning and heading into the living room. I must have imagined it. I made my way into the kitchen and over to the fridge. I stopped before I opened the door though, my eyes drifting over to the kitchen island. There was only one thing sitting on top of the black marble…the ring I had slipped on Peyton's finger two weeks ago. I picked it up in my hand as a constricting pain radiated through my chest. How could she do this…if she didn't want to get married she could have just said so…I told her it was okay to say no the morning I proposed. Why did she have to wait two weeks before she decided to do this.

Or had she known from before…did she know she was gunna eventually turn me down when she let me put the ring back on her finger…when she told me yes. I wonder if this is why she didn't wanna tell anybody yet…she claimed she wanted to surprise everyone…wait until they got here. Has she really been trying to figure out how to turn me down all this time…how to take her answer back.

I walk out of the kitchen and start up the stairs. "Is everything okay Mr. Scott." I turn to look down at Susan, who must have seen my face when I left the kitchen. I nod slowly. "I thought you were getting a water?"

"Changed my mind" my voice is small, and it cracks towards the end. I watch the brunette frown…she knows I'm lying, that my mood has done a sudden 180.

"Are you sure you're okay" her voice is gentle…welcoming. I nod as I turn back around. "I'm sorry" I turn back to face her, confusion causing me to frown slightly. She just gives me a sad and apologetic smile before going back to cleaning. It's as I'm walking back upstairs that her response suddenly makes perfect sense. She had been in the kitchen already… it's pretty hard to miss a diamond engagement ring sitting on the counter…she knew what was going on. I hadn't imaged the flicker of hesitance in her eyes when I said I was going to get a water before going upstairs. She knew exactly what she was apologizing for…why I wasn't okay.

I stop in the master bedroom first and set the ring back in the black velvet box before putting the box in my suitcase. I walk upstairs and out onto the terrace. Being up here reminds me of the night I arrived…when we ate dinner up her…the night she told me she loved me. My body leans against the brick wall and I slide down into a sitting position, my elbows resting on my bent knees as my head falls limply into my hands. I can probably count the amount of times I've cried in my life…I haven't cried since I lost Amy. I'm sitting here and I feel tears burning behind my eyes… I'm usually strong…able to keep my emotions in check, but this…it just hurts so much. I don't even know what this is supposed to mean for us…is there even an 'us' left? I wipe roughly at the few tears that slip down my cheeks before forcing myself to stand back up…I won't breakdown now…I can't. So I grab the broom and do exactly what I told Susan I would…I sweep the entire terrace…use Windex to wipe down the glass walls of the weight room…skim the top of the pool and then add more chlorine. Our friends and family will be here tonight…not long after she gets home…which means we won't talk about it...we have to talk about it eventually, but for a girl that likes avoid emotions and runaway from feelings…her timing is perfect, because we can't have any long and emotionally draining conversations while eight other people are staying in the apartment for two weeks.


	37. Hundred

Susan and Elaine left three hours ago, and I've just been sitting on the couch since then. I'm still trying to wrap my head around all this. I just can't understand why she would say yes if she didn't want to get married…why she waited this long to take it all back. It all just hurts.

There's a part of me that keeps eyeing the clock, waiting for her to come home. I've always been able to read her…I want to see the look in her eyes…maybe then I'll understand this just a little bit better. I want to know if she's scared…angry…regretful…if she's suddenly lost that sparkle in her eye…the one she had the first night I was here…when she told me she was in love with me again.

Fifteen minutes later…and she's still not here. It's a little past six…she was supposed to be here half an hour ago. She hasn't called…I understand her not calling during lunch like usual, she's just backed out of an engagement…her engagement to me…but not calling to at least say she'll be late. The thought makes me worry a little, and because I love her I'm willing to put my bruised heart and ego to the side as I pick up the phone. But her cell phone doesn't even ring…it just goes straight to voicemail, and I don't bother to leave a message. I call her office and wait as the phone rings repeatedly.

"Hello…" the woman's voice is rushed and unfriendly…like she's dying to get me off the phone before even knowing who's calling…it's different that the kind receptionist I usually speak to when I call Peyton's job.

"Hi, is Peyton Sawyer available" A loud sigh comes from her end of the line.

"Can you hold on for just a second…thanks" and she's got me on hold, listening to crappy music before I can even think about answering her. Five minutes goes by before I hear her voice again. "Sorry…umm, Miss Sawyer is currently not available…I can take a message, but she won't be able to get back to you until tomorrow."

"Isn't she off tomorrow" I frowned slightly…she had taken tomorrow off specifically so she would be able to spend time with everyone on their first day here.

"She was supposed to be...but she may be here tomorrow. I'm sorry sir, but either way she won't be getting in touch with you this evening." There was nothing professional about her tone or choice of words…she sounded extremely irritated, like she was dying to get me off the phone. "Can I take a message?"

"Can I talk to her…I just need to know what time she'll be getting off" I was starting to get aggravated myself…today hadn't been a good day…not even close to it. I'm in no mood to deal with a bitchy secretary who probably wants to finish painting her nails.

"I'm sorry, but Miss Sawyer has specifically said she does not want to be interrupted for anything."

"But…"

"I'm sorry…she's not accepting any calls right now…and its pretty safe to assume that she doesn't know what time she's getting off. Can I take a message or not"

"Not…" I hung up the phone with a frustrated sigh. How the hell did a woman like that have a job answering phones...last time I checked receptionist were supposed to be polite and pleasant.

I sat back on the couch, letting my anger fade and slowly turn back into hurt. Was she really that desperate to stay away from me? Maybe she was going to wait until she was sure everyone else had gotten her before coming home…if she did that then she wouldn't even have to acknowledge me…she could spend all her time talking to Brooke and Haley…then she could go and play catch-up with Nathan. She wouldn't have to see me at all...I'd wind up sleeping on the pull-out couch upstairs. I just don't understand what happened to make everything change so quickly.

Knocking on the door tears me out of my thoughts. I have to force myself to get to my feet and move down the hall. It's not that I'm not happy about seeing everyone, but this means I have to put on a smile for them…and smiling is the last thing I want to do right now. I haven't felt this kind of searing pain since…since Amy died. That thought makes me stop dead in my tracks…a few feet from the door. I loved my wife…very deeply…I treasured her from the moment she walked into my life until the moment she was so cruelly and abruptly taken away from me. But it's for the first time that I'm realizing that I had never given Amy all of my heart…and that makes guilt rip through my entire body, makes my stomach knot and my throat get unnervingly dry.

Knocking again brings me back to reality, and I take the last step foreword and pull the door open. "Hi…" Brooke's smile is so bright and I can't do anything but force myself to return it, even though I want to do nothing more than cry.

"Hey" I take a step back to let them all in…Brooke and Haley almost run past me and into the apartment.

"Daddy…" I hear her scream happily, and I don't have to pretend to smile as I lift Sam into my arms. She throws her small arms around my neck and leans her head against my shoulder.

"I missed you…so much" I whisper into her hair. I had called to tell her goodnight every night.

"I missed you more" She had been staying with Nathan, Haley and Kristen for the past two weeks and I know she enjoyed herself, but it's good to hear that she still found time to miss me.

"Sure you did…" I laugh as she pulls back and makes a defiant face.

"Where's Peyton" I tense a little at her question.

"She's be home a little later" I lean forward and kiss her forehead gently, causing her to break out into a smile. Her smile…it's an exact replica of her mother's…and it forces unwanted thoughts…realizations…back into my mind. I honestly believed that I had had given Amy all of me…let her in completely…loved her with everything I had…with every fiber of my being. But…if the idea of Peyton no longer loving me…not wanting to be with me…not wanting anything to do with me…if that's causing the same amount or pain and heartache as Amy's death…then that was all a lie. I had never let my wife all the way in…I had never given her that piece of me…the small piece that I only gave to Peyton.

Brooke had told me once that there's a certain smile I have...two of them actually…both of them I reserve for Peyton…one that only shows up when I'm talking about her…and the other when I'm talking to her. I know without a doubt that I loved Amy…while we were married I knew no one could compare to her…and when she died…I thought no one would ever be able to replace her. And it's tearing my heart apart to think that maybe I was wrong…to look at my little girl and know that I held her mother on an extremely high pedestal, but even during our marriage…I had placed someone else just a little bit higher.

"Hey you okay man…" I blinked hard and turned to see Nathan staring at me with a worried expression.

"Yeah…I'm fine" it came out barley above a whisper as I set Sam down on the floor and watched her run over to Kristen.

"You sure" he raised brow as he kept he gaze focused on me.

"I'm fine Nate" I manage to make my voice a little stronger.

"Good…" he opened his mouth to speak but stopped when Brooke's irritated voice echoed through the house.

"Where is Peyton?" I'm sure she just asked the same question Nathan was about to. I turn my head to see her standing at the foot of the stairs with her hands placed firmly on her hips.

"At work."

"No…see I spoke to her earlier and she said she was leaving early…that she would be here" I tuned out most of what Brooke said…the only thing I really picked up on was the fact that she had spoken to Peyton today. Apparently she really was avoiding me. "Lucas…" I shook my head and looked down to see Brooke glaring up at me…hands still on her hips.

"I know she didn't plan on it, but she's working late…I'm sorry" I quipped back at her…the last thing I need is for them to catch on that something's wrong…I've got my mom, Haley, and Brooke…who would be badgering me with a million and one questions if they even suspected something was off…not to mention my younger brother…who would throw all his energy into beating my ass at the slightest indication of my doing something to hurt or upset Peyton. So I threw the sarcastic comment out there and let Brooke glare at me before hitting me in the arm. And it was left at that…Peyton was just working late…and I wasn't the slightest bit upset about anything.

I ordered pizza and watched as everyone else finished off the two pies. Brooke was the only one to notice that I hadn't eaten, and the look she gave me let me know that she wanted to talk despite me lying and saying that I had already eaten. It was as everyone else was getting settled in their rooms that Brooke dragged me upstairs and onto the terrace…no one else knew that there was a third level…so we didn't have to worry about anyone interrupting us.

"What's up Broody…and don't you dare say nothing, because I know that's a lie." I watched her slip out of her sandals and roll up her pants before sitting on the edge of the pool and letting her feet dangle in the water.

"I've just been doing some thinking today" I walked over to the edge and looked over before letting my body lean against the metal rails.

"About…" she pressed with an eyebrow raised.

"Do you remember earlier this year…when you told me that I had two smiles that were just for Peyton?" I watched her smile and nod.

"Yeah…what about it"

"We talked about Peyton while she was gone…while Amy was still alive…I was wondering if…" I let the statement hang as I looked down at my feet.

"Did you have that smile then…" I looked up at her and met her eyes…waiting. I watched her smile pick up a hint of sadness, but she didn't break eye contact. "Yeah you did…you always have Luke…even when we were dating in high school. Ever since junior year you've had those two smiles that are just for her. Amy didn't change it" Her voice was small with the last statement.

"Do you know how guilty that makes me feel…" tears burned behind my eyes.

"Luke…" her lips stayed parted for a moment before she bit her bottom lip gently.

"That makes me feel like I was cheating on her or something…I loved her Brooke…I swear I did" I closed my eyes and swallowed hard.

"I know you did Lucas…we all know that you did. You didn't betray Amy…I'm pretty sure that even she knew Peyton still had a piece of you're heart…and she was okay with that because she knew how much you loved her…she knew that you gave her everything you could. But you gave that piece of yourself away to Peyton a long time ago Lucas…before you ever met Amy…I'm 99 percent sure that you gave it away before you even knew me." She stopped and gazed out over the water. She opened her mouth to speak again but stopped and pursed her lips back together…she was struggling to find the right words.

"Just say it Brooke…" she rolled her eyes as she looked over towards me.

"You've always loved Peyton…whether you just loved her or you were in love with her…she's always been in you're heart. But that doesn't make you a bad person…it doesn't mean you were a bad husband…that you betrayed Amy then….or that you're betraying her now."

"I was in love with a woman who wasn't my wife…while I was married." I can hear my voice cracking, and my throats getting dry again.

"Yeah…but you loved Amy too Luke...you loved her very much…you two had a wonderful marriage. Your love for Peyton didn't affect your relationship with Amy…especially since you didn't even know that Peyton was still in your heart. This thing between you and Peyt, it's always been there, and it's always gunna be there. What you two have…you'll never find anything like it…it's truly one of a kind. What you had with Amy…it didn't match it…but it came close Luke…and that's something special. Just know that being in love with Peyton now…it doesn't take away the love you shared with Amy." Her smile had brightened again and I gladly returned it.

"Thanks Brooke."

"Anytime Broody" she winked at me before letting a small yawn escape her lips. I glanced down at my watch and my smile quickly disappeared. It was past midnight and Peyton still hadn't come home. "Hey listen…I'm gunna head over to her office and see what's going on. You can go ahead and go to sleep…I know you must be exhausted." She shrugged her shoulders. "I'll see you in the morning Davis"

"Bye…" she called over her shoulder as I started down the stairs, Haley greeting me when I reached the bottom.

"Hey…third floor?" She asked in shook and I could only laugh and nod.

"Terrace…pool and such."

"Brooke up there?" I nodded and let her pass me and head up the steps. I walked down the hall and glanced into the living room, a smile forming on my lips as I looked at Sam and Kristen curled up on either side of Nate on the pullout couch. They had stacked the cushions on the floor in the corned, pulled the bed out and put on the sheets. Nathan was now sitting in the center of the bed, an arm around each of the girls and a book in front of him, as the two tried to keep their eyes open.

I made way to the other end of the hall and down the stairs, and then out of the apartment. I waved down a cab and anxiously in the back as the radio played. I hummed along to a familiar song…Hundred by The Fray…I remember when the song came out in high school….and I also remember hearing it when Peyton came back to Tree Hill after being gone for ten years. Both of those times and even now…I find myself relating to the lyrics. "And who's to say its wrong, and who's to say that it's not right, where we should be for now…so this is where you are, and this is where I've been…" I let the song echo through my ears and the words run through my head, and before I knew it I was standing in front of the building for Cosmopolitan. I have no clue what I'm gunna say or do once I get up there, but I force myself to walk up to the door anyway. I'm not surprised to find the door locked and I press the call button and wait impertinently until a petite red head shows up.

"Sorry we're closed…come back tomorrow." I recognized her voice…it was the receptionist I hung up on earlier.

"No thanks…is Peyton still up there" she frowned at me and then proceeded to cock an eyebrow up.

"You're the one that called for her this evening aren't you…I remember telling you she didn't want to be bothered."

"Look…it's past midnight…she was supposed to come home early today but she's still hear…will you please just let me in"

"Sir…"

"If you don't let me come up I'm just gunna stay down here and keep pressing the call button." She scowled at me and gritted her teeth, but she pulled the door open wider and let me in anyway.

"Follow me…" she instructed after locking the door again. We took the elevator up to the tenth floor and then I followed her down the dark hall. I could hear the phones still ringing, and the red head quickly left my side and sat down at her desk, the phone instantly glued to her ear. I watched her for about five minutes as she switched lines every few seconds, occasionally trying to carry on two conversations at once. I suddenly understood why she had been so irritable early…and I felt bad for getting angry. I laughed when she gritted her teeth and pulled the wire out from the back of the phone. "Sorry" she stood up and braced herself on her arms. "…I've seen you here before…you know were her office is…just…go back there" she waved me off with both of her hands before sitting back down. I got ready to apologize, but she had already plugged the phone back in and was talking animatedly again.

I shook my head as I turned as started towards Peyton's office. She was talking to someone. My heart skipped a beat when I heard a male voice come out of her office, her laughter following the voice. "You're a lifesaver…you know that"

"Yes I know…I love you too Peyt."

"And you adore me" her voice was light and playful…she sounded…happy. I pushed all my assumptions out of my head, and I knocked lightly on her door before sticking my head inside. She had her hands one the guys shoulder's as he sat in front of her computer. I watched her look up and meet my gaze.

"Lucas…what are you doing here" she moved from around the desk and came to stand in front of me. I walked into the office, my hands buried deep in my pockets.

"Well everyone's at the apartment…and you're not." My voice was cold…I could hear it and I could see her cringe slightly. I really didn't mean to come off that way, but I can't help it.

"I really didn't plan on this…someone messed up the system…so me and every other editor as well as a receptionist from each department are here trying to get things back on track." She looked exhausted…circles starting to form under her eyes, which were starting to turn red.

"And you are now back on track" Her eyes got wide as she turned to look at the guy that was getting out of her chair.

"Oh my God…Brian…you're the best…I so owe you" she walked away from me and towards him, throwing her arms around him with a smile on her face. "Thank you for saving me from a nervous breakdown."

"It's not a problem…I just expect to be treated like royalty every time I walk into this building…oh an and all expenses paid trip to...Hawaii…at a top notch hotel." She placed her hands on her hips as he smiled at her.

"I bet you do…"

"You know I could go press a few buttons and re-crash your entire system." She scuffed as she raised a brow.

"How about I convince Rachel to go on a date with you" I watched her smirk at him as he tried to hide his smile.

"That could work." He nodded in approval before grabbing his coat off the back of the chair. "So I'm gunna go double check all the computers downstairs…and then I'm going home…you have someone to walk you out."

"Yeah…I'm good" she turned back to look at me. I watched the relatively thin guy walk up to me, a genuine smile on face.

"Brian Sanders" He stretched his hand out to me and I shook it.

"Lucas Scott…" He nodded towards me and I couldn't stop the look of confusion that washed over my face.

"So you're the guy that's had her smiling for the past two weeks." I looked past him to see Peyton blush. I couldn't stop the small smile that crept onto my lips…maybe it hadn't all been an act.

"Go home Brian…" She flashed him a smile before pointing out the door. He smiled back at her and held his hands up in defense.

"I'm going…I'll see you later Peyton." I watched him walk out of the office and then turned my attention back to her. She was playing with her hands…one of her many nervous habits.

"You ready to head back to apartment…sorry you had to come all the way out here this late." She shut down her computer and then looked back up at me…I had her alone…I wasn't letting her just walk away from this.

"So imagine my surprise this morning when I walked into the kitchen." I closed her office door and then turned back around.

"Okay…so I guess we're doing this here." She sat against her desk and then nodded towards the chair in front of her. "Sit down." I did as she asked and sat in the chair, my eyes never leaving her.

"Why…if you didn't want to get married…why did you day yes…why did you wait until the day everyone comes up here to change your mind" my voice was raising and I had to force myself to calm down.

"Lucas…I still wanna marry you…but I can't…and it has nothing to do with us" she gestured between the two of us before crossing her arms back over her chest.

"What…you lost me Peyton…you wanna marry me…but you can't…but the reason you can't has nothing to do with either of us…sorry but that makes no sense to me" I looked down at the floor.

"It has to do with Sam…" I shifted my gaze back to her. "Like I said…I do wanna marry you…but I won't commit to it until you talk to her. She's you're daughter Luke…she's young, but she is old enough for you to sit down and talk to about this. You have to find out how she feels about all of this first. I don't want to be some kind of intruder in her life. She barely knows me…and I won't just push my way into her life." There's something about the look in her eyes and the tone of her voice that tells me she's putting herself in Sam's shoes. Peyton did go through losing her mother at a young age…she can relate to Sam and what she's going through.

"I'll talk to her…I don't wanna just spring this on her either…it wouldn't be right." I reach out and grab her hand in mine. "But don't worry about being an intruder…or her not liking you…she's been talking about coming to see you since I told her about the trip up here…and guess what…she asked where you were when she came into the apartment." I watched a smile creep onto her face.

"Yeah…but liking me and wanting me to marry her father is a completely different story. She may like me Luke…but she really doesn't know me that well…and I don't know her that well either…but I would like for that to change. I love all the things that I do know about her but I want us to know each other better, we need to know each other better before we…" you once again took her free hand and gestured between us. "…can even think about marriage."

"You know…you make it sound like getting engaged means we're getting married tomorrow." I pulled her off the desk and down onto my lap, my arm wrapping around her waist.

"I know it doesn't mean that…but I do know that getting married means being a family, and as much as I would love that…you need to talk to your daughter and let her know that I'm not there to replace her mother. I would eventually have to say that same thing to her, but as her father you have to let her know that your not trying to forget about her mother…or trying to make her forget. She needs to hear from both of us that Amy will always be her mom…and I'm not trying to take that away from her."

"I love you…you know that. I'm understand what you're saying Peyt…but because of Sam's age…you do realize you'll be taking on that role…she may not call you mom, but that's what she'll think of you as…you'd be the one she turns to about the girly stuff that she can't talk to me about...like boys and…other things…she'll go to you for the sex talk…because when she gets to that age she won't come to me 'cause I'll lock her in her room and forbid her from ever coming out." She laughs as me before leaning in and placing her lips gently on mine.

"I know that…but she needs to know that she's not required to put me in the role…that looking at me that way is completely optional. She needs to know that she doesn't have to call mom…that I'll still just be Peyton."

"We'd both be very lucky to have you in our lives…to have you as part of our family." I leaned in a pecked her lips. "But for now…we'll put the engagement on hold…and I'll talk to Sam…either tomorrow or the next day…but I will talk to her."

"I don't want you to tell her that this is going to happen…I want you to ask her if it's okay…if she'd be okay with it."

"And if she says no…"

"She comes first" I nodded in agreement…I had asked solely to see what Peyton's response would be. If Sam had told me she wasn't okay with us getting married, I wouldn't have tried to pressure her into anything…I wouldn't have been one of those fathers who says 'well I'm the parent so you have no say'. She's my daughter…and although she's only seven…she is old enough to have a say in what happens in _our_ life.

-Peyton's POV-

We wound up back at the apartment at a little past one. I opened and shut the door quietly before setting my bag down on the side table. "It's good to be home" I whispered as I let my body fall back against Luke's. It's been a long day and going to bed and curling up in his arms sounds really good right about now. We take synchronized steps towards the steps, but stop when the light in the living room comes on.

"Bout time you came home…" I pull away from Lucas and walk quickly over to the couch…a wide smile on my face. By the time I get to the couch, he's already standing and he pulls me into his arms.

"I missed you Nate…" my voice is muffled by his shirt, but I know he heard me, because he pulls me closer to him.

"I missed you too." He pulls back a little and drops a kiss on my forehead. I hear the stairs creak, signaling Luke's departure. "I missed your long curls too" I smirk up at him as he ruffles my hair….I forgot that the last time he saw me my hair was short and straight.

"This just seems more…"

"You…" I smile and nod before falling back into his chest. He smells the same, and I gladly let myself relax deeper into his embrace. "You're smelling me again aren't you" I laugh lightly with a nod.

"You should be happy…it means you smell good."

"I always smell good…I can't be this hot and not smell good…that just wouldn't work."

"You don't smell good after you finish playing ball." I raise a brow and watch him smirk as I pull away from him.

"So you think I'm hot after I finish playing ball" I roll my eyes and sigh.

"Oh God…"

"It's okay…who wouldn't think that…sexy my without a shirt on…can't go wrong." He shrugs his shoulder and lifts his shirt up, showing off his abs. "I know, I know…it's too sexy for words"

"Too cocky is more like it" I poked him the stomach with my finger before let his shirt drop back down.

"Oh so were playing that game huh…" he nodded towards me and smiled a little too brightly. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me closer to him, his fingers attacking my sides.

"Okay…you're gunna wake everyone up" I manage to get out while trying to suppress my laughter. I burry my head in his chest to muffle the few giggles that escape my lips.

"No…you're gunna wake them up" his hands move onto my back, causing me to pull away from him and arch my back, my hands on his chest trying to push myself away.

"It's gunna be you're fault" I whisper just as he stops and lets his arms loop around my back.

"I'll get you tomorrow…when everyone's awake" his eyes go wide for a second and his eyebrows shoot up before returning to normal.

"Yeah…sure you will." I counted with a smirk.

"We'll see…" I stuck my tongue out at him. "Oh facial…"

"Not over the phone…this is in person…I win" I threw my arms up in the air and point down at myself. I gave him the cheesiest smile I could as he rolled his eyes.

"What are you gunna do a little victory dance know"

"Don't be a sore loser…loser" I couldn't help but laugh as I broke away from his loose grasp and sauntered around the room, my arms waving around about me. I caught his gaze and smiled at him. "You love my victory…it's hot…like me." I watched him scuff as I threw out the line he once used on me.

"Whatever you need to believe Sawyer" he walked towards me with his arms crossed over his chest.

"You don't think I'm hot" I mock pouted as I stood in front of him. He looped his arm around my neck and pulled me towards the stairs.

"Do I think my little sister is hot…" he rested his head against mine as we started up the steps. "Do I really have to answer that…?"

"I'm older than you" I pointed out as he pulled me closer.

"Do you have a point?" I laughed as we reached the top of the stairs. He dropped another kiss on top of my head before pulling away. "It's on tomorrow" He pointed a finger at me as he stood in the doorway of his room.

"Or coarse." I placed my hands on my hips and rolled my eyes at him. "Goodnight Nate..." he stepped forward and pulled me back into his chest.

"It's good to see you again…to see you smiling like this again" I looked up at him…meeting his gaze, both of us smiling.

"It's good to feel like this again." His lips hit my forehead gently before he let me go.

"Goodnight" I gave a small wave before turning around and heading further down the hall. I found Lucas standing in the doorway, his eyes closed and breathing shallow. I tapped him lightly on the shoulder and watched as he slowly forced his eyes open.

"What are you doing" I asked with a small laugh.

"I figured I'd let you do the honors…" I looked at him in confusion and he just smiled. "She wasn't waiting for me…" he nodded into the bedroom and I followed his gaze. I smiled when I saw Brooke curled up at the foot of my bed. I walked into the room and sat down next to her. She stirred a little but stayed asleep, so I laid down next to her, my face inches from her. I parted my lips slightly and blew on her. I stopped when she wrinkled her nose and pulled her head back a little. I watched as she lazily opened her eyes…a smile immediately forming on her lips when she saw me.

"P. Sawyer" she whispered, still half asleep.

"The one and only…it's late…go to bed…and I don't mean go to sleep in my bed…I mean go get in the bed with Alex…I'm tired." I pointed to myself and we both laughed. She sat up slowly and I did the same. She wrapped her arms tightly around me.

"I know…I just wanted to see you…I missed you…" she pulled back, her eyes still only half open.

"I missed you too best friend" She gave me a close-mouthed smile that I gladly returned.

"Goodnight P. Sawyer" she slid off the bed.

"Night Brooke" I watched he wave to Lucas before she disappeared around the corner and down the hall. Lucas watched her until she went into her room and then came in and closed the door behind him. We both got changed quickly before sliding into the bed and under the comforter. He wrapped his arms around my waist as he pulled me into him.

"I love you"

"I love you too" I whispered back to him before closing my eyes and letting myself drift into a comfortable sleep.


	38. Role Play

I had slipped quietly out of Luke's arms about an hour ago…he had stirred slightly but settled down and fell back asleep when I tucked my pillow against his chest. I had showered and gotten dressed, and now it was just past seven, and I was downstairs pouring myself a cup of coffee. Don't get me wrong…coffee if great an all…it keeps me up on those longs days…but I can't help but hate the dependency I have on it now. Me without coffee in the morning…not a pretty sight. I laugh lightly to myself as I make my way upstairs with a hand wrapped firmly around the black ceramic mug.

"Hey…" I kneel down at the side of the pull-out couch, my hand resting gently on her shoulder. "Sweetie wake-up" I watch her open her eyes slowly, as she sweeps her blonde hair out of her face.

"Peyton…" her voice is still groggy, but the smile that graces her face warms my heart. I can't help but think back to my conversation with Lucas last night…when he told me she was excited about coming here…that she had asked about me.

"Morning Sam…sorry I missed you last night." She sat up slowly and Kristen stirred on the other side of the bed, but she didn't wake up. "I have to go out and run some errands… would you like to come with me?" She bobbed her head up and down, still smiling. "Alright…grab some clothes and get dressed"

"Okay…" She swung her small legs off the bed and walked quickly towards her suitcase, pulling out an outfit before retreating to the bathroom. I stood up and walked over to the sliding glass doors the lead to the terrace. I've always liked the way the city looked on Saturday mornings…during the weekday the sidewalks were usually a crowded mass of blue and black suits on their way to work…worse when it was raining because then it seemed like everyone that lived in this place had a black umbrella, myself included. But the scene changed on the weekends…people dressed down and everyone had a different style. I've spent hours looking out this window, just watching people and how they interact…sometimes I sat on the terrace with my sketch pad on my lap and just drew everything I saw. I nearly toppled over when something latched onto my back, hands flying around my neck.

"I missed you…seven months apart is way too long." I laughed as she slid off my back.

"You're right Hales…it is too long. I've missed you too" I threw my arms around her neck and pulled her into a tight embrace. "How have you been"

"Good…you're not working today are you…Luke said you were off." I watched her brows furrow as she pulled away from me, glancing at my clothes.

"I am off…but I've got some things to do, figured I'd get them done early." I shrugged as she nodded. "I'm also hoping to spend some time with Sam before …" I let the statement hang because I knew I had said too much. I was hoping she wouldn't pick up on it, but the sparkle that suddenly gleamed in her eyes told me otherwise.

"Before what…" her smile was wide as she eyed me suspiciously.

"Before you guys have to leave." She rolled her yes, but didn't press me. I'm not sure if it's because she actually believes me, or if it's because Sam just bounced back into the room. I'm 99 percent sure that it's from the latter, but I'm not complaining. "All ready" I gazed down at Sam as she bobbed her head up and down.

"So where are you two headed" I was about to respond but was cut off before I could even open my mouth.

"Where are you going…" I watched Brooke walk over to us.

"Just taking Sam with me to run some errands…pick up a few things from the grocery store, go to the bank, and I have to stop by the office really quick to make sure everything is still running smoothly. We should be back in an hour or two" I watched them both nod towards me, but Brooke's smile faltered when she realized I wasn't inviting her.

"Oh…" she still had a small smile on her face, but her eyes weren't nearly as bright as they were a few seconds ago. I really wanted to spend some quality time with Sam, and I wanted to do it before Lucas sat her down to talk.

"How fast can you get ready?" I look at Brooke, and just like that the gleam is back in my best friend's eyes. I have two weeks to get to know Sam, I don't have to do it right now. I haven't seen Haley in six months…and I owe Brooke big time for "P. Sawyer's Day Off", and even if it's only been two weeks, I've missed my best friend.

"I'll meet you downstairs in no time" she didn't wait for me to respond before taking off down the hall and back to her room. Haley watched her and turned back to me with small laugh.

"I don't think she's ever gunna change."

"Neither do I" we both laugh lightly. "So you're wearing your pajamas out in the street…stylish" I watched her lips part slightly, and it let me know that she thought I was only inviting Brooke. "I'll wake up Kristen for our girls' day out…now go get ready…unless you really are gunna wear that" I cock an eyebrow up and watch her blush a little.

"I'll meet you downstairs" She spins on her heel and disappears just as Brooke did a minute ago. I was about to go wake up Kristen but stop when I catch sight of the frown on Sam's face.

"What's wrong" I kneel down so that I'm eye level with her.

"Nothing…" She bites her lip a little and looks down towards the carpet.

"Sam…" I pressed and she eventually looked back up at me. 

"I thought you were just taking me" My lips parted slightly as I sighed. When…how had this little girl grown so attached to me. Sure I spent a lot of time with her and Lucas…but that was six months ago…I guess I though she would've forgotten me by now…that she wouldn't have really known more than my name.

"Hey Peyton…I have some stuff to take care of…and I'm gunna need Brooke to help me, so why don't you two go ahead without us." I looked back at Haley, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, she was trying to be serious, but I knew better. I watch Sam's face light up at the thought of it just being me and her again, and I can't deny that it warms my heart a little. "Hey kiddo, go grab a pop tart from downstairs…Uncle Nathan left them on the counter where you can reach them"

"Okay…" we both watched her leave the living room and head down the hall. Once she's out of sight Haley approaches me, the smile finally breaking through.

"She almost gave Brooke a run for her money when it came to who was most excited about this trip" Haley crossed her arms over her chest.

"Not Nathan…" I take sip of my coffee and listen to her scuff.

"You my husband who tired to pack his bags last year when you didn't answer the phone…yeah right…the only person who would've been able to be anywhere near as excited as Nathan was…he was already here….but Nathan still beats Luke." She stops and raises her eyes brows slightly. "I should be jealous…I mean he is my husband...yet when I went to bed last night…he chose to sleep on the couch to wait for you." She tried to look angry, but a second later she's laughing and I can't help but join her.

"Hales are you sure you don't wanna come…you were pretty excited when I invited you." I watch her shake her head no, but I still feel guilty.

"Peyton…Sam really missed you when you left." She watched my face reflect my confusion because I still don't understand who two weeks left this kind of impression on a six year old…actually she was still five then. "Lucas is a great father…he actually takes on both rolls because he has to. He's you're prime P.T.A parent…he goes to the meetings if he's off, helps out after school, chaperons the fieldtrips, does the fundraisers….even participates in the bake sales…I usually take Kristen to the store and buy her something she can bring…but every single time Lucas and Sam actually bake something…he sets up her play dates, and does the shuffling back and forth when there's some group activity. They have an amazing relationship…he's the father every kid wishes they had. But…it's getting to the point now, where Sam is questioning why everyone else has a mom that comes to pick them up after school, and he dad is the one that always does it. She can't play dress up with Luke…she only does that with me or Brooke…and lately it's been more so with Brooke because she's deemed me Kristen's mommy. But when you came down earlier this year…she got to do all that stuff with you. You danced around the room with her and took her shopping."

"Hales that was only for one day…" I countered…I'm still not seeing exactly where she's going. Deep down I know what she's trying to say…I'm just finding it a little hard to believe.

"Maybe so…but that day started with you picking her up from school because Lucas couldn't make it. Peyton for that day you were hers, and she's been dying to have that again. She's looking for a family Peyton." Those words hit me hard and I'm not exactly sure what to do with them because of the immense weight they carry. "When your mom died you were old enough to know that she was your mom and she wasn't replaceable. Sam was barely three when Amy passed…she didn't have the comprehension you did. Back then, and even more so now, mommy just means that person that's there for her. The person she can do special things with and not have to share with anyone else, except for Lucas. With all the time you and Luke spent together last time you were in Tree Hill…Sam put you in this role and…"

"She hasn't taken me out of it yet has she…" Haley gives me a knowing look and my eyes dart down to the floor. "Does Lucas know about this…" for some reason that seems to be one of the more predominant thoughts floating around in my head.

"She's only brought it up to Brooke and Kristen. She asked Brooke if you were gunna be her new mommy…that was a little bit after you went home earlier this year. She didn't know how to answer so she said maybe. Well Sam went and told Kristen that's who you might be now and Kristen asked if it was true and I had to go back and talk to Brooke and get everything straight. That idea's been in her head since then. No one's said anything to Luke about it…but I think he knows, because she asks about you…quite a bit. When I say she missed you Peyton…I mean she really missed you. She's got it stuck in her head…and no one really knows what to say to her because of the way you and Luke left things."

I know how close he is with Sam, how protective he is of her. He puts her ahead of everyone because that's what he's supposed to do. It suddenly makes perfect sense why he didn't hesitate to propose…this wasn't just something he wanted. They both want me in their lives. So what's the problem now…maybe the fact that we both reside in different states, we're both settled where we are…and we're living completely different lifestyles.


	39. Kids Say The Darn'dest Things

"Wow" I watch her face and can't help but smile at the look she's wearing as she gazes around in awe at all the skyscrapers. I laugh when she blinks hard and shakes her head slightly.

"Makes you dizzy when you look up too long?" It was more of a statement then a question, because it happens to me every time I try to stare at the top of these buildings. Her hands grips mine a little tighter as we continue down the sidewalk. I decided we could walk some of the way this morning. I don't really want to go through the hassle of trying to drive around her and it's a nice day, so I got a cab and told the driver to drop us off a few blocks away from my office. Sam's enjoying the view, all the different people, the policemen on horses, all the street vendors…she's just taking everything in and she seems to be loving every second of it.

"Can I get a pretzel on the way home" she looks up at me with hopeful eyes.

"I don't see why not" I smile down at her just as we reach my job. I approach the front desk, Sam trailing behind me as she tries to get a good look at all the things going on.

"Good morning Ms. Sawyer…I didn't think you were coming in today." The redhead behind the desk looks up at me with a warm smile, her face contorting slightly in confusion when her eyes travel down to the little girl holding my hand.

"Rachel this Samantha, she's Luke's daughter….Sam this Rachel. You have met Lucas right?" I turn to look at Rachel again and watch her nod with a smile. "Okay…"

"Hi…" Sam's voice is just as small as it was the first time she met me in Karen's kitchen.

"Hey Samantha" She reaches into one of the drawers, and a few seconds later she holds up a cheery blow pop. Sam's eyes light up at the sight of candy, and she looks up at me expectantly. It doesn't register to me at first, but after few moments I realize she's waiting for me to give her permission. I nod in approval and she quickly takes the lollipop from Rachel, who laughs at her eagerness.

"I'm just here to check up on things." I focus my attention back of the redhead behind the front desk. "After yesterday's little meltdown, I wanted to make sure things were still running smoothing this morning."

"Everyone checked in with me this morning and said that things were back to normal. They won't know until the end of the day how far we've been set back though…of if we've been set back at all." She shrugs her thin shoulders and pulls her hair onto her back.

"Alright…that's all I needed to know, and now I'm going to enjoy my day off" I wink before spinning on my heel and walking towards the door. I stop halfway there and turn back to face my receptionist. "Hey Rach…." She snaps her head up to look at me. "What are you doing on Friday"

"Nothing" she says slowly as she cocks an eyebrow up.

"Well now you have a date with Brian Sanders"

"That computer geek…" she looks at me in shock and confusion. But moments later she get s smirk on her face. "…the one that save your butt yesterday." I bite my lip and nod, I was hoping she wouldn't catch on.

"He's a nice guy, really. I wouldn't set you up with one of those idiotic jerks that only have one intention. Brian likes you…he's got a job so he already beats your last boyfriend." I smile at her hopefully…Brian is a genuinely good guy…he can be a smartass sometimes, but he's not an asshole.

"What the hell…it's only one date right."

"Give him a chance Rach…the last girl he dated was a bi…a witch…so don't be too hard on him. I'll tell him to talk to you. Just…don't be close minded…don't turn him down before the date even begins."

"I won't…I'm trusting you here. Now go before someone suddenly has something for you to do around here" she waved me off with her hands just as the phone starts to ring.

"Thanks Gattina…" I wave quickly before turning around again and heading out with Sam. We stopped to get pretzels after she finished her blow-pop. Now we're leaving the post office, and starting our three block journey back to the apartment.

"Peyton…" I look down at her, but her eyes are focused on the large pretzel in her hand…the grains of salt that are dropping onto her skin.

"Yeah…"

"Are you gunna marry my daddy" I choke on the food I was in the process of swallowing Her voice was calm as ever, like she just asked some everyday question.

"What…" I managed to get out once my coughing fit ended.

"Are you gunna marry my daddy." She flashes a quick glance at me before taking another bite of her food. "Aunt Brooke says that for me to get a new mommy, daddy has to get married first. And she says that when fall in love they get married and daddy's always saying that he loves you."

"Really…" I glance down at her as she brushes some of the salt off the remainder of her pretzel.

"Yup…on the phone. He always tells you he loves you before he says bye." She stops walking and looks up at me, her brows wrinkling. "And you sleep in the same bed like the people in the movies do. So that means your gunna marry him right?" Her eyes look just like they did when she wanted that blow pop…hopeful.

"Umm…Sweetie…" I kneel down in front of her…I know I'm getting odd looks for stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, but I'm too busy searching for the right words to care what other people think. "I don't know what's gunna happen with me and your daddy yet. That might happen, but it might not." Tears spring to her eyes and it break my heart.

"Oh…" her happy mood is suddenly gone as she shifts her gaze down to the sidewalk. I open my mouth to say something, but I can't find any suitable words right now. "But it could still happen…?"

"Yeah it could."

"I hope it does"

"Can I tell you a secret…you can't tell anyone else thought, not even Kristen or Aunt Brooke."

"Okay…I promise" there's a small gleam that's returned to her eyes as she bobs her head up and down.

"I hope it happens too. And you know what…I'm pretty sure it's gunna" her eyes just got really wide, and I can't help but smile.

"Really" she's all but glowing as she locks eyes with me. I nod my head and in response she throws her arms around my neck.

"Remember…it's our little secret" She nods as I stand back up and grab her hand. I would never hear the end of it if Brooke found out from Sam that Luke and I were this close to getting engaged.

Since last year I've put a lot of effort into rebuilding my friendship with Brooke. Granted we've always been best friends, but we drifted apart a little in senior year, then it got worse when I came back to Tree Hill, both times…it really hurt her when I kept turning to Nathan instead of her. It broke her heart when she found out that I had formed a tighter bond with someone else. She knows where I stand with Nathan, that I put him on a higher pedestal back in high school and I probably won't ever take him down from there…and she accepts that, even if it does still bother her a little. So over the last year I've made it my personal little mission to make sure Brooke knows she's my best friend, that she's the only one with that title, and she's irreplaceable.

"Can I tell daddy" We've started walking again and we're now on my block.

"Try not to, but if you slip and forget, it's okay" I technically already accepted Luke's proposal, he's just waiting for me to make it official by putting the ring back on. She's content with my answer and we're both wearing smiles as we walked into the building.

"Do you have any games" she looks up at me as the elevator doors close.

"I think so…I think have twister and few board games" I shrug because I'm not sure if those games are even in the apartment still, let alone where to find them…except for the twister…thanks to a drunken night with some of my colleagues that left us all really sore when we went in for work the next day.

We exit the elevator and walk down the hall and into the apartment. At first it seems really quiet but then I hear voices from the upstairs living room. Sam goes up before me and continues down the hall, not noticing when I slip into my bedroom. It feels a little wrong to be searching through Luke's things, but I don't think he'll mind. The small velvet box is sitting in the bottom corner of his suitcase. I open it and smile as the memories flood back to me…every happy moment from the last two weeks. I'm tempted to put the ring on now; it'll give Lucas his answer because he's bound to notice its sudden reappearance on my finger. I slip the ring on and I can't make myself take it back off…so I'll leave it there. I know Luke will see it…I just wonder how long it'll take everyone else to notice.

I feel more confident wearing this ring now than I did a few days ago. I like the life I've created for myself…I've been living in New York for 11 years and I'm just recently getting the full experience of Manhattan…I love my apartment, my job, and I'm finally making friends here…I don't know if I'm ready to give all this up yet. But Luke has a life of his own in Tree Hill…a job he loves and Sam's in school, she's got friends. I love Tree Hill and like Nathan said, it will always be my home, but I like having it as a place I can always go back to. It's my comfort zone that's always gunna be there…but I don't know if I could live in Tree Hill again.

I knew all that when I told Lucas yes the first time and my only reason for changing my mind was Sam, but she's more than okay with all of this. I've been through so much; dealt with more than my fair share of hardships…Luke has had quite a few of his own as well. Since junior year, Luke and I have hit a lot of bumps in our relationship. We've hit quite a few dead ends as well and head to go back and retrace our steps, basically starting all over again. With everything that we've been through…separate and together…I refuse to believe that location is gunna tear us apart.


	40. You Get Me

I'm getting to my feet after zipping Luke's suitcase back up….and suddenly there are arms around my waist. "Hi best friend"

"Hey Brooke" I laugh lightly as she steps back. I turn to face her, smiles on both our faces. "There a reason you had to sneak up on me?"

"Ummm…not really…I just felt like it." she shrugs and rolls her eyes…classic Brooke Davis, and I love her for it…for never losing her little quirks that make her…well her. "So why were you snooping through Broody's things?" she crosses her arms over her chest and cocks an eyebrow up.

"I wasn't snooping…well not really anyway…" I bite the inside of my lip and she gives me a disbelieving look. "I wasn't…I was just claiming what's rightfully mine."

"And it was in Lucas's suitcase….riiight" She scuffed and rolled her big brown eyes again.

"As a matter of fact…" I hold up my hand and wiggle my fingers in front of her face. "…it was"

"Oh my God…" she's got this bright smile on her face as she grabs my hand and pulls it closer to her. "He proposed…" I can't remember the last time she sounded this giddy…or the last time I felt this giddy….it's kind of odd.

"Yes he did…two weeks ago" she scowls at me and pushes my shoulder playfully.

"And I'm just finding out about this no…" she stops talking and looks up towards the ceiling, a look of complete and utter confusion on her face. "…wait…you weren't wearing a ring yesterday…or this morning…" she's talking with her hands, a lot of pointing to my finger involved "…and it's not like I just missed it…because I actually looked for one, and there was definitely no ring…but now there is one and you've been engaged for two weeks…and I am so lost right now" she throws her arms up in the air before falling back onto the bed…her head hitting the remote for the television that was left on the center of the bed. "Oww…" she rubs the back of her head with one hand while moving the remote with the other. "That's so Broody's fault…" she collapses back into the comforter, dropping her hands at her side. "Speaking of Broody…"

"I gave the ring back and broke it off yesterday morning because I wanted him to talk to Sam first…I wanted to make sure she was going to be okay with all this…ya know…make sure she didn't think I was trying to be some intruder or imposter or something like that"

"Ha…" she mixes a laugh with a scuff…it turns into more of a laugh. "Believe me…you have no worries with Sam…she's been waiting for you to 'intrude'…she's been waiting for a while" she uses her fingers to make air quotes.

"Oh…I know…" I take a few steps forward and fall back onto the bed next to her, our shoulders touching as we both have our hands crossed over our stomachs. "Guess what she asked me today…"

"What" I can still hear the laughter in his voice.

"Am I going to marry her daddy…"

"Ohhh….."

"Yeah…you know why…because Aunt Brooke told her that to get a new mommy, he daddy had to get married first…and when people fall…"

"In love, they get married." We both turn to look at each other before bursting into laughter. "I told her that almost three months ago" she turns back to the ceiling as I do the same. "I didn't think she would remember that conversation…I just didn't know how to answer her…"

"How do you think I felt when she asked me if I was gunna marry Luke. Brooke…she had the most innocent look on her face when she asked…it would've been cute… if I hadn't started choking on my pretzel" this gets a laugh out of her, and eventually out of me as well.

"So if you called it off…why are you wearing the ring" she turns to face me, but I keep my eyes ahead of me.

"Well I called it off because of Sam…you and I both now know that she has no problem with Luke and I…so that means the engagement can be back on."

"If you just snuck in here to put the ring back on…that means Luke doesn't know you guys are engaged again." She raises her brows as I glance at her.

"Nope…you're the first one that I've told…does that make up for not telling you the first time?"

"Yeah it does…I know you're engaged before your fiancé…can't really beat that" She shrugs and laughs before sitting up and leaning back on her hands. I follow suit and she quickly throws her arms around me, nearly knocking me on my back again. "Thanks for telling me Peyton…for letting me know before anyone else…I really appreciate it…"

"Of course I'd tell you…you're my best friend silly…" we pull away from each other and she flashes a genuine smile in my direction.

"I know that and I'm really glad…that I can call you my best friend…but Nathan's still sleeping in his room…"

"What are talking about…" my heart skips a beat…I'm not sure why…she doesn't sound bitter or angry…she doesn't even sound upset…she still sounds happy.

"Go wake him up Peyton." She nods towards the door as she stands up…I get to my feet quickly and stand in front of her.

"Brooke…" The shock must be written all over my face, because she laughs lightly.

"Peyton, I know you're dying to let him know…so go talk to him…he'll approve, but I know you need to hear him say it." I wrap my arms tightly around her and she returns the gesture.

"You know…maybe you get me more than you think" I whisper into her ear and I feel her pull me in just a little tighter. When we break apart I see the gleam that's returned to her eye.

"That's always good to hear" we exchanged a quick smile before she turns me around and pushes me toward the door. "Now go…"

"I'm going" I throw my hands up in the air as I open my room door and walk down the hall toward Nate's room.

I open his door quietly and see him sleeping under the blankets of on one side of the bed…of course last time I thought he was asleep he really wasn't and decided to scare the crap out of me. I slip inside and close the door behind me. I'm pretty sure he's actually asleep…it's a little past 9:30…he's usually still sleeping.

I make my way toward the bed and sit down on the edge. I could easily just lie back right now and go to sleep…it actually seems kind of tempting, but I decide against it. I use my fingers to drum against his stomach…unfortunately his abs are never something I'll be able to use against him. I'm torn away from my thoughts when his arms slides across my stomach and around my waist, pulling me down into place next to him, my head falling onto his chest.

"Why…why must you come wake me up…I was having a good dream I'll have you know…"

"Why must you have such horrendous morning breathe…" he coughed on me twice and all I can do is be thankful that I was only joking…he's subjected me to horrible morning breathe quite a few times before. "And your dream couldn't have been that good…unless…"

"Okay…enough…" we both laugh as I absentmindedly put my hand on his chest and snuggle in closer to him. "So is there a reason you woke me up…or did you just miss me"

"Well I do have something to tell you…but I missed you too" I inhale and exhale slowly…I feel nervous, but I don't know why. I guess it's because Brooke is right…I do need Nate to agree with all this…his opinion is important to me. "Luke proposed..."

"It's about time…" his eyes are still closed but he's wearing his infamous smirk.

"So you approve…" this causes his eyes to flick open and focus on me.

"And if I said no…if I told you I didn't want you to marry my brother…" My stomach tightens for a moment at the thought of him really saying that.

"I don't have to worry about that…because you would never make choose between you two…" I'm trying to sound confident, but when he pulls me closer I know he sensed the hesitation in my voice.

"No I wouldn't…I'm happy for you Peyt…I don't think I'd be happy about you marrying anyone else…"

"Why, because you don't trust anyone else to protect me." I laugh lightly, and he does the same. "You know you can't save me from everything…and you accept that…but it doesn't stop you from trying sometimes…and I love you for that for knowing when to let go…Lucas on the other hand…he genuinely believes, wholeheartedly that he can save me from the world, that he can stop anything from hurting me if he's around…and I love him for that. That's why I don't think I could marry anyone else…why you wouldn't let me marry anyone else."

"That's true…but more importantly…because he makes you happy…he makes you smile like no one else can…not even me…and because I know he loves you. So no…I would never make you choose between us…that's like you asking me to choose between you and Haley… those decisions just aren't possible…and they'll never be a problem 'cause they'll never come up" It seems slightly wrong that to be saying things like this…but I honestly don't know what I would do if I had to choose between Luke and Nate…if Nate ever had to choose between Haley and I…I would walk away and make the decision for him…I have a feeling he would do the same for me if I was ever given that ultimatum. "Congratulations"

"Thanks…"

"Um…I know you probably always thought you're dad would be here for this…" He pauses to take a deep breath. I'm not sure where he's going but he sounds a little unsure of himself. "I was just wondering if I could have the honor of giving you away" A smile quickly forms on my lips and I instinctively lean up to kiss his cheek gently.

"I wouldn't have it any other way…" I nestle back into his chest and he plants his lips on my forehead.

"You know I could never really give you away though…right" he tightens his grip on me quickly before relaxing again.

"I know…but it doesn't hurt to hear it" he kisses my forehead again, his lips lingering a little longer this time. "And just so you know…the same goes for you…"

"That's definitely good to hear sis. Just think…pretty soon, that'll be official." My hands still on his chest and I look at the diamond ring glistening in the mostly dark room. That thought's welcomed for two reasons.


	41. Stained

I took a sip form my glass of water just as Kristen came bounding down the stairs. She skipped over to the couch and plopped herself down next to Sam, who was currently engrossed in Loony Tunes reruns….that's one show that will never get old. "Guess what…my dad said that he found the Twister and that if it's okay with Peyton we can play with him, Karen and Aunt Brooke when he's done setting it up." That grabbed Sam's attention and she quick to turn around and get on her knees, a bright smile on her face as she looked over at me.

"Can we play Peyton…please" she clasped her hands together in front of her tiny body and attempted a puppy dog face. I had to laugh, especially when Kristen joined her…Haley and Brooke had taught them how to do that…I just know it.

"Sure you guys can play" both of their eyes got wide and they were off the couch in seconds. The dashed up the stairs, each of them throwing a quick thank you in my direction. I set my glass down and headed upstairs, I wasn't quite as enthusiastic as those two though. My mind's kind of in a different place right now. Lucas still doesn't know that we're engaged again. After I told Nathan, we both fell back asleep for the next hour, and by the time we got up Luke, Alex and Hales has gone exploring around the city for a little while. Karen was up on the terrace talking to Andy, so as of right now Nate and Brooke are still the only ones who know anything. I hear Kristen and Sam heading up onto the terrace, Karen, Andy and Brooke are up there talking…two of them are needed to play Twister.

I stroll slowly into the living room and see Nathan over in the corner of the room. The Twister mat is laying in the center of the floor, still not unfolded all the way because there isn't enough room. I see Nate bend down and it suddenly occurs to me what he's doing. I can feel the color starting the drain from my face as my heart skips a beat. "Nathan can you not move that" He stands turns back to look at me, his eyebrow cocked up in confusion.

"I need to move something, and the couch is too heavy for me to move by myself…"

"Can't you play in another room or something…" I can hear the desperation in my own voice, but he just laughs and shakes his head.

"This room has the most space without moving more that one or two things. I promise to put it back exactly where it is Peyt…" He thinks this is just about moving that table…I told him once that I spent over and hour making sure the tables were all lined up properly, and now he thinks that's the reason I don't want him to move things around…but my furniture is aligned for a specific reason.

"Nathan…" I try to stop him again but he ignores me and lifts the table up anyway…shifting it all the way over into the corner. He turns back to look at me with a smirk.

"See, now I didn't move it that far…" he's still smirking at me, I can see it out of the corner of my eye, but my focus is really on the carpet that's just been exposed. "Peyton…" there are tears starting to well in my eyes and he follows my gaze to the deep red stain on the cream carpet…the stain that takes up a large amount of space and is still partially covered by the wooden side table. We both look up at the same time, our gazes focused on each other. The tears have started falling, and there's a pain etching itself onto his features as he slowly makes his way over to me.

"That was the…third time I tired to leave the apartment…and the first time I wound up a coma…I was out for almost two weeks. I kept my gaze on him…he looked like someone had just punched him in the stomach and knocked the wind out of him. His face was getting paler by the second, but he stepped closer to me and pulled my body into his, his arms wrapping tightly around me, as if he was never planning to let me go.

"I'm sorry….Peyton…I'm so sorry"

"I actually got out of the apartment that time…" I chocked on a bitter laugh before forcing myself to continue. "…it was late and he was sleeping…I left everything here took my purse and left. I went to a motel not too far from here…I should've just kept driving…I was going to…but I didn't know where I was going. He would have followed me to Tree Hill…at that point I didn't really have friends here…at least not ones I was closing enough to for me to go knocking on their door at one in the morning." He had pulled away from me and was staring at me intently. I shrugged my shoulders as I focused my eyes on the floor. I tired to look him in the eye, but the moment my eyes found his, I had to look away, and I found myself staring at his chest instead. But I was no longer in Nate's arms, buried in his chest, and as I continued talking, I found I wasn't really staring at anything…I lost myself in my own little world. It felt like I was being shoved into some kind of time warp, like I was reliving everything as I said it. I was standing in front of Nathan, his hands on my arms and tears streaming down my face, but I could swear I was back in my living room the night I wound up in a coma…the night Stan decided to abuse me physically, sexually, and mentally…and no matter how hard a tried I couldn't find my way back to reality…back to safety of Nathan's arms.

"He was a lawyer…he had 24 hour access to everything he needed to find me…all he had to do was make a few calls to find out where I was…and he did find out. Less than two hours after I had gotten into the motel room, he was dragging me back out of it. I was the stupid one that didn't make sure to request a room in the front, where people could see…I didn't think twice when I walked into a room in the back of the motel...where only one other car was parked in the lot other than mine. No one was there to notice him literally throw me out of the room and onto the pavement…"

Through the mirror behind Nate, despite the heavy flow of tears, I could see Brooke entering the room…or she had been before she head what I was saying. She had started backing away, probably scared that I would stop talking if she was there…scared and hurt that I might not be comfortable talking about this with her around. We locked eyes and she stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me. She opened her mouth, and I could see the apology forming on her lips. "…or when pulled me up and shoved me in his car and drove us back to the apartment." I watched her purse her lips together tightly, the tears already welling in her brown eyes. I was thankful for her sudden appearance…I may be more comfortable talking about this stuff with Nathan, but Brooke just brought me out of my trans, something I was desperate for…but I can still look Nathan in the eye, and I can feel him focused intently on me.

"There was no need to worry about the doorman, because there's a parking garage under building for the residents, and an elevator down there that leads right up to this floor. He wrapped one hand around my hair and the used the other to cover my mouth while we were in the elevator and while we were coming down the hall…" and just like that I can feel myself slipping back under…falling into that darkness I had just escaped from. "…he threw me to the floor as soon as we were back in the apartment. He walked around me and turned on the TV the way he always did…and then he started screaming and I got to my feet and walked towards the door because I was so damn adamant about leaving that time. I had gotten one lock undone before he pulled me away and towards the living room. I hit him…he hit my harder…I hit him again, and he did that same, but this time he hit me so hard I wound up back on the floor…he grabbed a handful of my hair and dragged me across the kitchen…and then proceed to drag me up the stairs…because from up here…no one else in the building can here a thing…especially not with the TV on."

I stopped talking when Nate pulled me deep into his chest. I inhaled deeply and pushed my body as close to his as possible because I don't think anyone can make me feel as safe as Nathan can, and right now I need that, I need him to hold me as close and tight as he can.

Brooke had gotten the hint that it was okay for her to listen when I continued talking. I'm not sure when, but her fingers had laced together with mine at some point and her face had become as tear stained as mine. She gripped my hand tightly and I gripped back. It was a few minutes later that Nate pulled away, his hands still resting on my arms…he looked like he was going to be sick as he held back tears. Neither of them said anything when he let me go…they didn't need to say anything…it happened and there's nothing they can do to change it.

I watched as Nathan walked across the room and shifted the table back into its previous position…covering that constant reminder of what went on in this apartment. "I'll just get Lucas to help me move the couch…" He let the statement hang as he shifted he gaze back to me...waiting. I nodded in his direction, indicating that it was okay.

"I'm gunna go wash my face of something before the girls come back down here…" my voice is raspy and low from the crying.

"I need to do that too…" Brooke gives my hand one last squeeze before letting go and walking off toward the bathroom. Nathan and I lock eyes one last time before I turn and walk toward my bedroom. My fingers are wiping roughly at my eyes as I continue into my bathroom and over to the sink. I hate feeling like this…I thought I didn't have to worry about that overwhelming fear anymore. I splash cold water on my face a few times before turning off the faucet and resting my hands on the counter, my hanging.

"Have you ever talked to Lucas about all this…" I looked up and through the mirror I could see Nathan leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"About what…" I turned around the face him, leaning my body against the sink for support.

"About what actually went on between you and Stan. I know he knows about the abuse, but how much does he know…does he know how bad it was between the two of you." I can't help but flinch a little before I look down at the tiles under my feet.

"No…I've never talked to him about what actually happened in this apartment…but why would he want details about anything Nate…why would anyone."

"It's not about the details Peyt. Lucas knows that Stan hit you…he knows he broke you're wrist…does he know how many times it happened…does he know how often it happened or how bad it got. Does he know that you did try to leave…"

"Nathan…" he was struggling with something, and I know exactly what it is…what he won't say because he doesn't like to think about it…he doesn't want to know that it happened to me.

"Does he know that the abuse extended past him hitting you…" I lifted my head to meet his gaze again and I could feel the tears building back up in my eyes.

"No…no one knows that but you Nate….no one needs to know that. If I tell people that what is it gunna do…it won't change a thing…it happened to me Nathan…telling someone won't take that away."

"So why can you tell me…Peyton you've called me in the middle of the night and given me detailed accounts of what happened."

"I called you because I couldn't sleep Nate…I called because I woke up terrified and I needed to talk to someone…"

"I get that, I get why you choose to call me instead of anyone else. The thing is Peyt…you didn't come wash you're face just because of the girls…you did it partially because I said that Luke and Hales would be back soon. I'm never gunna turn you away if you come to me Peyton…if you need to talk to me I'm always gunna be there for you…but you called me last week at two in the morning to talk and Lucas was right here with you. If you're gunna marry him Peyton you have to be able to go to him with things like this. You should be comfortable waking Luke up to talk to him, especially if he's sleeping right next to you."

"Nate…" it's taking everything in me to stop the tears from falling…I'm beyond tired of crying over all this. Nathan walks over to me and pulls me into his arms again, his lips hitting my forehead gently.

"Put it this way…I know you two are in love…I believe that you two belong together…I've believe it since senior year."

"But…"

"But…don't marry him if you can't go to him with this..." when I hear those words leave his mouth I can't stop the tears from falling anymore…he's telling me not to marry Luke, and it doesn't even take me a second to know that I'll listen to him. I trust Nate and I'm too scared to lose him…but I know Luke will wait for me to be ready.

"I thought you were okay with this…"

"I am okay with this…don't think that I'm against you and Luke being together or that I'm taking back anything I said earlier. But getting married isn't fair to either one of you if you aren't ready to talk to him about everything. You can't commit yourself to him but come to me for the really serious conversations. I'll always be there to listen to you…I'll never tell you not to talk to me…but you have to be willing to talk to Lucas as well. That doesn't mean you have to call off the engagement or anything like that…but don't rush into marrying him if you're not ready for it."

"Why do I feel like I'm losing you…like you're pushing me away…" I choked on a sob as he pulled me closer to him.

"I am not pushing you away…I would never to do that. But you need to be as comfortable with Luke as you are with me. You can still talk to me…but talk to him too, okay…" I nodded against his chest and he kissed me temple lightly.

"Everything okay…" I pulled back and looked behind to Nathan to see Luke with a worried look on his face…and for the first time I notice that he looks hesitant to come in, just like Brooke did before. Maybe Nathan is right about all this…actually I know he's right…I haven't talked to Luke at all about what Stan did to me…neither of us has ever bought it up and I'm beginning to think that it's because he's scared I'll push him away…the truth is…I probably would have.

"Actually no…I need to talk to you…" I glance up at Nathan and there's a small smile playing on his lips. He places his lips on my temple again before pulling away completely and walking toward the door.

"Oh by the way…congratulations bro…it's about damn time…" I watch the smirk on Nate's face and the confusion on Luke's. I smile gratefully at Nate because I know that was his way of confirming his okay. Luke watches Nathan leave the bedroom before turning back to me, his brows still wrinkled. I can tell when he figures it out because his lips part slightly and his eyes light up as he glances down at my finger. We both move toward each other and meet in the center of the bathroom. His hands gently cup my face as his lips form that small smile that seems to brighten up his entire face.

"Are you sure…" I nod my head slowly and smile as I lean up toward him, our lips meeting gently. I pull away after a bit, my lips still turned up. I can't say that I disagree with what Nathan said just now…it wouldn't be fair if I married Luke but went to Nathan for the emotionally deep conversations…Luke would be hurt and I would feel guilty…chances are I'd wind up going to Nathan to talk about how guilty I felt about talking to him. So I'm gunna make myself talk to Luke…I love him and I trust him so there's no reason for me to not talk to him about things. I think the only thing holding me back is the potential to take away from my relationship with Nathan… I never want to lose what I have with him, and I'm just hoping we'll still be the same after I open up to Lucas.


	42. It's Been A Long Time Coming

Luke and I have spent a little over two hours in the room. I hadn't been sure about how to start the conversation, I mean, how exactly do you begin telling someone about years of abuse. He knew what the conversation was gunna be about, a part of him had to be waiting for it to happen. We both stayed quiet for a little while once we were sitting on the edge of the bed, but he eventually chose to speak first. I was scared and he knew it, so he told me to just start with whatever I had just spoken to Nate about…and that's what started our two hour conversation. I retold some of the same storied I told Nathan, he asked questions in an attempt to wrap his head around everything. I told him about good and bad times I had with Stan, the things he did and said, the mind games he played, I told Luke about all of it just hoping that maybe it would help him understand why leaving wasn't so easy. But I think that thing that hurt him most was when I told him that I had crawled out of bed and called Nathan in the middle of the night earlier this week.

"I never meant to shut you out Luke…"

"I know you didn't…but I still don't get why you did." He sighed as he ran a hand over his head. "Is it that you don't trust me that way you do Nathan, or are you not comfortable talking to me…or is it something else…or both…"

"I do trust you Luke. I guess…I guess I was just scared to lose Nathan…I still am. I feel like if I go to you with everything, then I won't be as close to Nate anymore. I know that shouldn't bother me as much as it does…I'm engaged to you so I should be getting closer to you and letting go of Nate…I just don't know how to do that" Admitting this was causing more tears than the entire conversation I had just had about Stan. I looked up when I heard Lucas laugh lightly.

"I'm sorry…" he said it as soon as he saw the shocked look on my face. "It's just that…you make it sound like Nate is you're therapist…and granted he may have taken on that role, but he's also you're friend…first and foremost Nathan is your friend."

"I know that Luke…" I let my head fall against his shoulder and his arm instinctively wrapped around my shoulders.

"Then stop worrying about losing Nathan…and about losing me. I get that there are gunna be times when you'd rather talk to Nate about things…he knows more than I do and he treats you differently than I do. Just because we're getting married…" he shimmed his shoulders a little bit and couldn't help but return the smile he flashed at me. "…it doesn't mean that I wanna take Nathan's place. I already know he's the one you're gunna go to when you feel like strangling me"

"Maybe I should rethink this marriage thing…" I mused as he kissed my forehead.

"Now why would you wanna do a silly thing like that…" he has his head leaning down against mine, his finger sliding up and down my arm.

"I wouldn't" my voice is light but there's a sureness that I haven't heard from myself in awhile.

"Question…if you gave me the ring back…how exactly did it wind up on your finger…I'm not complaining or anything, just wondering"

"So I went snooping…" I shrugged as he laughed.

"Not even married yet and you're already acting like…" he cut his statement short and I can feel his breath catch in his throat.

"Amy…" I finish for him and feel his breath when he slowly exhales.

"Sorry…"

"For what…you can talk about Luke…was she nosy" I have a small smile on my face when I ask, for some reason I'm interested in the answer…I guess part of it has to do with the fact that I know nothing about her…Lucas never talks about her, neither does anyone else.

"Not really…she didn't look through my things to spy on me or anything like that, but on her birthday and Christmas I'd always catch her looking for her gift" He laughed lightly to himself, shaking his head a bit. "There was one Christmas, our last one…she even tried to coerce Sam into telling her where I hid her gift."

"Did Sam tell her…"

"She's a daddy's girl"

"She told her…" I couldn't help but smile widely as I closed my eyes.

"She got it and gave it to her" We both laughed. A part of me feels like it should bother me to hear him talk about Amy, like it should hurt to hear him laugh and smile at all the memories he has of his wife…of his family….but it doesn't. For some reason hearing about that moment only makes me smile.

"I hope you guys are dressed in there because I'm coming in. You have 5 seconds, 4 seconds…" Haley's knocking and her voice drag me out of my thoughts, but neither of us move, not ever after the bedroom door flies open. "You guys have been in here for two hours and as much as I enjoyed that little tour today Luke, I didn't come here to see you…I live right down the road from you and you haven't been gone long enough for me to miss you yet…Peyton's another story."

"I guess I'll be seeing you later" his voice is mumbled as he starts to pull away. I nod in response just before Haley grabs my arms and pulls me to my feet.

"That's right 'cause I'm stealing her" She loops her arm in mine and all but drags me out of the room. "Now Nathan and Brooke have been smiling like two kids in a candy store ever since I got back and you're gunna tell me why…I don't like being left out…it's no fun." I shake my head as we make it our way down the stairs.

"You're not as perceptive as you used to be Hales." I bump my hip into her and she just scuffs.

"Don't kid yourself…I see the ring on your finger…I saw that tan line on your finger this morning. I know you didn't think I bought that BS answer you gave me this morning. I'm tutor wife remember…I know how to put two and two together."

"So if you knew…why didn't you say anything…" I raised a brow and looked at the brunette in shock and confusion.

"Because I haven't had a chance to sit down and talk to you yet. I knew Luke was gunna propose…me and him are you and Nate, remember…he didn't have to actually come out and say it to me…I just knew. I wasn't sure what you're response would be, but when I saw the tan line on your ring finger I figured that you have said yes and that you had been wearing the ring for awhile…but I couldn't ask you this morning why you changed you're mind because I knew that needed to be an actual conversation."

"How did you know I didn't just take it off and forget to put it back on." I cocked an eyebrow up again.

"Because that's something you do when you're married, not when you've been engaged for less than a month. Besides, Lucas was distant and miserable last night when he got here, and he was lying through his teeth about being okay. I would've pressed him about it but Brooke got to him first. I would've talked to him today, but after his attitude last night and seeing you're finger this morning I figure he wouldn't wanna talk about what happened."

"Oh…" how this girl is so good at reading people is something I never have and never will know…it's just some kind of sixth sense she has.

"But now that everything's okay again…you're gunna tell me…" She pulled me down onto the couch with her, crossed her legs and waited…all in typical Haley fashion.

"You're never gunna changed"

"No time soon" she shrugged before focusing her gaze back on me.

"He did propose the first morning here, and I did say yes. I took the ring off yesterday morning because I didn't wanna push this on Sam, but then I was told by you, Brooke, and Sam that not just Lucas was asking…both of them were. There was nothing holding me back after that so I chose to put the ring back on. Brooke walked in right after I did it and then she kicked me out of my room and told me to go find Nate. Luke found out, talked to Luke, got dragged out of my room by you, and now we're sitting on the couch…end of story."

"That's a boring story…romantic and cute…perfect for a child's bedtime story…but overall…it was boring."

"Believe me…it was much more dramatic than it seems."

"Maybe you should think about making it a movie" she quipped as she got up off the couch.

"Oh…definitely" I rolled my eyes before following Haley into the kitchen. How she knew not to ask about the conversation with Luke, I don't know…I guess it's just part of her little gift.

"Peyton Marie…" I turned toward the stairs with a scowl on my face.

"Hey…what did I do" I looked over at Haley and she just shrugged. I groaned as I made my way up the stairs, Alex just laughed and pointed toward their room. I poked my head inside and saw Brooke sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Come on…" she waved me inside as soon as she saw me.

"And why am I Peyton Marie…" I closed the door and stood with my arms crossed over my chest.

"Just 'cause I haven't called you that in a while." She shrugged with a smile.

"Hey Brooke, have you seen Peyton…" I got ready to turn just as Luke opened the door. The impact pushed me a few steps foreword, and it gave Brooke a good laugh as I almost lost my balance. "I'm so sorry Peyt…" he placed a hand on my shoulder as I rubbed the back of my head.

"It's okay…I'm sure I'll live." I keep my hand on my head as I turn to face him. "What did you need…"

"Can I talk to you when you're done in here" His eyes kept glancing between my face and my hand which was still cradling my head.

"Everything okay…" I looked up slightly worried but he smiled in return.

"Everything's fine." He leaned in a kissed me gently. "I'll be down the hall…" I nodded and watched him leave before turning back to Brooke.

"That looked like it hurt" She raised a brow as I walked over and sat down next to her.

"Just a bit…now did you need something, or did you just wanna laugh at me."

"I have an offer for you…actually it might be more of a question…" she shrugged again and started fidgeting with her hands.

"Okay…I'm listening." Her being nervous is making me nervous.

"Would it be okay if…if I made your dress…I mean your wedding dress. I understand completely if you already plan on having some designer do it…you work for Cosmo so you have access to the best of the best…"

"Brooke…I'm sorry…I…I kind of already had picked a designer to make my dress…I didn't get a chance to ask them yet but…" I watched her smile falter…it was barley noticeable but I caught it.

"Who did you have in mind…" She bit her bottom lip as she looked over at me.

"I don't know if you know them…they're fairly new, but they go some top notch stuff. As matter of fact I have something from them in my closet, it's a gorgeous dress…it's black with a barley noticeably design on it…but it's absolutely amazing…the dress was even hand delivered, the designer even did my hair and set up one of the best nights of my life…which lead to two of the best weeks of my life, soon to be three…" I could've kept going but she threw her arms around my neck, letting me know that she finally got it.

"You suck, you know that…" She pulled back with a bright smile on her face.

"Who else would I have make my dress Brooke…"

"I don't know…you have all these options available to you…you didn't have to pick me"

"Well I'm picking the best person for the job…and I'm also making you help me with the entire wedding…"

"You really didn't have an option with that one…"

"Brooke what's wrong…" her smile had faltered again.

"Nothing..." I raised a brow and she sighed. "It's stupid really…it's just that I planned Haley's wedding…now I'm planning yours…I even planned for Karen. I'll be 30 soon Peyton, I've planned everybody's wedding…just not mine…I'm always a bridesmaid" I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into me.

"I'm sorry Brooke. You'll get there, I mean you and Alex are doing great aren't you?" I felt her nod against me. "Don't rush it Brooke…you'll be planning you're wedding before you know it. If you and Alex love each other as much as it seems then all you have to do is give it some time."

"Look at me…it's supposed to be a happy day and here I am making you cheer me up" She pulled away as she wiped a few tears from under her eyes.

"You're right…it is supposed to be a happy day, which means I need my maid of honor to be happy too…so if that means spending my time cheering you up then I'm all for it."

"Wait…your maid of honor…" she smiled up at me and I had to laugh at the childish grin on her face.

"Now who else was supposed to get that job."

"I guess part of me just assumed Nathan…I share the title of best friend with him, we each have it for different reasons, but he's been such a major part of your life lately so…"

"First off, Nathan would look a little funny in a dress…" she rolled her eyes with a laugh. "And second, everything you said is right, but that's why Nate's already got the perfect job." She contemplated my words for a second before a smile took shape on her lips again.

"He's giving you away isn't he…" she watched me nod with a smile of my own firmly in place. "You're right…that is the perfect job for him." I nod before standing up.

"I should probably go find Luke and see what he wanted to talk about…" I shrug absentmindedly before turning and making my way to the door.

"Hey Peyton…" I turn around just after I open the bedroom door. "They'd be proud of you…really proud." I return the gentle smile she's wearing as a few tears spring to my eyes.

"Thanks Brooke…" she nods before I turn around and walk out of the room. I walk down the hall and see Lucas talking and laughing with Karen and Keith in the upstairs living room.

"Well, well…you came home late last night…you disappeared this morning, it's about time we got to see you…"I smile shyly at Keith as I make my way over to them. I give both him and Karen a hug before sitting down next to Luke.

"So how have you been…" I look over at Karen who's wearing that warm motherly smile that I love.

"Good…I might even say I've been great" Luke wraps his arm around my shoulder.

"Actually we have some good news for you…" it finally clicks in my head what Lucas wanted to talk about me…I had completely forgotten that his parents didn't know.

"Okay…" Keith has this smile on his face that let's me know that he knows exactly what Luke is about to say, Karen is wearing the same one, but neither of them will ruin Luke's happiness about being able to tell them.

"Well…Peyton and I…" he looks over at me a smiles as he pulls me a little closer. "…we're getting married"

"Congratulations you two…" I watch as Luke's smile falls a little.

"You already knew…" he looks between the two and both of them nod.

"Sweetie everyone's been pulling Peyton aside today, Nathan's been acting genuinely satisfied, Brooke's been giddy, and you my dear have had this unbelievably goofy grin on your face since you came out the room." Karen laughed as she watched her son sigh.

"I'm that obvious…"

"Afraid so…" We all laughed and eventually Lucas joined in.

"I'm sorry to keep disappearing on you guys, but I'm starving." I flashed a sympathetic smile as I stood up.

"Don't worry about it…we'll catch up later" Karen waved me off and turns and started towards the stairs.

"Peyton…" I turned back to look at Keith who was still smiling. "Welcome to the family…" I returned the smile gladly and my gaze shifted to Luke.

"Thanks…" I flashed another smile before turning back around and heading downstairs. I found Nathan in the kitchen pouring himself a glass of water. He looked up at me and smiled as he handed me the glass and went to get another for himself. "Thank you"

"How'd you're talk with Luke go…"

"Good…much easier than I thought it would be" I laughed before taking a sip of my water. "Where'd Haley go…"

"The girls wanted to see the terrace so she took them up there, of course they left the TV on though." He rolled his eyes as he set his glass down and made his way into the living room. I turned in his directing a caught a slight wave a dizziness…it's definitely time for me to eat. I watched the TV go off and blinked back hard as the dizziness hit me again, this one much worse than before. I close my eyes tightly, but when I open them everything start blurring together…I can feel the glass slipping out of my hand…I hear the glass shatter on the floor and Nathan scream my name, but there's nothing after that.


	43. Strange and Beautiful

She made her way down the stairs and found the youngest Scott pouring himself a glass of water. He looked up as she entered the kitchen and automatically offered smile as he handed her the glass of water. "Thanks" she smiled as he turned back to the cabinet to retrieve another glass for himself.

"How'd your talk with Luke go…" he couldn't deny that he had been waiting for the two of them to finally finish talking. He was anxious about how things were going to turn out, whether she had actually been able to tell him everything, and as the time continued to pass he found himself wondering what in the world they were talking about for two hours, that much time either meant things were going well, or they were going bad.

"Good…much easier than I thought it would be…." She laughed lightly before taking a sip from her glass. Relief washed over him as he sipped his own water…that last thing Peyton needed was for some kind of rift to form between her and Lucas. "Where'd Haley go…"

"The girls wanted to see the terrace so she took them up there, of course they left the TV on though." He rolled his eyes as he set his glass down and made his way into the living room. He scanned the table for the remote, but soon spotted it on the couch. He grabbed it quickly and shut the television off. He set the remote down and opened his mouth to inquire more about her conversation with his brother, but he was cut short by the sound of breaking glass. Nathan quickly turned around, and he was just on time to see Peyton's eyes roll into the back of her head. "Peyton…" he rushed over to her just as she hit the floor, her body convulsing and her feet arched as far as her shoes would allow. He fell into place beside her, his knees making a dull thud against the ceramic tiles. He pulled her upper body into his lap, turning her on her side, he wasn't sure if that's what he was supposed to do, but it's what they always did in movies. "Someone call 911…" it was meant to come out as a scream, but the sobs lodged in his throat cause his voice to come out quieter than expected.

"Did one of you drop somethi…oh my God…" Nathan looked up to see Brooke standing on the bottom step, her lips parted in shock. She had heard the glass break when she came out of her room…she had expected to go downstairs and make a joke about one of them being clumsy…not to go down there and find her best friend shaking uncontrollably in Nate's arms. The brunette reached for the phone of the counter and dialed 9-1-1 a few seconds later, when the initial shock had disappeared.

"What's going on down there…" Brooke turned with teary eyes to see Haley with the girls behind her.

"Haley, take them back upstairs, and get Lucas…" Brooke choked out. The petite brunette wanted to ask what was wrong, but as she watched the tears slide down Brooke's cheeks she knew she needed to wait. She spun on her heel and placed a hand on each of the girls' shoulders, quickly guided them away from the stairs.

"Why don't you two go back upstairs, stay away from the pool and away from the edge…I'll be up there in a minute…" the two girls quickly nodded and raced back up the stirs, anxious to continue playing, neither one of them having seen Brooke in tears. Haley watched them go up before quickly making her way down the hall and into the living room.

"Hey Haley…" Karen greeted with a smile, but she quickly noticed the brunette's eyes glazing over and the older woman's face fell. "Are you alright…"

"Lucas…something's wrong…" she watched her best friend quickly get to his feet and look at her hesitantly.

"What do you mean something's wrong…" he slowly rounded the couch and came to stand face to face with Haley.

"I don't know, but Brooke's downstairs on the phone, and she's crying…she told me to keep the girls upstairs…" she didn't have time to say anything else because Lucas was already down the hall, his heart racing with fear. He nearly collided with Brooke when he got to the bottom of the stairs, but he became frozen just as she had when he saw Nathan hovering over Peyton, her body still shaking.

"What the hell happened" he moved to sit next to Nathan, a part of him wanted take the blonde in his arms, but he knew Nathan would never let her go.

"I don't know…she was drinking water…I went to turn off the TV and when I turned back around…God I don't know…." His own hands were shaking now as he closed his eyes in frustration.

"Since when does she get seizures?" Lucas ran a hand roughly over his face before reaching down to take Peyton's hand in his, he quickly retracted his hand however, scared to hurt her.

"Get something in her mouth so that she doesn't bite her tongue…" Lucas didn't bother to look up at his mother, he just grabbed a clean dish towel out the drawer and then moved back across the floor toward Peyton. He tried to pry her mouth open, but her jaw wouldn't budge.

It seemed like an eternity later that Keith opened the door to let the paramedics in. The youngest Scott reluctantly let go of the blonde before he and his brother stood up and took a few steps back, giving the paramedics room. "How long was she been seizing…" the man with spiked black hair looked back at the group.

"I don't know…" Nathan answered, he looked at the clock and tried his hardest to recall what time it had been when Peyton first came downstairs, but he couldn't remember.

"Has it been more than 5 minutes…" The man watched as Nathan nodded in the affirmative before he turned his attention back to the blonde on the floor. They all watched as he injected something into Peyton's cheek, all of them letting out a sigh of relief when the blonde stopped convulsing a few seconds later. It took about a minute for her to regain consciousness, and the same guy gently lifted her to a seated position and leaned her back against the counter. She blinked hard a few times, trying to get her eyes to focus.

"My names Nick…your name…" Nathan started to answer the question but Nick held his hand, signaling for him to let her answer.

"Peyton Sawyer…" she inhaled deeply and let it out slowly as she ran a hand through her hair. " …and your name's Nick…"

"I take it you've seized before…" He took her hand in his and looked down at his watch as he started taking her pulse.

"Yes I have, and from that tingly feeling in my jaw…I'm gunna go with your names Nick…" He laughed lightly and shook his head.

"And I take it you've been given Midazolam before…" He watched her nod and waited a moment before speaking. "…and my…"

"…name is Nick" she said cutting him with a curt smile. She didn't mean to come across as rude she was just frustrated and tired of all the questions, the ones that were already asked and the ones that she knew were coming.

"Any soreness…"

"Of course, my whole body is sore…but if you're asking whether anything feels broken, then no…"

"Are you epileptic…"

"No…but with the amount of times I've hit my head…I'm more prone to seizures than most people."

"When's the last time you ate…" he lifted her arm and slipped on the cuff of the blood pressure monitor.

"Yesterday morning…and do not reprimand me because I already know that I have to eat…and your name is Nick."

"I'm sorry, but you know this is routine…have you hit your head recently…"

"Umm…on the door…it was probably about an hour ago…and I can please stop saying your name is Nick because my short term memory is fine…"

"Yes you can stop…" he laughed as she rolled her eyes. He had learned not to let that behavior bother him, when it came to people who were constantly getting medical attention for the same thing, having to answer the same set of questions every single time became more tedious and frustrating the more the questions were asked. "Was anyone in here with her when the seizure started…" he watched as Nathan stepped forward and little, fear still present in his eyes. "Can you take me through the last minute before the seizure…that way we'll know whether this was a delayed reaction to hitting her head, or if something else set it off…"

"Okay…umm…she came downstairs and I gave her a glass of water, I poured myself a glass and then I went to turn off the TV…when I turned around she had dropped her glass and her eyes rolled…"

"Was she facing the TV when you turned it off…"

"I think so…what does that matter…" Nathan's gaze shifted quickly between Nick and Peyton.

"The flash of light…it's what triggered the seizure. Because of her history, the hunger and hitting her head made her hypersensitive and highly susceptible to a seizure, so when she watch the television go off it messed with her nerves." Nick stood up and then reached down to help the blonde off the floor. "Last time and then I'm out of your hair Miss Sawyer…my name…"

"Bye Nick…" she waved and watched as he picked up his bad and turned around.

"Wait…you're not taking her to the hospital to get her checked out…nothing…you're just gunna give her an injection and leave…" Nathan crossed his arms over his chest and looked at the two men in shock.

"Nate it's fine…I don't need to go to the hospital. I'm okay, no memory loss, no broken bones, no abnormal blood pressures…everything is fine." She turned to face his and couldn't help but laugh at the defiant look on his face.

"I still want you to go…I don't care if you feel fine." He rested a hand on each of her shoulders a he pursed his lips together.

"She's right…because she has a history of seizing there's no need to go to the hospital. If she has another seizure within the next 24 hours then you can seek medical care, but if you send her to the hospital now all they're gunna do is make you sit in a waiting room for a few hours and then they're gunna send you home." The youngest Scott sighed in defeat as he pulled Peyton into his arms and watched the paramedics leave the apartment.

"You scared the hell out me Peyton…"

"Sorry…" she whispered against his chest.

"Why didn't you tell anyone you had epilepsy…" She broke away to find the tear filled eyes of her best friend. , the brunette was still leaning against the counter for support.

"Because I don't…I mean, I was diagnosed with it, but I don't have it. The first time I seized and went to the hospital the doctor's were told that I was at the top of the steps and I just started seizing and I fell down…it explained the rug burn and the bruising and the broken arm…so they thought there was no cause for it, that it just happened. When it happened a second time they thought the same things, I needed stitches because I seized and fell and hit my head against the side of the tub. After that they diagnosed me with epilepsy…who was gunna tell them that I didn't seize until Stan pushed me down the stairs…or that the second time it happened, it was after he threw me so hard I cracked my skull on the shower tiles." She forced back the tears as she watched both Lucas and Nathan shudder.

"You must be tired…" Lucas said lightly, in desperate need of a subject change. He wanted to reach out to her, to hold her, but he couldn't help feeling guilty about hitting her with the door earlier, feeling scared that he would somehow hurt her again.

"Exhausted…but I need to eat" She could take being tired, but the extreme soreness of her muscles got her every time.

"Go lay down…I'll make something and bring it up to you…" Karen smiled and Peyton gave a small nod and whispered a thank you, too tired to fight with the older woman. She let Nathan guide her up the stairs, slightly bother by Lucas's absent display of affection, but she was too drained to give it much thought.

"Please never do that again…" she laid back in the bed and took off her shoes before laying down next o her.

"I swear it wasn't intentional…" she closed her eyes with every intention of just resting a little. "Is Luke okay…"

"Yeah, I think you just scared him…you scared all of us." She didn't say anything back to him and it didn't take him long to realize she had fallen asleep. He wrapped his arm securely around her and pulled her body closer.

It was twenty minutes later that Haley was carrying a try of food towards Peyton's room, only to stop in the doorway and smile to herself. She walked into the room and set the tray down on the side table before letting herself out. She looked back into the room before looking back to see Lucas coming toward her. "Am I crazy…I mean I must be.."

"What are you talking about Hales…" Lucas coked an eyebrow up as came to stand behind his best friend.

"That…" she nodded into the room, to her husband sleeping with an arm wrapped around one of her best friend's waist. "I must not be all there if that doesn't bother me…hell…it made me smile Lucas" she threw her hands up in the air with a small laugh.

"You're not crazy Hales…and if you are…then someone needs to get me to Bellevue. I mean you and Nathan have a strong marriage…me and Peyt…were just engaged…and did I mention we skipped the whole dating thing…"

"I never thought about that…I mean that you guys never really 'dated'. It's not like you ever needed to, but it's just weird that you didn't…" the brunette shrugged her shoulders as the two friends started down the hall. "So are we having a sleep over tonight, or are you being a party-pooper and taking the couch…"

"Actaully I assumed I was sleeping in the same bed I slept in last night…call me crazy…"

"Okay…crazy…maybe we should reserve you a room at Bellevue. You might be able to sleep in that bed tonight…but either way I'll be the one you're sleeping next to."

"And why is that…" he stopped walking and turned to face the petite brunette.

"Because Nathan has no intention of letting that girl out of his sight tonight. He is gunna keep her as close as possible…" She laughed lightly but he could tell she wasn't joking.

"Hales…that's ridiculous…Nate's not that bad…" he shook his head and expected Haley to agree with him, but she didn't.

"Luke…did you know that when Peyton came back to New York last year, Nathan didn't sleep for a week…and I don't mean he slept for a few hours and then woke up and then went back to sleep…I mean he really didn't sleep. He might have gotten 10 hours of sleep in those 7 days, 15 tops. He was just so worried about her…your brother who has no problem watching the phone ring, he kept that phone by his side every night that week, for two weeks actually." She watched the shocked look that cascaded over her best friend's face. "Nathan doesn't shut me out…he told me he couldn't sleep and he told me why…he's scared to death that he might lose her…that thought terrifies him. He's still carrying around all the guilt for not knowing about Stan…he thinks that the minute he turns his back something horrible is gunna happen again and that he won't be able to help her. He brought her a plane ticket back to New York and he paid her cab fare but he didn't want her to go…he was gunna tell her not to go because he knew if he asked she wouldn't do it…"

"So why'd he let her go…" he glanced back at the room before turning his attention to Haley again.

"Because I told him to…he can't protect from everything, he can't fight her demons for her, no matter how much he wants to or how much he tries, he just can't. He wouldn't talk to me the night I told him to let her go…he was so pissed off at me, but the next morning he told me I was right…it killed him to admit it, but he did, and then he went online and purchased a ticket."

"If it was anyone else…I'd be jealous of the attention he gives her…" Lucas ran a hand over his head as Haley let out a small laugh.

"If it were anyone else lying in that bed with him…he'd be waking up to divorce papers." She watched as he once again looked at the open bedroom door…an obvious look of longing in his eyes. "You'll get her back tomorrow…he missed Luke…you know he did…and then tack on the worry…he's not leaving her side…but come tomorrow he knows better than to hover over her."

"I know…I could kill him sometimes" He shook his head before walking toward the stairs again. "It's time like now that I'm glad she has him…but I also wanna strangle him because he won't let anyone else near her…"

"That's my husband…" the two friends laughed as they made their way back down stairs. "Are you sure we're not crazy…"

"I don't know…maybe we are…it doesn't really matter though does it…"

"I guess not" the brunette shrugged her shoulders as Lucas wrapped his arm around her. "What do you say to taking a dip in the hot tub later…"

"Sounds good…maybe I'll be able to steal my fiancé back…"

"You really wanna go to that hospital don't you…" she shook her head as her best friend scuffed.

"Hey…a guy can hope…"

"Who am I to shatter your dreams…" she mused as he pulled her closer. 'You keep thinking you're sleeping next to Peyton tonight…"

"Fine by Hales…fine by me…"


	44. Letting Go

"So explain to me how we come up to your house for a vacation…and somehow you get served dinner in bed…something seems just a little backwards if you ask me…" I watched Brooke saunter into my room with a tray holding a bowl of pasta and a piece of garlic bread.

"Well no one asked you…" I raised a brow as she handed me the tray. She had let the tray go, only to have to quickly grab it back when I almost dropped it. "Thanks…" she offered a small smile as she set the tray on my lap, placing the glass of water on the bedside table.

"How ya' feeling" She sat on the edge of the bed, her fingers gripping lightly around my leg.

"Much better, just a little sore still…" I had fallen asleep at around three, woke up at four to eat, and then I went right back to sleep for the next five hours. I've always slept a lot after a seizure…for that that doesn't even last ten minutes it sure drains the hell out of me. I ate some of the pasta and knew instantly that Karen was the one responsible for dinner…this had always been one of my favorite meals from her. I still don't know how she makes it, she always refused to tell me, but even if she did I doubt I'd be able to get it to taste the same. "I assumed Nate would be brining my food up" I looked at Brooke just in time to see her roll her eyes.

"Yeah, well I told Papa Peyton wanna be to stay downstairs…"

"And he listened to you…" I laughed and raised my brows in disbelief. Despite the fact that I had been sleeping all day, Nathan had barley left this room.

"No…he listened to Kristen. I told her and Sam that if Kristen asked her daddy to stay downstairs for dinner I would take them to the park in the morning." She smirked in satisfaction and once again I just laughed. "I did it 'cause I need to talk to you…" there was still a smile on her face, but her expression was more serious than before.

"Okay…what's up…" I continued eating as she took a breath, most likely trying to figure out what to say.

"You and Nate have to stop this glued at the hip thing…" I nearly choked on my food because that was the last thing I expected to hear, and partially because that's the last thing I want to hear.

"Excuse me…" she sighed, but didn't take nearly as long to think of what she wanted to say.

"You're both so damn scared to lose each other that you're holding on for dear life. The thing is…if you keep holding on so tightly, you are gunna lose each other…and that's only after you push Lucas and Haley away."

"I'm not pushing Luke away Brooke…in fact I'm finally letting him in…" I honestly have no clue where she's headed with this conversation, but I'm not liking any of it so far.

"Don't get me wrong…it's good that you and Luke finally talked, and I'm glad that Nathan is the one that made you do it, but that doesn't really change anything. You two aren't doing any of this on purpose, but you're still doing it."

"Doing what…" my voice came out harsher than I wanted, but she's talking in circles and this make no sense to me.

"You're both terrified to lose each other. You're scared that you're gunna lose your friendship with him, that because you and Broody are finally on track you and Nate are consequently gunna be derailed. And Nathan…he's scared to literally lose you…that he's gunna get that dreaded phone call one night, or that you're gunna just gunna up and disappear for ten years again…" she looked at me and waited, but I didn't respond, I wanted to protest but I understand what she's saying now, and I know she's right. "Peyt…I you keep clinging to each other this way, if you don't put your fears aside and talk to each other, you're gunna wind up with an empty friendship and then you'll hold even tighter…'

"We'll push Luke and Hales away…and then the two of us we'll break because we tried too hard to prevent it…" I hate when she's right about these kinds of things.

"Look…it's not that you're trying to prevent it…that makes it sound like something that's inevitably going to happen. You and Nate are not going to fall apart if you just talk to each other about this. You're both scared and neither one of you realizes that the other is feeling the exact same thing, and in one way or another scared that the same thing is gunna happen. I can tell you all I want that Nathan's scare, but you won't believe it until you hear it from him. You two just need to talk…he's been holding on more tightly than you, especially with the seizure…" She stopped and ran her free hand through her hair, the other hand still firmly holding onto my leg. "I don't know how to express this any better, I wish I did Peyt…but…"

"We need to talk…I get it…." I don't like it, but I do get it. I was torn from my thought when Haley popped her head into the room after knocking lightly on the door.

"The girls are asleep…Keith and Karen are watching a movie, and the rest of us are hitting the Jacuzzi…you guys in…" Her eyes were hopeful and I knew she wanted to make sure there was at least one night when all of us could be together…just have fun.

"The hot water will do me some good…" I smiled as Brooke took the tray from me and stood up.

"I'm so glad you said that, 'cause as much as I love you P. Sawyer, I didn't really wanna sit down here in this room while everyone else was up there having fun." I threw a pillow at her and she moved quickly out of the room, popping her head in again to stick her tongue out at me.

"I'm just glad I get to see my husband for more than hour" She cocked an eyebrow up before laughing. I smiled back at her before she went to go change. There was nothing even remotely angry about her words, but Brooke was right, eventually this was bound to bother her.

"What's on your mind…" I blinked hard and then looked back at the door to see Luke walking in, shutting the door behind him.

"Nothing…except how tired I am of being in this bed…" I smirked in his direction as he moved closer to me. He bent down and kissed me lightly, a smile lingering on his lips as he pulled away.

"So will you be joining us upstairs…" He moved towards the dresser his clothes are in as I slowly slip off the bed.

"Yes I am…" It takes me a little longer than usual to get to my drawer, I can feel each step I take in my legs, and I feels like instead of sleeping I just spent hours funning on a treadmill. I had to put my bathing suit in the bottom drawer, the one that's all the way by the floor and is gunna take me forever to get to.

"Need some help…" I looked behind me to see Lucas with a small smile on his face. I step back and watch as he bends down with ease to open the drawer.

"I can't wait to relax in that water…" a small sigh escapes my lips just as he stands back up with my black bikini.

"I remember this thing…" He holds the top up to eye level with a brow cocked up.

"Everybody loved this thing…and if I remember correctly Brooke told me I was never to wear this in you presence again…" He let out a small chuckle as his smile grew. I had worn that bikini in senior year to Brooke's pool party, she had rented the indoor swimming pool at one of the hotels that January and invited about 40 people. When I had walked over to the group the majority of the guys decided to stare. Luke had been one of them, and Brooke had pulled me aside at one point and told me never to put that particular bikini back on if I knew Lucas was going to be around…after all she couldn't have her boyfriend drooling over her best friend. She had walked away from me only to turn back around and tell me I looked damn hot with a playful wink.

"Well I'm not dating Brooke anymore, so it shouldn't really matter anymore…I doubt she even remembers saying that anyway." I snatched the bikini from him and walked into the bathroom, a devious smile on my face. It was a bit of a struggle getting my legs to bend enough to take my jeans off, but I eventually succeeded….have I mentioned I hate being this sore. It took me five minutes to change and in the end I still needed help.

"Luke…" I called to him with one hand holding the string around my neck and the other holding the ones on my back. "I can't tie it…" my back was facing him and I gladly lowered my hands as he ties two bows with ease.

"There…" I turned to face him and was pleased to see him bite his lip, his eyes roaming over me…I can't deny that it feels good to be wanted like this again, to see his eyes momentarily darken with lust.

"I've still got it…" I slipped past him and ignored the slight throbbing in my legs as I sauntered out of the room…I haven't been able to do that for years, and I'd forgotten how much fun it was to be seductive, forgot about the satisfaction I got from glancing back to see him play the game with me, his shocked face changing as his eyes narrowed and a mischievous smirk on his lips. It didn't take him long to come up behind me, his arms firmly around my waist. I grabbed two towels out of the closet before heading towards the stairs, but before I had I chance to start climbing them Luke had wrapped an arm under my knees and lifted me up.

"Now what kind of fiancé would I be if I made you walk up all theses stairs…" I could only smile he made his way up to the terrace.

"You know I love you right…" my voice was barley above a whisper, I wasn't trying to be seductive or anything, it just came out that why. He stopped on the stairs and just looked at me before leaning in a gently brushing his lips against mine. My arms instinctively wrapped around his neck, pulling my body closer to his, the two towels preventing me from getting as close as I wanted.

"Leave it to the newlyweds…" we broke apart and looked up the stairs to see Brooke with her arms crossed firmly over her chest. "Oh wait…you're not married yet..." she got ready to turn around but quickly turned back and looked me dead in the eye. "I believe I told you to never put that thing on when Broody was around…now you know why…" She gave an exasperated sigh before walking out of sight.

"I guess she remembers…" Luke mused before continuing up the stairs. "oh…and by the way…I love you too…" He smiled at me before setting me down on the terrace. I looked over to see the other four already in the jacuzzi. Lucas and I gladly joined them and over the next hour the six of us just relaxed, not talking about anything in particular, just having fun. It was Brooke who grew tired of the just aimlessly talking and did what always did in high school, started a game.

"Tutor Wife…Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, and….well you loved him in high school, Jude Law…" Brooke smiled deviously as Haley just looked on in confusion.

"I don't get it…" she looked around the group and Nathan kissed the side of her head with a laugh, even though she had gotten popular in high school, Haley still never really got into the party scene.

"The game is FMK, also know as fuck, marry, kill…" I started as she looked at me, still confused.

"The person you kill…well that's obvious…" Brooke continued as Haley turned to face her. "Then there's someone you screw…but that person you can never see again afterwards… the last person you marry, but you can never screw them."

"If you play by actual rule, the person you marry, you can never be intimate with them in anyway, sure you can hug, but no sex, foreplay, fondling, or kissing…nothing." Nathan looked at Brooke who nodded in agreement before focusing on Hales again.

"So FMK Hales…Jude, Christian and Johnny…"

"Oh god…well I'm marrying Jude…killing Christian and screwing Johnny…" we all laughed as she turned red and buried her face against Nathan's shoulder.

"Brooke…" I smirked at her as she turned toward me. "FMK…David Beckham, Collin Farrell, and Cooper" I watched her jaw drop slightly and couldn't help but laugh.

"You mean Hot Uncle Cooper…" I nodded and she throw her head back with a small whine. "P. Sawyer that is so not fair…how am I supposed to pick between them…they were like my top fantasy elevator people." I just raised a brow as everyone else laughed. "Okay, okay, okay…I guess I can kill…why can't I just screw them all…"

"No Brooke...you have to pick…" she scowled at me before sighing.

"I'd marry Beckham, but his legs just seem too…perfect to never touch. Oh this sucks…but I got it…I'm killing David Beckham, not because I don't love or I wouldn't screw him, 'cause I do and I would…but either way I'm killing him, I'm screwing the hell out Collin Farrell, and I'm marry Copper, because I know he's nice and even if I can't touch I get to look at all day." She smiled in satisfaction.

"That's slightly disturbing, not because it sounds slightly stalkerish, but because that's my uncle." She shrugged at Nathan who just shook his head in response.

"Okay Nate…FMK…Kate Beckinsale, Jen Aniston, and…Denise Richards…" Brooke raised a brow as Alex wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Easy…I'm killing Denise, fucking Kate and marrying Jen…" Nate smirked before turning toward Alex. "Alex…Adrianna Lima, Jessica Alba, and Alyssa Milano "

"Touch one…but killing Jessica, fucking Alyssa and marrying Adrianna 'cause it can't hurt to look at that everyday."

"I think guys are always gunna have it easier in this game…" Lucas said with a small laugh and Nate just nodded in agreement. "I mean, I don't think I've ever spent more than two seconds making a decision."

"Oh really…then I've got one for you…" We all turned to face Brooke and Nathan just laughed, not because he thought Brooke would fail, but because he and I both know Brooke's good at this game.

"Okay…give me you're best shot…" His cockiness is gunna get him in trouble, I already know it from the fire in Brooke's eyes.

"Fine…Brooke Davis, Haley Scott, and Peyton Sawyer. FMK Luke…" I felt him tense against me and everyone knew Brooke had once again proven her ability to make people squirm during this game.

"I'm not answering that…" Lucas shook his head and Brooke just scuffed.

"You have to…come on Luke…it's just a game. I mean, the marriage isn't the difficult part, so you already have one done."

"And that's why were gunna change it…." It was Haley who cut her off. "Let's see…me…" I felt him tense again, but this time it wasn't from shock, it was something different, it was like that frozen feeling someone gets when they're scared…and I know why it's happening. The ultimate challenge would have been if Haley kept me as a choice and added Amy, and although there's a part of me that wants to know the answer to that question, but it would be cruel to ask him that. " Brooke and Amber…"

"Wait, whose Amber…" Brooke asked the question I think we were all about to ask.

"She was my girlfriend from the middle of freshman year until the beginning of sophomore year. I cared about her a lot and we were really close, but she moved that summer before sophomore year."

"Yup…oh and he lost it to her…" Haley just smiled brightly as Lucas scowled at her.

"Fine…you guys got me…, I mean now I still know who I'm gunna marry, but once again I don't know about the other two…"

"Well who are you marrying"

"You Hales…" he answered her without a second thought. "I don't wanna kill you…and I don't wanna sleep with you…so if I marry you than I basically get to just stay friends with you…so that was easy." He paused and thought for almost a minute before answering. "And I guess….I'm sleeping with Brooke and killing Amber. Had you gone with the original choices…I'd marry Peyton…and I don't know what I'd do with you two…"

"Yes you do…you just don't wanna say who you'd kill" Alex looked at Luke to see if he was right and all Luke could do was sigh.

"Broody it's just a game…no offense taken, right Hales…"

"Nope…I just wanna know how you chose…" Haley shrugged. Brooke nodded in agreement before they both looked at Luke again.

"Okay…I'm killing you Brooke…because even though after sleeping with Haley I'll never be able to see her again, I know she'd be safe and alive…you're my best friend Hales, I can't kill you."

"I think you're killing me just because I made you choose between the three of us…and that's fair." She shrugged before turning towards me. "Best Friend…"

"Oh God…" I mumbled…I can just see the wheels turning in her head.

"Mouth, Jake, and Nathan…"

"You suck Davis…"

"It's not too hard…you'll probably marry Nate for the same reason Luke married Hales…right…"

"Actually…I'm marrying Mouth 'cause he's a sweetheart and I can't see myself being romantic with him so he's the easiest person to just be friends with. As far the other two, I'm Jake and screwing Nathan." I said the last part quickly and I can feel my cheeks already turning red.

"Wait before anyone says anything…Nathan…Peyton, Rachel and…me….FMK…" Brooke looked at him in anticipation and he cringed slightly before opening his mouth only to purse his lips together again.

"I'm not answering that Brooke…" He shook his head in defiance and my best friend just smirked in satisfaction.

"Come on Nate…it's just a game remember…"

"I'm killing Rachel, marrying Brooke and screwing Peyton." I looked down and Nate did the same, Alex just looked at us in confusion.

"Wait…I thought you two were like brother and sister…I mean, I can't even see the two of you dating…let alone sleeping together…"

"Oh…they did in high school…and…how can I put this…" Brooke bit the bottom of her lip as my cheeks got redder. "Do you remember the song "Fight For All The Wrong Reasons…I think it was Nickleback…" we all watched Alex nod. "Yeah…well our friend Tim said that was their theme song throughout the last few months of their relationship."

"How does that song go…I don't think I know it…" Haley had a small smile on her face, she had been laughing at both me and Nate.

"Um…oh yeah…you got off every time you go onto me…I got caught up in favorable slavery…I guess it wasn't really right, I guess it wasn't meant to be, it didn't matter what they said, 'cause we were good in bed, I guess I stuck around so I could watch us fight for all the wrong reasons…I think that was one of the only smart things Tim said throughout all of high school"

"If I remember correctly I think the phrase was...'forget about Karma Sutra books, just study Peyton and Nathan…" My jaw dropped as I hit Lucas in the chest.

"What the hell are you talking about…" I gaped at him and Haley just laughed.

"That's what everyone used to say about you and Nate…" Brooke chimed in, still smiling like a kid in a candy store. "I think it started at a party…after playing seven minutes in heaven…after you're seven minute were up, you two disappeared for over an hour."

"This conversation is done now…" Nathan held his hands up and , his shoulders slightly tense.

"So if I said me, Brooke and Peyton what would you say then" He looked down at Haley who only gave him a smirk.

"Hales…" She raised a brow…I think she's enjoying making her husband squirm. "Fine…I'm killing Brooke, I'm marrying you…and I'm screwing the hell out of Peyton for hours on end….game over…"

"Their relationship sucked in every department, except the bedroom…they had a lot of sex…apparently a lot of good and memorable sex." Brooke informed Alex not too quietly.

"Brooke…" she looked at me innocently and threw her hands up in surrender…so what if she's right…with the way Nate and I are now, talking about his is just a little bit awkward.

"Okay…but honestly…with the way you two rabbits were back then…did you ever think that a year later you'd be treating each other like siblings." I was about to yell at her for calling us rabbits but closed my mouth as soon as she finished the question. Nathan and I locked eyes and both us started laughing.

"Never in a million years" Nate choked out in between laughs. "Who would of thought that a year later when I saw you in that bikini at the hotel, that my first thought would be to walk over and wrap my towel around you." I buried my head in my hands with a laugh as Lucas pulled me closer to him.

"Okay I have to get up in the morning to take the girls to the park…that's gunna require some energy, so Brooke Davis is calling it a night." It was about ten minutes later that Brooke smiled and stood up. She got out of the jacuzzi and wrapped a towel around her body.

"It is getting late, why don't we all call it a night…" Haley looked at her hands and frowned at her pruning skin. "Yeah definitely time to get out…" We all agreed and climbed out, each grabbing a towel to dry off. I was glad to feel that the pain in my legs was gone; hot water has always made me feel better after a seizure.

"You guys go ahead downstairs…I just need to turn everything off and put the top back on..." I gave them a small smiling before walking toward the gym where all the controls are.

"I'll give you a hand…" I looked back to see Nathan walking back toward the hot tub, his towel wrapped around his waist. Everyone else walked downstairs and I could hear Brooke yell that she had dibs on the master bathroom.

"Thanks Nate…" I walked inside to turn everything off while he grabbed the Jacuzzi cover and slid it back on.

"That's all…" He walked over to me just as I turned the gym lights off and closed the door. I was ready to tell him yes, to walk downstairs and go to sleep…but Brooke's conversation kept popping into my head.

"Actually can we talk…" I nodded towards the table by the pool.

"Sure…" we made our way over and sat down. I don't know where to start, I don't even know exactly what I'm supposed to be saying to him. "Everything okay…" his hands grabs mind and he squeezes it gently.

"Yeah…it's just…I talked to Brooke this evening, while you were downstairs. She just said some things that make a lot of sense, including calling you a Papa Peyton wanna be…" I laughed lightly as he scuffed.

"That's so sweet of her…" he shook his head with a small smile.

"Yeah, but she's right…the name does fit you at times. And I guess the whole point of the conversation I had with her was that I let you act that way…"

"Act what way…" he looked at me in genuine confusion and I could only smile back at him.

"I guess…it's that I let you treat me like Kristen sometimes…I mean it doesn't bother me, but I think he point is that it's supposed to, or that eventually it's going to."

"I do not treat you like Kristen…" He frowned as his lips stayed parted a little.

"No, not all the time…but today you did…it's the way you would have been if Kristen had gotten sick and she was stuck in bed all day, you didn't leave my side until Brooke bribed you're daughter into eating dinner downstairs." He wanted to protest but instead he just sighed after a second because he knew I was right.

"I'm sorry…I swear I wasn't trying to treat you like a little girl"

"I know you weren't, and it didn't bother me that you did…but the truth is Nate…it's time you let this little girl grow up…you've gotta let go…and so do I"

"Why are you listening to Brooke…" He cocked a brow up as he looked at me.

"Because she's right…"

"So what…" I laughed and soon enough he joined in. "I guess this is part of me agreeing to give you away to Luke…" there's a distinct sadness in his voice and in his eyes.

"Maybe…but like you said before…you're not really giving me away, at least not completely." I was trying to sound hopeful, trying to convince myself that when we went downstairs things with Nathan I wouldn't be ruined.

"Yeah…" he doesn't sound too sure of himself, and he doesn't look it either. "I know Luke good for you, but…you're gunna be okay…right…'cause I'm scared that something bad's gunna happen and you're not gunna tell me…and I'll wind up…"

"Stop…" I cut him off and waited until we locked eyes again before continuing. "Nathan, you never failed me…okay…you've been there for me more than anyone else had."

"Not when it mattered the most…"

"I didn't tell you about Stan, so how were you supposed to know…" It was my turn to squeeze his hand, but he still wouldn't look at me.

"I just should've…" he glanced up at me quickly before turning his attention back on the floor.

"But Nate, that's crazy…"

"It doesn't matter…" his voice wasn't quiet anymore, he sounded more angry, but he wasn't angry with me, I knew how he sounded when he was angry with me…this time he was angry with himself. "I should've known something was wrong when you first came back…you were different and I just told myself that New York had changed you…but I was supposed to know Peyton…" there were tears leaking down his cheeks now, and his voice had changed again, he no longer sound angry, now he just sound hurt. "I was supposed to know and I was supposed to stop it…and I didn't…"

"Nate you've gotta stop feeling guilty about that…you don't have anything to feel guilty about. You can't save me from everything, you can only help with the things I let you help me with…and that relationship wasn't one of those things." I got up from my chair and moved in front of him, kneeling down and forcing him to look at me. "But you helped me after…you did everything you possibly could to me when I went back to Tree Hill, and you still are, and because of that I'm okay now. And now with me marrying your brother…"

"You don't need me anymore…" he cut me off and in that moment I wished I was still sitting in my chair, where I couldn't really see his face. I don't think I've ever seen anyone look so heartbroken…that devastated…and I know exactly how he feels, it's the same way I felt when he got mad at me in the club and the feeling I got when he inadvertently admitted that he was disappointed in me…it was this indescribable pain and this fear that our relationship was over, that things would never, that they could never be the same between us, that the emptiness Brooke was talking about earlier…like it had weaseled its way into our relationship and that was all that would be left to me and Nathan…feeble attempts to salvage something that wasn't there anymore…that never would be there again.

"You're not getting rid of me that easily…" I have my own tear streaking down my cheeks now and I smile when he looks up at me again. "I'm always gunna need you Nate…you're my big brother remember. We just don't need to hang on so tightly anymore because like I said…I'm okay now. I got through all of this because you helped me…"

"No…" he shook his head and I feared that Brooke had been wrong about this conversation helping us. "…you held yourself…" he reached up and wiped the tears from under my eyes, a small smile on his face again.

"I may have been up here by myself, but I got through it because of everyone in Tree Hill, mostly you. I'd still be sitting downstairs at the front door if it wasn't for you…" we both laughed lightly, recalling the call I made to him when I first returned home. He stopped up and pulled me up and into his arms, his hands wrapping tightly around my back.

"I love you Peyton Sawyer…please don't ever forget that…"

"I love you too Nathan…" he kissed the top of my head before pulling away. We started toward the stairs but right before we reached them I jumped on his back, my arms wrapping around his neck. "And so what if you're not my night in shining armor anymore…that just gives us more time to be friends…" I rest my chin comfortable against his shoulder as he starts walking down the stairs.

"The best of..." he looks back at me and smiles. "Even if Brooke's your best friend…you'll always be mine."

"And why can't I have more than one best friend…as far as I'm concerned you're both my best friend, just in different ways…" He set me down in front of my room and smiled down at me, a gesture I gladly returned. He wiped the last trace of tears off my face before heading to the bathroom. I opened my bedroom door and I can't say that I'm shocked to see my bed empty. I guess we all just expected Nathan to stay with me tonight, and that pretty much would have proved Brooke's point. I grabbed clothes and made my way into the shower, hoping everyone hadn't already run out the hot water.

Fifteen minutes later I slipped back out of my room and made my way down the hall. I turned around when I heard a door open and watched as Nate came out the bathroom clad in boxers and a t-shirt. "Luke in there…" I nodded with a small smile as he walked over to me. I opened the door and such enough there he was sleeping next to Hales. I walked in quietly and kneeled down in front of Luke. I pressed my lips against his and felt him smiled before pulling away and opening his eyes.

"I'm stealing you…" I whispered and he nodded before sliding his legs to the floor and sitting up. He must have just fallen asleep because he only looks slightly drowsy. He got to his feet and Haley stirred a little before sitting up herself. "My fiancé for you husband…it's an even exchange…" She smiled back at me as Nathan made his way over to the bed, sitting down in the spot Lucas had just occupied.

"Actually, according to you…I'm getting the better end of this deal…" Nate and I both cringed as Luke and Haley laughed quietly. I shook my head before grabbing Luke's hand and pulling him out of the room, closing the door behind me. I started down the hall, but Lucas pulled me back and lifted me into his arms. His lips hit mine gently and my arms soon found their place around his neck. He made his way into my…our room.

"Let's see if I can't change your mind" I smirked as I kissed him again.

"Go for it…" I whispered as I reached over and switched the lights off before placing my hands back around his neck. He raised his raised an eyebrow, that mischievous smirk back in place on his face as he kicks the bedroom door shut.


	45. To Be Young and In Love

There's an odd feelings on my fingertips…it's strange…yet pleasantly familiar, but I can't place it. Although I'd like to know what it is, I refuse to open my eyes yet. I'm tired and have no intention of waking up because of some tingling sensation. I can feel myself drifting back to sleep and I welcome it with open arms, but just before everything fades away, that odd sensation finds its way to my lips, only it's not so odd anymore.

I'm awake now, very awake…but my eyes stay closed as I wrap my arms around his neck, my hands still lost in the sleeves of his oversized shirt. He slips an arm around my waist and pulls me as close as possible…there are no towels in the way this time.

"Good morning…" I smile as I pull away from him, our foreheads touching gently. I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything.

"Morning…" his lips are curved into a small smile, his eyes still locked with mine. He leans in towards me again, but I pull back as my eyes drift over his shoulder.

"Well good morning to you too…" Luke pulls away from me and turns towards the door, a grin taking shape as he meets the eyes of his daughter. Her head is poking shyly through a crack in the door. "Coming…" I prop myself up on my elbow and watch as she nods happily before running over and leaping onto the body, her small body weaseling its way between Luke and I. She flashes a bright smile at each of us before snuggling deeper under the covers.

"Why are you wearing daddy's shirt?" I watch Lucas cringe at the question and I can't help but laugh. If I didn't know any better, I would say that sometimes she asked questions like that just to see us squirm.

"Well…" he starts but can't seem to come up with anything else to say.

"Because it smells good." I give her my most childish grin. "See…" I hold the sleeve of the shirt up to her nose and we both watch as she inhales deeply.

"It does smell good…" she grins back at me before rubbing her eye with her fist. I catch Luke's eye and notice he has this warm smile on his face, completely different from the deer caught in headlights look he was sporting when Sam asked about my choice of clothes. Now if she decided to ask why I was in Luke's boxers…I wouldn't have a PG answer for her…which makes me happy that he got the munchies last night and had to slip his pajama pants back on before heading downstairs.

Sam lays her head comfortably against Luke's chest, her eyes closing a few moments later. He drops a kiss on top of her head before stretching his arm over her body and draping it over my waist. "I love you…" I smile over at him as the words leave my mouth.

"I love you too…" he whispers as he pulls me a little closer, careful to not smother Sam, who only snuggles deeper into the comforter at the sudden movement. I never thought I'd have this. It feels like a scene from a movie…something that I've only dreamed about…and I keep waiting to wake up, to have this ripped away from me, to learn that none of this is real, that this feeling of being a happy little picture perfect family…even if it only lasts just for this moment…that the feeling is something I imagined. But as I feel Sam's back push gently against my upper body each time she inhales…the fear of losing all of this slowly dissipates, and I allow the happiness to settle in as I fall back asleep.

When I open my eyes, I tense back slightly due to the pair of blue eyes that are focused intently on me. "Hi…" I can't help but laugh a little as Sam gives me a closed mouth smile in response.

"Did you know daddy stares at you when you sleep.." I watch Luke roll his eyes behind her…he was definitely blessed with one observant little girl.

"That's because your daddy's strange…" I try to keep my face as serious as possible, but that doesn't last long after I see her bob her head up and down in agreement.

"Thanks you two…" he looks between us, both of us smiling back at him. Sam closes her eyes and rubs roughly at her eyes as a yawn escapes her lips.

"I think someone's still sleepy…" Luke gazes down at his daughter and watches as she shakes her head defiantly. "No…" he gives her a questioning look and I can see his hands creeping up to her sides. She shakes her head again, and it's a few seconds later that my room's full of laughter as Luke tickles her. I can't help but laugh at the exchange.

"Get Peyton…" I blink back hard when I hear Sam's words ring out between giggles. I can tell from the look in his eyes that he has every intention of listening to his daughter. Before I can even think about getting up, he's reached his arms across Sam and has his hands on my waist.

"Oh…Luke please stop…" I can't stop squirming, but I can see Sam clearly and she's got her tongue gripped between her teeth…she seems to find it absolutely hilarious that I've got tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.

"What do you think Sam…should I stop…" He glances down at the smiling blonde between us and she doesn't hesitate to shake her head 'no'. "Well I guess I can't stop then…"

I hate…completely detest…being this ticklish.

"Come on…" I'm begging now…I'd be on my hands and knees if it were possible. A few seconds later I find myself on the edge of the bed…he notices too and stops…he probably planned on pulling me back to the center of the bed, but I have other plans. I swing my legs off the bed and stand up quickly, my mouth open as I try to catch my breath.

"You can't let her get away…" I shake my head and my eyes get wide as I watch Sam smile.

"Sam…why are you on his side…" All she does is giggle while looking back at her dad. I see him sit up in the bed, his legs starting to slide from under the comforter and that's my cue to run. I take off towards the door and fling it all the way open, my legs turning into the hall. I look back to see if Luke is still coming after me, and the second I turn my head I crash into something…actually into someone.

"I told you I was gunna get you…" I look up and find Nate smirking down at me. "You came right to me…" It takes me a moment to register what he's talking about and by the time I do remember his promise from the other night and turn around to run in the other direction, he's got me by the hips pulling me back to him.

"Luke already got me…come on…stop it…" He's got my arms pinned at my sides as I squirm in his arms, my back involuntarily arching. I can still hear Sam laughing, but the sound is closer than before and Lucas's voice is mixed in, signaling that they are probably both standing in the doorway…both of them taking pleasure in my misery. I hear them laughter even as Nathan and I tumble backwards and hit the floor, my head hitting the wall.

My hand instinctively cradles the back of my head as I start crawling away from Nate. He grabs my waist again, but when I turn to look at him, his expression is anything but playful. "Are you okay…" His hand is immediately over mine, his eyes shifting between the back of my head and my eyes.

"I'm fine Nathan…" I roll my eyes at how worried his is. I really can't blame him, something just like this caused me to seize less than 24 hours ago…but that doesn't make the sudden hovering any less annoying.

"Peyt…" he tilts his head to the side, his eyes still just as worried as before.

"Nate…I promise that I'm okay…I didn't even hit my head that hard…" He's still got this disbelieving looks on his face and I sigh deeply as I throw my head back. "Will you stop…" I grip his face in my hands forcing our eyes to connect. "I'm fine…I swear to you that I am just fine, and if I start feeling even slightest bit disoriented, I will let you take me to the hospital…"

"Are you sure you're okay…" I shake my head in frustration as I pull away from him and stand up.

"Lucas…please make him stop…" I hate being treated like this…like some porcelain doll.

"Peyt…you're sure that…"

"I'm positive…" I cut Luke off just as Brooke comes out of her room, her eye shifting between all of us. "Brooke make them stop…" I whine as I walk over to her, pouting like I'm Sam's age.

"Stop what…" she laughs at me as she wraps her arm around my shoulder.

"They're treating me like I'm fragile and…breakable." She laughs even harder after hearing this…especially since the two of them still look just as concerned as they did when she first walked out of her room. "Apparently I have big sticker that says 'this side up' on my forehead…" I raised my brows at Nathan who rolls his eyes and looks away in response.

"You can't honestly expect them to do anything different…" She glances over at me with a smirk on her face, her dimples showing as her smile grows.

"I know…" I give an exasperated sigh before walking down the hall and back towards my room. I'm halfway there when Luke steps in front of me. Before I can even open my mouth to ask what he's doing, his got me hoisted over his shoulder.

"Better…" he quips, and I can just imagine the smirk on his face right now. I can see Brooke and Sam laughing in the middle of the hall.

"No…not better…wrong side up…" I hit the back of his legs as he spins me around. "Lucas Scott…put me down."

"Are you two ever gunna grow up…" Karen's voice echoes down the hall and Luke finally stops spinning.

"Can you please put me down now…" I smack his legs again and he slowly slides me off his shoulder and back onto the floor. I watch Karen shake her head with an amused smile on her face. When stops her eyes glance over me quickly and I feel my cheeks quickly flush when I realize that I'm still only in Luke's shirt and his boxers.

"Busted…" Brooke mouths knowing that Karen can't see it, she always did find amusement in my embarrassment.

"I'm just….I'm gunna go get dressed now…" I point towards my room before turning and walking into it. I hear Lucas tell Sam to let her grandmother give her a bath before he follows me into the room, closing the door gently behind him. He walks over to me and slides his arms around my waist, his chin resenting comfortably on my shoulder as he places a kiss on my cheek.

"You know…I'm pretty sure my mother knows I'm having sex…she does have a granddaughter." He kisses my neck, nudging my head to the side so he can get better access.

"So…that doesn't make it any less awkward…she's your mother Luke…" his hands are creeping slowly up my sides, his lips traveling further down my neck. "..and she's right down the hall…"

"I know…" I turn to face him, a look of shock making its way onto my face, but it doesn't faze him as he hoists me onto his waist. His lips hit the exposed skin on my chest as he makes his way into the bathroom, kicking the door shut once we're inside. "Wouldn't it be so much faster if we just showered at the same time…" he set me down gently before closing the distance between us. I melt into the kiss as his fingers undo the buttons on the shirt.

"With what's running through your mind right now…defiantly not…" He slides his shirt off my shoulders as he kisses me again, walking us closer to the shower.

"Well then let's just pretend we took them separately." There's a house full of people, all of them awake…I should be telling him no, but instead I'm lifting the t-shirt over his head. He reaches behind me to turn on the faucet, a smirk in place on his face as his eyes stay locked with mine. I feel his hand sliding down my torso, his fingers creeping under the rim of the boxers, a slight tug is all it takes to continue the trail of disregarded clothing.

An hour and half later we're both fully dressed and making our way downstairs. Brooke's sitting at the counter picking at a croissant, Nathan's leaning against the counter with a glass of water in his hand.

"You two just can't keep your hands off each other…" She glances up quickly before going back to her food.

"Do you ever turn your freaky little radar off…" I question as I poke her in the arm. I don't know how, but Brooke's always been able to look at people and tell when they've just had sex…it's really disturbing…always has been…always will be.

"Interesting choice of words…but no it never goes off…" she winks at me and all I can do is shake my head.

"Try…please….while I'm here…while I'm anyway in hearing distance of conversations like this…I beg of you to try and turn it off." Nathan shakes his head causing the rest of us to laugh.

"Lucky for you Nate, that's the end of that conversation…" I look towards to stairs to see Haley walking down with Kristen on her back, Sam right at her heels.

"So what's on today's agenda…" Brooke's still picking at her croissant, but eventually stops to look up at me.

"I don't know…you guys are free to do whatever you want." I shrug before pulling out one of the chairs from under the counter and sitting down. I grab the bag of marshmallows from the drawer beside me…I know it's not the best thing to be eating at 11 in the morning, but I don't really care.

"Has anyone ever told you that you are a sucky hostess…I mean seriously…you're not here when we arrive, you cause all our nerves to be shot to hell, you make Karen cook dinner, which I have to serve to you in bed, then this morning you make me get out of bed because of your incessant laughter…then you ditch us so you can 'shower'…now you want us to fend for ourselves…my God future P. Scott, where are your manners?"

"My manners…" she rolls her eyes at me playfully before turning her attention back to her food. I grab a marshmallow and chuck it at her, smiling as it hits her in the side of the head. "There are my manners…." I smirk over at her as she scowls in my direction.

"If I were you I would rethink throwing that croissant…" Brooke pulls her hand away from her plate as we all turn to look at Haley. "…if you get these girls into food fights, you will be the one cleaning up the mess…and you will clean them up too…each and every time" Hales doesn't bother to look at either one of us as she slides Kristen off her back. Brooke just sticks her tongue out at Haley before going back to eating.

"Anyways…I think we should at least make some kind of plans for tomorrow since our wonderful hostess has nothing for us to do today." Brooke smirked towards me and all I could do was roll my eyes. "I mean we can't all come up to New York and stay in the apartment the entire time…"

"As much as I hate to admit it…she's actually right…we can't take the girls on their first trip to New York, first trip out of the state for that matter, and not go anywhere special…" Nate looked around the group and we all nodded. There are so many options available around here, it would be a crime to not take advantage of any of them.

"We could go over to Chelsea Piers…then to the park or something…" I offer as I lean my elbows against the counter. Chelsea has a lot of things to do…stuff that everyone could enjoy. I looked around the group and watch everyone nod in agreement. "Happy..." I turned to face my best friend who only smiled brightly at me.

"Very much so…" She wiggled her eyebrows at me and just like every other time, I can't stop myself from laughing at her antics.

"Good…" I smirk over at her before digging back into the bag of marshmallows. My eye catches the ring on my finger and I can't help but stop and smile to myself. I feel Luke's arm slide around my waist, his head leaning forward until his lips are right at my ear.

"Somehow, it looks so much better right now then it did when it was in the box. I mean I always thought it was beautiful, but now, every time I see it I smile and my heart races, and just for a moment…I feel like I'm floating. So I'd say it's right where it belongs, don't you think?" My smile grows just a bit as I nod against him.

"Yeah…" my voice is barely above a whisper, and I'm sure no one heard me but him. "I love you…" I forget where I am as I close my eyes, my face pushing as close as possible against his.

"And I love you…" His lips hit my temple lightly. I could stay in the moment forever, but a loud scuff forces me to snap my eyes open, my face stays pressed against Luke's though.

"Okay…I'm officially scared to see you two as newlyweds." I glare over at Brooke who returns my look with a shake of her head. "You guys are like some cheesy romance novel….I mean eventually people get tired of going 'awww', and then suddenly its not cute anymore and people just start telling you to get a room…"

"Brooke…you never went 'awww'" I argue as I cock a brow up. She rolls her eyes at me as an exasperated sigh escapes her lips.

"That's because I'm all awed out after having to watch those two since high school…" She gestures over to Hales and Nathan with her head before turning her attention back to me, her eyes silently asking me for conformation.

"Hey…don't get bent out of shape because we're affectionate." I laugh as Haley dips her fingertips into Nathan's water and then flicks them at Brooke, splashing water on the overly witty brunette.

"Haley…" Brooke and Nathan say at the same time.

"Kristen, don't ever do what mommy just did okay…it's rude to stick your hands in someone's drink…" he glares at his wife who grins back sheepishly.

"Yeah…it's also rude to get people wet…" Brooke points a finger at Hales who smirks back triumphantly…one day we'll grow up…I couldn't tell you when, but one day it will happen.

"So since the three of them are busy bickering…do you think they'd notice if we…disappeared." I feel my checks instantly flush as Luke whispers into my ear. "Or maybe you have some stuff to pick up from the office…you know, the one with the desk…leather chair…couch…floor…walls…there's even two elevator rides on the way…car ride too…" I'm sure I'm beet red right now, the color in my cheeks has been increasing with each hushed word that's left his mouth. "I'm sure…"

"Broody…with the look in your eyes it's no wonder someone wants to make use of the counter right now, the one I'm currently eating off of." Both of our eyes dart over to Brooke, neither of us moving. "She's contemplating which means you're h-o-r-n-y and you've been listing places…but unless it's somewhere very k-i-n-k-y…I'm sure the Blondie and Boy-toy have been there…and even if it is some place k-i-n-k-y…they've probably taken care of those too….probably more than once…maybe even…"

"Thank you Brooke…" Lucas pulls away from me quickly, his feet carrying him over to the other side of the kitchen. "Thank you so much for killing the moment…ohh…and for the wonderful images in my head right now."

"You're very welcome…" she gives the most innocent smile she can muster, before breaking out into vindictive smirk.

"What did I say about you and that…radar…" I watch the girls look at each other in confusion as Nate shakes his head.

"Opps…" She shrugs before standing up coming over by me to grab a handful of marshmallows.

"Only you Davis…" I laugh lightly as she leans her head against my shoulder.

"I know…but you love me for it…" She smile brightly and all I can do is rest my head atop hers and agree. She wouldn't be Brooke without her little antics.

It's few hours later everyone's downstairs watching a movie, and the girls are running around playing hide and seek. I'm cuddled up against Luke on the couch, and we both jump slightly when my phones start vibrating my pocket.

"Work" I mouth to him…I didn't need to look at the phone to my job was calling…its got a personal ring and vibration pattern, that way I always know when I have to pick up. I slip my phone out of my pocket only to have Lucas try and snatch it away.

"You're off today…" he whispers into my ear, his hand gripping mine. "You were off yesterday and you still went in…not today Peyt…please" I would love to just screw it and ignore the call, but I can't do that…I'm responsible for this magazine which technically means I'm on call 24/7.

"Luke…I'm sorry" He sighs with a small shake of his head, but he removes his hand from the phone. I can see Brooke out of the corner of my eyes, she's pouting, but she doesn't say anything as I get up and make my way upstairs.

"You do know I'm off today right…" It's not the most polite way to answer the phone, but the last thing I want right now is to be told that I have to go into work right now.

"I know Peyton…I'm sorry…" Rachel's voice echoes through the phone as I plop down on my bed. "Someone deleted the files from the external drive with the layouts and we need you to let us into the mainframe so we can rescan everything. You'd be in and out of here in under ten minutes.

"When am I ever in and out of there in under ten minutes…when am I ever in and out of there in under two hours?" I sigh as I run a hand through my hair. "Listen…hand drawn layouts are in my office in the black portfolio by my desk. Just tell everyone to use those for the day…"

"Okay…but how do I get them onto the mainframe for everyone to see…only you have access to that." I should've known that would be way too easy.

"Look…just make copies of the layout and have everyone pick up a copy…it's early in the month so right now they just need a basic idea of what they're doing. They'll have all the details Monday morning."

"That could work…thank you…enjoy the rest of your day…" I tell her goodbye before hanging up the phone and smiling to myself. I remember a time when I used to pray for someone to call me on my off days, give me a legit excuse to get out of the house. But it's not like that anymore…it's a change…a good one though.

I'm torn out of my thought when I hear someone crying from the hall. I walk out there and find Sam with tears streaming down her flushed cheeks. "What happened…" I kneel in front of her and follow her gaze down to her knees. "Uh oh…" she must have fallen pretty bad on the carpet, because her knee is missing a patch of skin, a small amount of blood breaking through. I know first hand how bad rug burn can hurt and at seven I know she doesn't have a very high pain tolerance. "Come on…" I stand up and lift her into my arms before making my way into the bathroom.

"I was playing hide and seek with Kristen, and I fell trying to get to base." She wipes roughly at the tears on her face as I sit her down on the edge of the tub. I reach under the sink and grab the peroxide and cotton balls. I soak the ball before pressing it to her knee, but I quickly retract my hand when she cries out in pain.

"Sam I'm so sorry…" I hold up my hand in defense as I stand back up. She's crying harder now then she was when she first came downstairs. I'm used to having scrapes and bruises to clean up, I'm also used t gritting my teeth and bearing the pain of having peroxide or alcohol poured over my skin. Sam's seven, she's not supposed to grit her teeth and bear it. As the tears continue to fall from her eyes, I take a step back. I turn when I feel someone grip my shoulders and I see Lucas standing behind me.

"Hey, what happened…" he's looking between me and his daughter, waiting for someone to fill him in.

"She fell on the carpet and scraped her knee. I…I tried to clean it, but…" Luke drops a kiss on my forehead before stepping past me and kneeling in front of his daughter. I watch him wipe her tears away with the pads of his thumb, tucking her hair behind her ears as she calms down a bit. He blows on her knees before gently dabbing it with peroxide, whispering to her the entire time and she doesn't do anything more than whimper.

I walk out of the bathroom and into my own room. I walk into my bathroom and close the door behind me before sliding down against the wall, my head resting on my arms which are folded on top of my knees. Luke's good at being a father…he's great at it. He knows everything he's supposed to, and it all just seems so natural. I'm not like that…I don't know all the things I'm supposed to do or say. I don't know the right way to answer her questions…for all I know I answered everything completely wrong the other morning.

I lift my head up when the bathroom door opens and Luke walks in, closing the door behind him. "Hey…" he sits beside me, his fingers instantly wiping away my tears.

"Hi…" I keep my focus on him for a moment before turning to look at the far wall again.

"Why are you crying…" I can feel him staring at me, but I won't turn and meet his gaze again.

"Because…I had no clue what to do in there Luke. She could've been bleeding to death and I would've just stood there. I got scared and I froze Luke…" He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled my body into is, my head falling against his shoulder.

"You did fine Peyt…you took her to get cleaned up. The little tricks like how to make it hurt a little less are just things you learn after time…"

"But you can't learn how to be a good mother...what if I'm not cut out for this…what if I'm just one of those people who isn't supposed have kids." I sigh deeply against him as is hands rub up and down my arm.

"Look at Brooke…would you ever think she would be good with kids…in high school I would've wanted to keep children as far as possible from Brooke Davis…but she's actually really great with Kristen and Sam. It's an attitude Peyton…if you want to be a good parent then you will be. You'll learn…everyone has to learn. Some people learn early on from younger siblings or babysitting, some people don't learn until they have a baby of their own…but no one's born with the expertise on how to be a parent. You take Sam places with you, you color with her and play with her…Peyt you take time out of your life to be with her and she loves you for it." I smile up at him, catching my lips between my teeth a few moments later. "You're doing great…you'll pick up on the little things later, but you'll be fine." His lips hit the side of my head gently before he stands up and pulls me up and into his arms.

"Are you sure…" my voice comes out muffled against his chest but he nods with a small smile. I lean up and press my lips against his, my hands snaking around his neck as he deepens the kiss. He opens the bathroom door and slowly starts walking us back into the room. My phones once again starts vibrating in my pocket and I moan as I pull away.

"Oh no…" He reaches into my pocket and pulls out the phone, flinging it onto the bed after looking at the screen and seeing that it's my job again. ""You're a little preoccupied right now." As urgent as he seems, he kisses me as gently as ever, his tongue trailing slowly along the bottom of my lip, teasing me in a way only he can.

"Lucas...I have to get that…" He's working his way down my neck and my phones continuously vibrating from the bed. "I really need to answer that…" the last time I chose not to answer my phone I spent over 48 hours in my office trying to get everything back on track. I would much rather stay where I am right now, but I also don't ever want to have to do that again. "Luke…"

"Go answer it…" he pulls away with a shake of his head.

"Lucas…I'm sorry…" he shakes his head again, but offers a small smile this time before pulling me into a hug.

"It's your job…I get it. I used to go through it when I was interning…I used to get calls at all hours of the night. You don't get to chose when you want to take a call…you have to take them all because the one you decide not to answer could be the most important."

"I love you…" I wrap my arms tighter around him as he repeats the words before pulling away. He sits on the edge of the bed as I grab my phone and flip it open, praying that Rachel just wants to tell me that everything worked out perfectly.

"Hey Peyton…I'm not dragging you in or anything I just need to know which portfolio has the correct layouts because there are two sitting by you're desk, one of the side and one under it." I breathe a sigh of relief as soon as Rachel starts speaking. She knows how much I wanted to spend time at home this weekend.

"It's the one under the desk, there should be a clip of this month's cover inside. I'll talk to you later Rach"

"Thanks…bye…" I close the phone and toss it back on the bed.

"So what's the verdict…" Our eyes meet and I slowly make my way over to him. I climb onto the bed as I slide my arms around his neck. I straddle his hips as grabs mine.

"I'm all yours…" I lean my forehead against his and he pecks my lips quickly, smiles on both our faces.

"Good…'cause I really didn't want you to go in today…" His arms slide all the way around my waist before he pulls us back on the bed. He flips us over so that he's on top of me, his arms supporting his weight. He smirks at me as he leans in, he's too caught up in the moment to hear the door open, so it's the voice that makes him pull back a little.

"Daddy…what are you doing?" I'm doing everything possible to hold back my laughter. He's currently pouting, his eyes closed tightly…partially because we've just been interrupted, and because its his daughter that interrupted us.

"Well…I think Peyton tastes good…so I'm gunna eat. I just need to add some spices and she'll be perfect." We both look over at Sam whose eyes have just gone wide, her mouth slightly agape. "I'll have her arms for an appetizer….then I think I'll eat her legs for the main course…and for dessert…" He scans over my body quickly, lifting up my arms and sniffing my hair. "I know exactly what I want for dessert…" he states as he sits up and grabs my hand. "Her fingers…with some ice cream…"

"No…" I watch Sam run over to us, lifting herself onto the bed and then putting herself between Luke and I. "You can't eat her…"

"Why not…" He pouts as he looks between us.

"Because I don't want you to…" she snatches my hand out of his before crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well I'm gunna eat her anyway…" He grabs my arm and gently bites down causing Sam's eyes to get wide again before she pulls my arm away from him. There's a small smile on her face that she's trying desperately to hide as she sits between Luke and I.

"No…I won't let you" She gets to her feet, her arms still crossed as she looks defiantly at her father.

"Fine…I'll just eat you then." He pulls her legs and she comes crashing down on her back beside me. Luke grabs her foot and beings gnawing on it gently, causing her to burst into fits of giggles.

"Save me Peyton…" she screams as she latches onto my arm with both hands.

"I'll save you, don't worry…" I pull her towards me only to have Luke pull her to him again. Her laughter only grows as she's being pulled between the two of us. I finally lift her into my arms and hop off the bed, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck as we both watch Luke get to his feet on the opposite side.

"Now how do you plan on getting away…I'm hungry…very hungry." I watch him round the bed slowly, his demeanor as serious as ever while I can barely keep a straight face.

"Well you're gunna have to find something else to eat…" I run towards the bed hoping to get across it and over to the door, but Lucas jumps on as soon as I do, pinning Sam and I underneath him.

"Well, well…what was that you were saying about not being able to eat you two…" He smirks before he bits down gently on my arm again.

"No…" I watch Sam reach up and tickle his sides and I'm shocked to see him squirm.

"I didn't know you were ticklish…" It's my turn to smirk as he looks down at me.

"I can turn it on and off sometimes…" I think it's safe to say that right now it's on and I'm going to use it to my full advantage. I follow Sam's lead and attack his sides just as he did to me this morning. Soon enough he's the one on his back, trying desperately to stop laughing. "Okay…I give up…I give up" He wraps an arm around each of us, pulling us down on either side of him. Sam's head is resting comfortably on his stomach, mine on his chest, my fingers tracing circles against his shirt.

"Aww….how cute…" The voice comes after the flash of the camera. I look towards the door to see Brooke smirking in the doorway. "See…there's your 'aww'…happy now?" I roll my eyes, but nod right after. She winks at me before continuing down the hall, probably to go finish the movie.

My gaze travels down to Sam whose eyes are closed, her chest rising and falling steadily. "Looks like someone wore herself out…" Luke looks down at Sam and smiles lightly.

"I guess so…" his runs a hand gently over her hair, the adoring smile never leaving his face. "Thank you…"

"What…" I watch him turn his neck and meet my gaze…he smiles at the confused look on my face.

"Thank you…" he repeats with this unbelievable amount of happiness in his eyes.

"For what…" My brows wrinkle as he kisses my forehead.

"Come here…" his voice is so hushed that I barley hear it, but I push my body up and lean in towards him. I stop less than an inch away from him, his breath hitting my face before he finally leans all the way, closing the miniscule gap between us. He doesn't make a move to deepen the kiss, he simply pulls my body closer to his. There's passion, but no lust…the kiss is chaste, but there's something new and exciting lingering behind it…something that I don't think has been there before. "Thank you for making me the luckiest man on Earth" He presses his forehead against mine, he's so close that his lips brush against mine as he speaks. "The woman I adore and love with everything in me, loves my daughter and treats my daughter as her own. There's nothing else I could ask for Peyt…you're not required to take time out for Sam, to take part in family moments. You could have been distant and said that you needed time, and because she's not your daughter, because you've really just met her and are still getting to know her…it would have been completely understandable...but you've welcomed her into you life with open arms, you don't make her feel uncomfortable or unwelcome when she just pops into the room, you really do treat her like you would treat your own daughter. I'm just really lucky to have you, Sam and I are both lucky to have you. So thank you, for being you…you're truly amazing…"

I've got tears in my eyes and with each word that leaves his mouth it's getting harder to keep them at bay. "Thank you for welcoming me into your family" it comes out as a whisper because I can't manage anything stronger right now. I press my lips to his and let the kiss linger for a moment before pulling away and moving down to rest my head on his chest again.

It's about twenty minutes later that Haley knocks lightly on the door, an amused smile on her face. "Kristen passed out too downstairs during the movie. Nathan's putting her in the bed right now. We're all going upstairs on the roof since it's so nice out…Nate and Brooke said you can stay down here Luke, but Peyton has to get up because they miss her and they didn't come all the way up here to visit your apartment, or to spend time with each other, and although me and the smartass are still bickering, I do agree with her…so Peyt, you have five minutes to get you skinny butt upstairs before I send Nate back down here to carry you up there." She winks in our directions before turning around and walking away.

I sigh against Luke but sit up a minute later and reluctantly get to my feet. I watch as he gently slides Sam's head off his stomach, sliding her body further up the bed so that her head is now on the pillow before he gets off the bed. He wraps his arms around my waist as we walk, his head resting on my shoulder as we waddle out of the room. As we enter the hallway he stops and uses one hand to pull my body closer to his, the other hand grasping mine and interlacing our fingers.

"Dance with me…" he whispers against my ear. I smile as I crane my neck to look at him.

"Excuse me…"

"Dance with me...come on…" He grips my hand tighter as his feet start taking small steps in the direction of the stairs. "One, two three. One, two, three. One, two, three…" I can't help but throw my head back against his shoulder and laugh as we move down the hall, dancing to the nonexistent music. His lips hit my cheek before he places his chin against it, the smile on his lips growing with each step. "Have I told you how much I love you today…"

"Maybe…but it never hurts to hear again…" we're still dancing from one side of the hall to the other, slowly making our way towards the terrace stairs.

"In that case…I love you Peyton Sawyer. I love you very, very much" His lips flutter against my neck, causing my smile to grow.

"Well I love you very, very, very much…so I guess I win…" He laughs as he presses his face closer to mine.

"Oh really…says who…maybe deep down I wanted to say very a few more times…" He rubs small circles against my hand with his thumb, and I absentmindedly grip his hand a little tighter.

"Well however many times you decide to say very, I'm always gunna say it one more time…I'll always win." I close my eyes and relax against his body, allowing myself to get lost in the moment.

"Ohh…to be young and in love…" I look in front of me to see Karen smiling from the doorway of the stairwell, her arms crossed over her chest. Lucas and I both just laugh, still dancing towards her.

"Hey ma…" Lucas smiles over at her and she just shakes her head.

"Get upstairs before they come looking for you…" she warns as she walks past us and down the hall to her room. We eventually reach the stairs and his releases me as we start going up. Halfway up, Nathan starts walking down, not looking up until he's almost reached us.

"Hey, I was just sent after you two…more specifically, Brooke sent me after you…" he points to me with a small smile before turning back around. "Hurry it up love birds…" he snaps his fingers twice before starting back up the stairs with Luke and I in tow. The second we reach the top Nate pulls me towards him, his arms wrapping around my stomach as he starts walking us towards the rest of the group. "I don't remember the last time I saw you this happy…that last time you smiled this much." His whispers into my ear and I can't stop myself from smiling even more.

"I know…it's a change…" I respond as I bite the inside of my lip.

"Yeah, but it's a good one…you wear happy well sis…" I smile again as we reach the others who are sitting around the table. He kisses the back of my head before letting me go and giving me a slight nudge in Luke's direction. He pulls me down onto his lap, his arms wrapping lazily around my waist.

We spent the rest of the afternoon talking about nothing in particular, just enjoying our time together. Lucas kept our finger intertwined the entire time, even when I shifted so that I was leaning against his chest, only of his arms snaked around my waist. To be young and in love…I wouldn't trade it for anything.


	46. All We Are

This is the final chapter of the story..hope you all enjoy it! The title for the chapter is based on the OneRepublic song 'All We Are'.

* * *

Two weeks. It sounds like a fairly long time doesn't it. I'm sure if I had been stranded in some strange god-awful place for two weeks it would seem like an eternity. But that wasn't the case…I'd been spending time with my friends…I'd been catching up with Nate and Brooke, and most importantly, I'd been having some genuine family time with Luke and Sam. So that morning in the airport, I remember thinking that 14 days wasn't nearly enough time to spend with the people you love.

**Flashback**

**"I'm gunna miss you guys…" I smile sadly as I look around the group…they're all leaving to go home today, and I get to go back to my big empty apartment. **

**"Well…you could always just buy another plane ticket and…I don't know…come to Tree Hill." I ha****ve**** been waiting for that comment ****all morning, so when Nate pulls**** me into his side all I c****an**** do was smirk. **

**"Don't worry…I haven't forgotten where home is****…and even if I ever did forget…I always have you to remind me…"****I lift my head to smile up at him.**

**"Got that right…"**** We both laugh before I throw my arms around his neck****…there are no words to describe how much I'm going to miss him. Since our talk last week, Nate's been trying extra hard not to be overbearing…pushing me to spend time with Luke and Sam, and all with a smile on his face. So I kidnapped him yesterday evening, four hours of some much needed bonding between my bestest bud and I…no ulterior reasons, no injuries or extreme emotional distress…just quality time together.****I hugged him just a bit tighter before finally letting go and ****stepping back, tears inevitably creeping into my eyes.**

**"Okay…I'm not gunna cry because I'm gunna see you again soon" I laughed lightly as I looked up at the ceiling, desperately trying to will the tears away.**

**"Oh come on…I can't even get one tear…" I shook my head in response and the smirk I flashed him somehow caused him to blow in my face. I blinked back hard and was about to ask what he was doing but stopped when I realized blinking had caused a tear to break free and slide down my cheek. "Much better"**

**"Bye Nathan…" I wiped the tear away before sticking my tongue out and walking away towards the same person I always seem to save for last…Luke.**

**"I really wish I didn't leave" he whispered the words into my ear as he wrapped his arms around me tightly.**** I don't say anything back to him, I simply pull his body closer to mine**

**"So I had an idea" the words leave my mouth when we pull apart a minute later. I'm extremely nervous right now and I know he notices because he presses his lips to mine just as he's always done to calm me down. He smiles down at me as he pulls back, his arms wrapped securely around my hips. "I was thinking that maybe…Sam could stay for an extra week. The idea kinda of popped into my head last night and I…I really wanna do this." **

**"What about work…" I open my mouth to response but have to close it because I don't really have an answer for him. He must have seen my face fall because he pulls me closer and offers a comforting smile. "Don't get me wrong…I think it's a great idea…but…you've basically got a twenty-four-seven job."**

**"I'm the editor…I can bring her with me…or I work from home if you don't want her in an office all day…or I can just take off…I didn't really think about all the details, I just really wanna do this. Oh my god, I sound so irresponsible right now…lime some giddy teenager with this idea that I think is ****so awesome but I actually stop and think about it's really stupid"**

**"Calm down.." he laughs lightly as her leans his forehead against mine. "You're not the least bit irresponsible Peyt…I trust you…you must trust you or else you never would have thought about doing this and you definitely wouldn't have asked…so don't start doubting yourself now."**

**"Sam might not even wanna stay…I mean I you say she likes me, and I've enjoyed spending time with her this past week, and I think she enjoyed it too, but that doesn't mean she wants to spend a whole week with just me. I mean…"**

**"Peyton…why don't you just ask her. I'm pretty sure she's gunna say yes…" I feel like a nervous wreck and he can't seem to stop laughing at me. **

**"Are you sure about this…" I think he's sure…it's me that's not sure. I feel like I'm gunna mess this up somehow…****what if she scrapes her knee again and I just freeze up. ****I don't know what I was thinking…actually I don't think I was thinking****…****at all…I…just got way ahead of myself…I…**

**"Sam…would you like to stay with Peyton for a week" That breaks me out of my thoughts, and I lock eyes with Lucas, who's smirking at me.**

**"Peyton, can I?" I pull away from Lucas and look down at my side to see Sam looking up at me expectantly. That look is all it takes to remind me of why I was so sure of myself last night…it's all it takes to remind to that I really wanna do this…that it's important to me that Sam and I get to know each other. **

**"Of course you can" I watch her eyes light up and a second later she's running back over to Kristen to share the news.**

**"You two are gunna be fine…it'll be good for you…both of you." We exchange smiles as he closes the distance between us. "Thank you Peyton…"**

**"I should be thanking you for trusting me with your daughter…you don't need to thank me…"**

**"Yes I do. I know I said it before but…you don't have to be like this with her…you just chose to be****. You just chose to keep her for a week**** and ****I…" he stops and laughs lightly to himself as he closes his eyes. "I can't put what I'm thinking into words right now, but ****you have no idea how much I appreciate it****. "**

**"Well I love you…both of you…and you guys don't deserve any less. And don't think that I accept her because I need ****to in order**** to have you…it's not about that****"**

**"I know" He pulls me closer as he presses his lips against mine again. "I love you****, and I can't wait to marry you."**

**"Lucas Sawyer….has a great ring to it, don't you think" I watch him cock an eyebrow up before smiling back at me.**

**"Sounds wonderful…but for someone who enjoys The Aristocats so much, I'd think you'd be more into the more classic name change."**

**"Are you making fun of me" I scuff as I poke him in the chest. "I'll have you know that Sam and I think The Aristocats is a great movie."**

**"Yeah, you two enjoyed that movie just as much as Robin Hood…oh and I can't forget that because you caved to the puppy dog face**** I missed out on a proper goodbye and had to settle for…"**

**"Hey…don't you dare knock Beauty and Beast…and don't think I didn't catch you mouthing some of the words…you are a closet Lumiere fan."**** After I got back from my 'date' with Nathan, Luke, Sam and I spent the night in my room watching Disney movies…and although the plan had only been to watch one movie…we wound up watching two and then when Sam asked me to watch another, I caved and said yes. Sam fell asleep on Luke's stomach halfway through the final movie and it didn't take me long to follow suit with Luke's shoulder as my pillow. **

**"Lumiere is awesome…but don't think he's better than that shower I was looking forward to****last night."**

**"Well think of it this way…" I pressed my lips against his, letting my tongue trace his bottom lip just enough to tease him since were in the middle of an airport. "Now I owe you one hell of a hello****" He leans in again and I do nothing to stop him when he pushed his tongue into my mouth…onlookers be damned.**

**"I'm gunna ****miss being around**** you…" I hadn't thought about**** it**** until now, but ****we've been together for the**** past month…he's been the last thing I see every night and the first thing I see every morning. I hadn't thought about how lonely my bed was going to be now…I've gotten used to his warmth…falling asleep in his arm…his scent is all around my room****…it's on my pillows and wrapped up in my sheets..it's probably embedded in my mattress with no intention of leaving anytime soon.**

**"Do you have to go…" I'm pouting now and his response is to kiss the tip of my nose…which only makes me pout more because I'm going to miss all this cheesy romantic stuff.**

**"It's not gunna six months before I see you again right…" ****I've got my arms looped around his neck and my fingers are dancing along his hairline. I shake my head in response, my nose rubbing against his with each movement. **

**"I couldn't stay away that long if I wanted to****…"**

**End Flashback**

It's been a month and a half since that morning and I'm keeping my word…I'm planning a surprise visit to Tree Hill next week. I can't wait to see everyone again…especially Sam…she harassed Luke to let her have the phone the other night because she had been waiting all day to tell me that she lost another tooth. She lost the first top front tooth about two weeks ago and now that the second one's fallen out she's got the classic gapped smile….and it's a little surprising to me just how much I want to see it.

I glace at the picture frames on my desk…I've got a total of five, which is a big difference from the zero I had before. The first picture to makes its way onto my desk was from my third trip to Tree Hill…technically my first 'happy visit'…it's a picture from a barbeque at Nate and Hales…it's got Brooke, Alex, Nate, Hales, Luke, the girls and I all leaning in around the patio table. We took two pictures around that table…one with all of looking, and the second on with Sam and Kristen laughing and pointing to something across the patio, Alex rolling his eyes with his arm around Brooke, whose turned away from him and bickering with Nathan, Lucas trying to shut them up so we can take the picture, and Haley and I sitting in front of them respectively, the boys with their hands on our shoulders, and us with our heads leaning together laughing at a never changing situation. I choose to put the latter on my desk because it never fails to make me smile.

The picture that sits in front of that one is from the night Brooke set up for Luke and I…she got the photos combined so that the one of me leaning against Luke is in the foreground and the one of him kissing my forehead is faded into the background…it's in black and white, and it's my favorite of the two of us for multiple reasons. Next to that is a picture of me on Nathan's back…I'm grinning at the camera, and he's got his neck craned to look back at me.

On the other side of my desk there's the picture Brooke took of me, Luke and Sam on my bed. I call it my 'awe' picture…not only because that's what Brooke said when she took it, but because that's what everyone seems to say when they look at it. The picture in front of that is of just me and Sam…it's from the extra week she spent with me. I spent most of my lunch breaks that week sitting on the floor with Sam and drawing. Kate snapped a picture of us one afternoon, neither of us noticed, but she surprised each of us with a copy before Sam left. It's a great picture…it reminds me of the one I drew of her and Luke. The two of us had a great week together…but Luke said I spoiled her.

** Flashback**

**"Hello" I automatically smiled as I sat down on the couch. I had gotten a call earlier from Luke letting me know that Sam had gotten to him safely…they had been waiting at baggage claim then and the conversation wasn't long since I was getting ready for a meeting. This however, was the call I had been getting ****every night ****from Luke for the past week**

**"Hi Peyton…" I can't say I'm shocked to hear Sam's voice come through the phone instead of Luke's. "Daddy says I have to bed, but I wanted to tell you goodnight…so…goodnight…"**

**"Sweet dreams…" I can't help but laugh a little as I hear Luke tell her goodnight in the background…there's a slight commanding tone in his voice and I can just imagine the puppy dog face she's giving in hopes that she can stay up a little longer.**

**"Night Peyton…" **

**"Goodnight sweetie…." I listen to the two of them exchange 'I love you's before the phone gets passed on.**

**"Hey you…"**** Every time I hear his voice I miss him a little bit more.**

**"Hey…" I pull my legs up onto the couch as I curl up on the cushion. **

**"So imagine my surprise when I pull Sam's bag from baggage claim and she tells me that there's another one."**

**"Yeah…ummm…" I half expected this…I was hoping it wouldn't come up, but I should have known sending Sam home with extra luggage…no matter how small, was gunna ear a few questions.**

**"Yeah…wanna tell me why she came home with a bag of new things…toys…clothes…shoes…" he's not angry, which takes the worse scenario I formed out of my head…there won't be any yelling about me screwing things up horribly.**

**"Well…see…" **

**"She asked for everything really nicely…and then she threw in the puppy dog eyes and you caved and got her everything she asked for…"**

**"Well when you put it that way…it doesn't sound so great…but that's basically what happened" We both wind up laughing a few seconds later him more than me. **

**"Peyt, did you tell her no for anything****…" Maybe if I don't answer him he'll just forget the question and we can move past me being weak…really weak. "Okay then…"**

**"I'm sorry…" **

**"Don't be sorry…just…you gotta learn to tell her no. It's hard…trust me I know…but after the first time…it just keeps getting easier"**

**"But I feel like I'm going become the meanie" **

**"No one's ever happy when you tell them no…but the great thing about a seven year old…95 of the time, they get over it in a few minutes and they'll be your best friend again. But don't get in the habit of spoiling her…trust me, you will regret it later…"**

**"But she just looks so happy when you tell her yes…" He started laughing again and all I could do was join ****in because**** I know he's right. **

**End Flashback **

I've spoken to them every evening since then…occasionally I speak to Luke a second time later on just to say goodnight…to tell him that I miss him…I really, really miss him. I've lasted for the past 6 weeks…what's 8 more days…I keep telling myself I can get through it without a problem, but there's a part of me that's just dying to hop on the next flight to Tree Hill…and that part of me is growing more and more with each day.

I look at the clock and smile…it's finally time for me to go home…I love my job, but the end of the work day means I'm that much closer to my evening phone call. I've never been one of those girls who likes to sit by the phone waiting for my boyfriend to call…in fact, Brooke and I used to laugh at those girls…but over the last two months that's exactly who I've become…I actually watch the clock in the evenings, sometimes I even sit by the phone. Pathetic…that's what I've become…pathetic….but that's not gunna stop me from doing one or both of those things tonight. I can't help but shake my head as I pull on my jacket and grab my bag.

"Done for the day…" I nod towards Rachel as I pass by her desk.

"Have fun tonight…" She winks at me…she's got a date with Brian tonight. They're not a couple you'd expect…a secretary who does modeling on the side and a computer technician…but they're unbelievably happy together. Who knew I could play matchmaker.

The ride home is quiet except for the other cars around me…and despite the traffic, the ride is fairly short. Walking into my building, I greet the doorman with a smile and make my way upstairs. Without fail, it always feels good to be home, to close the door and throw my keys down on the side table. Half an hour later, I've showered and found comfort on the downstairs couch, clad in a pair of shorts and one the shirts Lucas left here…unbeknownst to him of course. They've got a Nightmare on Elm Street marathon running…and despite the pathetic sap I've been turning into, I'm still always up for a classic horror flick. Halfway through the movie my phone startles me, and with my eyes still glued to the screen I reach over and grab it off the hook.

"Hello…" had it been a two hours later I'd be a little more enthusiastic…that's when I'm expecting my call.

"Don't sound so enthused…here I was thinking you loved me…" I roll my eyes and laugh lightly as I turn the TV down.

"Hey Nate…" he laughs at the overly perky voice I use. "To what do I owe this pleasure…"

"Can't a big brother just call to say hello…"

"Yeah…but I spoke to you earlier…" He had relaxed with the phone class since the last visit. Every night has gradually turned into every few days, which has made our conversations a bit longer.

"See that's kind of why I'm calling. How could you not tell me Sawyer…I'm just shocked…I thought I could depend on you…"

"What on earth are you talking about…" I'm really glad that we're having this conversation over the phone, because I'm having a hard time not laughing.

"How are you supposed to be a godmother if I can't trust and depend on you…"

"Well I only know because…wait…what" it just hit me…what Nate was implying. "Are you really…"

"Really what…asking you to be the godmother of my second born…yeah I really am…so what do you say?" I can't help but smile at the request. I know it probably shouldn't shock me…but it does.

"Of course I say yes."

"Well good…now back to why you didn't tell me…"

"I really wasn't supposed to know…Brooke just slipped up and told me and then she made me swear not to tell you because Haley wanted to confirm first. If it makes you feel any better it was really hard not telling you…" I've known for the past week that Hales might be pregnant, and I've been itching to tell Nathan the news, but I was more interested in proving to Brooke and Haley that I could keep the secret. I'm glad it's finally out though…I don't know how much longer I would have been able to keep this from Nate and Luke.

"That's not an excuse…you should have told me…I could've still acted surprised when she told me…" We both laugh, mostly because we know that would have been impossible for him. I turn towards the door when someone starts knocking. "Isn't a bit late to be expecting company…"

"Kate was working out of the office today, so she's supposed to be bringing over her work. If it's not her it's Matt." I would kill to see the look on his face right now…the overprotective younger big brother.

"Who's Matt…" I can just imagine the wheels in his head turning…it would be even better if I wasn't engaged to his brother…then I'd really have him thinking.

"He's the young man bringing me my Chinese food…" I let out a small laugh as Nathan audibly lets out a breath.

"Miss Peyton…" I grab my bag off the counter as I head for the door.

"Matthew it is…" I smile as I pull the door open and greet the 19 year old delivery boy. His family opened a Chinese restaurant a few months ago and I order food from them almost once a week. Matt's the oldest of the three children, just finished high school and he'll be leaving in a few weeks to start college upstate. "Hey Matt…"

"Hi…I have your order…extra sauce on the chicken, and some extra fortune cookies as well." The joys of being a regular customer. A minute later I've got my food and with the way it smells, all I can think about is how hungry I am.

"Stop drooling over the food Sawyer"

"Ha ha…" I hate to admit it, but he does know me well. "Oh wait…he forgot to give me my drink…" I mumble as I double check the paper bag…nope no soda. It's not like I really need it, but water and Chinese don't go together as nicely. I walk over to the door and pull it open, the phone dropping to the floor as I take a step back.

"Missing something…"

"Luke…" my voice is barely above a whisper as I look at him standing there with my soda in his hand and a bag at his feet. I break into a smile as I throw my arms around his neck, his own arms wrapping around my body as he lifts me off the floor. He sets me back down and pulls away slightly, his hand finding its way into my hair.

"I missed you…" the correct response would be I miss you too, but I wind up hugging him tightly again, burying my face in his neck. He grips my hips with his hands and hoists me onto his waist, he must know I'm not ready to let go yet. I feel him bend down and pick up his bag before moving us into my apartment and shutting the door.

"Nathan…" I mumble into his neck.

"What…" I don't know if he's asking that because of what I said or because he didn't hear me, but either way I have to laugh a little.

"Nate…he's on the phone…" I lift my head just enough to make sure that he heard me, but I go right back to my former position as soon as the words are out….I missed his scent…I'm tired of just smelling it around the apartment and not actually on him. "I missed you" I know he heard me this time because his grip on me tightens for a moment before he gently pushes me back down. I step back and smile up at him before bending down to pick up the phone.

"'Bout time…" Nate's trying to sound agitated but there's a definite laugh hidden behind his muttered words.

"Sorry…"

"I guess you're not the only one who can keep a secret…tell Luke I said hi and that Sam's doing fine….bye Peyt." I don't have time to respond because he hangs up the phone. Normally I'd call him back to tell him how offended I am before hanging up on him…but right now, I'm more interested in the Scott that's standing in front of me. I set the phone down on the counter, and turn my attention to Luke.

"Nice shirt…" his eyes drift down for a moment before he meets my gaze again.

"I thought so…" I smirk in his direction before breaking into a full smile.

"Nice legs… a little chickeny "

"You never complained before…" he held his hands up in defense, a smile forming as he shrugs. My eyes drift to Luke's duffle bag a few moments later, and I can't help but bite my lower lip. "How long are you here for…" I don't know why, but I can't get my voice to get very loud…I guess I'm just too happy for words…just more proof of me being a sap.

"I have to leave tomorrow afternoon, I've only got the two days off." I step closer to him and he securely wraps his arms around my waist. "I would've loved to spend today with you, but…I was in Long Island…" My brows wrinkling as I look up at him in confusion.

"What's in Long Island…" I can't help but shake my head at his admission.

"A house…one I've been looking at for over a month now." The shock on my face does nothing to stop him, instead it seems to make him talk faster, probably hopping that I won't cut him off and ask what on earth he's talking about. "The broker said everything is all set, all we'd have to do is sign off on it…so I went to look at it today, see if it was as nice as the pictures and the owners made it out to be…and Peyton it really is…it's perfect. It has two floors, and a pool…it's on an acre and a half of land so there's plenty of yard space…there's a great shade tree hanging over the deck."

"Lucas…" he looks so excited about all of this, like this is his perfect dream and it's all coming true.

"I found a job up here, spoke to the head doctor, and he said he'd love to have me…I found a school for Sam too, two actually, so we can go visit them and she can decide which one she likes best…and I spoke to her about all of this already and she's okay with it…she's really excited about it actually….and you could even keep your apartment and…"

"Luke…this is crazy" I've got one hand resting gently on his cheek, while the other sits against his chest…his heart is pounding unbelievably fast.

"I know, I just hope you haven't changed your mind and you still wanna marry me even if I am crazy…" he leans his forehead against mine, a small smile forming on his lips.

"Luke…I…I hope you didn't sign off on that house" I watch his face fall, he tries to cover it up, but it doesn't work. "…you can't just pick Sam up and move her…it's not fair…she's got friends and family in Tree Hill…so do you…you've got a job you love and I already put in my two weeks' notice…"

"You what…" he pulls back, takes a full step back actually so that his hands are resting on my hips now.

"Yeah…last week. I've been training Kate for the past two months…this time next week she'll be the new editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan. I told my landlord that I was leaving at the beginning of the month…so…I really hope you didn't sign off on that house." He hoists me back onto his waits with a laugh, and my arms snake around his neck as he spins us around a few times. I lean down and capture his lips with mine, pulling away only because of the need for oxygen. "I can't get your scent out my room…it's all over the house…I keep changing my sheets, and my comforter and still you're what I smell before I go to bed…and when I wake up, and I keep rolling over and you're not there…and…Luke I miss waking up next to you."

"Good to know I'm not the only one." I press my lips against his again, smiles on both our faces as we pull apart. "I have to admit I was kinda looking forward to getting a house of our own…you know…painting all the rooms, picking out some new things…maybe even fixing some leaky pipes and cleaning out the attic…"

"We can still do all that…just in Tree Hill…" the chance to do all that stuff is still something I want very much…I'm just ready to go back home and do all that. "We can still spend hours in Home Depot…paint the same wall five times because the color just isn't what we thought it would be…I can still get the change to laugh at you when you try to fix the kitchen sink and water sprays everywhere 'cause you twist the pipes the wrong way…"

"We can scream and then laugh about every stubbed toe…we can pull weeds out of the lawn…you know it's gunna be a lot of work" He arches a brow up as he tilts his head to side.

"Yeah…but it sounds like a lot of fun…and just think…after we're all done….it'll be all ours." My lips found his again, my tongue dipping into his mouth…my intention had been just to tease him, but when his hand finds its way into my hair, I know what I intended doesn't matter.

"Any…problems….with…reheated Chinese…" he mumbles between kisses. When I shake my head he starts off towards the stairs. "Then how about….that…hello…you promised…" My response…to pull my body as close to his as possible…the sudden movement must have thrown him off balance because next thing I know were on the floor at the top of the stairs…maybe we'll make it the few more feet down the hall to my room…maybe not. His hands creep onto my back, his palm presses into my back firmly enough to flip us over. He doesn't waste any time lining my neck with kisses, his lips trailing along my collar bone as his fingers creep from my back to my stomach…I'm definitely leaning towards not right now…maybe a little later, but we won't get to my room anytime too soon.

--------

"So how about that Chinese food…" We did eventually make it to my bed, and now I'm laying between his legs with my head on his chest, his arms wrapped around me. "I know you only ordered for one, but you love me enough to share…"

"You are always hungry afterwards…" I can't help but laugh…Lucas and his late night munchies.

"It's all your doing…" There's only so much teasing I can do…especially considering I'm feeling kind of hungry myself. "Which is all the more reason for you to share that Chinese with me…"

"Really can't argue with that logic…" I turn my body to face him and press my lips lightly against his. "Come on…" I grab my robe off the end of the bed and slip it on, tying it around my waist before moving over to the dresser on the other side of the room. I open up the bottom draw and toss Luke a pair of the pajama pants he actually did just forget here. He pulls them on quickly before following me out the room and down to the kitchen, both of us smirking at the clothes strewn around the hallway, some things even laying on the stairs.

It's not long before we're standing side by side at the counter eating cold Chinese out of the cartons. "You know…I haven't done this since college…and I remember it tasting a lot better back then." He looks a cold piece of chicken before shrugging and popping it in his mouth anyway.

"That's 'cause back then you were probably always hung over…and in some cases still drunk…." I point my chopsticks at him and watch as nods in agreement.

"Yeah…I'm sure that made just about everything taste better…" he laughs as he continues eating. Knocking on the door causing me to look away from him a minute later and my eyes focus on the clock. It's only ten thirty, and I quickly remember that Kate was supposed to drop her articles off. I'm sure my cheeks are still slightly flushed and my hair's a mess, but I can't just leave her standing in the hall…she knows I'm never asleep this early.

"Be right back…" I do my best to smooth my hair over as I walk towards the door and pull it open to see Kate holding a manila folder stuffed with paper. "Hey…."

"Hi…sorry it's so late, but I did say I would get these to you tonight…so here you go…" she hands me the folder with a smile.

"Thanks…" I return her smile as I take the folder.

"Goodnight Peyton…" she offers a small wave which I return.

"Night Kate…"

"Goodnight Lucas…" she rolls her eyes at me as feel myself blush.

"Goodnight Kate…" He leans back and waves in our direction as he comes into view. We all exchange smiles before she turns and heads back towards the elevator. I wait 'till she's inside before I close and lock the door and retreat back to my position next to Luke. He offers me a piece of chicken which I happily accept as the extra redness slowly fades from my cheeks.

-5 days later-

"So are you all set" I look around my barren apartment before looking back at Luke and nodding.

"I think so…" He grabs my mind and interlocks our fingers, giving my hand a gentle squeeze…despite the fact that I'm the one who initiated the move, it's still a giant step for me and he gets that. I've already said my goodbyes at work…they threw me a big party, how they did it without me knowing, I don't know, but regardless it was appreciated.

"You sure…" I take one last look around before turning around and grabbing Luke's other hand. All my stuff is already on its way to Tree Hill, all I'm bringing with me today is a suitcase with some of my clothes. I smile up at Luke before getting on my tip toes and kissing him lightly.

"Positive…" He drops my hands and loops his arms around my shoulders, pulling my body into his side.

"Then let's hit the road…" I lean my head against his shoulder as we make our way down the hall…this is the last time I'm gunna be waiting for this elevator, and after almost a decade in this apartment, it makes me a little nostalgic, regardless of the bad memories this place harbors. We head straight down to the parking garage, most people are still at work so it's only my car and a few others in the lot.

"Where does everyone think you are…" I question as we pull out into traffic.

"At a conference in Raleigh…Nate's got the girls for the day because Haley actually does have a meeting to go to."

"So they really have no idea I'm coming." He meets my gaze and shakes his head with a smile.

"Not a clue…" I take a deep breath to calm my nerves, but it doesn't seem to anything. What does work is when Luke takes my hand again. "I love you…"

"I love you too…" the smile finds its way back onto my face as I lean back in the seat and settle in the eight hour drive.

--------------

I must have dozed off because when I open my eyes it's a little past two, and I'm shocked to find myself in Nate and Haley's driveway. "I'm just gunna run in and get Sam and then we can head to the house."

"I know I said I was gunna wait until tomorrow to surprise everyone, but I think I changed my mind." I shrug my shoulders with a smirk as I undo the seatbelt.

"Figured you would…come on…" he follows suit before we exit the car and head up the pathway to the front door. My hand lightly knocks against the painted wood, and I fear that it was too lightly when no one opens the door, but just as I'm about to knock again, the porch light comes on and I hear the lock being turned. I'm excited and anxious and nervous all at once and its wreaking havoc on my stomach.

"You know when you said the conference ended at five, I didn't think that meant you'd be showing up here at two in the morn…Peyton…" I smile shyly as I offer a small wave in Nathan's direction. "What are you doing here…"

"What…no I'm happy to see you…no I missed you…." I watch him roll his eyes at me and cross his arms over his chest in defiance, typical Nate. "I'm home…for good." I watch his arms drop to his sides and I can't help but smirk. "Now who's better at keeping secrets?"

"Who cares…" he pulls me into a big hug and I instinctively return the embrace. Out of the corner of my eye I see Luke slip into the house, but it doesn't take long for me to focus my attention back on the hug.

"You're just saying that because my secret was better…" I place my hands on my hips as soon as we break apart.

"You get no arguments from me….this was a great secret" He presses his lips to my forehead just as Luke reappears with Sam in his arms.

"You two can play catch up later…even though I don't know what you could possibly have to catch up on…but either way, I need sleep…" He's got work in the morning and after driving from New York, I know he must be exhausted.

"Go home…I'll see you tomorrow…" I give Nate one last hug and Luke thanks him before we make our way back to the car. He sets Sam down lightly in the back seat before getting behind the wheel and heading to the house. It's not long before we pull into the driveway and he turns off the car with a yawn. Before he has a chance to, I get out and lift Sam out of the back seat…she's fairly light, so I just motion for Luke to grab my bag before I make my way to the front door. Once inside, I head upstairs to her room, she's already in pajamas so all I have to do is lay her down and tuck her in. It's as I'm pulling the blankets up around her that her eyes flutter open.

"Peyton…"

"Hey sweetheart…go back to sleep. I'll see you in the morning…"

"I missed you…" she smiles up at me and I can't help but smile back, especially when I see the decent sized gap between her teeth.

"I missed you too…" my hand comes up to sweep the hair out of her face.

"When are you going home…" she yawns as she struggles to keep her eyes open.

"I am home…" I lean down and drop a kiss on her forehead as she finally closes her eyes again.

"You know I like the sound of that" I turn back to see Luke leaning against the doorframe. I walk over to him and he snakes his arm around my waist before leading us towards the bedroom. Minutes later we've both changed and migrated to the center of the bed. His arm takes its place around my waist again as he lips flutter against my shoulder. "You know what's great"

"I thought you were tired" the heat of his breath beats a bit harder against my skin as he laughs, his arm pulling me closer.

"Not that…well yes that, but not what I was talking about." It's my turn to laugh as I intertwine our fingers. "I get to hold you every night now…you'll be the last thing I see every day." he kisses the base of my neck and gets ready to bury his face in my curls, but I turn to face him before he has the chance.

"And you'll be the first thing I see every morning..." I smile as I lean in to connect our lips briefly before I rest my head against his chest. He rolls onto his back, his arm never leaving my side, and I unconsciously snuggle deeper into his body. When his breathing evens out, I know he's fallen asleep, and I gladly let his heart beat lull me to sleep.

------------------------

"Can we get frosting…" Sam points to the shelf full of different types of frosting…we were bored and decided to back cupcakes…but that required a trip to the supermarket, and that's how we wound up with a cart full of enough sugar to keep us both bouncing off the walls for hours.

"What kind of cupcakes don't have frosting…" I make a face at her as we come to a stop.

"Let's get chocolate…" her eyes light up, and I can only imagine the trouble I'm setting myself up for…oh well.

"Sounds good to me…" I grab the chocolate frosting, and with that being our last item, we head to the register. I have to stop by Brooke's before I head back to the house, and as I wait on line, I can't help but wonder about the verbal lashing I'm going to get for not telling her about all this…I'll probably get yelled at before I get a hug. Ten minutes later Sam and I are headed in the direction of Brooke's store and I can't help but feel excited about the shocked look that's going to be on my best friend's face.

I pull the door open and walk in with Sam's hand gripped in mine. I look around and on the other side of the store I spot Brooke talking to one of her associates. "So let's see that ring…" I'm few feet away from her and I watch as spins around with wide eyes.

"You witch…I can't believe you didn't tell me you were coming…when did you get in…I would have picked you up from the airport…how long are you staying…it better be long enough for me to kiss your scrawny butt for not mentioning this while we were on the phone for an over an hour yesterday."

"Oops…guess it just slipped my mind." I shrug nonchalantly and watch as she narrows her eyes before walking over and hugging me, and I release Sam's hand so that I can return the gesture. "Now the ring…" I grab her hand as we pull apart and nod in approval at the diamond ring glistening on her finger. She had called me at 1 in the morning over the weekend to tell me that Alex had finally proposed…she sounded so happy over the phone, and I can tell she's a had a smile plastered on her face since he slipped the ring on her finger.

"I really wish I didn't have all this inventory stuff to finish." She pouts before giving a dramatic sigh causing Sam to giggle. "You would laugh at me…and here I was thinking you loved me…" she ruffles Sam's hair before turning her attention back to me. "So how long are you here for…"

"I'm actually headed home now…" I watched her entire face fall as her lips part.

"What…you just got here…you can't leave already…" she scuffs as she finally purses her lips back together.

"We're going to bake cupcakes…with chocolate frosting…" Sam claps her hands together in excitement as Brooke just looks on in confusion.

"Wait…I thought you said…" I raise a brow at her and I can tell when it finally dawns on her…not only form the look on her face, but from the fact that she hits me in the arm. "How could you not tell me…you little…go bake your cupcakes and come back when you're not in the presence of someone with v-i-r-g-i-n e-a-r-s." she scuffs once again before turning around and walking away. "You know if I wasn't so mad right not…" she turns back around and places her hands firmly on her hips. "…I'd tell you that I missed you, and that I'm really glad you're home…but I am mad…and I'm not talking to you…"

"See you later Brooke…" I wave goodbye before taking Sam's hand in mine again.

"Bye Sam…" she waves in Brooke's direction and all I can do is laugh as the two of us walk out of store…I know she'll pop up at the front door as soon as she gets off.

"Can we go make the cupcakes now…" I nod in Sam's direction and se flashes me a toothless grin as we approach the car. It feels a little odd to not be shuffling through articles at this time of day, but I don't have a single complaint about making cupcakes with grinning brunette in the backseat.

----------

Two years ago, who would have thought we would all be here, genuinely happy and satisfied with our lives. I didn't think I would ever get to this point or anywhere near it. I have the all these people around to thank for getting me to where I am. The brunette whose playfully bickering with Haley started it all, and the two brothers laughing about high school and college memories, they made sure I got through it, that I survived it all, everyone one of them steadying me when I stumbled…but two of them picked me up when I fell and started towards rock bottom, they carried me for as long as I needed, until I was ready and able to carry myself. None of them have ever left my side, and for that I'm eternally grateful.

I've been back in Tree Hill for a little over a month now, and everything is falling into place perfectly. I'm now business partners with Nate and we've been talking about expanding Tric. It's just talk right now, but I can see it happening and we're both looking forward to it. Lucas and I bought a house on the outskirts of Tree Hill, we're a little bit further from the other's now, but still close…just not within walking distance. The house needs some work, but we're excited about it all. We've been spending our weekends unpacking and looking at color swatches, debating between carpets and wooden floors. The only room two room's that are done are the master bedroom and Sam's room, everything else is still in the works. And despite all the chaos and the numerous stubbed toes, I've never been happier.

"Food's ready…" Luke's voice breaks through my thoughts as I finish filling the glasses with ice. I set them on the tray with the salad before making my way to the back door leading out to the porch. Luke meets me at the door, sliding it open with a smile.

"I've got it…" he takes the tray from me and I slide the door closed before following him outside. I grab two of the smaller glasses from the tray as I pass Luke and I stop first to pour some juice in each before I make my way over to the small table Sam and Kristen are sitting at. I set the glass down in front of them and receive a thank-you from each before they go back to eating their burgers and chatting away happily.

"Now you're not gunna give this whole big spiel about how happy you are we're all here to celebrate the new house…'cause the food smells really good…" I roll my eyes at Nate as I take a seat between Brooke and Luke.

"My stomach seems to agree with Nathan…" Brooke swats Alex in the arm as before shaking her head. I watch as Luke stands up and receives a sigh from his brother.

"Well we do appreciate you being here…but there's no long drawn out speech…this is the new house…we love you all…now dig in…" I laugh as he sits back down next to me.

"Nice appreciation speech…" I joke as I hand him the salad.

"I thought so too…" he presses his lips to mine as he takes the salad bowl from my hands.

"You two are nauseatingly sappy…and you're still not married yet…I honestly fear the day…" I stick my tongue out at Brooke who in turn points her finger at me.

"Like you two are any better…" Haley chimes in as she nods towards Brooke and Alex.

"Hey…we have more self control than these too…" the brunette next to me defends.

"Really…and who was it that I caught in some dark corner at Tric last night…" I watch my best friend's cheek's turn a dark shade of red as a chorus of 'ohh's echoes around the table. My eyes follow the piece of bread the flies across the table in Haley's direction a second later and I join in on the laughter that follows.

"I already warned you about the food throwing…" despite the words coming out of her mouth, she launches the same piece of bread back at Brooke. Yeah…at thirty, these are the people I choose as my friends, and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

* * *

**Okay, so this story is officially done…FINALLY. As usual…I have to apologize for the huge gap between updates...I didn't realize it'd almost been a year. Thank you to everyone that stuck with me and has continued reading this story over the past two and half years…and thank you to everyone who started reading somewhere in between and thought it was worth the read….I really do appreciate it. And of course….thank you sooooo much for all the wonderful reviews…you guys never failed to bring a smile to my face with the things you had to say, and it makes writing these stories that much better…so thanks again to everyone that read Walk Away…and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**


End file.
